DickDastardly:

Mr Man, Nobody, i repeat nobody on Nairaland can make your marriage work. No amount of advice here can make your marriage work. You know why? Nobody here knows you and your wife's true character upon which we can premise and profer solution. Btw, your wife hasnt told us her own side of the story. The time you use to come here to type all these can be used to go with your wife for some isolated vacation and try to make amends. There must be some way of getting through to her soul to effect reversal. You divorce today, then get ready to divorce again and again and even again. Like someone said, "it rains everywhere". So never you think that there are marriages without its own challenges. Everyone walks down that road at some point in time. It depends on how much you are willing to endure. But most times endurance and patience carries the day.
When ever i read stuff like this i feel pity for the unmarried ones who gets the wrong message and start being skeptical about marriage. More worrysome and stupid is that some married folks too read this kinda stuff and start judging their marriage by the advices given here.
Leave Nairaland now and go take your wife to somewhere you two will be alone for soul searching. Be the man by showing more wisdom and wit. Wish you success.

3 gbosa for you.

Adviserseeker Bros u fall hand. Never ever bring ur problems to social media. Ure matured enough to get a woman and a daughter u should be matured to deal with these kinda issues...
U can't get it ryt telling the world ur problem. Sit down be a man and make a decision.

NO! No divorce am.

Since you have been on this same issue for so long without any result, I will suggest you go through a new terrain.

They have fried you already and will likely fry me plus, but I no send! My advise is for you to give yourself some dose of augmentine! As in literally augment what you get from home by getting yourself a side chic! Go in peace and hungry more! What the fork was her problem!


No vex...I don vex ni

@Adviserseeker ...

I consider you as ..



Woman Wrapper .

Your wife knows you only TALK but CANT do S. H .I .T

Wealthy/Rich Men dont have Problems Fucking pussy ..In-short getting pussy is the easiest thing for any rich guy...Either wife or GF or Street girls. None of our Business.

Stop Sounding like someone who didn't attend Uni or even Poly.You talk like the last born of your family .

Your wife will one day poison/kill you and claim your properties/biz before you marry new wife Because she seems smart dan you.

Accept that you're Daft.

Sorry for the Insult but you deserve it.

Prognose:


Hello bro,
So I read through your threads, Wheeew, long story short, you married a tough woman. The summary of it all is that her behaviour and yours are not at par, you married a woman you cannot control unless you change your ways and from what you have said you are not a harsh husband. So there are two options for you. I'm not mentioning the phone saga as she would not have reacted in that way if you were A HARSH kind of man. From all indications she don see you finish. A strange man calls your wife and she couldn't proffer any decent excuse, rather just waved you off like a fly? Not wanting to annoy you any further but like I said, you have two options.

1. Quietly seek a divorce. This is the easy way out. Tell her firmly that you and her are not compatible and you have decided to give her the freedom she has worked so hard for. there is a way a woman respects a man and I'm sorry to say bro, she hasn't been exhibiting it. She doesn't even want to kiss you talk less of have sex with you? Men need love too. Set her free and settle how to take care of your kids. They didn't raise her up well on how to take care of a man.

2. Change your ways. Take your marriage as a do-or-die affair. Realise your honour is at stake. Withdraw all comforts from her when she misbehaves and tell her she will not get those comforts back unless she complies. All men desire sex, sex is important and shouldn't be begged for, especially in marriage. Even if she is not in the mood she can give it to you out of the love she has for you, there is a reason the bible tells the wife not to withhold herself from her husband. She should give you the sex it is not as if you are asking for her kidney. Also when she does not do what you want like preparing your breakfast, refuse to eat until she does so, Don't let her out of the kitchen and you yourself don't leave the house.Put your foot down and see whether heaven will fall. both of you will starve there and not go out until something gives. Authority has to be shown. If she hates you so much why hasn't she sought for a divorce herself? Someone on the other thread said you are just a giver to her and it seems to be true. One baby being taken care of by a sister, a brother (and a nanny) at one time? And she still doesn't have time for you? Reporting to her parents and they don't at least reply your message? You are the one doing them a favour bro, open your eyes and see it. If you want your marriage to work then become harsh and mould her until she decides to run or she changes to suit you.

