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Stats: 1,979,468 members, 4,152,398 topics. Date: Saturday, 24 March 2018 at 08:52 PM
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by Divepen1(m): 9:34am On Aug 04, 2017|
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by Divepen1(m): 4:42pm On Aug 04, 2017|
Fear crippled Debbie as she drove frantically. Tonight’s battering had destroyed all hopes of his repentance. Yet, her heart raced.
Who escaped The SCOR unscathed?
“Return before midnight or Alice would never breathe another dawn.”
She stepped on the acceleration as her phone beeped. The SCOR was close.
"Hang on baby, mummy won’t let him."
Alice stirred behind her in seeming agreement.
It happened so fast. Debbie felt the jolt even before the impact.
"Heaven protect my baby!"
Morning headlines read:
"Baby survives as head-on collision kills mother.”
The driver disappeared leaving his truck. His plate number was: “SCOR-01”.
I moved around the room with tears streaming down my face, packing what I would take with me. I was leaving my husband of 9 years for good.
My first daughter had turned 8 some months ago; my husband’s family came and insisted a circumcision must be done for her to live long. Female circumcision?
I refused, I cried, my husband said nothing, with no one on my side, they won, the circumcision was done.
My daughter’s screams that night still haunt me. Now, they were back for my 7 years old twin girls……. they would not meet us. Tufiakwa!
10 Likes 3 Shares
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by Divepen1(m): 9:50pm On Aug 04, 2017|
Just As I Am
'I think I've to let go at this point' Tolani thought in her heart. Festus has earlier asked Tolani that she should advise him on how to express love to the girl he loves.
Tolani advised him and told him to be bold. Festus dropped a piece of paper and left immediately.
Tolani opened the paper and read it loudly: 'I'm not bold enough to tell you, I LOVE YOU' Tolani broke down in tears and said, 'Just as I'm, despite that I've once given birth, he didn't condemn me!' He is the one who has shown me love again
The light flickered off and on, then went out again with a compensating buzz. Lola stared in horror at the street lamp, hoping by chance, it would come on again. No such luck. She shuddered and clutched the edges of her short gown as the cold wind teased eerily.
Up ahead, footsteps approached rapidly and she gasped. A man’s outline materialised out of the dark, with a knife her eyes only caught off the moon’s feeble reflection. All she had to defend herself was an invitation card and a dead mobile phone to call her friend if she became stranded.
3 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by Divepen1(m): 10:13pm On Aug 04, 2017|
Dede trembled. His hands took to his chest, drumming—like raindrops on a roof. His teeth dithered indecently and his stomach tightened in knots. Effortlessly, he felt his head swell and a serpentine build of friction enveloped his senses, as though white on rice. The torch he carried went off and he immediately dreaded the menacing impression that followed. So, he ran, his breaths falling in the haunting air—like sledgehammers.
Minutes later, he was back, with two other men. One carried a torch; the other: an English. The other man cautiously moved closer to what Dede had claimed to see.
Bullet for Disobedience
Retired Lt. Morgan was a faithful son of devil. When he once saw me with his daughter, he fumed like one who swallowed foam and warned me never to come near Audrey.
Audrey: she was as sweet as candies and beautiful like roses.
I contravened Morgan and met Audrey again. ‘Kiss me’ she said softly –
the type of command I liked – not the stay away warnings I heard from
her father. Ours lips united, and our tongue blended.
Suddenly, I heard the cocking of gun. We disengaged frightened. Boom, disaster thundered and I fell. Blood. My arm!
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by repogirl(f): 11:49am On Aug 05, 2017|
I would have said good morning, but it's not exactly a good morning for me at the moment. I hate having to choose but sadly, it has to be done.
Guys on my team, you all did well.... And it's with a heavy heart that I do this. If I didn't choose your work to move on to the next stage, it's not cause you were bad. I had to go over and over, reviewing it in my head till I picked the ones I was most drawn to.
Please keep writing and you are only bound to get better.
Note that the names in bold letters are the ones chosen to move on to the next stage.
