Hey guys, am in a kind of confusion about my lady friend.  We have been friends since our university days, almost 7 years.  Just ordinary friends not a relationship.  We share ideas together and we kind of have the same goal in life, career wise.  She is intelligent, beautiful and well behaved and represents my dream wife, and deep down in my mind, I love her, but I was finding it  difficult to let her know about my feelings for her, partly because I know that I am not yet ready to get down, and do not even have enough money to maintain the relationship then.  In fact, we never discussed any thing man and woman, our  discussions are purely academic and career.  But every one in her family know me as her friend, to the extent that her parents send money to her in yankee through my account.  Incidentally, I relocated to yankee for graduate studies.  My feeling for her became so strong that I could no longer hold it back, and truly, I have no relationship because I resolved that  I will wait until the right time to let her know how I feel, and that if she does not feel the same way, I could then move on.  On that faithful day, I asked her to tell me about her relationship status.  She then informed me that she had been in a relationship in Nigeria but she broke up two weeks before the day we were talking, because she doesn't share the same career goal and view about life with her former boy friend.  I asked her if she loved the guy, she said that the guy was nice but that their views were poles apart.  I then told her my own story about how I have been waiting for her and what I feel about her, and then asked her for a relationship.  She expressed her surprises about my disclosure and asked me to give her some time to think about it and get back to me.  It's about six months now, she has not gotten back to me, but we are still very close, we talk on phone every day, and I send her gifts and render other financial assistance.  A month ago, I decided to remind her about my pending proposal, she requested for some more time and told me that she knows that I am waiting for her, and asked that we give it more time.

Now my worries are that I do not know what she might come out with. I love every thing about her, if she accepts today, I will propose tomorrow.  I am 32 and I want to start planning my marriage after my graduate studies in an ivy league in May this year. Time is not on my side, and I do not want to put pressure on her.  I could wait as long as she wants but I want to be sure of what I am waiting for.  She likes when I call her, but she has not showed me any sign of feeling the same way I feel about her. My tentative view is that since we have known each other for so long, it seems to me that she is taking too much time to decide. I have decided to start withdrawing gradually and not to think so much about her again in case she comes out with a negative or no response. For one week I refused to call her, she tried to reach me but I ignored it. But I could not just pretend for so long, I she has taken over part of me, I called her today and we spoke.

My good people candidly evaluate my situation and advice me. I cant fathom what she is thinking about me. But I would really like to get into a relationship pretty soon.

I am sorry about the length of my story.

I understand your situation hun, why dont you just talk to her, tell her how you feel, you have nothing to lose

That essay is too long to read. . .Next time make it short.

my guy, six months is too long to wait. You don't know what she is up to back here in 9ja, she might be keeping you waiting and dating someone else right here. Move on and find someone else or you would blame yourself for wasting more time waiting for her response (either yes or no) and finding out something else about her past which might not be too good for you.

Onyema,

Naija guys like you are rare. From the story you have posted, I will say your friend does not feel the  same way you do for her.  That you have known her for 7 years and she is taking this long to respond, tells me that she does not know how to turn you down. The only advice I can render to you is that, you should cut off all communication with her. Let her miss you and your presence in her life, maybe this will help her reconcile her feelings for you. If it doesn't then, you have to move on and find someone else who will appreciate your strength, dedication and loyalty. Good luck.

Abekeade08:

Onyema,

Naija guys like you are rare. From the story you have posted, I will say your friend does not feel the same way you do for her. That you have known her for 7 years tells me and she is taking this long to respond, tells me that she does not know how to turn you down. The only advice I can render to you is that, you should cut off all communication with her. Let her miss you and your presence in her life, maybe this will help her reconcile her feelings for you. If it doesn't then, you have to move on and find someone else who will appreciate your strength, dedication and loyalty. Good luck.

True talk!

She might be thinking you aren't a serious man.

Abekeade just took the words right out of my mouth. 6 months is too long a time to just "think" . The maximum should be a month and the half. She just doesn't know how to turn you down without hurting you.

mama-gee:

She might be thinking you aren't a serious man.

LOL, why would she be thinking he's not a serious man, based on his post?