God bless u jare ,d post is rily appalling reading wit such a weakling as hubby. love is awe and sweet bt doesn't make one stupid or a nut especially as d head of d house;u took little bulshit from a woman,u re gone for it......

na wa for ur wife. u hav spoiled her. i cant try half of this with my first husba.d nor the second. lets be real. it is too early i. d marriage for a wife to be so stubborn.

Some of the replies here are too harsh on the op. Most people are just insulting him which is why I personally don't like nairaland for these type of stuffs.

@op

You are too soft for women!!!

Firstly, you need to read a lot about WOMEN. Download e books on how to be an alpha male. Authors like David Deangelo, Robert Green and likes will help you to understand women and POWER a bit.

Again, Niccolo Machiavelli in his book "The Prince" has advised that " to be feared is better than to be loved". He further stressed that what a PRINCE should avoid is to be Hated. You need to read that book to know the consequences of love, fear and hate!

It appears that your wife has unquantified hatred and disregard for you! It is very dangerous for you as a person since you are leaving under the same roof.

If you can afford it, move out.

Be a man and husband. Use punishments, withdrawal of privileges and strong body language to get what you want.

Discard all societal moral standards that is not in your best interest.

Stop Ranting...

A word is enough for the wise!

a google search on grounds for divorce in a nigerian court includes when one of the two parties refuses to consumate the marriage (i.e have sex). adviserseeker is well in his rights to do this and those condemning him for demanding for it wrong but..

let's not get to that. sorry adviserseeker for not responding on time to your mention but for some reason it was not indicated and it was not until i got one elsewhere today that i scrolled down a bit and found yours. now let me comment on this.

your wife is not cheating on you - yet. she just has a friend she ridicles you with which is why she felt righted with that text as long as she was not having sex with him - yet. furthermore this taiwo dude is giving her what you are not giving her..

.. which is a listening hear. she currently appreciates the friendship relationship over the marriage one. one reason i keep butressing in this section of being friends over title of husband or wife. you are claiming YOUR 'HUSBANDLY' RIGHT.

well, she worked you making you believe she liked what you love and once the ring was set, displayed her true colors. additionaly you did not make her see reason to desire sex as well because as it seems to her, sex is food for you alone. unluckily..

...that selfish step of hers can make her lose that gain she got. well, you would both end up with a mutually assured waste of time and possible mistrust of future partners. i recommend the loving friendship route. (1) first stop asking her for sex.

your dear friend does not want to do something and you are trying to force her to do so. anyhow you look at it, won't that look selfish? be honest. so in the interim when you are in the mood for it, find yourself a good solo location and settle ..

adviserseeker:
Did you read at all? I think you should read the previous threads before you judge. And you don't need to be insulting to pass across your message.

Brother, you wee not die on top your wife mata.. Say amen!

Please get a girl and warm your loins, what nonsense is this... Or you can pray, if that's what works for ya.

soap lather with water or alternatively oil would make things smooth without hurting yourself. by the time you pump yourself with good 'ol memories of the past, you should 'get there'. however that is for if you are open to it else na hangover for ..

..you. next step. (2) this has to do with you. under normal circumstances, no one spits out honey once it is in the mouth. i ask again what is your gameplay like. (i need you to be specific here). luckily this is an anonymous arena. how you start, ..

.. what you do, if you get her to orlando and how long before you get there yourself. no need for shyness as most married folks here have been doing this for years. i await your reply. cheers

wifey is being childish and going as far as denying herself to hurt you. she got you on sex and is now playing wicked because she knows your gentlemanly policy of not playing away games. i plead you not call her bluff and fall for it. i await a reply

teemy:
.. what you do, if you get her to orlando and how long before you get there yourself. no need for shyness as most married folks here have been doing this for years. i await your reply. cheers

Lol@orlando

Thanks to everyone who has contributed to this thread. I have ( if I am honest ) given up on things ever changing. I was point blank told she was forced into the marriage - coming from a woman who I held talks with 1 full year before we got married.

I can remember January 1 2015 6 days after I had forced her to do a genotype test ( I wonder what AS man will force a lady to do a genotype test if they were not going to marry them ) held a serious long discussion with her. Asking her repeatedly ( I had to ask repeatedly because I had gone through somethings relationship wise which I do not want to go through when married - including losing someone I was to get married to 3 days before I engage her ) if she is ready to get into marriage of which all the answers were in the affirmative.

