michelin89:

1. My cousin is 16, a very delicate age for a girl.

2. Her Church members (especially the women) have taken it upon themselves to look at everything she does as wrong and never done before. I have told her to stop confiding in those girls she sees in church because they are extremely bitter and useless. After pretending to help you, they'll go around gossiping about you.

3. They have been saying she is a wayward loose girl. But I can vouch she is a virgin and she intends to remain so until her wedding night. How can people be so jobless? It is so bad the poor girl can't even say hello to any guy. They'd assume she is sleeping with him.

4. They says she dates an older guy. But this guy went with his family to my cuz's mother for an official introduction. It's not like she is hiding it. The mother is aware of everything and supervises everything the girl does. But she has never really questioned her about her intentions in the relationship or else she'd know how serious minded and noble they are.

5. She has never done anything that girls of her age don't do. She is adorable, sensitive and sweet. She doesn't deserve all that they are putting her through.

The last stroke of when at a part she was asked by someone to collect a bottle of Guinness. The moment they saw her with the drink, they started saying she was a drunkard. You may say I am paranoid but I believe they are trying to ruin her reputation. Maybe they are jealous because she is pretty, but the situation is so bad that even my mother who is my mum's best friends believes she is loose.

If I didn't know her to be a chronic liar, because she did the same thing to me, I'd believe it was true because that's what everyone is saying. You know if nobody stands to contest a lie, the moment is spreads it is taken for granted that it is true.

jaguar_09:

Am really feeling bitter at the level of decay in the society, even someone who calls herself a mother is defending this bullshit. Agitator and bokaharam you guys are cool, i WILL never support evil, for God's sake this girl is 16 meaning a teenager. She should be college or tertitary school by now and one is telling me she deserves to have her life to herself now. i doubt the future of Nigeria if pple like poster, axeman and all those who support this happens to become leaders in this country.

the Facts:
at 16 she parties where alcohol is served.
at 16 she is already having issues with the house of God (Church).
at 16 she is already dating someone, and the fool she is dating is talking marriage.

when her parents have parties dont they serve alcohol ? isnt that a party ?
she is having issues with the PEOPLE IN THE CHURCH not the church. because some acclaimed pastors spread false and untrue rumors about her which i know its possible because i am a victim.
in regards to dating i also personally have a problem with that because at 16 she should concentrate on her books and not about men.

1. The culture: children are to be seen, not heard.
2. Poor communication. I bet those situations happen when child and parent barely speak abt sensitive details in the child's personal life
3. Sad, but some people are more comfortable spreading a rumor than facing up to the truth - that they may be the architect of their child's problem. Others just don't know how to be part of the solution, and focus on enjoying the existence of a problem.
4. A bit far-fetched, but a parent might use it as a tool to humiliate a child they think is stubborn.

at 16  she is meant to stick to her mother's advice and guidiance for proper knowledge of womanhood.

at 16 she is already dating someone, and the fool she is dating is talking marriage.

michelin89:


4. They says she dates an older guy. But this guy went with his family to my cuz's mother for an official introduction. It's not like she is hiding it. The mother is aware of everything and supervises everything the girl does. But she has never really questioned her about her intentions in the relationship or else she'd know how serious minded and noble they are.

@poster

From your clarifications, I can conjecture that  u re probably her age bracket. U therefore need to understnd so many things:

1. Parents are more experienced that their teenage children

2. What an old person sees sitting down, a young person will nt see on top of a tree

3. They r tryn to b protective so u dont fall victim of their fear (some fell victims themselves)

4. I bet u when u grow older, u will understnd why, & laff at your ignorance in d past

5. U telling us that older girls (including married women) are jealous ( I hope dt s wht u mean) of your cuz, makes me feel u re a teenager/adolescent, who does nt yet understnd. Yes, dt stage is very delicate; we all passed thru it; everything u do seems the best & the right thing; any opposition shld be crushed.

6. It is wrong for an old man to come asking for the hand of a 16-year old in marriage; no reasonable parent will take it lightly; if she's living in 9ja, she shld either be in SS3 or just finishing her sec schl. So, dt s funny

7. Dt she's talking abt marriage now(?) makes her look irresponsible b4 her parents

8. She must hv been telling her friends the evil things she did (or does); dt s d reason her friends ridicule her b4 their parents & whoever cares to know

9. She may nt be as decent as she tells u. So, dont think she's innocent.

10. Her beauty might have "entered her head", which could be destructive to her career/life.

11. U appear to b encouraging her in crucifying her parents, by, mayb giving her d impression dt her parents are devils st shld b ignored.

12. She may NOT have told u the whole truth! She may be hiding some things from you. I knw at this age, girls hide a lot & dont tell their friends d whole truth.

MY ADVICE:

1. Let your cuz undstnd dt her parents do nt mean bad for her

2. Let her realise dt she is too young to go into some expensive activities, like having suitors & contemplating marriage; as 16, it sounds ridiculous!!