You have a natural flair with words and it's obvious in the effortless way you use it. You managed to tell your story well in so few words. I loved that, but what I loved most was the finesse and flow of the story. I liked your style.
Chai! Piroux, this was a tough call for me as I really loved the concept of your story. You told the story well enough, but it still lacked a special 'omph!' to make it special and memorable. As you write more, I'm sure you'll find your style.
Your story had too many distracting elements. It came off like a rushed summary. Unlike your first story that focused on one incident, this one had too many things going on and didn't grab the desired effect.
Also, you contradicted your self when you said 'the face and stature were same as mine but the hairdo and stature were different'.
You are a good writer, but this was a poor choice of story. I understand it's hard telling a story in so few words but with consistent practice we all improve. Good work.
You have a simple style, told a simple story and it came out simply great. Your tenses were on point, it could get tricky when you choose to write in the present but you stayed true to it.
It needed better paragraphs and spacing though,that also helps immensely.
Congrats on moving forward to the next stage. I'm curious, what happens to your character next though. Maybe you should think about extending the story when the contest is over.
Tenses, non capitalization of your 'I's and punctuation errors. You seemed to have written in a rush without caring to edit it much. As for your story, it would have been good to know why your character's girlfriend murdered him though. Good try.
Intriguing story. I liked it very much. Simple and well written. It could have done with better paragraphs and spacing though. Congrats on moving forward.
9 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by AudreyTimms(f): 5:26pm On Aug 05, 2017|
I apologize for coming in late to announce the results. Divey had to literally drag me out of the hole I was hiding in. I really really hate this stage but it's unavoidable. If I didn't pick you, no hard feelings please. Like I told Divey, I don't know any of you. I was off nairaland for a long time until a few months ago. So there's no issue of favoritism or partiality with me. I do not belong to NCAN either. If you weren't chosen, don't feel defeated. Just try to work harder. Thanks.
Soaring Higher (Chosen Ones)
Congratualtions. You were actually unchallenged because your opponent faltered along the way. Not my favorite story but it was well written. I would have loved a more engaging piece but it was okay. I expect more from you.
Congratulations. I must commend you. You greatly improved. You took my corrections to heart and churned out a beautiful story. You still need to watch your use of punctuation marks but you did well. I hope you'd be let out on parole soon.
Congratualtions. Thank you is all I can say. You didn't need much guidance yet you did well. I loved the flow of words and how beautifully you described the scene. It was as if I was right there with her and experiencing her fears. It was beautifully written and you left me yearning for more. Kudos.
Coming Back With A Bang
I found out too late that you'd been disqualified. I would have fought tooth and nail for you to be given a second chance but I guess rules are rules. Originality is key, my dear. There's nothing like looking back and beating your chest because you know you, and you alone brought forth a masterpiece. Lesson learnt, I believe.
Firstly, you didn't check in. We're here for a reason. Secondly, while your story was emotion laden, I felt we should at least have had an idea of what really happened to the baby. Who were those fighting? Were the father and mother fighting and the baby got in the way or what? And I felt it was kinda disjointed. It started with seeing her baby picture, then suddenly she was folding her clothes with her husband standing at the door. Next, she dropped the picture of the dead baby. Maybe it should have started with her packing and in the process, she would see her baby's picture and everything would come flooding back. You also could have done away with the spacing after the inverted commas in your dialogues. It was a good try and I hope you're proud of yourself.
It broke my heart to see you didn't adhere to my corrections- your use of present tense. And some grammatical errors here and there which I believe we discussed. It was a good story but could have been written better. 'I've once given birth' should have been, 'I'm a single mother.' Same number of words, better use of grammar. I hope you get my drift. I would love to discuss more with you if you're game. You have my email address.
I loved loved loved the story. It was well written. You lost out only because your opponent's story was more spectacular. It would be an honour to have you in my team. Maybe from gold, we could turn you into platinum.
ToluLolu0122, I know you have it in you. Bring it in the next round.
3 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by LarrySun(m): 7:58pm On Aug 05, 2017|
I can proudly say that everyone in my team did well. And I am sure that my fellow judges would have loved to have them in theirs. Unfortunately, I have to pick some and let some go. That's how unfair rules can be.
