PaperLace:
Dear OP,

Whether you cancel the white wedding or not _ you're already married. Marriage isn't relationship where you can waltz in and out as you like. It's an oath, binding on both parties.

Be careful how you bring your issues to the public, considering that your mind is currently fragile. The general rule, may not apply to your situation. I don't think any responsible married person would tell you to walk away so soon. I have domineering in-laws too, your wife's whole family can never be as rude as my FIL alone _ but you handle such people with wisdom (now that you're already married). If you weren't married, I would have said run.

The early days of most marriages are like this. One person will always see the other as a demon, while painting him/herself as the angel. You are not an angel, I am sure your wife would sound just as bitter as you, if she creates her own thread. What you have to do is win your wife to your side. Once you genuinely win your wife to your side, she would handle her family.

The last post on your wife and SIL, you didn't do well.
If that's your own attitude, then you and your wife need orientation. Why does your wife shout? Is she a mad woman? Has she always been like this? What is she always shouting about?

My husband also doesn't know how to discuss in low tones, he must raise his voice. I used to join him, until I sat and thought about it _two people no dey mad at the same time. He did it again and I ignored, I politely told him he is embarrassing US and we would talk when he is calm. He still repeated it and I used all my self-control to keep ignoring.

One day, he called me and asked why I have been refusing to get angry. I started laughing and we had a talk that changed a lot till this moment. People like that know what they are doing to a good extent, the best medicine for them is to show them how normal people express themselves. Don't come down to their level, don't go begging unnecessarily _ just express yourself firmly.
When you do this over and over, they'll come to revere your silence and few words.

You mould your spouse to be who you want them to be. There is really no perfect spouse at first, but we mould them to our perfection with time.

Captain your ship as best as you can _all with the dignity of a king.

THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH. YOU JUST ENLIGHTENED ME. May I add by saying, only wisdom can be made applicable. No marriage is a bed of roses....And as far as I am concerned, there's only one captain on a boat. Though it might not be easy, infact it might seem almost impossible to let them have their way but there are other ways to handle certain issues such as:- 1. to speak to them about their actions in the calmest way possible and 2. To seek God's face.
May God grant us his sustainable grace.
Amen....

Plankton2017:
Good day all,

My wife to be's character has been terrible since we did our trad. Now I dont know if I should halt my wedding plans slated for this Saturday.

Her and her family are very domineering and rude. She shouts at me at the top of her voice and does not respect me. I have done Trad and Court wedding. what can I do for God's sake

Op remember what I told you in the last thread you made. I knew you would end up being a slave to this family. You tried to rise above your level and you didn't have any bargaining power. Please try to get a better job so that you will have more respect in the family.
https://www.nairaland.com/3710027/should-break-off-engagement-go

Nma27:
You are already married. Halting your white wedding means nothing. Take charge like a man! She shout at you, you give her one resounding slap unless she's d breadwinner... Look before una leap

SLAP
Uhmmm, my dear brother is this ur own opinion? Well, like it is said, we are all entitled to our own opinion and our character is made by many acts; it may be lost by just a single act. If you ask me, i would say True fulfillment comes when we impact humanity. DO YOU SEEK PEACE OR YOU SEEK WAR??
What impact do you make?
I'M SORRY NO OFFENSE

naturefellow:
my dear, I'm disappointed that you talk like this. Sorry, but you don't know anything. Mostly, It's actually when one is half deep into the marriage proceedings that you these red flags begin to show!

It is a big lie
Most men that end up with domineering women are timid & incapable of making decision on time...Some won't even be able to make certain decisions all through their lifetime, thereby subjecting themselves to unnecessary sorrow...

Plankton2017:
Good day all,

My wife to be's character has been terrible since we did our trad. Now I dont know if I should halt my wedding plans slated for this Saturday.

