Hi all, I am a young SA woman dating an Igbo man. We've been together for 3 years. We have a 7 months old daughter. When my parents found out I am pregnant by a Nigerian man they freaked! called me a druggy and all sorts and asked me to cut him out of my life and the baby's life. I refused because I don't support the whole thing where a child will grow up with separate parents. Don't get me wrong my parents raised me well they are just stereotyped and prejudiced. My point is i chose my bf vs my family, for my child's sake and because it's the right thing to do. Having said this I expected my relationship with my partner to be great. Especially after all we've endured with my family. I expected him to value me as his woman, to appreciate me and to make me feel special and I'm not getting all these things. for me romance, affection and affirmation have always been important to me. But I don't get either unless he would like me to do something for him that's when he'd throw in I love you or my beautiful wife either than that I hardly hear those words. We recently celebrated our anniversary and I thought because on a normal day I'm hardly made to feel special maybe on our anniversary he'd try to make feel special. But nothing. He never says sorry. Doesnt see the need to. It really hurts. Iv communicated to him a couple of times how important all these things are to me. Especially because I'm not crazy over money and materialistic things. I'm after his heart and all those small things that mean so much. But I'm not getting this. I really need help because I'm not sure if it's a culture thing, personality thing or I'm just stuck with a man whose not really into me. Coz I believe your wife doesn't need to nag u to tell her she's beautiful or you love her or you're sorry for hurting her feelings those things should happen naturally. Please help me because I really am no sure if I'm just forcing a relationship out of nothing. We planning to get married and I wouldn't want to get into marriage with someone who's not happy with me visa versa. I don't believe in divorce and broken homes. Want to raise my child well. Please make me understand if my expectations are not important and then what kind of expectations should i have to be sane.

SISTER THIS IS SERIOUS BUT Lets help you

You do not want to end up with someone who is not happy with you BUT YOU HAD SEX AND A CHILD WITH THE SAME GUY - Pls check your values
You do not believe in DIVORCE or BROKEN home yet your relationship is HANGING ON A THREAD....

In Nigeria we say ITS CLAP THAT LEADS TO DANCE. Fine you made a BIG MISTAKE by ruining the life of a child who may grow not to know her father... But NOT WITHSTANDING My puzzle is ARE YOU WAITING FOR HIM TO CHEAT OR KILL YOU by the help of a SANGOMA before you realize you have been scammed? Babymama is the reigning thing in Nigeria... didnt you know.. most of our artists are not married.

You have to act fast, Go and see prophet shephard bushiri for counsel and If you are not a christian then meet elders who will counsel you cos MORNING SHOWS THE DAY. If it is going wrong before marriage... After marriage it wont go right. All Nigerians are not the same tho but most who come to your country are just as bad if not worse like your man.

ACT FAST AND MOVE ON WITHOUT GUILT SHAME OR FEAR.
GOD IS WITH YOU.

Moanna:
Hi all, I am a young SA woman dating an Igbo man. We've been together for 3 years. We have a 7 months old daughter. When my parents found out I am pregnant by a Nigerian man they freaked! called me a druggy and all sorts and asked me to cut him out of my life and the baby's life. I refused because I don't support the whole thing where a child will grow up with separate parents. Don't get me wrong my parents raised me well they are just stereotyped and prejudiced. My point is i chose my bf vs my family, for my child's sake and because it's the right thing to do. Having said this I expected my relationship with my partner to be great. Especially after all we've endured with my family. I expected him to value me as his woman, to appreciate me and to make me feel special and I'm not getting all these things. for me romance, affection and affirmation have always been important to me. But I don't get either unless he would like me to do something for him that's when he'd throw in I love you or my beautiful wife either than that I hardly hear those words. We recently celebrated our anniversary and I thought because on a normal day I'm hardly made to feel special maybe on our anniversary he'd try to make feel special. But nothing. He never says sorry. Doesnt see the need to. It really hurts. Iv communicated to him a couple of times how important all these things are to me. Especially because I'm not crazy over money and materialistic things. I'm after his heart and all those small things that mean so much. But I'm not getting this. I really need help because I'm not sure if it's a culture thing, personality thing or I'm just stuck with a man whose not really into me. Coz I believe your wife doesn't need to nag u to tell her she's beautiful or you love her or you're sorry for hurting her feelings those things should happen naturally. Please help me because I really am no sure if I'm just forcing a relationship out of nothing.
We planning to get married and I wouldn't want to get into marriage with someone who's not happy with me visa versa. I don't believe in divorce and broken homes. Want to raise my child well. Please make me understand if my expectations are not important and then what kind of expectations should i have to be sane.

I am not judging you but I think you ought to have done the needful first before being placed in the family way. I do not know if you guys are based in Nigeria but from my guess, you are not. Having said that, I think you should sit him down and have a thorough conversation. Make him feel very special and call him sweet names thus make him understand if he reciprocates you would feel more special. Also, do you know what pressure he might be in? Try and make enquiries because from my stay with the Igbos, they do not really fancy non-Igbos for their sons as wives except for the very enlightened ones.
Well, I wish you well but above all, be guided by God for the right direction.

Igbo kwenu
Always representing in this aspect
Mind you am not a tribalist just my observation

Looks like he's a hustler
His mind is fixated on how to make it so it will be difficult to him to be emotional.
Just sit him down and pour it out to him then make your decision from his response.
All the best.

U both should sit down and have a serious talk on what u guys really need from each other. and for the sake of that child dont even think of break up except u want to fustrate her.

No offense sis,but this type of topic lead to efight at the end

if you want to marry from a different culture from your own, you need to learn one or two things about that culture

In Nigeria, most men don't always term too much affection as been romantic or necessary. I don't think there is much you can do to change him immediately

Nevertheless, I think if you truly want your relationship to work, I will advise you try to mold him into who you want him to be. You can start that by doing it one step at a time

I believe you have the power of a woman at your disposal, what I refer to as soft power. This is the power our mothers use on our fathers in Nigeria and this part of Africa.

Soft power includes instruments such as food and sex, everything you do for him.

You can try to get him to do what you want by making him earn those soft power instruments. That is soft power. The key here is that when he does these things over and over again, he will be used to it.
Frankly, it is almost like blackmail but I think it is for the benefit of everyone involved which includes him