mikolo80:
so you rather do job than take care offspring

So she shouldn't work? Her only purpose in life is to bear children?

dominique:
You shouldn't have taken your topic to the romance section, a action littered with immature children with no tangible advice but insults.

Now to your topic. Why on earth would you put a job (someone else's sweat) over children that will bring joy and comfort to you till your old age? A job that you may resume one day and recieve sack letter, a job that God forbid if something happens to you, you will only be honoured with a minute of silence after which it's business as usual. Is that what you want to sacrifice having children for? Having another child can never be a disturbance to your job, you will adjust before you know it.

Your husband has every reason to get mad at you, it is your duty to make sure he doesn't stay mad. You apologize to him and tell him that you are open to having another child and MEAN IT.

Do you even know the damage you are doing to your reproductive system with all these family planning injections? You may not even find it easy to conceive after you've stopped and you may have to end up getting treatments to restore your hormone levels. Put a stop to them immediately for the sake of your health.

How much joy is shekau bringing his mother? Just asking ni o

vicben27:
your family shud be ur priority! who told you a man wound be ok wit jst one kid? datz y i wont let my wife wrk for any firm dat takes much of her time! i'd rather save up money and set up a bussiness for her! madam face ur family dat shud be ur first love! seat him down n apologise to him. family planin is of different types! if its nt d contraceptive or d injectable type it can easily be reverst! so do dat n save ur marriage. job too stressful my asss! my wife tries dat sshit wit me shez simply goin back to her fathers house for sabatical leav!

It is not your place to decide for her where she should work or if she should do business. Is it every woman that wants to do business?

dominique:
You shouldn't have taken your topic to the romance section, a action littered with immature children with no tangible advice but insults.

Now to your topic. Why on earth would you put a job (someone else's sweat) over children that will bring joy and comfort to you till your old age? A job that you may resume one day and recieve sack letter, a job that God forbid if something happens to you, you will only be honoured with a minute of silence after which it's business as usual. Is that what you want to sacrifice having children for? Having another child can never be a disturbance to your job, you will adjust before you know it.

Your husband has every reason to get mad at you, it is your duty to make sure he doesn't stay mad. You apologize to him and tell him that you are open to having another child and MEAN IT.

Do you even know the damage you are doing to your reproductive system with all these family planning injections? You may not even find it easy to conceive after you've stopped and you may have to end up getting treatments to restore your hormone levels. Put a stop to them immediately for the sake of your health.

Thanks sis,i tried talking to him last night Nd he said"U either get rid of that stuff or im done with u,i'll be here for our daughter but i'll have nothing to do with u"....Called my doc nd he said it'll take at least 2-4months for it to wear of with proper treatment...I don't know how to explain it to my husband

Joy1706:

It is not your place to decide for her where she should work or if she should do business. Is it every woman that wants to do business?

well datz for me dear! i cant be wit a woman who dosnt listen! we all hav dreams n goals we'd lik to achieve in life. for us to do dat we hav to wrk together as for me i have a spouse who is ready to go all d way! i dnt give Bleep about all dis femist shiit. n buildin a career crap!

Joy1706:

How much joy is shekau bringing his mother? Just asking ni o

It depends on the type of upbringing his mother have him and the environment he grew up in.

tollahni:




Thanks sis,i tried talking to him last night Nd he said"U either get rid of that stuff or im done with u,i'll be here for our daughter but i'll have nothing to do with u"....Called my doc nd he said it'll take at least 2-4months for it to wear of with proper treatment...I don't know how to explain it to my husband

Keep appealing to him with words and actions. He will come around.

tollahni:




Thanks sis,i tried talking to him last night Nd he said"U either get rid of that stuff or im done with u,i'll be here for our daughter but i'll have nothing to do with u"....Called my doc nd he said it'll take at least 2-4months for it to wear of with proper treatment...I don't know how to explain it to my husband

Both of you should go together to see the doctor who will counsel you also.
You should have discussed and finalised this with your husband first.You may have to go off family planning and like the doctor said,you may not get pregnant immediately because your hormones will need to stabilize.

tollahni:



No I don't....I can't really take care of another child my job is really stressful

Your job vs Your marriage . No matter how much you earn your home should be the first priority . sister going for family planning without hubby consent is mere invitation for him to get kids outside . Plead with him to forgive you and pray for God to restore the broken bridge

SirMichael1:



You say your job is stressful and yet you have enough time to reply comments and open a thread here.

Who are you deceiving?

Epic

Am I reading the same OP?

Madam said she and her husband agreed to one kid and thereafter lock shop. She had one and did FP as agreed.

When it was time for renewal, hubby suddenly developed thirst for another pikin and said no (backing out on initial agreement) and wife decided to follow through.

So how is the OP out rightly evil?

@OP: Like others have said, bros wants another baby. You either convince him to stick to your agreed one or have another baby.