@poster

U seem to be setting up yourself as a pawn in her hands

original mugu

@poster
there is only one way to go about this dilemma and thats to sit her down and let her know exactly how you feel.

take her to dinner and fire away. . . . . . .this is how you should lay it down:

"listen, as you know i care a great deal about you and i really want to be with you. i know that our situation is not ideal because even if you rejected my proposal, we would still have to be friends. i  do not want to loose this friendship but my heart seems to want more from you and therefore i have to follow this feeling.

i asked you about it 6months ago and you told me to wait, which i did but now after 6months i cant wait no longer.
as a friend i want you to be honest with me and come clean about how you truly feel about my proposal, about what is the reason for all this waiting and, most importantly, about how you feel about me.

i dont think its fair for you to expect me to put my life on hold unless you told me EXACTLY why i should do that.
i am still the same "onyema" as you have always known, and i hope you will treat me as such by giving me a straight and honest answer."

if after that she still ask you to wait without giving you a plausible reason then i suggest you move on with your life and forget about being with her.

Many thanks all of you for the responses so far.

@AbekeAde, your advice was just what I tried  to do for one week and I could not sustain it. As I was just typing this response she called me and I raised the issue, she said that she will give me a response very soon.  She explained that she has been tired down doing a lot of things. However, my resolve is to start cutting down on communication between us to mitigate the damages in she comes out with the worst case "NO".

@Mrpresident, well you might not be entirely far from the truth, but my take is that she is a human being and I value her, and if it takes being such pawn to get what I want, I do not mind.  But am also conscious of what you mean.  If I am not, I will not originate this post. I believe that I have to do my part and be convinced that it's impossible before I give up.  

More responses please,especially from the ladies.  Some times I am even  much more confused about what African ladies want, so unfathomable.

An oyibo woman will tell you straight in clear languages, and save your time and energy.

@MrBrown Jay, excellent lyrics!! lol, will put to test ASAP. Sounds so expertised and professional!!

Poster,

My guy, Forget that girl biko, hapu ya,

She is basically stringing you along and you'r better than that bro, Iwu nice guy, I reckon she has a next man she is with at the moment. There is a very common trait in a lot of women, It is an "i'l hold on to this guy by the side, so just incase my boyfriend and I break up, Il have someone else to run to" , trait.

Move on and meet a next chic, Trust me when she sees you with a next chic, It will kill her inside, but by then, It will be too late.

@AbekeAde, your advice was just what I tried   to do for one week and I could not sustain it. As I was just typing this response she called me and I raised the issue, she said that she will give me a response very soon.  But I am already cutting down on communication between us to mitigate the damages in the event of worst case senerio.

Onyema,

I tend to agree that you are a pawn in her hands as mrprsdent said. You said ,

and I send her gifts and render other financial assistance.

You have to face reality that this girl is eating her cake and enjoying it at the same time.    

Women are very intuitive, I know each and every one of my guy friends that like me in a relationship kind of way. I might act all surprised when they make there feelings known, but the point is that I have always known. This girl has been playing with you all along and she does not want you in the way you want her.  No woman takes even one month to decide if to enter a relationship with a man talk less of 6 months. You are not getting any younger and you seem like you have a good heart. Shine your eyes well well, or else you will just waste your time and end up getting hurt.

Please dont ever attempt to use jealousy to stir up feelings, just like sb suggested.
I run away frm pple who only want wat they can't have. They re fake.

she's posting u. She's NOT INTERESTED in being ur gf. she's said it with the silence.
Nd u even had to remind her about it.

Now u have ur work cut out for you. Goodluck with trying to get over her.

Onyema1:

Hey guys, am in a kind of confusion about my lady friend.  We have been friends since our university days, almost 7 years.  Just ordinary friends not a relationship.  We share ideas together and we kind of have the same goal in life, career wise.  She is intelligent, beautiful and well behaved and represents my dream wife, and deep down in my mind, I love her, but I was finding it  difficult to let her know about my feelings for her, partly because I know that I am not yet ready to get down, and do not even have enough money to maintain the relationship then.  In fact, we never discussed any thing man and woman, our  discussions are purely academic and career.  But every one in her family know me as her friend, to the extent that her parents send money to her in yankee through my account.  Incidentally, I relocated to yankee for graduate studies.  My feeling for her became so strong that I could no longer hold it back, and truly, I have no relationship because I resolved that  I will wait until the right time to let her know how I feel, and that if she does not feel the same way, I could then move on.  On that faithful day, I asked her to tell me about her relationship status.  She then informed me that she had been in a relationship in Nigeria but she broke up two weeks before the day we were talking, because she doesn't share the same career goal and view about life with her former boy friend.  I asked her if she loved the guy, she said that the guy was nice but that their views were poles apart.  I then told her my own story about how I have been waiting for her and what I feel about her, and then asked her for a relationship.  She expressed her surprises about my disclosure and asked me to give her some time to think about it and get back to me.  It's about six months now, she has not gotten back to me, but we are still very close, we talk on phone every day, and I send her gifts and render other financial assistance.  A month ago, I decided to remind her about my pending proposal, she requested for some more time and told me that she knows that I am waiting for her, and asked that we give it more time.

