Ladies And Gents, What Say Ye About Polygamy?

As a woman who is strongly opposed to abuse of women and children in any shape or form, what are your views on plural marriages as they are often referred?

If you are a woman would you be alright being one of many wives,were you the product of one and do you wish you were not.

If you are a man would you marry more than one wife and would would motivate you to want to find another wife and another.

Let's share our experiences and any valid stories from polygamy that you know of.

well ma girlfriend who happens to be ibo is from a polygamous home n i think in their case it works well as all the wives n kids get along to the best of my knowledge but for me personally it's a no go area n shld be discouraged, cos me i love privacy n attention which will be difficult to get in a polygamous set-up!

outta the question. one wife is a full 27 hour a day job as it is. 2? even if i am mad,

but what is the main reason behind a man wanting another wife especially in these modern times.

I agree, Not sure why anyone will want 2 wives in this day and age.  unfortunately,  Nigeria is a polygamous society and it's still practiced.  This is also one of the reasons for a high rate of infidelity among out men in general.  Most of the times the wives do not get along anyway.

Funny enough, I was recently in Nigeria in Oct. last year. One of my dad's drivers (an older gentleman) lives in one of the rooms in the boys quarters with his wife. A few days before I left I started to see a young lady back there, I just assumed that was his daughter or something. Until he introduced here to me as his wife. I was a little shocked! Because he was just lamenting to me how things are a little tight for him financially.  Why bring a second wife into this hardship oga driver?  But that's naija for ya! I can't even imagine coming home to 2 wives.

Polygamy breeds problems in today's society. It is hard enough for siblings to get along, sometimes, so factor in the stress involved in dividing your father's property, in the face of insults thrown at one another's mother. All for what reason? It is not worth it.

[size=14pt][b]I am African American. I am very pretty and don't suffer from low self esteem and guess what I have no problem with AN OTHER WIFE FOR MY HUSBAND.  When I lived in the USA before I was able to move to (to live and die in  )Ikeja to be with my husband I eencouragedhim to find a wife to care for him until I got to Nigeria. He never did but I had no issue with it at all. I was very secure with myself and I was concerned that he would not be well taken care of while I was still in the USA. I would have loved for another women in need of a good man to take care of my husband. He is a good man and he needed a good women to care for him. I went so far as to look for a 2nd wife for him. He never accepted her but he liked the idea that I loved and cared for him so much that I wanted him to have 24 hour love and care. Even though we are now divorced I would have never done anything differant to show my man my love and appreciation. He was then and still now is a good person. Anyway that is this American womens point of veiw. [/b] [/size]

Some do it for religious reasons others because of status in society either way it no good in this day and age. Its quite amusing just to imagine what must go on and in a way I envy those men who can do but I wouldnt do it.

Although not explicitly stated,it's quite reasonable to assume that most discussions in here are carried out under an all-Christian context.Anyway,Islam permits a man who's 1. Capable(emotionally,financially & otherwise) 2,Demonstrates,fairness,justice & equality to marry up to 4 wives.Now the issue of actually fulfilling the aformentioned provisos is an entirely different thread.

It's for a reason that the ratio of women to men is unproportional,

Well polygamy is almost a thing of the past in nigeria cos most guys arent willing to be saddled with the troubles and worries of 2 wives but that doesnt mean total fidelity to their wives cos they still have extra marital affairs all around.

Me, being from a polygamous home, though we all get along well, have swore never to find myself in such a situation. It is not something you wish even for your own enemy. Thats why we should have put God first in our lives. If you have a man who is God fearing then you will be assured of having a peaceful home.

the other day, i was trying to explain the concept of polygamy to a co- worker here. she was looking at me like i had grown horns. she couldn't even begin to comprehend what the heck i was talking about. she kept asking "how the hell is that possible?" my answer to her? I DON'T KNOW!

@aaliyah06

If indeed your experience as detailed above was true, I commend you for being forthright and for sharing.