And if you are going to have another baby, do it now.

And except your job is your private stuff, it is not worth it in the long run. Check this thread of mine: https://www.nairaland.com/3244764/women-career-before-marriage-marriage

Joy1706:

How does 'he is the head' come in here now? No b only undermine his authority. On top her own body o

really? so when your husband doesn't agree with something as sensitive as birth control, and the woman does it anyway, it's not undermining his authority? also you say on top her own body ? do you ladies reason well at all. of course it's now her own body not their own. infact they man is being stupid, how he hasn't gone outside to find one pretty girl to baby mama the rest of the children is beyond me.

The OP is not the only one at fault here please.
I wonder why the husband agreed to have only one child at the beginning their marriage and suddenly, out of the blues has decided to have more children.
Was he initially under a spell and the spell just wore off?
Even if you're going to back out of an agreement/contract with your spouse, you have to do it gradually, prime them first, let them get used to the idea and not just spring it up on them.
It might take some time to get used to the idea, especially if they're not mentally prepared for another pregnancy.
Its your body, and you're the one going to carry the pregnancy.

Now OP, let's talk true talk. Two or even three children is OK to have if you can afford it. Its a bit unfair on your child to be an only child. Who will your child have to chat, fight , and make up with?
Who will she have to boss around the house? And when she's grown, it's nice to know someone's (your siblings) always got your back ( that's if they're raised right anyway. Some siblings are sworn enemies)
I believe you should have enough love to go round as many children as you have.
Again, I see you're quite concerned about your job. Are you the breadwinner? If you are, Your concerns might be more than legitimate. I realise a lot of Nigerians are always quick to say it's God that raises children. Believing that once a child is born, the resources to train the child must just show up. Its not always the case.
Let your husband understand that he has to be ready to bear your share of household expenses if you're not able to bring anything home from your confinement.
As per the family planning you did, the injections usually take about 3 months to wear off. You're still young and hopefully fit so even if it takes a year to get pregnant, you're still on track.
Good luck with your family. Babies are cute though, with their beautiful skin...

Joy1706:

So she shouldn't work? Her only purpose in life is to bear children?

yes. that's why men can't get pregnant. will she or you exist with such selfish mothers. kontinue forming feminism una hia. don't go and find out the outcome with the ppl deceiving you.how has it worked out for them

eyinjuege:
The OP is not the only one at fault here please.
I wonder why the husband agreed to have only one child at the beginning their marriage and suddenly, out of the blues has decided to have more children.
Was he initially under a spell and the spell just wore off?
Even if you're going to back out of an agreement/contract with your spouse, you have to do it gradually, prime them first, let them get used to the idea and not just spring it up on them.
It might take some time to get used to the idea, especially if they're not mentally prepared for another pregnancy.
Its your body, and you're the one going to carry the pregnancy.

Now OP, let's talk true talk. Two or even three children is OK to have if you can afford it. Its a bit unfair on your child to be an only child. Who will your child have to chat, fight , and make up with?
Who will she have to boss around the house? And when she's grown, it's nice to know someone's (your siblings) always got your back ( that's if they're raised right anyway. Some siblings are sworn enemies)
I believe you should have enough love to go round as many children as you have.
Again, I see you're quite concerned about your job. Are you the breadwinner? If you are, Your concerns might be more than legitimate. I realise a lot of Nigerians are always quick to say it's God that raises children. Believing that once a child is born, the resources to train the child must just show up. Its not always the case.
Let your husband understand that he has to be ready to bear your share of household expenses if you're not able to bring anything home from your confinement.
As per the family planning you did, the injections usually take about 3 months to wear off. You're still young and hopefully fit so even if it takes a year to get pregnant, you're still on track.
Good luck with your family. Babies are cute though, with their beautiful skin...

Lol...thank u dear..No I'm not the breadwinner we both contribute.....Nd yes babies are cute nd adorable

It's selfish to blame the woman for not wanting to have another child, having jointly agreed early in their relationship not to have more than one.

That being said, I think the way forward is to reach a compromise, talk it through, and if the husband is reading, sir, you can't force her against her wish. Try to cajole her to see reasons why you have a change of heart and work towards a common goal.

One question for Tolani, would you have another child if your job and limited time isn't a barrier?

richdaflux:
It's selfish to blame the woman for not wanting to have another child, having jointly agreed early in their relationship not to have more than one.

That being said, I think the way forward is to reach a compromise, talk it through, and if the husband is reading, sir, you can't force her against her wish. Try to cajole her to see reasons why you have a change of heart and work towards a common goal.

One question for Tolani, would you have another child if your job and limited time isn't a barrier?

Sure

tollahni:



Sure

You seem jobless.

tollahni:



Sure

If that's the case, I would advise that you try and see things from your husband's perspective and reach a compromise. If you had said "No", then it would have been tricky, but your answer in the affirmative signifies that you might regret your decision of one child later on in life, especially when the job is no longer there or when you later have ample time on your hands. Unfortunately, it might be too late due to your biological clock.