I also remember before we got the result of the genotype test we were bother very tensed yet she said I forced all because she got pregnant while we were planning our wedding - I planned for August but end up getting married 6 months earlier as she got pregnant along the line.

When I decided she was the one for me, I spoke to a mother figure of mine who has been married for over 28 years and she guided me properly and our wedding was only brought forward because of the pregnancy, it was not as if it was as a result of the pregnancy. Now she says she was not ready for it. Yet monitors my phone to see if I am seeing someone else.

I honestly do not know what else to try. She also complained that she wants to work. I have decided to provide 2m naira for her to start something and if not enough will add to it but I am 100% sure she would not change. If things are this bad when she is not working, it will only become worst. Which sadly means my greatest wish will never be fulfilled.

She has resort to one blackmail to the other and each time I burst it and ask questions she fails to come up with any tangible answer order than coming up with another blackmailing tactics.

I already within me give up on her. Will just take solace in having my wonderful daughter.

adviserseeker:
Thanks to everyone who has contributed to this thread. I have ( if I am honest ) given up on things ever changing. I was point blank told she was forced into the marriage - coming from a woman who I held talks with 1 full year before we got married.

I can remember January 1 2015 6 days after I had forced her to do a genotype test ( I wonder what AS man will force a lady to do a genotype test if they were not going to marry them ) held a serious long discussion with her. Asking her repeatedly ( I had to ask repeatedly because I had gone through somethings relationship wise which I do not want to go through when married - including losing someone I was to get married to 3 days before I engage her ) if she is ready to get into marriage of which all the answers were in the affirmative.

I also remember before we got the result of the genotype test we were bother very tensed yet she said I forced all because she got pregnant while we were planning our wedding - I planned for August but end up getting married 6 months earlier as she got pregnant along the line.

When I decided she was the one for me, I spoke to a mother figure of mine who has been married for over 28 years and she guided me properly and our wedding was only brought forward because of the pregnancy, it was not as if it was as a result of the pregnancy. Now she says she was not ready for it. Yet monitors my phone to see if I am seeing someone else.

I honestly do not know what else to try. She also complained that she wants to work. I have decided to provide 2m naira for her to start something and if not enough will add to it but I am 100% sure she would not change. If things are this bad when she is not working, it will only become worst. Which sadly means my greatest wish will never be fulfilled.

She has resort to one blackmail to the other and each time I burst it and ask questions she fails to come up with any tangible answer order than coming up with another blackmailing tactics.

I already within me give up on her. Will just take solace in having my wonderful daughter.

its a pity that some people did not know why they have until they lose it. Make urself happy always cos no one can make u. Take care of ur child and her still but I must say don't kill urself cos of marriage ooo. Talking from experience. Wish u luck.

adviserseeker:
Thanks to everyone who has contributed to this thread. I have ( if I am honest ) given up on things ever changing. I was point blank told she was forced into the marriage - coming from a woman who I held talks with 1 full year before we got married.

I can remember January 1 2015 6 days after I had forced her to do a genotype test ( I wonder what AS man will force a lady to do a genotype test if they were not going to marry them ) held a serious long discussion with her. Asking her repeatedly ( I had to ask repeatedly because I had gone through somethings relationship wise which I do not want to go through when married - including losing someone I was to get married to 3 days before I engage her ) if she is ready to get into marriage of which all the answers were in the affirmative.

I also remember before we got the result of the genotype test we were bother very tensed yet she said I forced all because she got pregnant while we were planning our wedding - I planned for August but end up getting married 6 months earlier as she got pregnant along the line.

When I decided she was the one for me, I spoke to a mother figure of mine who has been married for over 28 years and she guided me properly and our wedding was only brought forward because of the pregnancy, it was not as if it was as a result of the pregnancy. Now she says she was not ready for it. Yet monitors my phone to see if I am seeing someone else.

I honestly do not know what else to try. She also complained that she wants to work. I have decided to provide 2m naira for her to start something and if not enough will add to it but I am 100% sure she would not change. If things are this bad when she is not working, it will only become worst. Which sadly means my greatest wish will never be fulfilled.

She has resort to one blackmail to the other and each time I burst it and ask questions she fails to come up with any tangible answer order than coming up with another blackmailing tactics.

I already within me give up on her. Will just take solace in having my wonderful daughter.