The way I see it, some people are far more possessive or jealous than others. For such people, the concept
of polygamy or "sharing" is unthinkable. For others, it may not be such a big deal.

Like anything else, polygamy has its drawbacks. But buying into the myth that polygamy or everything that
is associated with it is a NO-NO as portrayed in the West is pure farce. I doubt if there is any conclusive
research to prove that children born in Polygamy are less happier than those in a monogamous homes. As
a matter of fact, most of the successful people in Nigeria today are all products of polygamous marriages. I
hope people realize that what goes on in Utah or in the Mormon Church is not a shining example of how
Polygamy is practiced - it is an exception when compared to the African example.

I have seen polygamy up close in action. Yes there is the feuding siblings and the jealous wives, but there
is also a lot of love in a polygamous home. No where is it truer that there is strength in numbers than in a
polygamous home - let an outsider mess with one of the kids and you will get the beating of your life from
one of the many bothers or sisters. In my opinion, if the man is financially able and fair in his dealings, he
is sure to end up with a home that mirrors any in terms of happiness in a monogamous home. Of course,
in polygamy, double trouble may also equate to double happiness just as one ends up with singular trouble
and singular happiness in monogamy. In a way its similar to couples or individuals that chooses not to have
children. You get to enjoy all your freedom and live your life un-bothered, but then when you get older, you
also get to live and suffer alone without any adult child to ask after you. You pay your dues now or later!


Isn't it ironic, that in the West (US especially) Gay marriage is in fashion, but Polygamy is so frowned upon
as if its a disease. Then of course, you have swingers and every other alternative or underground lifestyles
that is going mainstream too. Its important to note however, that polygamy is back in the debate in the US
somewhat. Whatever you decide to do, please make sure you understand our capabilities/limits and are not
running afoul of the laws of the land where you live.

Lastly, to the person who suggested that polygamy was responsible for the high rate of infidelity in Nigeria -
you are dead wrong. American men or most men at that are not any more faithful to their wives than Nigerian
men! There is just no corelation, the difference is that infidelity is more hidden in American society than it is in
Nigeria. Here, more romantic words and flowers are used, but the status quo remains. Of course, women can
make your life more miserable here than in Nigeria - but cheating still goes on!!!!!!!

I guess she has not heard about the folks in Utah then. The thing is right here in the US.

spoilt:

the other day, i was trying to explain the concept of polygamy to a co- worker here. she was looking at me like i had grown horns. she couldn't even begin to comprehend what the heck i was talking about. she kept asking "how the hell is that possible?" my answer to her? I DON'T KNOW!

If indeed your experience as detailed above was true, I commend you for being forthright and for sharing.

The way I see it, some people are far more possessive or jealous than others. For such people, the concept
of polygamy or "sharing" is unthinkable. For others, it may not be such a big deal.

Like anything else, polygamy has its drawbacks. But buying into the myth that polygamy or everything that
is associated with it is a NO-NO as portrayed in the West is pure farce. I doubt if there is any conclusive
research to prove that children born in Polygamy are less happier than those in a monogamous homes. As
a matter of fact, most of the successful people in Nigeria today are all products of polygamous marriages. I
hope people realize that what goes on in Utah or in the Mormon Church is not a shining example of how
Polygamy is practiced - it is an exception when compared to the African example.

I have seen polygamy up close in action. Yes there is the feuding siblings and the jealous wives, but there
is also a lot of love in a polygamous home. No where is it truer that there is strength in numbers than in a
polygamous home - let an outsider mess with one of the kids and you will get the beating of your life from
one of the many bothers or sisters. In my opinion, if the man is financially able and fair in his dealings, he
is sure to end up with a home that mirrors any in terms of happiness in a monogamous home. Of course,
in polygamy, double trouble may also equate to double happiness just as one ends up with singular trouble
and singular happiness in monogamy. In a way its similar to couples or individuals that chooses not to have
children. You get to enjoy all your freedom and live your life un-bothered, but then when you get older, you
also get to live and suffer alone without any adult child to ask after you. You pay your dues now or later!