Now my worries are that I do not know what she might come out with. I love every thing about her, if she accepts today, I will propose tomorrow.  I am 32 and I want to start planning my marriage after my graduate studies in an ivy league in May this year. Time is not on my side, and I do not want to put pressure on her.  I could wait as long as she wants but I want to be sure of what I am waiting for.  She likes when I call her, but she has not showed me any sign of feeling the same way I feel about her. My tentative view is that since we have known each other for so long, it seems to me that she is taking too much time to decide. I have decided to start withdrawing gradually and not to think so much about her again in case she comes out with a negative or no response. For one week I refused to call her, she tried to reach me but I ignored it. But I could not just pretend for so long, I she has taken over part of me, I called her today and we spoke.

My good people candidly evaluate my situation and advice me. I cant fathom what she is thinking about me. But I would really like to get into a relationship pretty soon.

I am sorry about the length of my story.

in the name of Jesus be delivered from whatever has possessed u and be free from that girl. did u say 32? my guy, any girl wey hang u for 6months at this stage no want u. just call her and say since u just want to thank her for response to ur request and if she ask u what response, u tell her the null response which in ur dictionary means no, so u will like u guys to remain as friends while u investigate other options. c'est fini

@Abekeade, lol, I do not, to a large extent dispute your view with that of Mrpresident.  But you should know better that ladies will want to be sure of the seriousness of the guy who is asking.  What I have been doing all these while is an attempt to satisfy the threshold of a "serious guy" who is not out to play pranks.  But believe me, I cannot be a pawn in the real sense, I know when to change gear, and because i like seeking second opinion in every important decisions such as this, I decided to seek your views.  I am satisfied that your views are in tandem with what I have conceived of the situation.

I appreciate your contributions.

@Abekeade, lol, I do not, to a large extent dispute your view with that of Mrpresident. But you should know better that ladies will want to be sure of the seriousness of the guy who is asking. What I have been doing all these while is an attempt to satisfy the threshold of a "serious guy" who is not out to play pranks. But believe me, I cannot be a pawn in the real sense, I know when to change gear, and because i like seeking second opinion in every important decisions such as this, I decided to seek your views. I am satisfied that your views are in tandem with what I have conceived of the situation.

I appreciate your contributions.

Ahn ahn, you have known her for 7 years and she has been thinking for 6 months about being your gf. She knows you are too serious and she is just posting you like ssumpta said. You live in NYC, there are way too many fine girls here for you to wasting your time over a girl wey no wan take you seriously.

in the name of Jesus be delivered from whatever has possessed u and be free from that girl. did u say 32? my guy, any girl wey hang u for 6months at this stage no want u. just call her and say since u just want to thank her for response to your request and if she ask u what response, u tell her the null response which in your dictionary means no, so u will like u guys to remain as friends while u investigate other options. c'est fini

chei, You are making sense for the first time in your life and responding to a topic in a matured way Abeg keep it up.

Abekeade08:

chei, You are making sense for the first time in your life and responding to a topic in a matured way Abeg keep it up.

u take NL way too seriously

her mind should be made up. unless she's trying to see if another better man will come her way. so that she can decide whether or not to settle for u.

the best thing to do is to ask her what is confusing her or delaying her response. ask her if she's waiting on somebody else.
ie if she says "i need 2 more months" , ask her what she needs those months for etc. trust, me if she truly loves you, she won't ask for time to "think about it" unless she's trying to figure something out. and it's that thing u shld ask about. what's taking her long? what is she thinking about?

in the meantime, STOP GIVING HER MONEY AND GIFTS. tell her you are saving the money for your wedding or school. lol she seem to be clearly using u

the best thing to do is to ask her what is confusing her or delaying her response. ask her if she's waiting on somebody else.

Ahn ahn Oyinda jasi now, comon its being 6 months already. You and I are both women and we know whats going on here, she is not trying to figure anything out. She is just not interested and does not know how to tell the poster.
Anyway, I think Onyema is catching on quick, and he will be just fine.

u take NL way too seriously

Not NL, but people in general.

