BuariCopyPaste:



Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.

I suspect you are just looking for somebody to tell you what you already have in mind: To go prostrating like a Wuss, so your punnany can comeback!

Do whatever butters your bread Mister.

On another note, l detest "men" who cant take simple decisions that affect their life so deeply....unless they come and ask faceless, probably under-age and ignorant Nairalanders like me!

Dont worry you hear, in five years time, we would also read about how your wife plumbed your head with Pestle and her Mama says "You should have run faster so she cant catch up with you"! :o

Just imagine he had the nerve to write the bolded...so we can ask him to go and beg, using the son as an excuse!

Umu-riffraff.

Gerrahea before l slap you.

BTW: get this Book and read it, maybe your head go korrect again: The Manipulated Man, by Esther Vila

palsenator:
I am married and I think I can help a bit from experience. It is obviously you don't want to face the truth. The signs are all over but you chose to ignore. Your wife wanted divorce are few days of marriage and you are fuming cos of something else (though important) . If you beg her to stay, one day she will still go. I see no reason why you should beg her not to go.. You can sought an audience with her and talk to her to change her mind but begging her is out of it. I pity your child in the middle of this mess but am sure your baby will be fine. As per your wife, and your mother in law, be ready to face a tougher future with them even if she eventually decides to stay. back in your marriage.

Bingo!

Marriage wahala for guys
Being single pays

Her mum should be blamed. she is the one teaching your wife bad thing, might have seen a richer guy for her daughter

You dated very long enough for u to understand each other. This what happens especially when a woman controls her daughter. Marriage is packed with a lot of surprises. Taking a swift nagetive action is not ALWAYS the best option. Calm down. Go and apologise to your inlaws and take your wife back! And be ready to OVERLOOK a lot of minor issues like this, by God's grace, your marriage will last. Goodluck.

repogirl:
OP, you don enter o!

I advise you to stand your ground and not beg her family. You did nothing wrong. Hold on to your son,when your wife is ready she will come to her husbands house. It might be hard caring for him in the beginning but you will get a hang of it after a while, it will become routine.

It seems the womans family is trying you to see the type of man you will be. If you start by begging for your wife, you will beg always. Your wife is wrong and she has to know she is very wrong. They kuku have no male figure of authority and thats why they are doing this. Sorry to say but some mothers no just dey try at all!

Another thing you can do is storm her house but not to beg. To complain that you dont understand what they are up to, she and her mother. Dont sound like you are begging o, sound like a dissatisfied husband. Go with elderly family members to resolve the issue.

Those who rush to give advice like this are worse off.
Are you any better or truthful to your husband? mtcheew

BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.

Did u monitor the traditional wedding preparation or have some have someone on ground to make sure everything is in place?

Did u give them detailed information on how u want the event ground to be decorated?

Did she call u while she was still in her parent house to tell u what was delaying her?

Did u call her also to ask what was keeping her?

U must not marry ur baby mama but how were you people living before the traditional marriage? I mean were u people living in peace and harmony? if yes I will advise u to calm down and talk sense into her. But for her and her families to say that they are not interested in the union again, I advise u to hold onto the little boy, forget the past cuz they have another richer guy that has promised to marry her.
I guess their family is not all that rich

waywardpikin:
Aso ebi, ankara, jewelry and other n.gbati n.gbati

Are they not Igbo?

DeRay98:
When a girl is under the total control of her mother without a sense of her own this happens.
When you marry from a home where the mother is shameless and no other respected male figure like your wife's paternal uncle to handle this misbehaviour wahala dey.
If you say "Love conquers" and take this with kids gloves your authority has been tested and you 'll be powerless in your home. Mother-in-law has signalled her intention to pocket you with the collaboration of his daughter.
Did you find out how her father died from other sources?
The poor man have died from the stress of a troublesome wife.
People you should go and beg her have no idea what they're saying.
Get elders from your family and community to send a delegation to her father's family to
Ask them to call her to explain to them why her mother did what she did
Why against known traditional order, she married and dissappeared for days without neither your consent or your family's.
She has since left your house after scalded her irresponsible behaviour which you absolutely have the power and right to do.
If they won't receive your delegation as culture demands
It's in your power and right to demand for the return of your dowry within a set time frame.
If they don't respond head for the customary court in that village jurisdiction.
If una slack on this matter your misery for many years has been planted.

So true.

@OP ITS NEVER TOO LATE TO RE START ANYTHING IN LIFE... YOU NEED TO MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.YOU ARE A MAN AND NEVER BE SENTIMENTAL IN MAKING YOUR DECISIONS,MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY

Pritypussi:


Those who rush to give advice like this are worse off.
Are you any better or truthful to your husband? mtcheew

fudge off!

