Its been 6 years already into my marriage, thanks to the grace of God marrying a woman you only knew for a month got pregnant and due to family pressure I had to marry her. But 6 years into it, you guys can imagine a lot one has to go through to still keep the marriage together. There are many and plenty issues, but I want to put one through to you guys that till date, its still an issue that arises once in a while, I would say its my fault from the beginning, but at a point, I ordered a nullification to the issue, but my wife still come up with it attimes. The issue is her EX.

When we started dating, she made so many mentions about her ex, in which I obliged to listen to her, then some few years into our marriage, she started calling her ex when we have issues, she;ll tell it to my face that she called her ex n bla bla bla, I put my foot on the ground that she is not allowed to do such as long as shes married to me. In which later, I found out that she saved her ex's name as something else on her phone. Anyways 4-5 years into it, his name didnt come up. Actually if I did bring up the issue of her ex, its only because when she denies any wrong doing in the past, I always remind her of the things I uncovered with her ex, that if I were to be another man, she would have been out of the marriage,I understand the past is the past, but you need to remind some women of some things, because shes the type that does not admit to wrong doings. We had issues some days ago, and she was trying to claim being trustworthy while repeatedly lieing over and over again, so I said if with the things I have uncovered with you and ur ex in the past, and in the present, when u tell me ur in surulere, and ur infact in Igando, it shows that ur not trustworthy. That was the example that I made oo, that the ex surfaced, two days after, we went to the pub at night, enjoying our karaoke, I then walked to the fron where the dj is @ to speak with him, next thing my wife came to meet me that baby lets go, my ex is here, she actually mentioned his name, i dnt want to mention here reason why i said ex is here, I was like why, she said she does not want him to come say hi to her, i was like, was he the one that brought us here, she then said again lets go, i just stylishly hush her up by turning to the dj and continuing my talk, then later I walked her down to our seat, she said plz lets go, I was like, ok let him come and say hi, its no big deal, next thing she would say is, well he has gone. Which I very much doubt the dude was even around. Funny thing is, I really dnt care about this her ex, but to me she feels the ex seems to be a reckoning force that will move me off my feet which is not, but her using her ex with style is really annoying and makes my love for her diminish. Nlanders, from that night until now, there was no mention of her ex, though i wanted to caution her about her actions that it was unacceptable, but I didnt so she wont be thinking her plan that night worked.I think couples need to respect each other regardless, the other day, we were @ d mall, walking down to the atm, I saw my ex, immediately I turned right acting like we were suppose to check something at the other side, she knew something was wrong, we got home and she asked me, and I told her it was my ex that i saw, but i didnt want to take the risk of going further there cos she told me b4 that she never wanted to meet any of my ex's, to me I have reciprocated the respect that I expected from her when involving ex's in our marital life. Should I still address this issue with her? Or the best way I handled the issue at the pub was the best and should leave it at that? Thanks yall!!

This is a story of Ex's...There is really nothing much to make out of this Narrative essay.
First of all,you married your wife because of pregnancy pressure,maybe you didn't really know her past... maybe she never or doesn't really love you and vice versa.
I think she may have been having some flings with the Ex even while still married,or maybe she uses the real or imaginary Ex to constantly put you under a subtle chase or jealousy for her own selfish interest.
Just continue to caution or reproach her about the issue and I don't see it causing any major disagreement because the Matter is just too Trivial to cause a divorce.

Your wife is so immature and shouldn't be in marriage. How old is she sef?, acting like some teenager. You've addressed the issue before now, and she's not ready to drop it, what makes you think she'd this time around?. Wait for her to grow up.

Well you rushed yourselves into marriage and you both didn't have the time to sort things out between yourselves.
She still has a connection with her ex and you need to keep talking to her to let go,have the patience to wait and be more affirmative.