Isn't it ironic, that in the West (US especially) Gay marriage is in fashion, but Polygamy is so frowned upon
as if its a disease. Then of course, you have swingers and every other alternative or underground lifestyles
that is going mainstream too. Its important to note however, that polygamy is back in the debate in the US
somewhat. Whatever you decide to do, please make sure you understand our capabilities/limits and are not
running afoul of the laws of the land where you live.

Lastly, to the person who suggested that polygamy was responsible for the high rate of infidelity in Nigeria -
you are dead wrong. American men or most men at that are not any more faithful to their wives than Nigerian
men! There is just no corelation, the difference is that infidelity is more hidden in American society than it is in
Nigeria. Here, more romantic words and flowers are used, but the status quo remains. Of course, women can
make your life more miserable here than in Nigeria - but cheating still goes on!!!!!!!

U have said it all. am not for polygamy but i won't condemn it cos i don't like it. since polygamy is by far better than same sex relationships that is supported by the whites. Every society has a system that works for it and its all about finding the balance and doing what will work for you.

Bossman:

I guess she has not heard about the folks in Utah then. The thing is right here in the US.

Yes. Utah is just about the only place polygamy is practised (by mostly mormons). Infact being married to more than one woman at a time is illegal in the united states! Tell that to nigerians!

Poly Wetin??
Plese dont even think about it, i grew up in one, I'm getting married soon and i cannot wait to get out, MY mum is the first wife when the wahala was too much she moved out a few years ago, i even encouraged her. Polygamy is not it at all.
My siblings and I went through a lot off attracks spiritually , if you get my drift, all sorts of "juju "
Can't write it all.

bibilari:

Poly Wetin??
Plese don't even think about it, i grew up in one, I'm getting married soon and i cannot wait to get out, MY mum is the first wife when the wahala was too much she moved out a few years ago, i even encouraged her. Polygamy is not it at all.
My siblings and I went through a lot off attracks spiritually , if you get my drift, all sorts of "juju "
Can't write it all.

i think that when you've experienced polygamy you wont want to put yourself or kids in that situation. nigerian men are often in denial about how difficult it is for 2,3 or 4 women to exist side by side in the same house.Last time i checked 2 captains cant man a ship. it'll sink. . the women may "behave" when he's around but how about when he's gone?

n.b: and oh, i think its unhygenic!

Iyke-D:

@aaliyah06

If indeed your experience as detailed above was true, I commend you for being forthright and for sharing.

The way I see it, some people are far more possessive or jealous than others. For such people, the concept
of polygamy or "sharing" is unthinkable. For others, it may not be such a big deal.

Like anything else, polygamy has its drawbacks. But buying into the myth that polygamy or everything that
is associated with it is a NO-NO as portrayed in the West is pure farce. I doubt if there is any conclusive
research to prove that children born in Polygamy are less happier than those in a monogamous homes. As
a matter of fact, most of the successful people in Nigeria today are all products of polygamous marriages. I
hope people realize that what goes on in Utah or in the Mormon Church is not a shining example of how
Polygamy is practiced - it is an exception when compared to the African example.

I have seen polygamy up close in action. Yes there is the feuding siblings and the jealous wives, but there
is also a lot of love in a polygamous home. No where is it truer that there is strength in numbers than in a
polygamous home - let an outsider mess with one of the kids and you will get the beating of your life from
one of the many bothers or sisters. In my opinion, if the man is financially able and fair in his dealings, he
is sure to end up with a home that mirrors any in terms of happiness in a monogamous home. Of course,
in polygamy, double trouble may also equate to double happiness just as one ends up with singular trouble
and singular happiness in monogamy. In a way its similar to couples or individuals that chooses not to have
children. You get to enjoy all your freedom and live your life un-bothered, but then when you get older, you
also get to live and suffer alone without any adult child to ask after you. You pay your dues now or later!


