Jodha:
Lemme just go straight to the point...

Many ladies make this mistake,deceiving their selves that they're in a relationship.. Forget that dating stuff.. Provided yhur bf has not yet married yhu ..yhure still single and ready to mingle...please don't get me wrong I'm not saying yhu should cheat...all I'm saying is that do not keep all yhur eggs in one basket..


Some ladies make serious mistakes such as staying with a guy in a relationship for more than 10years then when he dumps yhu ..yhu attempt suicide as suicide squad way yhu be...some even go as far as killing the dude in question...

Sisters we don't need all those stress in life..in our society concerning marriage.. Ladies have less time compared to guys..that's why at 28..a Lady is seen already as old...say for example yhure 22..yhure dating one guy for up to 4yrs now ..and it looks like the relationship is gonna yield something fruitful.. Then let's say at age 27 the dude dumps yhu with normal excuses. Like I'm not ready to commit and all those bullcrap...yhull be at the loosing end...

So sisters wise up..guys of nowadays.. Odikwa very sharp..even if yhu have a serious bf..do not look down on yhur other chykers or reject them because yhure on a relationship... Be wise and have someone to fall back to..

A word is enough..5 paragraphs is more than enough..

Life is all about risk.

So you stay with one guy it is a risk because you want to trust him to stay faith and likewise him trusting you to stay faithful. Even after marriage, it is still a risk too because anything can happen

But those who take the risk are those who have the balls to take them. Do you?

It is not good to have this mindset of being in a relationship and wanting to mingle. Yhu end up creating an impression that you can't be trusted or taken serious.

Relationship may not have worked for you. But it sure works for others.

Jodha:
Lemme just go straight to the point...

Many ladies make this mistake,deceiving their selves that they're in a relationship.. Forget that dating stuff.. Provided yhur bf has not yet married yhu .. yhure still single and ready to mingle...please don't get me wrong I'm not saying yhu should cheat... all I'm saying is that do not keep all yhur eggs in one basket..


Some ladies make serious mistakes such as staying with a guy in a relationship for more than 10years then when he dumps yhu ..yhu attempt suicide as suicide squad way yhu be...some even go as far as killing the dude in question...

Sisters we don't need all those stress in life..in our society concerning marriage.. Ladies have less time compared to guys..that's why at 28..a Lady is seen already as old...say for example yhure 22..yhure dating one guy for up to 4yrs now ..and it looks like the relationship is gonna yield something fruitful.. Then let's say at age 27 the dude dumps yhu with normal excuses. Like I'm not ready to commit and all those bullcrap...yhull be at the loosing end...

So sisters wise up..guys of nowadays.. Odikwa very sharp..even if yhu have a serious bf..do not look down on yhur other chykers or reject them because yhure on a relationship... Be wise and have someone to fall back to..

A word is enough..5 paragraphs is more than enough..

You are totally confused!! Your write-up/English says alot.

kaboninc:


So by saying she wants to mingle, she's being protective of herself abi?

Yhure not getting my point at all..

Mrbllymer:


You are totally confused!! Your write-up/English says alot.

Yhure more confused niggur..

Like they say...don't put all your eggs in a basket. .I'm not sure if I'm correct with the quote

Another case of gross misapplication.

Many Nigerians just pick up proverbs, clichés and scriptural verses and apply them blindly to issues.

Ask yourself; why, when and where was that adage first expressed?

Oyebee91:
Like they say...don't put all your eggs in a basket. .I'm not sure if I'm correct with the quote

Jodha:
Lemme just go straight to the point...

Many ladies make this mistake,deceiving their selves that they're in a relationship.. Forget that dating stuff.. Provided yhur bf has not yet married yhu ..yhure still single and ready to mingle...please don't get me wrong I'm not saying yhu should cheat...all I'm saying is that do not keep all yhur eggs in one basket..


Some ladies make serious mistakes such as staying with a guy in a relationship for more than 10years then when he dumps yhu ..yhu attempt suicide as suicide squad way yhu be...some even go as far as killing the dude in question...