Her and her family are very domineering and rude. She shouts at me at the top of her voice and does not respect me. I have done Trad and Court wedding. what can I do for God's sake

What is wrong with you people? She did not just start this overnight. She might have been doing this and yet you married her. So why are you asking us if you should party on Saturday? Yes what you call White Wedding is actually for you to Bless your Union and then Party. Mu guy you are already Married! Actually you married Twice already. 1. You married according to the Traditions and Customs of the Land (This is the Real Marriage, that you see in the Bible cos nobody marries in the Temple back then) 2. You married again in the Courts, making it Legal according to the Constitutions of the Land. So what are you talking about? The White Wedding is actually for Blessing and then you party.

Otherwise you wanna start your Divorce immediately, just manage what you went into with your mental capacity in tact. This is not the time to be asking Total Strangers what to do, you should have asked us when you were still dating and not now

last month, this bros posted


this

Plankton2017:
Good day fellow NL,

Please judge this case. Last week thursday my sister inlaw visited me and my wife from NYSC camp. I was shocked when I welcomed her because it was no ordinary visit. she came with a full ghana must go. We greeted and I got to know that she escaped from camp due to the tough tasks on camp. My wife never told me her sister was coming to stay. We have lived amicably till yesterday.

My lil cuzin that stays and helps us with chores was mandated by her to cook 2 big pots of water for her to bath. I scolded my cousin and told her why didnt she use the electric kettle so as to save gas which we just replaced with 6k. I now gave her a warning that whatever my inlaw wants that she should ask me 1st. I even got to know that my wife lied to me that her parents knew she left camp. My wife heard our conversation and started antagonizing me that why did I tell my cuz to always ask me b4 she obeys her sister. she was shouting at the top of her voice even my inlaw could hear. This angered me and I shouted back and told her to leave my room. she continued shouting and even slept in the sitting room as I slept alone.

This afternoon while working on my computer for hours I came out of the room only to find out my sister in law has packed her things back to her NYSC camp without telling me but my wife knows....I am slatted to officially do my white wedding next saturday. I just feel down because we quarell too much and my wife talks in a domineering way. I have warned her about it and I do not want to turn a woman beater. Any quarell we have she tells her parents and siblings which make them never free with me and act cold towards me. Damn it! pls advice me

and the first comment is this

yomi007k:



Ur in trouble o.



The bond between she n her family is stronger dan d one between the 2 of u.

all I have to say is this Bros is in serious wahala.
as for me I will just leave d wedding o.....
but he go bad if person has warned you against her. cos d tot will keep haunting u

FortuneTeller:


Op remember what I told you in the last thread you made. I knew you would end up being a slave to this family. You tried to rise above your level and you didn't have any bargaining power. Please try to get a better job so that you will have more respect in the family.
https://www.nairaland.com/3710027/should-break-off-engagement-go

So op even created a thread on this before!

Every man should learn how to make certain life decisions & stand by it
It is very important
Op just don't have a mind of his own....that is why he is experiencing all these...

You don enter one chance...enjoy yaself

PaperLace:
Dear OP,

Whether you cancel the white wedding or not _ you're already married. Marriage isn't relationship where you can waltz in and out as you like. It's an oath, binding on both parties.

Be careful how you bring your issues to the public, considering that your mind is currently fragile. The general rule, may not apply to your situation. I don't think any responsible married person would tell you to walk away so soon. I have domineering in-laws too, your wife's whole family can never be as rude as my FIL alone _ but you handle such people with wisdom (now that you're already married). If you weren't married, I would have said run.

The early days of most marriages are like this. One person will always see the other as a demon, while painting him/herself as the angel. You are not an angel, I am sure your wife would sound just as bitter as you, if she creates her own thread. What you have to do is win your wife to your side. Once you genuinely win your wife to your side, she would handle her family.

The last post on your wife and SIL, you didn't do well.
If that's your own attitude, then you and your wife need orientation. Why does your wife shout? Is she a mad woman? Has she always been like this? What is she always shouting about?