Protection #200 = £0.490


Could have prevented all these drama

my brother thread carefully

You really know how to jump to conclusions and hold grudges don't you? What if her ex was really there and she wanted to avoid a confrontation? Let's not forget that you have taunted her jealously about this ex for many years. Yet you claim not to be intimidated by him. I think you are jealous of the ex and intimidated by him. You are blaimibg everyone but yourself for your flaws. You met a girl and within the month had unprotected sex with her which led to your own child. Yet you use that scenario as a case for caution online to faceless people. So you wash your child and wife online. Your wife is really trying putting up with you. You are paranoid, bitter, unforgiving, troublemaker and attention seeker. Grow up. Not saying your wife does not have her flaws in the beginning, but you took it to another level entirely.

Ol'boy. This na proper house of Ex's

See marriage now.

@OP, I think you and your wife should invite your Ex's so you guys can thrash this out once and for all then have a big happy reunion. Menage-a-quatre

you got married after a month of knowing each other, of course there would be "many and plenty" issues in your marriage.

pocohantas:
After orgasm comes reality. This is reality...find a way to deal with it.

Lol, it hits very hard My sister, the sudden realization that "it shouldn't have happened". Unions built on a very weak foundation hardly last, she got pregnant and I had no option? Than to marry her, u are not alone my brother. @ your post, Okafor's law is dealing with the two of you. If she really values your union, which I doubt, she should put the ex factor where is should rightly be, in the past.

baby124:
You really know how to jump to conclusions and hold grudges don't you? What if her ex was really there and she wanted to avoid a confrontation? Let's not forget that you have taunted her jealously about this ex for many years. Yet you claim not to be intimidated by him. I think you are jealous of the ex and intimidated by him. You are blaimibg everyone but yourself for your flaws. You met a girl and within the month had unprotected sex with her which led to your own child. Yet you use that scenario as a case for caution online to faceless people. So you wash your child and wife online. Your wife is really trying putting up with you. You are paranoid, bitter, unforgiving, troublemaker and attention seeker. Grow up. Not saying your wife does not have her flaws in the beginning, but you took it to another level entirely.

Confrontation with an ex after 6years??

Who remembers her ex after 6yrs of marriage??....the op married a minor,a toddler and a big baby as a wife....the op needs to be more firm and assertive and quit playing too much with his wife to avoid the law of see finish.

Childish marriage....u guys should stop having kids for now and train urselves first.

...women never get scared of their exes! _Unlike men who would turn the other way when they see their exes! ..for reasons known to them!

In this case your wife is scared of her ex! ...maybe becos he might be the first guy in her life that took her virginity

_yea!_ ladies whose exes took their virginity hardly get in contact with them again because since the guy tricked dem into get them laid n dumping dem later on_ they believe the guy has carried their problems n want to move on with their lives without having anything to do with the guy again!

OR maybe _your wife might hv been seeing her Ex while you guys are still married! ...coz think about it why would she be scared of her Ex being around! _if not that she doesn't want you or the guy to be close ...so has not to reveal anytin she might have done that would hurt you in any way!

Don't sweet talk her into telling you anything! _if she wanted she woud hv done so! ...she's either waiting for the right time or doesn't want to tell you sh!t.

So! _dnt hold any grudges against her Ex instead find a way to meet him! _n be cool with him! _matured guys don't fight with anoda guy over a girl! ...it doesn't happen! _we are not ladies!

Personally! _if I know the ex of my girlfriend I will hv to meet him n let him know that just because am dating your Ex doesn't mean we should be fighting!

Get closer n watch your wife tremble with fear! _that's if she has anything to hide! ..n trust me that way of getting closer with her Ex! _she would stop talking to the Ex about your family issues

_coz she wouldn't trust the ex again with her secrets since evrytin minute yuar not at home she will thinking yuar with her Ex getting information about her from him!

That aside! _invite him for dinner at your home ...just say your Friend is coming over in the evening for dinner! ...dnt let her know!

_I want you to take note of this step! _if she gets to know that her Ex is one coming without you telling her _It means her Ex has told her he is coming n dats shows that their connection has not being broken yet! _this is just a test to know if they still both speak to one another!

Also _if the Ex decides to refuse your offer _influence him to come by all means _you could try teasing him that he is still scared of his Ex that's why he doesn't want to come! _am very sure he would want to prove that he is not scared n might come ...if not _try other means!