Think it through, this may just save you a later agony or your husband's resentment in the near future. Yes! Your job is stressful, but you'll always find a way, if you try. May God give you the wisdom to sail through.

Shalom.

pocohantas:
And you came to Romance section?
Where they support violence and are still grabbing girls by the poosie. Nawa!

Like the poster above said, family planning should be a joint decision. Having another child after five years is pretty perfect...
You are also lucky your husband is the one pushing for it, shows he is committed to it. It shows he is ready for it too...

You did wrong by locking shop after one child, without his consent.

Do you have health issues? Why did you do that?

Please which section is she suppose to go to? Tell Us, since you are the Almighty who knoweth all

alot of senseless comments here esp from the men

tollahni:
what do I do to get him back?

-deleted-

One man recently abandoned his wife and two kids (boy and girl) of 14 years. He just left the house without telling them where he lives but comes to see the kids for a few minutes some days.

The wife has been a house wife for years now the man is not giving them money to even eat and she is jobless. She's almost going crazy, if anyone can help her with a job it is God that will help you in return, I'm moved by her plight hence my reason for posting this

Goodluck to those who are against this OP, human beings are unpredictable, she needs to work o, it is necessary.

Joy1706:

How does 'he is the head' come in here now? No b only undermine his authority. On top her own body o

Ridiculous comment. Then she should marry herself, start a family with her body and keep her body off limit to other people.

Funnicator:


I nor blame the man. Which one is one child? And na girl sef! So if she enter Uni now and one day cult boys do riot and she becomes collateral damage, na so u don turn childless, and menopause go don nack. No change ur mind, deh dere deh form americana one child policy.

If to say na China she dey...I for reason with her but na naij oo...one child policy kwa...mbanu! If love sweet me to the extent of even Swearing with the bible for one child. ..I go break am with immediate alacrity....

Please kindly allow the man to have side chick that will give him his heart desire. ...extra children! Since you feel your life is too busy to accommodate children .... 5 years kwa...the man''s been patience enough.

I am seriously praying and fasting for you so that when una eventually copulate for additional child....Baba God go bless una with sixplet ......a resounding Ameeeeeeen..sister!

Pidgin2:
One man recently abandoned his wife and two kids (boy and girl) of 14 years. He just left the house without telling them where he lives but comes to see the kids for a few minutes some days.

The wife has been a house wife for years now the man is not giving them money to even eat and she is jobless. She's almost going crazy, if anyone can help her with a job it is God that will help you on return, I'm moved by her plight hence my reason for posting this

Goodluck to those who are against this OP, human beings are unpredictable, she needs to work o, it is necessary.

No where did the OP states that her husband can not take care of her and additional children!

Pidgin2:
One man recently abandoned his wife and two kids (boy and girl) of 14 years. He just left the house without telling them where he lives but comes to see the kids for a few minutes some days.

The wife has been a house wife for years now the man is not giving them money to even eat and she is jobless. She's almost going crazy, if anyone can help her with a job it is God that will help you on return, I'm moved by her plight hence my reason for posting this

Goodluck to those who are against this OP, human beings are unpredictable, she needs to work o, it is necessary.

No where did the OP states that her husband can not take care of her and additional children!

Lots of retards on here.

Child bearing is a dangerous and exhausting venture and no one should be forced to have kids when they don't want to.
IMO the man is 100% at fault here. If they agreed on one child before marriage, he should stick to the agreement.


People calling the woman selfish can't even have a period much less carry a pregnancy and you have the nerves to talk.
So much ignorance. You have no idea what it takes. Like any of you are gonna be there at night when the baby is up to feed it so that mom can get some rest and go to work the next day. Selfish assholes.

Jesus...only 1 child...and a girl for that matter...still u went ahead to do family planning without his consent?..i don't blame d man at all...vcos i'ld do worse...i may never talk 2 u again
....madam sorry to say...but you've driven ur hubby into d arms of another woman...he'll start seeking for a male child/children else where...good luck with winning him back....u 4kd up big time...it's suppose to be a joint decision...

cococandy:
Child bearing is a dangerous and exhausting venture and no one should be forced to have kids when they don't want to.
IMO the man is 100% at fault here. If they agreed on one child before marriage, he should stick to the agreement.


People calling the woman selfish can't even have a period much less carry a pregnancy and you have the nerves to talk.
So much ignorance. You have no idea what it takes. Like any of you are gonna be there at night when the baby is up to feed it so that mom can get some rest and go to work the next day. Selfish assholes.

You are too lazy to have a child! You see yua life? If that man no mercy u kari u go jand, yhu for deh hia der form lazy amerikanah one child policy?

Were you in Nigeria, family-in-laws would have come at you by themselves and dragged you away from their son's house.
Lazy women generation.