My husband also doesn't know how to discuss in low tones, he must raise his voice. I used to join him, until I sat and thought about it _two people no dey mad at the same time. He did it again and I ignored, I politely told him he is embarrassing US and we would talk when he is calm. He still repeated it and I used all my self-control to keep ignoring.

One day, he called me and asked why I have been refusing to get angry. I started laughing and we had a talk that changed a lot till this moment. People like that know what they are doing to a good extent, the best medicine for them is to show them how normal people express themselves. Don't come down to their level, don't go begging unnecessarily _ just express yourself firmly.
When you do this over and over, they'll come to revere your silence and few words.

You mould your spouse to be who you want them to be. There is really no perfect spouse at first, but we mould them to our perfection with time.

Captain your ship as best as you can _all with the dignity of a king.

Having problems at the early stage of marriage is bad sign ooo. Such marriage hardly last.

Plankton2017:
Good day all,

My wife to be's character has been terrible since we did our trad. Now I dont know if I should halt my wedding plans slated for this Saturday.

Her and her family are very domineering and rude. She shouts at me at the top of her voice and does not respect me. I have done Trad and Court wedding. what can I do for God's sake

My dear guess you were too blind to see for long'

OP, Pls call me now...I have an experience to share with you.

This is an emergency;

081-4977-7036

pato405:
OP, Pls call me now...I have an experience to share with you.

This is an emergency;

081-4977-7036

Since he hasn't responded, I'm sure he did his "white" wedding today.

yvelchstores:
It's very simple Op, u will train her where her father left off, to the woman you want. This will entail putting your foot down and letting her knw u are the head and in charge. This will create some friction but the sooner u cut her excesses the better for u. U can start lovey dovey wen she finally start becoming a good student in your academy.

May God bless u and ur Union,but if u are yet to get married,may He bless u with a good man.

you must be one of the very few out there that tells themselves the truth.

Plankton2017:
Good day all,

My wife to be's character has been terrible since we did our trad. Now I dont know if I should halt my wedding plans slated for this Saturday.

Her and her family are very domineering and rude. She shouts at me at the top of her voice and does not respect me. I have done Trad and Court wedding. what can I do for God's sake

Oga you are already married. What God has joined together let no man put apart.

Consider other ways of dealing with her character. She definitely has some good qualities otherwise you would not have been attracted to her in the first place.

As for your in-laws, they are not part of your life. You can manage them just like we manage bad bosses at work. Because they are not fully part of your life, things will likely improve with time.
Just my two cents.

FortuneTeller:


Since he hasn't responded, I'm sure he did his "white" wedding today.

wishing him best of luck. Our "modern day" ladies are on rampage. Young men shouldn't be in a hurry at all. Sometimes I even begin to wonder if having baby mamas aren't better.

By doing court and trado,you've already married her.All you need is a divorce.

Interesting, Oga you are now a married Man not fiancé , She is already your wife not fiancée.
My advise is for you to sit her down and talk to her. No matter how hard a woman is, there is part of her that more soft than anything softable . Tell her your fear and how you want things to be. Show you that you are the Man in charge by applying, love, wisdom, understanding and caring. And not using violence and aggressiveness while talking.
Take her out and spoil her a little before sitting her down.
And try to forgive her wrongs and move on. As for the family and rudeness been silent and mature can kill that. Bitcoin, PayPal, perfect money always available check Nairaomm.com.
Let me stop here.

Pearllait:


SLAP
Uhmmm, my dear brother is this ur own opinion? Well, like it is said, we are all entitled to our own opinion and our character is made by many acts; it may be lost by just a single act. If you ask me, i would say True fulfillment comes when we impact humanity. DO YOU SEEK PEACE OR YOU SEEK WAR??
What impact do you make?
I'M SORRY NO OFFENSE

Epistle 101. Well, d main thing is for the op to take charge and b the head of his family. Ladies ride timid guys... Take that to d bank. If you quiet and timid, she'll definitely take u for granted until u step up.

baba you obviously saw the signs but did nothing hoping she would change. she got her behaviour from her parents, you cant change her. you need to take a walk now even though you've made much commitment. its better to walk out naked from a burning building than get burnt trying to save your clothes

Plankton2017:
Good day all,

My wife to be's character has been terrible since we did our trad. Now I dont know if I should halt my wedding plans slated for this Saturday.