So you were two-timing? Your real fiancée died 3days before you engaged your wife. Quite a fast engagement and you moving on? Did she know about this other woman? How old is your wife? Can you stand criticism if she is asked to come and give an account here of your marriage? Do you listen or you only tell her how you want things to be? Her getting a job will give her purpose. It won't make her worse. Make sure you get close to a respectable person or someone she respects so the person can talk to her.

Sometimes we are ready for a future step but the people in our lives are not. But we push and force them to be on the same page. If she is very young then you will need to exercise a lot of patience.

Sad news op. Don't give up now.

baby124:

So you were two-timing? Your real fiancée died 3days before you engaged your wife. Quite a fast engagement and you moving on? Did she know about this other woman? How old is your wife? Can you stand criticism if she is asked to come and give an account here of your marriage? Do you listen or you only tell her how you want things to be? Her getting a job will give her purpose. It won't make her worse. Make sure you get close to a respectable person or someone she respects so the person can talk to her.

Sometimes we are ready for a future step but the people in our lives are not. But we push and force them to be on the same page. If she is very young then you will need to exercise a lot of patience.

baby124:

So you were two-timing? Your real fiancée died 3days before you engaged your wife. Quite a fast engagement and you moving on? Did she know about this other woman? How old is your wife? Can you stand criticism if she is asked to come and give an account here of your marriage? Do you listen or you only tell her how you want things to be? Her getting a job will give her purpose. It won't make her worse. Make sure you get close to a respectable person or someone she respects so the person can talk to her.

Sometimes we are ready for a future step but the people in our lives are not. But we push and force them to be on the same page. If she is very young then you will need to exercise a lot of patience.

This feels insulting. How can I married someone 3 days after another important person died.

You misread. I was saying my ex died 3 days before I engaged her. I married my wife 2 years later not 3 days later.

She is 24 though I am not so sure as she hasn't told me the absolute truth on her age. I was of the impression she is 26 only to discover it was a big fat lie she told cos she knew I preferred ladies closer to my age ( I will be 31) or those older than me. Complicated. Yes, I know.

And yes I will welcome her giving her own account.

Adviseseeker try and listen to what teemy said on this thread.

Try and take your mind of sex for sometime. Go home sort yourself with wifey, your marriage is too young for too much interference - parents, registry officials etc just too much.

Go sort this out bro, you have been married to her you should know her mumu button ke? At least you chyked this babe.

Third party interference won't solve this matter since, let it all go.

If you can prepare your meals do, if you can't take tea or something till she prepares it by 10am or whenever, stop pestering her for sex, just act normally she herself will come around. You need to be patient since its like she's quite immature.

Divorce is not an option IMO, its still resolvable, the main issue I see is sex shikena.

Talk to your wife ooo.

And someone has to speak some sense to your wifey,compromise is needed in marriage.





You do sound very familiar though, from a different moniker a sports blogger or something close to that.

adviserseeker:


This feels insulting. How can I married someone 3 days after another important person died.

You misread. I was saying my ex died 3 days before I engaged her. I married my wife 2 years later not 3 days later.

She is 24 though I am not so sure as she hasn't told me the absolute truth on her age. I was of the impression she is 26 only to discover it was a big fat lie she told cos she knew I preferred ladies closer to my age ( I will be 31) or those older than me. Complicated. Yes, I know.

And yes I will welcome her giving her own account.

Show her this page and how you feel. Hopefully it will reset her brain. To be honest if I had married at 24, it would not have worked out either. My mind was not prepared for marriage and I had people pestering and almost forcing marriage on me to the point of fights sef. You have to have a lot of patience with a younger bride o. I know it hurts to be deceived but she must have wanted to marry you so bad for a reason, so what changed? Maybe for now you have to be the adult in the marriage till her maturity catches up. Don't worry in about 2yrs when most of her friends are married it will start to kick in. She probably thinks she is missing something out there. Freedom. Also, most first time mums don't have it easy especially when a child comes. It's not a joke at all. The reality of how much life has changed can be so daunting. Children demand so much attention that a woman can just fall into depression at the loss of her life. You have to communicate with her and help at home as much as you can. Also try to trust her more, and try to do things together as a couple. Maybe you can tell grandma to come and watch the baby and you guys can go out. Don't leave your baby girl in anyone's house, let her grandma come and watch her in your house. It is well. Sorry for misunderstanding you.