Isn't it ironic, that in the West (US especially) Gay marriage is in fashion, but Polygamy is so frowned upon
as if its a disease. Then of course, you have swingers and every other alternative or underground lifestyles
that is going mainstream too. Its important to note however, that polygamy is back in the debate in the US
somewhat. Whatever you decide to do, please make sure you understand our capabilities/limits and are not
running afoul of the laws of the land where you live.

Lastly, to the person who suggested that polygamy was responsible for the high rate of infidelity in Nigeria -
you are dead wrong. American men or most men at that are not any more faithful to their wives than Nigerian
men! There is just no corelation, the difference is that infidelity is more hidden in American society than it is in
Nigeria. Here, more romantic words and flowers are used, but the status quo remains. Of course, women can
make your life more miserable here than in Nigeria - but cheating still goes on!!!!!!!

Polygamy is a man's greatest mistake in life.Believe me,A gay*ot is better than a polygamist. You're talking bout love in a polygamous home It shows clearly that you ain't from one. Ain't no love lost in there. I keep questioning "Where is the Love?".

Iyke-D:

@aaliyah06

If indeed your experience as detailed above was true, I commend you for being forthright and for sharing.

The way I see it, some people are far more possessive or jealous than others. For such people, the concept
of polygamy or "sharing" is unthinkable. For others, it may not be such a big deal.

Like anything else, polygamy has its drawbacks. But buying into the myth that polygamy or everything that
is associated with it is a NO-NO as portrayed in the West is pure farce.  I doubt if there is any conclusive
research to prove that children born in Polygamy are less happier than those in a monogamous homes. As
a matter of fact, most of the successful people in Nigeria today are all products of polygamous marriages. I
hope people realize that what goes on in Utah or in the Mormon Church is not a shining example of how
Polygamy is practiced - it is an exception when compared to the African example.

I have seen polygamy up close in action. Yes there is the feuding siblings and the jealous wives, but there
is also a lot of love in a polygamous home. No where is it truer that there is strength in numbers than in a
polygamous home - let an outsider mess with one of the kids and you will get the beating of your life from
one of the many bothers or sisters.  In my opinion, if the man is financially able and fair in his dealings, he
is sure to end up with a home that mirrors any in terms of happiness in a monogamous home.  Of course,
in polygamy, double trouble may also equate to double happiness just as one ends up with singular trouble
and singular happiness in monogamy. In a way its similar to couples or individuals that chooses not to have
children. You get to enjoy all your freedom and live your life un-bothered, but then when you get older, you
also get to live and suffer alone without any adult child to ask after you. You pay your dues now or later!   


Isn't it ironic, that in the West (US especially) Gay marriage is in fashion, but Polygamy is so frowned upon
as if its a disease. Then of course, you have swingers and every other alternative or underground lifestyles
that is going mainstream too.  Its important to note however, that polygamy is back in the debate in the US
somewhat. Whatever you decide to do, please make sure you understand our capabilities/limits and are not
running afoul of the laws of the land where you live.

Lastly, to the person who suggested that polygamy was responsible for the high rate of infidelity in Nigeria -
you are dead wrong. American men or most men at that are not any more faithful to their wives than Nigerian
men! There is just no corelation, the difference is that infidelity is more hidden in American society than it is in
Nigeria. Here, more romantic words and flowers are used, but the status quo remains. Of course, women can
make your life more miserable here than in Nigeria - but cheating still goes on!!!!!!!

Well said Iyke-D. And for the person/s that say a gay marriage is better than one of polygamy. Well in my humble opinion to buy into the sickness and perverted ludeness of the gay individuals is insane. God said man for woman not man for man or woman for woman. Read your Bible or Quran and no where will you see that this behavior is accepted by God without Him DESTROYINGthe people that indulged in this particular life style. However those that where closest to God (His Prophets and Messangers where always those that lived and praticpractice pologamy to it truest form. Please correct me if I am wrong. Look time changed but never the word of God. He has not condoned plural marriage. But to each his own.