Thats is that about that! _In case your wife starts complaining of your closeness with him! _tell her that you just trying to get advice from since she decides to discuss your family matters with her Ex!

_that way she will discourage you to stop asking advicea from him n you as a good husband at that point tell her to stop discussing yu guys issues with her Ex! ...she definitely agree! _But don't stop there _also tell her that in case she decides to keep telling her Ex evrytin! _you will get to know because her Ex tells you evrytin!

At moment! _she will want to know what her Ex has been telling you! ... Just tell her to prepare you a meal before you start talking because you hv a lot to tell her! _just watch ao she will prepare a Goddamn finger licking meal!

After then _tell her to grab a chair n listen to you carefully! ...coz yuar not repeating any word! _"Now say promise me you will tell your Ex I told you these things oo!"

She will nod like agama lizard ...now drag her head n whisper to her ears ...saying "your Ex said that I have a nice smile! ...is he gay?"

Bros! _Protect your ear in case of a slap!

eezeribe:
This is a story of Ex's...There is really nothing much to make out of this Narrative essay.
First of all,you married your wife because of pregnancy pressure,maybe you didn't really know her past... maybe she never or doesn't really love you and vice versa.
I think she may have been having some flings with the Ex even while still married,or maybe she uses the real or imaginary Ex to constantly put you under a subtle chase or jealousy for her own selfish interest.
Just continue to caution or reproach her about the issue and I don't see it causing any major disagreement because the Matter is just too Trivial to cause a divorce.

To correct your assertion as to if she loves me or not. Yes she does, but she feels I dont love her as much as she expects which in turn she uses her ex as a weapon to get me jealous when the need arises. But it has never worked, so am surprise why she kept using the same logic.

Poster...permit me to give these personal definitions of ex?

Before,past,forgotten,previous,vintage,gray...My personal definitions can go on...

Do not mention her ex with her, her ex;her problem.

You stay in the present and keep moving,Even when she mentions 'the ex',pretend you didn't hear and don't try to discuss it.
C'mmon,you didn't even have to bring up the ish about not being pressured to marry her....that's shallow...One love bromeh!

thorpido:
Well you rushed yourselves into marriage and you both didn't have the time to sort things out between yourselves.
She still has a connection with her ex and you need to keep talking to her to let go,have the patience to wait and be more affirmative.

Sorry I cant do that, the more she would hear of her ex from me, the more she plans to use the ex against me. I dont even sound like his ex exist at all.

baby124:
You really know how to jump to conclusions and hold grudges don't you? What if her ex was really there and she wanted to avoid a confrontation? Let's not forget that you have taunted her jealously about this ex for many years. Yet you claim not to be intimidated by him. I think you are jealous of the ex and intimidated by him. You are blaimibg everyone but yourself for your flaws. You met a girl and within the month had unprotected sex with her which led to your own child. Yet you use that scenario as a case for caution online to faceless people. So you wash your child and wife online. Your wife is really trying putting up with you. You are paranoid, bitter, unforgiving, troublemaker and attention seeker. Grow up. Not saying your wife does not have her flaws in the beginning, but you took it to another level entirely.

I cant blame you, you are still a baby judging from your handle. Do you know me or how i run my home? So how come you come at me like that without knowing the roots of how I have been handing the woman i hv been living with for 6years. Plz mind ur statement, you dont sound matured at all.

ifyalways:
Ol'boy. This na proper house of Ex's

See marriage now.

@OP, I think you and your wife should invite your Ex's so you guys can thrash this out once and for all then have a big happy reunion

Bro i am quite matured in handling ex's issues but depends on the occurrence. For example, if its coming across her ex unexpectedly, I could say whats up and thats all, no time for even allowing him or her exchange further convo, we move straight. But in a situation whereby we invitee each other to thrash wetin? hell naw. person wey don tell my wife b4 sey if him come visit her, he might kiss her. And the dude is married with two kids. You can imagine.

coolcatty:



Confrontation with an ex after 6years??