Her and her family are very domineering and rude. She shouts at me at the top of her voice and does not respect me. I have done Trad and Court wedding. what can I do for God's sake

Happy Married Life

My brother my simple advice for you is Quit! speaking from experience, you will never be happy. Same thing happened to me, i went ahead to marry now after two years she is gone, the family took her properties forcefully and the baby we had they have stopped me from seeing him. Don't listen to anyone telling u that you are married already.

Plankton2017:
Good day all,

My wife to be's character has been terrible since we did our trad. Now I dont know if I should halt my wedding plans slated for this Saturday.

Her and her family are very domineering and rude. She shouts at me at the top of her voice and does not respect me. I have done Trad and Court wedding. what can I do for God's sake

pato405:


wishing him best of luck. Our "modern day" ladies are on rampage. Young men shouldn't be in a hurry at all. Sometimes I even begin to wonder if having baby mamas aren't better.

He had no business marrying that lady. He dumped his nice girlfriend for the new wife, because the new wife was from his tribe and her family had money. Now he is a slave to his wife and her family.

You want to sentence your self to a life of torment and regret?

You already did the court marriage, you are already legally married. follow your mind and do what's best

If you have another reasons to stop ur Engagement ceremony, let us know now. Your wife and in-law attitude shouldn't be the reason why u want 2 option out because you have seen it coming before you go this far. As you have said, you have done tradition and court wedding, your Engagement day is very close, there is no point goin back because you have done 2 out of 3. Don't forget that something you can't change while courting, it will be difficult to change it when you marry. Just talk to her, draw her close 2 God. Only God can change her not you.[color=#990000][/color]

cappinjerry:
My brother my simple advice for you is Quit! speaking from experience, you will never be happy. Same thing happened to me, i went ahead to marry now after two years she is gone, the family took her properties forcefully and the baby we had they have stopped me from seeing him. Don't listen to anyone telling u that you are married already.

Bros, can we chat ?

STOP THESE LIES AND GET FREAL, LAST TIME YOUR WIFE'S SISTER LEFT NYSC CAMP AND CAME TO YOUR HOUSE UN ANNOUNCED, NOW THE SAME YOU IS ASKING IF YOU SHOULD WED YOUR WIFE THIS SATURDAY , WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? JUST STOP THIS CRAP .

a guy now 80 deeply in regret over his marital woes told me that as soon as he and his first wife signed the dotted lines at the marriage registry,his new bride told him in yoruba. "ma wo ibi ti iwo and awon ebi ma gbe gba' meaning i will see hou u and your family will now escape my torment.

that was 50 years ago,the marriage made both him and the wife mad,the wife eventually was mad most of her life and he had the burden of living and nursing a mad wife,he actually said he never enjoyed the marriage.

there is enough sign u will not enjoy this marriage.first thing to do is to call your parents and briefed them and let your parents briefed her parents and if she adjusts fine.if she becomes more determined to torment you with unpleasant amnners,begin the search for a visa and dont ever make the mistake of having unproteced sex or kids with her.

your plan b is to immediately end the marriage but the law is you must wait 12 months after the marriage before you can file a divorce.im a lawyer.

Plankton2017:
Good day all,

My wife to be's character has been terrible since we did our trad. Now I dont know if I should halt my wedding plans slated for this Saturday.

Her and her family are very domineering and rude. She shouts at me at the top of her voice and does not respect me. I have done Trad and Court wedding. what can I do for God's sake

How far??

Did you marry her.

OP has already done the main deal. The traditional and court weddings are the marriage talked about. White wedding is mere reception. It really doesn't count anything. We only regard white wedding in Nigeria because we are a pretentious religious people. His only options will be to disappear if he doesn't want to go ahead or file for divorce.