For someone in the US to say that they have not heard of polygamy is ludicrous. May be one of those folks on Jay Walking- Jay Leno who thinks that US got independence from God or Russia. How about Utah experience? I am a monogamous person- cant even deal with two women at a time, but that does not mean that people whose religious faith supports it should abide by their teachings.

If homosexuality is a way of life in the west, polygamy or polyandry should be viewed from the same moral prism. I believe that polygamy or polyandry is much better than infidelity in monogamous relationships.

@Kaydee

Don you see how twisted you sound? How can a homosexual or (a fagot as you suggested) be better than
a polygamist? Simply because its[b] 1 to 1[/b]? Isn't that absurd? So its okay for a man to love and marry
another man or for a woman to love and marry another woman, but its not okay for a man to love and marry
more than one woman, simply because the number is now 1 to 2?

Most of the major actors in the bible that laid the foundation of what Christians believe in today were polygamists,
it was in the new testament that monogamy was stressed. That notwithstanding, God blessed or cursed them
appropriately. I don't remember anywhere in the bible that homosexuality was endorsed by God.

Lastly for those even entertaining the thought that one can not love more than one woman at a time, I think you
are wrong on that. If one can have children and love their children equally or unequally, the same applies to those
in a polygamous situation. As long as infidelity remains, and people in the West are making a mockery of divorce,
I am not that convinced that monogamy is the only answer!

At the end of the day, go for whatever works for you. I just have a problem with people writing off polygamy without
even given it much thought or considering the fact that it has been around since time immemorial whereas we are
being cajoled into accepting gay marriage as the norm!

my 2 cents, why get married to the 2nd or 3rd woman; keep them as they are and it shall be well with you. really it would.

I dnt totally agree with Polygamy but i wld have loved it if i was a 3rd Wife-- I feel i wld really b more relaxed than i'm naw!

we are supposed to be trashing out the pros and cons of polygamy on this thread who are these people bringing in homosexuality? cant they read?

Every polygamist should go to Alausa and Aso Rock and present their penis to the Governor and the President respectively. Poverty in Nigeria has been linked to overpopulation and they should enter the black book of the country

Frankly speaking, i do not know if women have any issue with polygamy, they seem to have nothing against it but I think guys need be warned. Its sad to know that even guys who came from polygamous homes end up being polygamous. If i release my album, all my tracks will end in:

"SHUN POLYGAMY"

The only advantage of Polygamy is,

Increase in population.

The disadvantages:

1. Extreme Hatred
2. Extreme Hipocrisy
3. Heavy burden on the man (because the women won't spend on the kids since he can spend on the others)
4. High risk of HIV, STIs (A man cannot satisfy one woman CONVENIENTLY without afrodisiacs, how then will he satisfy two or more women, the women therefore seek extra pleasure from younger guys outside)
5. Hypertension and Stroke (from discovering that some/all of his kids belong to some other guy!)
6. Juju and Jazz war
7. Sad and bitter end or death (where no one will cry for you but fight and fight over your property!)
8. Disunity
9. Great sense of unaccomplishment

Finally, there are a few exceptions but at least 3 of these are found in every polygamous family no matter how rich the man is.


SHUN POLYGAMY - death is here!

If we go by western concept of love, polygamy may not be entertained, but west is no moral authority in this regard. Let's remember that polygamy was a ploy devised to incriminate black folks in racial segregation era, while white men who were polygamous were rarely brought before the law. The Founder of Mormon Church, Joseph Smith who later became a US presidential candidate had polygamous relationships.
"Individuals have a recognized constitutional right to engage in any form of consensual sexual relationship with any number of partners. Thus, a person can live with multiple partners and even sire children from different partners so long as they do not marry. However, when that same person accepts a legal commitment for those partners "as a spouse," we jail them” USATODAY. 10/3/2004

If the British had proscribed polygamy in Nigeria, it would have been counter productive since most of their allies were northerners and polygamists.  So, do we construe "love" as a mere profession of affection as it is usually done in the West? .Someone who wants to get something from their companion professes love. Western professed love does not last, cannot break new grounds in relationships.  We believe so much in western professed love without acknowledging that it’s a total failure since marriages that are premised on this type of love have failed by 50%. Rate of divorces is about 50% in the US.

