Dating tips: 10 signs he's not the one

AGENCY REPORTER


Some people say they "just knew" that they were dating their future spouse. But what about the rest of us? What happens when you're not sure if he's The One? If you're considering long-term commitment or marriage, it's time to ask yourself some tough questions. Below, 10 signs that may indicate he's not for you






1. You have a list of things he needs to stop doing/saying/wearing if he wants your relationship to work. If you're fixating on his flaws, he's either not the one you want or you're not ready for a serious relationship. Cutting him loose allows you time to grow and gives you the opportunity to meet a guy whose flaws you can embrace - or at least accept.

2. You don't trust him. A small dose of jealousy can be healthy, but if you're hacking into his email account, and going berserk when he goes out without you, something's wrong. If there's something about him that truly warrants your distrust, then perhaps he's not the right one for you.

3. You avoid conflict at any cost. Fighting is healthy. And, when done right (in the non-accusatory, rational sort of way), it can be a great way to air grievances, fix problems in your relationship, and come to a deeper understanding of each other. Ignoring problems is not the same as having no problems at all, even if it looks that way.

4. When you're sad, you don't turn to him for comfort. When you're a giant ball of tears and snot, do you lock yourself into the bathroom so he can't see you at your worst? If you're worried about scaring him away, one of you isn't ready for total commitment. Mr. Right should make you smile through your tears and be a calming, not stressful, presence.

5. One of you is struggling with an addiction. He's sweet. He's exciting. He loves you very much. But he loves his alcohol habit or his weekly gambling fix more. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you can change him or that your relationship will be strong enough to withstand the heartache that addiction will inevitably bring. An addict may be able to change, but he'll do so on his own terms.

6. You can't really imagine him as the father of your children. Ask yourself: Would he make a great parent? Is he financially responsible? Would he be an equal partner in your future together? If you have doubts, he's probably not the one.

7. Your long-term, non-negotiable goals in life are incompatible. You want kids; he doesn't. You go to church every week; he's an atheist. He lives in the country and doesn't want to move; you can't imagine ever leaving the city. Superficial differences can be overcome, but differences in basic values are harder to smooth over. Ask yourself: "Would I be willing to compromise on this?" If the answer is absolutely not, you may not be right for each other.

8. You don't respect each other. He puts you down in front of your friends and complains about you to his parents. You roll your eyes when he talks because there's just something about him that embarrasses you. A relationship without respect can't sustain itself.

9. You're not attracted to him. Physical intimacy is a hugely important component of a romantic relationship. If he doesn't do it for you, he's probably not your best long-term match.

10. On paper he seems great, but you have this strange feeling, Don't ignore your gut. You may get along on a superficial level, but if your instincts are telling you he's not the one for you, listen. That little voice inside your head does not lie.

http://odili.net/news/source/2010/jan/31/800.html

I agree with #10. Ignore your instincts at your own peril~!

platinumnk:

I agree with #10. Ignore your instincts at your own peril~!

What if your instinct is telling you to sleep with him on the first date, will you not resist it?

number 1 - 7 just about fits, i figured it out that we cant be a while ago but its quite interesting to know that am right

The last sign is true. My gut told me that my ex bf was cheating with his ex gf, i refused to accept it until i caught them red handed.

Nice list, i just find it hard separating the whole thing, now it seems the ladies are getting all the help. Does this list apply to the female gender as well?

I loved this, very interesting. Just one question about instincts from you wise ladies, when do you know its instinct or maybe its the walls you have built from past hurts and looking for a reason to jump even if he has done nothing wrong, in case if getting hurt??

Tink_sh:

I loved this, very interesting. Just one question about instincts from you wise ladies, when do you know its instinct or maybe its the walls you have built from past hurts and looking for a reason to jump even if he has done nothing wrong, in case if getting hurt??

You know it is instinct when something does not feel right. He tells you something and you find it hard to believe. At times you think to yourself, oh it is evil thoughts but my sister it is not. People are designed in such a way to perceive the truth but we turn the other way round not wanting to believe.

The topic/post makes 110% common sense, which unfortunately is no longer common.

Spophy09, Thank you so much! You have given me alot to think about cos i do get that feeling of what he says does not make sense to me and i dont believe it but i let it pass. Thanks again.

Girlfriend you need to dump his shitting ass or you can play him as well. I knew my ex was cheating on me but i wanted so much for it to work out that I closed my eyes to his lies but my eye don open o. Gf it is better you believe your gut than what a guy is telling you

U can get all these ponts rite n still end up with the wrong person.
Is he financially responsible? what if not? some women are the money managers in the home. smtimes Its ok for sb to complement their partner in certain traits.

U can get all these points rite n still end up with the wrong person.
Is he financially responsible? what if not? some women are the money managers in the home. smtimes Its ok for sb to complement their partner in certain traits.

Wow ladies, thank you so much for your honesty. I really appreciate your advice and i am taking it on board, ive been feeling i should respect my gut but i have no proof that anything untoward is happening, only a feeling something doesnt add up. I dont want to mess with this thread but am desperate to learn.

He loves spending money on himself, but i dont like him spending it on me. I am not a material person. He spends heaps on his clothes and jewellery but i am not a spender. We are in different countries and visit every few months. I dont even know how to 'play the game', lol!! I am very new at this, lol!! We are long distance so i have no idea if he is telling me the truth and there is no way of me 'catching' him cos he knows when i am arriving but some little things have made me wonder. Plus i have met some of his friends that have wives and girlfriends in other places and are full on cheating and not even trying to hide it. Of course he says he is not like that but i just dont know. I am an aussie and he is a nigerian yoruba guy. I would value any other advice you have for me if you have had experience or know Yoruba men.

Yoruba guys are cheats and liars (most of them, not all). As the saying goes show me your friend and I'll show you who

you are. Girl friend, he does the same thing his friends are doing. If deep in your heart, you feel something ain't right,

DUMP HIM. You deserve better than him.

Thanks lots sophy09, appreciate your time. I agree, better to cut my losses now than to wait for comformation on my gut feeling . Im not a big risk taker, lol!!

Girlfriend have been there, I really liked this guy and I thought he was "THE ONE". My instincts told me this guy was not true to me but I thought to myself maybe is because of the bad experience I had with other guys. Well I decided to check his phone and to my surprise he was receiving love messages from his ex gf. I asked him and he said there was nothing to it. To cut the long story short, I caught him red handed. Now am free to live my life. For now am done with guys. I rather you be straight with a girl than playing her. I wonder why guys are like that.

oh i so feel for you sophy!! What a horror to walk in on them, i cant even imagine! Yes i have been cheated on before so am very suspect especially when i see his friends openly coming over with their mistresses. I told him i cant be in the same room as these people without saying something so get me out of there. I dont get it either, i wonder why they get married or have girlfriends if they want to sleep around. I am with you girl. I have been single for 5 years by choice cos i didnt want the drama, til now. But now i just cant be bothered with the game. I am happier on my own! Take care of you! You seem like a really sweet person and i am so grateful you took the time to give me advice. I really hope one day you are treated like a queen as you deserve!!!