baby124:

Show her this page and how you feel. Hopefully it will reset her brain. To be honest if I had married at 24, it would not have worked out either. My mind was not prepared for marriage and I had people pestering and almost forcing marriage on me to the point of fights sef. You have to have a lot of patience with a younger bride o. I know it hurts to be deceived but she must have wanted to marry you so bad for a reason, so what changed? Maybe for now you have to be the adult in the marriage till her maturity catches up. Don't worry in about 2yrs when most of her friends are married it will start to kick in. She probably thinks she is missing something out there. Freedom. Also, most first time mums don't have it easy especially when a child comes. It's not a joke at all. The reality of how much life has changed can be so daunting. Children demand so much attention that a woman can just fall into depression at the loss of her life. You have to communicate with her and help at home as much as you can. Also try to trust her more, and try to do things together as a couple. Maybe you can tell grandma to come and watch the baby and you guys can go out. Don't leave your baby girl in anyone's house, let her grandma come and watch her in your house. It is well. Sorry for misunderstanding you.

She has already seen this. It was it she saw and read some of the obvious feminist comments which made her resort to blackmail.

Unfortunately each of her blackmailing tactic were bursted by me by asking simple questions.

And re letting her grandma come, I have tried many times to make us drop the little kid for just 1 week at her parents but hell no she won't have it. Just this Friday we had an argument over the girl going to my parents' as my mom has been wanting her over for a while. She refused in the most annoying and rude way. Almost like I have no say. Although she later apologised but still somethings like are not allowed.

And re house chores. There is nothing to help with. Her brother is with us ( on my request as he needed guidance from someone way older than him), his girlfriend as well. I go to the market ( using her written list) 90% of the time as she doesn't enjoy going to the market.

Things just won't work and although I think her age plays a role, but I am not going to play the role of a nursery school teacher any more. I simply have had enough of the nonsense.

adviserseeker:


She has already seeing this. It was it she saw and read some of the obvious feminist comments which made her resort to blackmail.

Unfortunately each of her blackmailing tactic were bursted by me by asking simple questions.

And re letting her grandma come, I have tried many times to make us drop the little kid for just 1 week at her parents but hell no she won't have it. Just this Friday we had an argument over the girl going to my parents' as my mom has been wanting her over for a while. She refused in the most annoying and rude way. Almost like I have no say. Although she later apologised but still somethings like are not allowed.

And re house chores. There is nothing to help with. Her brother is with us ( on my request as he needed guidance from someone way older than him), his girlfriend as well. I go to the market ( using her written list) 90% of the time as she doesn't enjoy going to the market.

Things just won't work and although I think her age plays a role, but I am not going to play the role of a nursery school teacher any more. I simply have had enough of the nonsense.

I won't allow my girlchild sleep outside my house without me being there either. Not saying both of your parents are bad. But these days parents have to be cautious and careful. Strangers can come in and abuse kids while th grand parents are not watching. We see it here often. Why are you housing her brother and his girlfriend? That's not a responsible example you are setting for the young man is it? Let his girlfriend go back to her parents house. How come you like so much crowd in your house? You better wake up before you open your kids to abuse. Na wa o

Well you must have patience with her. Things will change.

baby124:

I won't allow my girlchild sleep outside my house without me being there either. Not saying both of your parents are bad. But these days parents have to be cautious and careful. Strangers can come in and abuse kids while th grand parents are not watching. We see it here often. Why are you housing her brother and his girlfriend? That's not a responsible example you are setting for the young man is it? Let his girlfriend go back to her parents house. How come you like so much crowd in your house? You better wake up before you open your kids to abuse. Na wa o

I can't talk about her brother's girlfriend and reason for being with us on here. But note both of us are cool with it. No issues on that front.

Re staying with my parents or hers I really don't see any issues as my siblings ( 2 ladies) are there to take good care of her. But again if you are disagreeing with your husband on your kid visiting your parents you don't say, no and insist on the NO like the man has no say whatsoever.

Her greatest undoing - I am just a sissy that can be disrespected at will.

Personally I am no longer interested in this working and already started making moves to rent an apartment. Can't continue with an off and on marriage.

NoToPile:


You do sound very familiar though, from a different moniker a sports blogger or something close to that.

Isaac, Jacob and Essau comes to mind.