Our parents dont really talk so much about western/celebrity love, but they understand love more than some of these westerners. At least divorce rate in Nigeria is lower than what’s obtainable in the west. So I believe that a polygamist or polyandrist can love their family.

At least divorce rate in Nigeria is lower than what’s obtainable in the west. So I believe that a polygamist or polyandrist can love their family.

@adconline
divorce rate is lower because culturally we dont encourage divorce.(think what it'll do to the precious family name)
unhappy couples are almost obliged to stay together no matter what their differences are which sometimes isnt the best thing to do. e.g in the case of domestic abuse.

thats just by the way sha but i had to chip it in.

For those who keep mentioning Utah,polygamy is illegal,everywhere in the USA.
You are prosecuted and imprisoned for marrying more than one wife.

The Mormons today are monogamous and have been for almost a century.There is however a sect that stll "marries"many wives,they are a negligible minority and it is only the first wife that is legally married,the other marriages are by a so called marriage ceremony done in thier churches and not recognised by the state,they are not registered legally with a marriage license except for the first marriage, so in the eyes of the law they are not marriages and the other women do not have any state benefits of a legal spouse.

@ Spoilt.
^{divorce rate is lower because culturally we don't encourage divorce.(think what it'll do to the precious family name}

So are you saying we should adopt this type of love even where it has failed in the west and it's failing?   Is divorce not legal in Nigeria?  So,    our cultures allow polygamy.

Western Polygamy is outlawed because their legal system is a derivative of Canon Law which forbids polygamy. Should we deny people legal rights to freedom of association and religion simply because the West abhors polygamy? If gays are protected under the law, why can't polygamists and polyandrist be protected? Since everybody is not a Christian, does it mean that polygamy is evil?  This is another religious farce of saying that only Christians are God's chosen people.

Let's remember that polygamy was outlawed in UK while slavery was legal. In fact Church of England was deeply involved in slavery even when it proscribed polygamy.

if men are going to be allowed polygamy then women should equally be allowed polyandry. all the arguements men give for marrying plenty women should be the excuse women can use to many plenty plenty men too. last time i checked, what is sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose too. abi? equal law for all folks!

adconline:

@ Spoilt.
^{divorce rate is lower because culturally we don't encourage divorce.(think what it'll do to the precious family name}

So are you saying we should adopt this type of love even where it has failed in the west and it's failing?   Is divorce not legal in Nigeria?  So,    our cultures allow polygamy.

Western Polygamy is outlawed because their legal system is a derivative of Canon Law which forbids polygamy. Should we deny people legal rights to freedom of association and religion simply because the West abhors polygamy? If gays are protected under the law, why can't polygamists and polyandrist be protected? Since everybody is not a Christian, does it mean that polygamy is evil?  This is another religious farce of saying that only Christians are God's chosen people.

Let's remember that polygamy was outlawed in UK while slavery was legal. In fact Church of England was deeply involved in slavery even when it proscribed polygamy.

This is not a Christian argument,I look at it purely as a human rights issue.
Polygamy is dehumanising to a woman.
It makes them a tradeable commodity that can be substituted and traded in at will.
No woman should put herself in such a position.
In this era of AIDS,it can become a death sentence.

This is western idea, not human rights. Laws are based on practicality,principles, precedents, religion and cultures. Can you tell me in the UN Human Rights Charter where it proscribes polygamy or polyandry? Human rights charter upholds the rights to freedom of association and religion. Neither polygamy nor polyandry trades spouses as goods. This is a flawed concept.