Nna I thank God for your like. God has revealed it early enough for you. Biko move on with ur life. Pls I take God beg let her go oh. God will provide ur better half. This one na Just temptation. That ur mother in law and her daughter is the devil himself. Am sure she killed her husband. Pls no marry again. Demand for the dowry you paid. Or u forget it. Your Joy and peace of mind is more important than any other human being

PaulKillerman:

Your problem is summed up in one word ANGER , bro , u are quick to it, you have to work on it before it completely consumes you;





On the other hand; if u wanna remain unmarried like us, (that see women as tools meant to be only forked ) please be my guest and take a front row...

Your name is Saul not Paul. please don't bother to reply.

You have lived with this lady for two years and can tell more.But one thing i want to tell you is that the worst marriage is trying to manage marriage(character).YOU CAN NEVER CHANGE THE PERSON's CHARACTER even after marriage.The mistake people used to make is that...:you know marriage is not easy,marriage is not bed of roses,na small small,with time .....,make una dey manage am,bla bla bla.Thats nonsesnse.I fall into this "normal talk" from people and today,it never help me out despite all i tried to manage and change her.Its like a hell.Oga,please take your time and look into the marriage and know whether you will continue or not.Marriage institution suppose to be a happy one and not a hell fire.I am telling you the truth,look into the matter,then decide.

BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members....

op 1. never, never, never you marry out of pity! obviously you saw this signs earlier and you choose to ignore maybe because of your son or you thought love conquereth all. Now, you have seen the kind of family you married into and you are beginning to get a taste/bite of what/who killed her father, i'll advise you, run before it's too late, for your own life and for your safety. but if you insist on saving this so-called marriage then........the choice is yours. But most homes where women call the shots are doomed

BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.

Dear OP, I don't pity u @ all. Look @ ur siggy, U av no respek for constituted authority, making mockery of our amiable presido. Its Karma B1tcH.
Moreso, I feel u av got ur match. So make ur stupid decision and leave with. Nairaland is not a counselling ground. We ain't therapist.

waywardpikin:
The first thing I can deduce from this story (if true) is that you married from a very wrong family. There are many families like this in obodo lagos, where there is an absence of a strong & rational male figure as the head of the home (yeah I know, he's late). Families like this have little or no regard for marriage, which explains the reason why the mum is solidly behind her. This explains why the arrangements for your traditional marriage were so shoddy. The money probably went into more important things like Aso ebi, ankara, jewelry and other n.gbati n.gbati. No be today something.

I have no advice for you; most likely you saw the signs but decided that 'true love conquers all.' Thus, I'd like to use your story as a good opportunity to advice people out there (men and women alike) to critically observe the family of the person you intend to marry before taking that crucial life-altering step. In most cases, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Xoxo,

Wayward Pikin.

You are indeed very wayward





































But my waywardness is legendary and surpasses yours

Fifthcolumnist:
If your story is complete and true then your wife is entirely to blame. Although, I think fuming at her to save face was unnecessary and poorly managed. You know women are proud beings and hate being attacked even when they are wrong.

But, you can't risk loosing your marriage for the sake of pride and "saving face". Infact, if your marriage breaks down after just one week together, you'll have no face at all how much more one to save. You have to loosen up, swallow your high standards, and play the fool for the sake of your marriage before things get out of hand. Apologise to her and her family telling them, the stress of the whole event got to you and you're sorry you managed the situation poorly. Do this in the interest of peace and forget about rightness or wrong. After all, it's your marriage to keep, not theirs' or anyone else's.

then after doing this deep down he is not happy. Dats falacy. When dem go dey disturb us with pre wedingg photo up ND down

Probably you were not her Johnny so she went looking for her Johnny...Not a big fan of marriage

Op, you started this yourself when you lashed your wife to extent of making her cry on her wedding day. Who does that? Even if the mother didn't do what is expected, I think on your wedding day, the joy of getting married to the love of your life should cover up the anger but you allowed anger to cloud your judgement thereby causing you to say hurtful words to her on her wedding day! A day which was supposed to be her happy day turned out to be a day she received great lashing from her husband,haba! And from your post, if not that you had to save face, you would have sent her back home with your son too. Get a grip on yourself man and learn to control your anger! Yes I agree she was wrong for not following the tradition of coming back the same day but she obviously did it because she was angry and you then spoilt the whole thing with your anger to the extent that her family have supported her decision, it says so much about you, you know. I believe the whole family wouldn't have made that decision of there wasn't something about you. Go make peace because you are both at fault but you are the one with the greater fault here for allowing anger to cloud your judgement. Try to make the marriage work for your sake and the sake of your son.
And to the women on this forum who are so quick to judge and speak ill of their fellow women, Wehdone ma! Don't judge people especially if you haven't walked a mile in their shoes. There are three sides to every story his side, her side and the truth!