Sisters we don't need all those stress in life..in our society concerning marriage.. Ladies have less time compared to guys..that's why at 28..a Lady is seen already as old...say for example yhure 22..yhure dating one guy for up to 4yrs now ..and it looks like the relationship is gonna yield something fruitful.. Then let's say at age 27 the dude dumps yhu with normal excuses. Like I'm not ready to commit and all those bullcrap...yhull be at the loosing end...

So sisters wise up..guys of nowadays.. Odikwa very sharp..even if yhu have a serious bf..do not look down on yhur other chykers or reject them because yhure on a relationship... Be wise and have someone to fall back to..

A word is enough..5 paragraphs is more than enough..

Advising them not to cheat, at the same time they shouldn't put their egg in one basket!!! What's your point?

So this is applicable to guys too?

freepop:
Do you understand the dynamics of focus in any human endeavour? Please do some research on that.

Let me tell you, if you're a smart lady with spiritual discernment, you can preempt a guy's intention in less than 6 months of being friends with him, let alone courting for 4 years (as you outlined). Guys ain't hard to comprehend. Except, your taste, class and pedigree of guys I know ain't what you're speaking of.

What you keep your eyes on, stays right in front of you and expands. You can't have a roving eyes and expect to see something valid and tangible. It is in your quest to play smart and have another guy waiting by the side that you can't see and discern what intentions either guy A or B has.

Perhaps you want to share a more personal experience on how this your expressed advise has worked for you; are you married, after having a side guy while in a courtship?

Forget that focus yhure talking about...lemme tell yhu a brief story to guide my point...true life story..

A Lady was dating this guy since her 200level in school..he was so caring and stuff everyone thought they are the perfect match..I could even swear he would marry her....after dating for 4years..trust me he showed no sign of lack of interest whatsoever.. He called regularly and bought her gifts..and celebrated many birthday parties for her..
To cut long story short ..when she was 28..he called her one day and broke up with her ,saying he's not ready to settle down and he cannot keep on leading her on..she was devastated.... And blah blah...

Same thing happened to another Lady and in less than 6months she got married to someone else because she didn't keep her eggs in one basket... She's happily married now with cute kids...

The other Lady had other well to do men beckoning at her ...but she totally pushed them.away for nothing...

Hope yhu get my point now... The both cases are just examples and I didn't just jump into conclusion because of them..

freepop:
Do you understand the dynamics of focus in any human endeavour? Please do some research on that.

Let me tell you, if you're a smart lady with spiritual discernment, you can preempt a guy's intention in less than 6 months of being friends with him, let alone courting for 4 years (as you outlined). Guys ain't hard to comprehend. Except, your taste, class and pedigree of guys I know ain't what you're speaking of.

What you keep your eyes on, stays right in front of you and expands. You can't have a roving eyes and expect to see something valid and tangible. It is in your quest to play smart and have another guy waiting by the side that you can't see and discern what intentions either guy A or B has.

Perhaps you want to share a more personal experience on how this your expressed advise has worked for you; are you married, after having a side guy while in a courtship?

I just started following you brother, need someone like you as a friend

Integrator1:


Advising them not to cheat, at the same time they shouldn't put their egg in one basket!!! What's your point?

So this is applicable to guys too?

Having other guys has friends ...just friends.. Isn't cheating or is it ? ..

I know only for ladies... Haven't made any research on guys..

kaboninc:


Life is all about risk.

So you stay with one guy it is a risk because you want to trust him to stay faith and likewise him trusting you to stay faithful. Even after marriage, it is still a risk too because anything can happen

But those who take the risk are those who have the balls to take them. Do you?

It is not good to have this mindset of being in a relationship and wanting to mingle. Yhu end up creating an impression that you can't be trusted or taken serious.

Relationship may not have worked for you. But it sure works for others.

This is not about mhe ...its about securing a future for Ladies... Most ladies guys dump like that are left desperate looking for men...which makes them more preys to other guys... Unless there's divine intervention from above...

I'm not advising girls to cheat...I'm only telling them to help themselves and be wise...

