Please my fellow nairalanders advice me on what to tell my dad before he does something he may regret in future.

I happen to be the last child of seven children. 2004 my elder brother(first son) got admission in uk. Then everyone was happy that at least we would have a graduate with Western knowledge and degree. My dad was much capable of sponsoring him until 2005,when he got retired. Luckily enough his pension was huge but couldn't pay half of oxford University tuition fee. He had to sell some assets. Any time he call his always asking for money rents, feeding, book lab fees etc. He never missed my dads call and so did my dad never missed his calls. Every year we sold lands and other properties until he graduated. We even sold our duplex in enugu and a car just to clear all his debt in final year. Finally he graduated with first class honour electrical engineering, Oxford University got a good job but refused to come back home. Later he stoped picking our calls and replying our messages. As God may have it, he came back 2015 after much payers and fasting. To cut story short, he refused to get married in Nigerian only for us to later find out he had a white wife and three children. My parents later accepted his family because, they can't change what have already happened. Since 2015 he left nigerian. Dont pick calls if he picks his always forming busy. We normally chat with his wife but his just so reluctant to bring them back or even my parents to go see them. My mum and siblings says his under a spear. While other of my siblings says his just wicked, he don't even care if we still exist. Now my dad threatens to disown him because he had been a disappointment and caused pain to the family. What do you think i should tell him.

Hmm. This one pass me..

Such a wicked child

My only contribution to your thread is to help you move it to front page...
lalasticlala,Mynd44

From your narrative.. All I smell is PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE. a man who feigns to forget or is ashamed of his roots.
Hard nut to crack.. They need "pampering" and "worshipping" if y'all can descend to his level.

Approach some elderly persons around and beg them to meet with your dad on this sensitive issue...

Take it to God in prayer... Blood is thicker than water.. Your dad SHOULDN'T disown him..

chibexin:
Please my fellow nairalanders advice me on what to tell my dad before he does something he may regret in future.

I happen to be the last child of seven children. 2004 my elder brother(first son) got admission in uk. Then everyone was happy that at least we would have a graduate with Western knowledge and degree. My dad was much capable of sponsoring him until 2005,when he got retired. Luckily enough his pension was huge but couldn't pay half of oxford University tuition fee. He had to sell some assets. Any time he call his always asking for money rents, feeding, book lab fees etc. He never missed my dads call and so did my dad never missed his calls. Every year we sold lands and other properties until he graduated. We even sold our duplex in enugu and a car just to clear all his debt in final year. Finally he graduated with first class honour electrical engineering, Oxford University got a good job but refused to come back home. Later he stoped picking our calls and replying our messages. As God may have it, he came back 2015 after much payers and fasting. To cut story short, he refused to get married in Nigerian only for us to later find out he had a white wife and three children. My parents later accepted his family because, they can't change what have already happened. Since 2015 he left nigerian. Dont pick calls if he picks his always forming busy. We normally chat with his wife but his just so reluctant to bring them back or even my parents to go see them. My mum and siblings says his under a spear. While other of my siblings says his just wicked, he don't even care if we still exist. Now my dad threatens to disown him because he had been a disappointment and caused pain to the family. What do you think i should tell him.

Your dad sold land and properties to fund just one person's degree
So the other children can go to hell
The almighty first son has disappointed him.
How would your dad sell precious assets for a mere degree...
Left Quadrant.

Your brother is not under any spell, he is not concerned about his family's feelings.

Maybe he married an older woman and he's afraid of bringing her home,
Tell your father to calm down a bit.

Jst tell yr dad to disown him no time to waste time. Bt wait,hp is nt the white woman that his taking care of him over there.

He is just forming busy because he tinks he what he today is by himself BTW tell ur dad to send him account of all de money spent on him and demand for the money then u can advise him to disown or not.

You guys should make proper investigations first that truly and genuinely he has a job and it's not his wife that's supporting him,he could be avoiding you guys out of shame and inability to carter for his extended family financially,tell your dad not to jump to conclusions till you are sure of his condition and keep up chatting up the wife she can let some information slip..your brother can't wake up over night and start avoiding you people,something is wrong somewhere

eezeribe:


Your dad sold land and properties to fund just one person's degree
So the other children can go to hell
The almighty first son has disappointed him.
How would your dad sell precious assets for a mere degree...
Left Quadrant.

Dude it's an Oxford degree I will do it over and over again if My child was in oxford, Cambridge, harvard or MIT.

The man wants to be free of you all, there's nothing you can do about it except to pray for these feelings in his heart to change

Just talk to your father not to disown him. You can equally ask someone he's close to and respects, who's also elderly to talk to him
Some children are wicked, and they just forget all the possible struggles of their parents and loved ones over them. Some children are just wired that way. Even though he might be struggling abroad, nothing stops him from picking calls and contacting his parents.
Its a pity though, that you father spent all the inheritance he could have left for you all on just his first son.

I hope he still has a house to live in his old age.
Meanwhile, I'd advice none of you should ask him for money. Maybe that's what's pushing him away. Everyone should just get on with their hustle. I'm very sure if anybof you is successful, he'll be the one calling that person about

How can someone be so wicked and heartless? I don't even know what to say.

Hmmmm...that boy has already disowned your family. You just don't know it yet.

Biko what does this "disowning" mean in Igbo Land? Does it strip him of his name, affiliation and inheritance? I doubt it can strip him of his name, maybe the other two. So, if he's stripped of the right to associate with the family and inherit do you think that will affect him? No it won't.