Abekeade08:

Not NL, but people in general.

u truly need deliverance then, give me that phone number of urs and i will deliver u for free

u truly need deliverance then, give me that phone number of urs and i will deliver u for free

I have seen you simultaneously toast so many girls at the same time on NL. I hail you ooh. Go ask them for their phone numbers and give them deliverance.


Are you in the U.S, if so what state?

Abekeade08:

I have seen you simultaneously toast so many girls at the same time on NL. I hail you ooh. Go ask them for their phone numbers and give them deliverance.

Are you in the U.S, if so what state?

i am in TX but will be in NY in a heart beat if u give the word as for the other girls, i'm just working on my multi-tasking skillz

i am in TX but will be in NY in a heart beat if u give the word Kiss Kiss Kiss Kiss as for the other girls, i'm just working on my multi-tasking skillz

Ehn, but you don't like plankers na, and exercise don finish my hips and yansh according to you , so abeg allow other bobos wey go appreciate my shape, Mr Multi tasker.

My younger bro is in Houston TX, though I have neva been. I have heard there are plenty hot naija girls there too.

Abekeade08:

Ehn, but you don't like plankers na, and exercise don finish my hips and yansh according to you , so abeg allow other bobos wey go appreciate my shape, Mr Multi tasker.

My younger bro is in Houston TX, though I have neva been. I have heard there are plenty hot naija girls there too.

well, this is ur opportunity, come visit me in dallas and u will be treated like a queen but we have to work on those planks u call yansh, seriously

well, this is your opportunity, come visit me in dallas and u will be treated like a queen but we have to work on those planks u call yansh, seriously  Lips sealed

I was starting to get tempted , then you had to open your mouth to abuse me again . I can already tell you will be verbally abusive.  so no thank you, I think I'll stay in NY.

Abekeade08:

I was starting to get tempted , then you had to open your mouth to abuse me again . I can already tell you will be verbally abusive.  so no thank you, I think I'll stay in NY.

that was not me at all, it was my keyboard that did that post but i have reprimanded the keyboard and it will never repeat itself

Many thanks guys, I am really enjoying your responses, and I promise I will not disappoint you guys.

@Abekeade, yeah, I know there are hot girls in NYC, especially in my area - upper west side, Manhattan.  But the truth is that since I have an issue at hand with this lady, non of those girls seems attractive to me. Again, I always wanted a home made Nigerian girl, or at least a girl who still accepts she is a Nigerian.  Some of them, when asked where they are from they will say that their parents are from Nigeria, and they are from Long Island or New York city or Brooklyn.  Such responses puts me off, and I have heard a lot of stories about "Akata" lol, and their exploits.  But, I know when I resolve this my issue one way or the other, I will have course to explore more if need be.

@Oyinda, thanks for your advice. However, I do not she is using me at this point. What I do for her financially, I could as well do it for any other that is in need. It has not gotten to that point, and am sure she her mental capacity is not such that she can outwit me so easily. I am conscious of the situation ok.

I'm rolling with laughter at all these responses.
seriously Onyema1, as a woman I can tell the lady is just posting you. She values your friendship, probably doesn't want to lose it, but doesn't know how to tell you that that all she wants.  you should have a straight talk with her like MrBrownJay said.  Hopefully, she'll come out and let you knwo what she thinks.

@MrBrownJay.  meen, you sound like this is your daily job.  you into professional counselling?

that was not me at all, it was my keyboard that did that post but i have reprimanded the keyboard and it will never repeat itself

You are so silly, don't even know what to say to you anymore sef

@Abekeade, yeah, I know there are hot girls in NYC, especially in my area - upper west side, Manhattan. But the truth is that since I have an issue at hand with this lady, non of those girls seems attractive to me. Again, I always wanted a home made Nigerian girl, or at least a girl who still accepts she is a Nigerian. Some of them, when asked where they are from they will say that their parents are from Nigeria, and they are from Long Island or New York city or Brooklyn. Such responses puts me off, and I have heard a lot of stories about "Akata" lol, and their exploits. But, I know when I resolve this my issue one way or the other, I will have course to explore more if need be.

Yeah, don't mind those lost naija girls fooling themselves that they are from bk, long island and ish. I don't know how long you have been in NY, but in the summer time there are so many owambe's and naija party's with a lot of home grown girls. You just need one to sweep you off your feet and you will forget about Ms " i am taking 6 months to decide if to date you". Anyway sha, me I am heading into the city to enjoy myself jare. Ya'll have a good night.