Auntie! Envisaging a breakup in a sweet relationship with open communication and mutual understanding is totally stupid, to say the least.

Right over this you say they should keep male friends in case the break up happens...Isn't that some intent and reflection of cheating on yourself, the relationship and the guy?

I need to be sure you're listening or reading yourself on this issue.

While this is a open forum, I suggest that we check our opinions on critical issues such this as not to mislead loads of undiscerning minds.

Jodha:



This is not about mhe ...its about securing a future for Ladies... Most ladies guys dump like that are left desperate looking for men...which makes them more preys to other guys... Unless there's divine intervention from above...

I'm not advising girls to cheat...I'm only telling them to help themselves and be wise...

Bros, I hail o.

FemiEddy:

I just started following you brother, need someone like you as a friend

freepop:
Auntie! Envisaging a breakup in a sweet relationship with open communication and mutual understanding is totally stupid, to say the least.

Right over this you say they should keep male friends in case the break up happens...Isn't that some intent and reflection of cheating on yourself, the relationship and the guy?

I need to be sure you're listening or reading yourself on this issue.

While this is a open forum, I suggest that we check our opinions on critical issues such this as not to mislead loads of undiscerning minds.

Honestly ..yhure trying extremely hard to sound reasonable when the rift is obviously the case..

Until yhu put yhurself... Or probably yhur sisters as a case study. ..yhull never get my point..

So yhu should be sensible enough to try to understand or even respect the opinion of others ...even when yhu think otherwise......

Yhur foolishness may be the wisdom of another...and yhur wisdom may be the foolishness of another...

So be guided...

Jodha:


Having other guys has friends ...just friends.. Isn't cheating or is it ? ..

I know only for ladies... Haven't made any research on guys..

What's good for the goose is good for the gander!! This should be applicable to guys too, peeps like you are often the jealous type who wouldn't appreciate little bit of closeness to their bfs with 'friends' as you mentioned.

Taking a guy as second fiddle will spell doom for your relationship sooner or later. TRUST, communication and understanding makes relationship work.

Your advice for married couple would be to have a male/female friends as the case maybe in case of divorce?

Jodha:



This is not about mhe ...its about securing a future for Ladies... Most ladies guys dump like that are left desperate looking for men...which makes them more preys to other guys... Unless there's divine intervention from above...

I'm not advising girls to cheat...I'm only telling them to help themselves and be wise...

By helping themselves and be wise, they should 'mingle'?

I don't think so.

But if you mean they should build strong networks and keep relationships and yet, still marking out clear boundaries, then that is better.

kaboninc:


Life is all about risk.

So you stay with one guy it is a risk because you want to trust him to stay faith and likewise him trusting you to stay faithful. Even after marriage, it is still a risk too because anything can happen

But those who take the risk are those who have the balls to take them. Do you?

It is not gd

i agree to a certain extent

Jodha:


Forget that focus yhure talking about...lemme tell yhu a brief story to guide my point...true life story..

A Lady was dating this guy since her 200level in school..he was so caring and stuff everyone thought they are the perfect match..I could even swear he would marry her....after dating for 4years..trust me he showed no sign of lack of interest whatsoever.. He called regularly and bought her gifts..and celebrated many birthday parties for her..
To cut long story short ..when she was 28..he called her one day and broke up with her ,saying he's not ready to settle down and he cannot keep on leading her on..she was devastated.... And blah blah...

Same thing happened to another Lady and in less than 6months she got married to someone else because she didn't keep her eggs in one basket... She's happily married now with cute kids...

The other Lady had other well to do men beckoning at her ...but she totally pushed them.away for nothing...

Hope yhu get my point now... The both cases are just examples and I didn't just jump into conclusion because of them..

If the first guy in your story had married her, I'm sure you wouldn't have brought this topic up. Secondly, she can't say she hasn't seen the signs that bee bf was not going to marry her. Men are easily predictable and it depends on what you make out of it, either you choose to accept it or not.

Like I said earlier, it's all a risk. If she had 'mingled' as you suggested, don't you think the guy would use that opportunity to break up the relationship using that as an excuse meanwhile his main reason was because he wasn't ready to settle down?