Below are my reviews and picks:
Between Chipappi (Murder She Wrote) and Frankenstein (Okwadike)
PRO: I love the suspense you employed in your story. The fact that you were bound by a very limited number of words did not stop you from delivering something wholly impressive. Well done.
CON: Unfortunately, we didn't get to know who the 'him' was, not even a little inkling about his identity; no name was attached to this particular character. It made me feel like the guy was a ghost.
PRO: Now this is the kind of story that makes one appreciate Literature. Apart from the unexpected ending that portrays the writer's creative ingenuity, the story is also well-written. Even though it was written in just a hundred words, I felt like I read a complete chapter of a novel. Good job, man.
CON: I initially felt like I was reading an imitated episode from Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart where Okonkwo had to sacrifice Ikemefuna to the gods, but the suspicion was finally laid to rest when I realised that the victim in this particular story was a goat! Hilarious!
Judge's Pick: Frankenstein (Okwadike)
Between Skarlett (The Wages of Sin) and Perrypablo (Alaburuku)
PRO: The first sentence grabbed my attention. I'm a sucker for fast-paced action stories. Hell! I can swear I've started one of my stories with a sentence like that. I had thought you would feed me with the usual romantic tale of 'boy meets girl', but no, you blew my mind away instead. For a female, you did a very good job.
CON: I was confused when I reached the sentence in quotation marks. Who made that statement? The shooter or the shot? Apart from that glaring ambiguity, the other sentences that followed were just as confusing.
PRO: Your story really cracked me up. Who would have guessed that John was in dreamland? I can so relate to the story.
CON: Your first sentence screamed for commas. Your syntax was off and the story lacked the proper paragraph alignment. It would have been a nicer read if it had not been so deficient.
Judge's Pick: Skarlett (The Wages of Sin)
Between OluwabuqqyYOLO and Kusibe77 (Bullet for Disobedience)
PRO: From you I expected nothing less. I was smiling while reading your entry. You really haven't lost your touch, and I am indeed happy for that. You've actually become better...I'm getting jittery. Your greatest strength lies in your power of description. Well done.
CON: I feel that rather than fuse a good writing style with an equally good plot, you concentrated majorly on the narrative, sadly leaving the story floundering. Perhaps in trying to leave the story at a cliffhanger, you instead left us the readers disappointed.
PRO: Yours is a straightforward st3. I appreciate the fact that there's no complication whatsoever. It's a nice story of action and consequence. Good job.
CON: In my opinion, I feel your description is weak, and your paragraphing is somehow rickety, like a fish with polio. How I wish you had constructed this edifice with a strong foundation...it would have turned out to be a masterpiece.
Judge's Pick: OluwabuqqyYOLO
6 Likes 3 Shares
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by repogirl(f): 8:12pm On Aug 05, 2017|
Since you have both been Repo-ed, you're still in the contest. Buckle up for the next stage.
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by LarrySun(m): 8:20pm On Aug 05, 2017|
I pick Gmike2Rule and Heryordele94.
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by LarrySun(m): 11:33pm On Aug 05, 2017|
LarrySun:It's so unfortunate that Heryordele94 has been disqualified.
I hereby choose Gmike2Rule and Mclove.
Below is the list of my final soldiers:
Someone will have to clean the guns.
1 Like 1 Share
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by Divepen1(m): 12:08am On Aug 06, 2017|
Team Elixir ( Audreytimms)
Battle of The Stolens( Twitterture- 140 characters)
Stage 3: Twitterture- (140 characters)- Steals battle. August 6-8
Twitterture is a 140-character story. It follows the pattern of those that type on twitter. All characters, including space, mean something.
— This stage is meant for only those that were stolen.
— The judges would pick a contestant here.
— This means the judges now have 4 contestants.
- Post it in the discussion thread.
N.B: Adhere strictly to the rule.
Chipappi vs Kusibe77
Prioux vs ToluLolu0122
Mclove vs Gmike2Rule
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by Divepen1(m): 8:48pm On Aug 07, 2017|
The ring on Ike's hand shone, he smiled and stared at her beautiful face lying beside him. He couldn't believe he was finally keeping Faith.