3. What is paramount for her now is to enrol in a University (if she has not) & graduate (WITH GOOD GRADES!); only an irresponsible parent will want her sec schl cert holder-daughter to start talking abt marriage

4. Let her apologise to her parents & promise to b d good girl they want her to be; with this the confidence they had in her will b restored. And, parents will judge less from other parents' views/comments

5. Let her watch the friends she keeps; this is worse known killer of small  dreams

6. Let her put everything behind and face her studies

7. You as her friend, need to encourage her too;


Sorry, kid sister,
I may have been harsh on you. BUt, I just gave u the best advice a BIG brother can give a little sister. Pls, do not take it as hatred. I dont even know u.

A minor even in advanced countries

Kudos to her, she must be very innovative (at her age she is trying to change church doctrine, she can do better by starting her own church it’s much more easier than you ever imagined)

Introduction at 16yrs !!!  Whatever happened to going to school and making a career (the independent woman)

Guinness is for 18+ and there is nothing wrong with her taking it?

agitator:

I believe the poster is being economical with the truth.

now kids want their parents to accept wrong things because it is modern fashion, acceptable, etc.

how come the whole(or majority) women in the church are saying things about her? is she the only young BEAUTIFUL girl in the church.
according to the poster everybody was saying she dates an older guy. here old may mean 35-45yrs or even 50, and the poster explained it off by saying an OFFICIAL INTRODUCTION had been made.

and you all assume they are just gossipping her because of HER BEAUTY.  this is a common language among girls who feel they are beautiful, it gets into their head and whenever somebody tries to correct them they just claim the person is jealous if its a female or person hates them because they refused to date them if it happens to be a male.

just my personal opinion, please don't crucify me

niyiaran:

@ michelin89,

There is always two side to a story, you have told us your own version of the story the way you think it happen or suit you, let other help you to reason so that you will be a better person. You can be a judge and complianer in your own case.

@ harakiri: I also follow your line of thought on this topic.

Am really feeling bitter at the level of decay in the society, even someone who calls herself a mother is defending this bullshit. Agitator and bokaharam you guys are cool, i WILL never support evil, for God's sake this girl is 16 meaning a teenager. She should be college or tertitary school by now and one is telling me she deserves to have her life to herself now. i doubt the future of Nigeria if pple like poster, axeman and all those who support this happens to become leaders in this country.

the Facts:
at 16 she parties where alcohol is served.
at 16 she is already having issues with the house of God (Church).
at 16 she is already dating someone, and the fool she is dating is talking marriage.

The Truth:
at 16 she is meant to be developing her God given talent and planning her future.
at 16  she is meant to stick to her mother's advice and guidiance for proper knowledge of womanhood.
at 16 she is meant to stay clear of intimate relationship, because dat can ruin her life, career, education etc.


Someone please tell me his thread is a joke, if not we are in for the big fight. Madam rebranding GET READY.

kulyie:

dats true.my parents (especially my mom) are guilty of dat.dey'll rather listen 2 n believe wot other people say bout me than even listening 2 me b4 dey judge.so wen u were explanin d whole tin i realised were u were comin from.infact wen i go 2 my friends place sometimes n even spend some weeks with dem i observe how their parents treat dem even wen dia children r obviously wrong n i always wish in my mind 'dat if dis parents were mine or if i belonged 2 dis family''.i'm even happier wen i stay with my other family members or friends in dia place than wen i'm at home.infact i eagerly wait 4 school 2 resume not because i luv school dat much but just because i'm out of my house.

16 is not early to date when you are supervised by your parents. Italy is not like Nigeria where you can stroll out anytime to visit friends. For the fact that we are ina  foreign land, our liberty to move is pretty limited if you don't have a car.

harakiri:

Typical characteristic of a rebellious child.The parents of those same kids you admire will be the same ones that will be called bad parents when their kids do something disgraceful.Believe it or not, a parent knows his/her child.From the kind of things you want and the sort of things you like doing, they know where you are going.You know why? BECAUSE THEY WERE KIDS BEFORE!

Imagine a 14 year old girl who wants to "party" with her friends all night and gets refused by her parents.She then feels they are "wicked" and don't care about her but those parents KNOW what goes on in parties and they are protecting their daughter from possible despoil ,STDs and drug addiction.

I have a friend who is a mess right now because he had "good parents" who always "listened" to him and let him have his way.At a point, he told me he wished he his parents were more strict with him.To those of you who think i am off point (e.g the moderator/poster), THE REASON WHY PARENT'S LISTEN TO OUTSIDERS MORE THAN YOURSELF IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT PROVEN YOURSELF AS BEING MATURE AND YOU HAVE ALSO DONE THINGS TO MAKE THEM DOUBT YOUR JUDGEMENT! ! !

If you want your parents to listen to you more, then you have to prove yourself as being mature and of sound judgement.Simple as that.No long tings.

Shikena,