For your two other examples, the same can be said about them.

Please don't go about 'mingling' in a relationship. But you can build strong networks and keep relationships and people should know that there's a boundary that cannot and should not be crossed. That's if you want a serious relationship sha

Safiaa:
i agree to a certain extent

To what extent do you disagree

kaboninc:


By helping themselves and be wise, they should 'mingle'?

I don't think so.

But if you mean they should build strong networks and keep relationships and yet, still marking out clear boundaries, then that is better.

Of course they should mark clear boundaries.... That's why I clearly stated ....I'm not saying a girl shoulde cheat...

This thread was specifically addressed to the ladies... I don't know why I'm getting more reactions from guys...

Nairaland guys i hail una....

kaboninc:


If the first guy in your story had married her, I'm sure you wouldn't have brought this topic up. Secondly, she can't say she hasn't seen the signs that bee bf was not going to marry her. Men are easily predictable and it depends on what you make out of it, either you choose to accept it or not.

Like I said earlier, it's all a risk. If she had 'mingled' as you suggested, don't you think the guy would use that opportunity to break up the relationship using that as an excuse meanwhile his main reason was because he wasn't ready to settle down?

For your two other examples, the same can be said about them.

Please don't go about 'mingling' in a relationship. But you can build strong networks and keep relationships and people should know that there's a boundary that cannot and should not be crossed. That's if you want a serious relationship sha

I'm sure I specifically stated that ...the girl's case was just an example to drive my point...and it doesn't stand as a basis of conclusion for mhe...

Yhure not getting my point at all...and I'm seriously tired of repeating the same thing...

A mature lady would understand my point and totally support it....

The purpose of the thread has been defeated by these people who never think through a thing.

Johda, what you're advocating for is for ladies whose biological clock is ticking. What do I mean?, ladies in their late thirties/early fourties desperate for marriage but get stuck with men who're either not saying or doing anything about marriage. This advice isn't for girls 'cause girls don't really care provided he loves them and marriage may not be a girl's agenda 'cause she may have other things like her career to focus on.

Your main point is for these set of women to keep an open mind, while in that relationship make male friends, don't just tell other suitors off, bring them close and study them in guise of being friends first and you never can tell 'cause that your boyfriend could walk out at any moment and you'll have nothing on him other than think suicide.

Integrator1:

What's good for the goose is good for the gander!! This should be applicable to guys too, peeps like you are often the jealous type who wouldn't appreciate little bit of closeness to their bfs with 'friends' as you mentioned.

Taking a guy as second fiddle will spell doom for your relationship sooner or later. TRUST, communication and understanding makes relationship work.

Your advice for married couple would be to have a male/female friends as the case maybe in case of divorce?

Loolzz ion know of goose and gander...I know of my ladies... Shikenah...

Marriage is a different ball game... My point is to make advanced ladies reach that destination marriage... Cause there are a lot of desperate ladies out there.. Due this same issue..prolonged relationships..unserious spouses..etc...a lady should just get married at the right time...

And I'm advocating for them to help themselves in that light...is that too much to understand?...

kimbraa:
The purpose of the thread has been defeated by these people who never think through a thing.

Johda, what you're advocating for is for ladies whose biological clock is ticking. What do I mean?, ladies in their late thirties/early fourties desperate for marriage but get stuck with men who're either not saying or doing anything about marriage. This advice isn't for girls 'cause girls don't really care provided he loves them and marriage may not be a girl's agenda 'cause she may have other things like her career to focus on.

Your main point is for these set of women to keep an open mind, while in that relationship make male friends, don't just tell other suitors off, bring them close and study them in guise of being friends first and you never can tell 'cause that your boyfriend could walk out at any moment and you'll have nothing on him other than think suicide.

Exactly sis to I'm not referring to ladies in their late thirties and early 40's alone...I'm referring to ladies in their late 20's too...

In Nigeria a lady at 27 and still is looked at with the eye of "this one don dey over old for papa house" and stuffs like that...

So this is applicable to ladies that have it in mind to settle down...