I totally understand that your family spent a lot on him and expects some returns but I can bet you that guy is working extra hard to cater for himself and his family over there. Three children! He must be working on over drive! However, he's so inconsiderate and wicked to treat his extended family the way he's doing. He will regret it someday... He surely will.

Please move on with you lives and treat him like a bad investment. May God replenish your dad and touch your brother to remember the hands that fed him. Disowning him is not the way to go please.

First kudos to your father. If what you have written is true, he is a good man and I sincerely wholeheartedly applaud him.

However, it is time you and your family face the fact. You are not entitled to anything from your brother. Yes, you heard that right, stop been ENTITLED and focus on your lives.

Your father has done his GOD given mandate and whether the son does his should not be the problem of your family. GOD is there to judge the rest.

Once you know you have no right to be entitled to anything from him half of your problem will be solved. Your father and yourselves should instead be proud that you have done your own.

Don't bother about him doing his or not. I know life is give and take but when you give and don't expect in return, it becomes easier.

Don't get me wrong it is not the way it should be but it is what it is.

Just know that if after the whole investment he dies while coming to Nigeria the world won't come to an end.

Take him as a bad investment, pray for him ( if you want) and watch and see things unfold. Don't pause your lives because of a BAD INVESTMENT.

Hmmm
Evil child

abescom:
First kudos to your father. If what you have written is true, he is a good man and I sincerely wholeheartedly applaud him.

However, it is time you and your family face the fact. You are not entitled to anything from your brother. Yes, you heard that right, stop been ENTITLED and focus on your lives.

Your father has done his GOD given mandate and whether the son does his should not be the problem of your family. GOD is there to judge the rest.

Once you know you have no right to be entitled to anything from him half of your problem will be solved. Your father and yourselves should instead be proud that you have done your own.

Don't bother about him doing his or not. I know life is give and take but when you give and don't expect in return, it becomes easier.

Don't get me wrong it is not the way it should be but it is what it is.

Just know that if after the whole investment he dies while coming to Nigeria the world won't come to an end.

Take him as a bad investment, pray for him ( if you want) and watch and see things unfold. Don't pause your lives because of a BAD INVESTMENT.

You just spewed rubbish. why not wait, have a child and after training that child, then you pray not to reap the benefit of your labour on such child so that you will understand what that father is going through.

Headmistress:
You just spewed rubbish. why not wait, have a child and after training that child, then you pray not to reap the benefit of your labour on such child so that you will understand what that father is going through.

Do you need to be insulting before passing across your message? So their lives have to be on pause mode because a son refused to be responsible?

Your brother is an ingrate.

Seen this kinda problem before.


You guys should move on.

Continue to pray for him.


This was how it was taken care of in that case.


After two years, no call from his family, his senses got back , I pray your dad to be around when he senses get back ,less, he carries a curse.

I don't know why Nigerian parents turn children to financial investments or retirement scheme. Whatever you do for your kids should be because you want them to be successful and have good life, not your insurance for old age.
Young man your brother has his own life and family, you and your dad should go get a life too. That's why we have student loans here, you are responsible for your own tuition, most parents won't pay it and they don't rely on you for their future. They have 401k for retirement.

abescom:
Do you need to be insulting before passing across your message? So their lives have to be on pause mode because a son refused to be responsible?

so sorry if you felt insulted. but that wasnt the best thing to say.

abescom:
Do you need to be insulting before passing across your message? So their lives have to be on pause mode because a son refused to be responsible?

so sorry if you felt insulted. but that wasnt the best thing to say. am sorry

Headmistress:
so sorry if you felt insulted. but that wasnt the best thing to say.

Good that you are mature enough to apologise. And back to the main discussion. What would you have them do?

They can't pause their lives because a child chose to be an idiot. And I don't know if you are a Christian or Muslim, pagan or atheist but my own bible tells me judgment belongs to GOD not human. The father has obeyed GOD by taking care of this kids no where in the bible is it said that we MUST do anything by force.

GOD even said he has given us life and death, good and bad and advises us to choose life and good. We have the right to our choices not the consequences to our choices... GOD decides that.

If I were the father, I will let go and let GOD.

Headmistress:
so sorry if you felt insulted. but that wasnt the best thing to say. am sorry

between I am a father too.

He's obviously just broke

He never missed ur dad's phone calls when he needed money and ur dad supported him, paid for his education with his pension money and selling his lands, only for him to now treat the man in this manner. He knew what he was doing. Now he's doing ok on his own he's ignoring your dad. He used your dad to get what he wanted. He knows exactly what he's doing, he's just an ungrateful son.

Giddyperson:
He's obviously just broke

He's broke for how many years? If he started his engineering degree in '05 then he must've graduated in '09, are u saying he's been broke since? He's broke but married and had 3 kids to boot? All these he didn't even tell his family in Nigeria, has been treating you guys like nonentities since, even after all your dad did for him.

abescom:
Good that you are mature enough to apologising. And back to the main discussion. What would you have them do?

They can't pause their lives because a child chose to be an idiot. And I don't know if you are a Christian or Muslim, pagan or atheist but my own bible tells me judgment belongs to GOD not human. The father has obeyed GOD by taking care of this kids no where in the bible is it said that we MUST do anything by force.

GOD even said he has given us life and death, good and bad and advises us to choose life and good. We have the right to our choices not the consequences to our choices... GOD decides that.

If I were the father, I will let go and let GOD.

Thanks for accepting my apology.

Headmistress:
Thanks for accepting my apology.

You are welcome. Just checked your previous posts and see you were born same year as my sister, our last born. You are two years older though.