Last night, a thin mist cloaked my sight. My sister turned a co-joined twin: two heads and four legs.
I woke up today reeking of alcohol.
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by Divepen1(m): 8:52pm On Aug 07, 2017|
He had killed his wife! He looped the rope around his neck and kicked the stool. As he died, he saw her roll over. She didn’t die afterall!
Her heart-rendering screams made my heart sink, our child was to be born, I turned and walked out of the room when I couldn't bear it again.
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by Divepen1(m): 8:55pm On Aug 07, 2017|
Sir, I know nothing about how he broke from cell!
If a notorious criminal like Evans can escape under your watch, you deserve to be fired!
Here She Goes Again
Joshua glanced at the hot, busty lady as she left. He missed his chance with her again. Staring at the Vaseline bottle, he locked the door.
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by LarrySun(m): 11:43am On Aug 08, 2017|
I retain Gmike2Rule.
2 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by Divepen1(m): 1:19pm On Aug 08, 2017|
skarlett:Wait until you're paired..
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by LarrySun(m): 3:51pm On Aug 08, 2017|
OluwabuqqyYOLO vs Frankenstein
Skarlett vs Gmike2Rule
I suggest you study your opponents' previous posts to know their strengths and weaknesses.
God bless you all, soldiers.
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by AudreyTimms(f): 5:27pm On Aug 08, 2017|
I stand with piroux
Debbietiyan versus piroux
Kimberlywest versus GSteve001
Good luck guys. Don't be intimidated by your opponent. Make mama proud.
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by repogirl(f): 5:42pm On Aug 08, 2017|
I'll retain Kusibe77.
Jazzmiynne vs missnande
Illicit vs Kusibe77
All the best, guys.
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by Divepen1(m): 7:48pm On Aug 08, 2017|
Jazzmiynne vs missnande
Illicit vs Kusibe77
Debbietiyan versus piroux
Kimberlywest versus GSteve001
OluwabuqqyYOLO vs Frankenstein
Skarlett vs Gmike2Rule
Stage 4: 55 fiction (55 words)- Knockout Stage. August 8-10
The stories would be in 55 words.
— Here, the judges would pick just 2 contestants each, making us have 6 of the 12 contestants left in the competition.
However, readers would be involved in this process. They would vote for the contestants. Two Contestants with the highest votes would be able to join the next stage, making us have 8 contestants left.
Shares and Likes are the point count.
Contestants can rally for points
3 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by Divepen1(m): 9:20pm On Aug 09, 2017|
“This is the girl I have chosen to spend my life with. She will make you a grandma one day. What do you think, mum? She’s smart, beautiful and is an amazing woman, just like you.”
These are words I will never tell my mother. And the reason is because she died yesterday.
88 Likes 69 Shares
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by Divepen1(m): 9:23pm On Aug 09, 2017|
A CRY FOR PENANCE
I watched her grow. Right from being pulled-out her Mother’s womb, to her first steps, to her first breakup.
She was undoubtedly my favourite niece.
At her funeral, my wails ring loudest; not from sorrow, but her betrayal and my penance.
I caught them: Her and my husband, and he alone knows why I weep.
40 Likes 18 Shares
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by Divepen1(m): 10:22pm On Aug 09, 2017|
She heard the door open; it was too dark to see anything but she knew who entered.
She felt her father sit on her bed and she shut her eyes against the tears leaking, he put his hands on her exposed thighs and whispered “baby, are you awake?”
She never wanted to wake up again……
16 Likes 3 Shares
|Re: Skarlett Wins Seun Osewa Fiction Battle by Divepen1(m): 4:42am On Aug 10, 2017|
My ears perk up. I drop Willie's nightly treat; leave the backyard to investigate.
Door is ajar; two strangers inside.
"WOOF," I charge.
One slips, a big stone he's carrying crashes on him. The other- dropping a white cloth- flees.
I sniff at little Willie and his parents; unmoving but unhurt.
I stand guard.
88 Likes 48 Shares
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