Not young flexing girls...

Jodha:



Exactly sis to I'm not referring to ladies in their late thirties and early 40's alone...I'm referring to ladies in their late 20's too...

In Nigeria a lady at 27 and still is looked at with the eye of "this one don dey over old for papa house" and stuffs like that...

So this is applicable to ladies that have it in mind to settle down...

Not young flexing girls...

Ladies in their early twenties just want to be loved. Whether it's heading for marriage or not; they don't really care. While those in their late twenties are either committed or after their career. Don't forget that that's the age when a woman really knows her wants. Early twenties are still confused as to what they really want.

The mistake is telling other men you're in a relationship while you've been dating yourself. Some men could play a lady into thinking she's what he wants while he's just there for something else.

tosyne2much:
Madam, what exactly is your point? That ladies should be keeping multiple partners so that they will have something to fall back to abi? . Listen up, things like this have ruined many relationships, so do not encourage it

You post is as good as saying a woman should have a side husband so that she will have something to fall back to when her husband dumps her. Abi no be so?

This post reeks of mediocrity, low self esteem, indiscipline and greediness, and at the end of the day, people like you who think they are small will lose at both ends

Promiscuity is promiscuity no matter how much you try to embellish it, so which one come be "don't put all your eggs in one basket"?

This is my major problem with nairaland guys without understanding a topic they'll quickly draw into conclusions..

This thread is simply aimed at helping ladies reach the destination of marriage.... That's all...
The rift is actually the case ..cause yhur post has all the attributes of a mediocre..
Where is the low self esteem in a Lady tryna get married?... I don't think yhu know wah yhure typing... Yhu just dey type because yhu see people dey type...

Yhur kind are very wicked... So when yhure not ready to marry a Lady she should till down and be looking at yhur face...when her biological clock is ticking fast...

Yhure thinking from a very myopic and selfish point of view...that's why yhull never see the wisdom in what I'm saying...

Jodha:


Loolzz ion know of goose and gander...I know of my ladies... Shikenah...

Marriage is a different ball game... My point is to make advanced ladies reach that destination marriage... Cause there are a lot of desperate ladies out there.. Due this same issue..prolonged relationships..unserious spouses..etc...a lady should just get married at the right time...

And I'm advocating for them to help themselves in that light...is that too much to understand?...

Keep preaching promiscuity, ladies with this kind of mindset will definitely loose at both ends and will be back to square one.

kimbraa:
Ladies in their early twenties just want to be loved. Whether it's heading for marriage or not; they don't really care. While those in their late twenties are either committed or after their career. Don't forget that that's the age when a woman really knows her wants. Early twenties are still confused as to what they really want.

The mistake is telling other men you're in a relationship while you've been dating yourself. Some men could play a lady into thinking she's what he wants while he's just there for something else.

Sorry babes I meant late 20's early twenties are still flexing babes...
At the age of 27 ,28 and above...the Lady is gradually realizing she's not getting young anymore she needs to settle down ...then the pressure from family members and co start tripping in slowly...then the pressure from friends..when yhu start seeing yhur friends getting and yhure just there...and sh_tz like that...


Babe tiri gbosah for yhu...but nairaland guys will never understand this..

Integrator1:


Keep preaching promiscuity, ladies with this kind of mindset will definitely loose at both ends and will be back to square one.

My dear yhure far gone...

Jodha:


This is my major problem with nairaland guys without understanding a topic they'll quickly draw into conclusions..

This thread is simply aimed at helping ladies reach the destination of marriage.... That's all...
The rift is actually the case ..cause yhur post has all the attributes of a mediocre..
Where is the low self esteem in a Lady tryna get married?... I don't think yhu know wah yhure typing... Yhu just dey type because yhu see people dey type...

Yhur kind are very wicked... So when yhure not ready to marry a Lady she should till down and be looking at yhur face...when her biological clock is ticking fast...

Yhure thinking from a very myopic and selfish point of view...that's why yhull never see the wisdom in what I'm saying...

Madam, continue sleeping around under the guise of "don't put all your eggs in one basket"

It's none of my business