Who remembers her ex after 6yrs of marriage??....the op married a minor,a toddler and a big baby as a wife....the op needs to be more firm and assertive and quit playing too much with his wife to avoid the law of see finish.

Childish marriage....u guys should stop having kids for now and train urselves first.

Did you not see where the OP admits to taunting the wife with the ex many years after she had left the matter? Just imagine what would have happened if he approached her in the club? OP would have said she arranged to meet him there and they were disrespecting him. You think he won't start a fight?

cjones500:


I cant blame you, you are still a baby judging from your handle. Do you know me or how i run my home? So how come you come at me like that without knowing the roots of how I have been handing the woman i hv been living with for 6years. Plz mind ur statement, you dont sound matured at all.

You are a very immature guy. It speaks with the way you write and act. You are obsessed with her ex. That is why it has become such a big issue. Granted she started out wrongly but you my dear carried it on and made it bigger than your marriage. This is the reason why you are having problems. The thought of the ex consumes you. You know what his number is, what she saved it as on her phone, how long ago she had talked to him. Then you don't forget to remind her of her ex any chance you get. Are you a jobless guy?

cjones500:


Sorry I cant do that, the more she would hear of her ex from me, the more she plans to use the ex against me. I dont even sound like his ex exist at all.

Then act like the ex doesn't exist and stop being paranoid about him.

Here is my advice.
Kill her ex. Kill him in your mind, to you he doesn't exist. End of story. Never acknowledge an ex. Never! If you can do that, everything else will fall into place. And it seems you don't really have a life outside your family, you can work on that too. Going to a bar just for an hour or two is not a bad idea. You could buy malt if you don't take alcohol. Spend some time away from your family, get to meet new people. And finally, warn your wife never to involve a third party. God bless your family

.

@OP; I really feel sorry for you and the pain you’re passing through as this communication between your wife and her ex is really making you a bit paranoid (excuse my language). You really have to sit-up and deal with this problem head on. REMIND YOUR WIFE THAT IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE FOR HER TO KEEP IN CONSTANT COMMUNICATION WITH HER EX.

I can’t understand when men/women can’t let go of their ex’s especially when they’re now married to different people. Don’t men/women realise that if they were that good then they’ll have been married to their ex's and not someone else?

Your wife is killing you slowly without you even knowing by this her stubborn refusal to stop communicating with her ex. She seems to have forgotten that she’s no longer a girlfriend to her ex (and she has no business discussing your family issues with her ex) but rather a wife to someone else and that someone else is YOU and maybe she needs a constant reminder of that fact; which you have been doing.

You have to assert your authority as the head of your home and tell her that the next time she calls or receive a call from her ex (even going as far as saving the name of her ex with a different name from the one he bears; what effrontery) is the day she’ll decide if she wants to stay in this marriage with you or she wants to go back to her ex. BE SURE TO BE FIRM WHEN YOU MAKE THAT ASSERTION AND AVOID PLAYING THE NEGOTIATING GAME. AS YOU DO THAT, YOU ALSO NEED TO APPLY THE SAME RULE TO YOURSELF BY STAYING AWAY FROM YOUR OWN EX'S AS WELL TO MAKE IT BALANCED.

It appears you’ve tried all manner of approach to stop her from remaining in constant communication with her ex and it hasn’t yielded any positive result, then you need to take the bull by the horn and GIVE HER YOUR ULTIMATUM.

Just to digress, I wonder how your wife would feel if you were the one still communicating with your ex? I can guarantee that she would raise the house down; fight you, quarrel with you, nag you etc. But in her case, she concludes that it’s nothing forgetting that this her ex happens to be a married man now as well. The saying; DO ON TO OTHERS WHAT YOU WANT DONE TO YOU comes to mind.

It won’t be a pretty sight if the wife of her ex finds out that she’s communicating with her husband. I tell you, the roof would come down. As this communication with the ex has been happening for a long time now; maybe this would be the right time to let his wife be aware of what is going on; but then again, maybe not.