They wronged you and they still expect you to apologize? Brother you will keep apologizing till end just bear that in mind and they will keep causing you wahala. save yourself further stress now and enjoy later before it is too late.

Next time organise things yourself. Do not out source things to other people. secondly this is not a big issue sort out your problems with your wife.

Every marriage has its own challenges. We will continue to manage ourselves as couples till end time. Just calm down, call her attention to all ur grievances, initiating peace between the two families does not indicate that you are subtle or you did not know ur rights but remember that ur little son that will eventually suffer the consequences being trained alone by either of you. Just forgive all her shortcomings, dont listen to anyone that advises to divorce her finally

Aye nse yin.

BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.

I am married and I think I can help a bit from experience. It is obviously you don't want to face the truth. The signs are all over but you chose to ignore. Your wife wanted divorce are few days of marriage and you are fuming cos of something else (though important) . If you beg her to stay, one day she will still go. I see no reason why you should beg her not to go.. You can sought an audience with her and talk to her to change her mind but begging her is out of it. I pity your child in the middle of this mess but am sure your baby will be fine. As per your wife, and your mother in law, be ready to face a tougher future with them even if she eventually decides to stay. back in your marriage.

BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.

There are three sides to a story...side A,B and the truth....but if all you wrote is true I will advice you go to her mum respectfully and ask her what is going on and also open up on your grievances. ..that is the first step so go ahead and do that with hope that things will work out...

I forgot to add. Pls hold onto that child. He/She can stay with any of ur well meaning relatives that ur ex wife and her mother don't know of. At least for

From experience, I deduce she's playing away matches with connivance of her mum!
She's got OPTION(S).....shine ur eyes! A word is enough.

You better go and do DNA before claiming the child. E go shock you say na another man pickin you dey take care of.

waywardpikin:
The first thing I can deduce from this story (if true) is that you married from a very wrong family. There are many families like this in obodo lagos, where there is an absence of a strong & rational male figure as the head of the home (yeah I know, he's late). Families like this have little or no regard for marriage, which explains the reason why the mum is solidly behind her. This explains why the arrangements for your traditional marriage were so shoddy. The money probably went into more important things like Aso ebi, ankara, jewelry and other n.gbati n.gbati. No be today something.

I have no advice for you; most likely you saw the signs but decided that 'true love conquers all.' Thus, I'd like to use your story as a good opportunity to advice people out there (men and women alike) to critically observe the family of the person you intend to marry before taking that crucial life-altering step. In most cases, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Xoxo,

Wayward Pikin.

this case is ajokuta maamomi's not ofe mmano's so better leave n.gbati n.gbati out of it

limamintruth:
My sincere advice is that you work on your temper @OP. From your story, it is obvious you are quick to anger, which is capable of destroying any marriage.

The first problem you raised was entirely the fault of your wife's family. So I wonder why you acted harshly towards your wife.

And with respect to the second issue, the manner in which you confront your spouse determines how she reacts or responds to you. You need to learn how to talk to her calmly with love; not harshly with so much bitterness or venom.

Once again, don't give up on your marriage please. Every marriage has its ups & downs. And no human is perfect. We only strive to be perfect. Peace!

the op is not the problem here, he just told u guys that they have being together for 2years before marrige. Meaning the girl knows about his anger issues so that's not a problem for her because she went ahead to marry him. Now the problem I why the girl dey vex yyamayama vex now after she Don marry. Dis somebody that u tay with for 2years with the anger issues and even born for am now she want to dey say she cannot cope. Another guyy Don enter matter lock up.m

Op you goofed and from your story you have no iota of respect for your wife.
Why would you embarrass your wife because you feel her mother didn't spend her money the way you wish?
Also it is clear you are paranoid towards your mother inlaw; and this is bad for you.
You disrespected her first by impregnating her daughter without proper marriage and when you finally decide to do the proper thing, you went there to harrass her daughter without caring to find out why things were the way you met it. You are such a proud fellow. If you like seek divorce because there was no dj in your tm.

Fifthcolumnist:
If your story is complete and true then your wife is entirely to blame. Although, I think fuming at her to save face was unnecessary and poorly managed. You know women are proud beings and hate being attacked even when they are wrong.

But, you can't risk loosing your marriage for the sake of pride and "saving face". Infact, if your marriage breaks down after just one week together, you'll have no face at all how much more one to save. You have to loosen up, swallow your high standards, and play the fool for the sake of your marriage before things get out of hand. Apologise to her and her family telling them, the stress of the whole event got to you and you're sorry you managed the situation poorly. Do this in the interest of peace and forget about rightness or wrong. After all, it's your marriage to keep, not theirs' or anyone else's.

God bless you, sure u will make a gud husband