I would have probably said you call your wife’s ex and warn him not to call your wife or be in contact with her again. But then again, I won’t say that because the person you have the business with is your wife who thinks that it’s okay for her to still be close to her ex. If she wants to be with you; then you make it as a rule for her to CUT-OFF ALL COMMUNICATION WITH HER EX and if she’s not ready to do that then she’s free to go be with her ex. LET HER CHOOSE WHICH OPTION SHE PREFERS as your marital life cannot be a healthy one if EX's issues keeps coming up in the equation all the time thereby creating unnecessary problems at will.


I rest my case

PS: I don't mean to alarm you but you mentioned that your wife got pregnant within 1 month of knowing her. I'll strongly advise you to do a DNA test on the child as a result of the close bond that still exist between your wife and her ex after all your years of marriage; is a bit suspicious (just a thought) and you have to be sure that the kid is yours and not for your wife's ex.

lelvin:
Here is my advice.
Kill her ex. Kill him in your mind, to you he doesn't exist. End of story. Never acknowledge an ex. Never! If you can do that, everything else will fall into place. And it seems you don't really have a life outside your family, you can work on that too. Going to a bar just for an hour or two is not a bad idea. You could buy malt if you don't take alcohol. Spend some time away from your family, get to meet new people. And finally, warn your wife never to involve a third party. God bless your family

In all Honesty, her ex means nothing to me and my marriage, I just have a problem with the way she carries her ex like she classifies him as still being an important person in her life. You can imagine being out with ur wife and she comes rushing down to you that u guys should leave cos er ex was around to avoid him coming to say hi? Haba! Me don pass this level nah. I get ex's wey my wife don go dig for my fb when we got married, she knows they are top competion for the wife position, I vhose her, even though it was fast process, I nevr for once try to make her feel jealous over my ex's. I stated an example in my former post.

Six years in marriage and you are still doing like teenagers because of exes. Na wah for una. This one just weak me. I have no advice for you because I need advice myself but I must tell you this; your wife is a serial liar, only God knows how many things she has lied about.

cjones500:


In all Honesty, her ex means nothing to me and my marriage, I just have a problem with the way she carries her ex like she classifies him as still being an important person in her life. You can imagine being out with ur wife and she comes rushing down to you that u guys should leave cos er ex was around to avoid him coming to say hi? Haba! Me don pass this level nah. I get ex's wey my wife don go dig for my fb when we got married, she knows they are top competion for the wife position, I vhose her, even though it was fast process, I nevr for once try to make her feel jealous over my ex's. I stated an example in my former post.

You married a lying toddler.

Is the ex looking for you to beat you up or what or are you in anyway indebted to him? Why would you leave a place because your ex is there?

Such childishness! and who still remembers an ex boyfriend after 6 years of being married? It's either she still has feelings for him or she is ashamed of showing you off!

Childish and insecure couple.

You've been married to her for 6 years.
She was doing the ex thing for a like year into marriage. (Calculating the 6 years you've been married).
Like you said, 4-5 years later she didn't mention anything about him but you always remind her about it because you need to remind her right??
She knows you're insecure about the EX understandably. She knows this, which is why she said you guys should leave the club when she learned he was there. Wise decision.

Please tell me again what this lady did wrong to you apart from the initial stage of the marriage when she used to talk to her EX.

All I can decipher from your post is that she is not who you wanted to marry (given the opening of your thread). After 6 years and a beautiful child, you are still clinging onto the fact that it was the pregnancy that led to the marriage. Shouldn't the beauty of having that child be an eraser of the circumstances that led to his/her birth?

You've been telling her that if you were some other man she would have been kicked out of the marriage. This is 4-5 years after she stopped talking to him. Not that she slept with him.
What does that say about your mindset towards the marriage?


You know you could have worn a condom right? I don't see what responsible man has unprotected sex one month into knowing someone and is still bitching about the results of his own action 6 years down the line.

Grow up. Stop talking about the ex and maybe she won't freak out on you when he runs into you guys in public. Except you're simply tired of the marriage. In which case you should man up and tell her instead of using something that happened 5 years ago as excuse.

OP, could you please add paragraphs to what you wrote? Sincerely, it looks ugly and like something written by a primary 4 kid now.