I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First - Family (3)

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I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by san316(m): 6:07pm On Oct 01, 2017

This is serious. My advice is that; u know your family and what they are capable of(you know winshy tins na). Handle the matter accordingly.

What I'd do in your shoes? My family would never say such rotten thing sef because they helped me get married.

What I would have done is to marry my girl and ship her abroad. I'll explain to her parents why my parents aren't coming. I'd tell them they need a new settlement. Understanding it will be their headache.

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by 2n2k(m): 6:08pm On Oct 01, 2017

I must admit that cultures differ otherwise what came to my mind was what informed that sense of entitlement in the name of settlement?

What was your growing up like? Did other members of the family forsake education so that your parents could concentrate the family resources on only you? In that case, it may be justified that you bring them up too.

But if your ‘sin’ is that you ‘made’ it faster than other family members, then call their bluff. If they don’t attend your wedding, what gives?

Why should your parents support them in such blackmail? There must be more to it.

8 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Standing5(m): 6:08pm On Oct 01, 2017

hdeeman:
i have always have a very close relationship with my siblings while growing up, which i have tried much to see that everyone is comfortable. i don,t based in Nigeria, but my family has always been my first priority. but everything changed immediately i want to get married. that i have to settle everyone first before getting married. they automatically ganged against me, that if i don,t settle that no one will come for my marriage. this really pissed me off cos this is the same people i have been struggling for over 10 years now. am no longer a kid if i start to settle i will never get married. this is really disturbing me, they only call you on phone when they need something. it really hurt when people you love dearly treat you like this. how do i go about this cos i have decided what ever will happen let it happen, let me look for my own life. i owe no one a dime, every struggle is me and me alone,

OP be extremely careful. Cases like this usually involve life and death type of risk. For people you call close relation to make such demand it shows they can even gang up and kill you. Infact, if you don't do something extremely mature about it I guaranty they will make attempt on your life soon. Make it clear you owe them nothing and things are not as easy as that for you yet.
I say this cos if you keep giving them and you stop it when you marry to attend to your home they will still gang up against you, your wife and children. Cases like this will 99.9% likely involve the spiritual. You maytnot realize that on time. Talk to them about investment and stop acting like FG that shares money. Look at Nigeria, that could be you.

2 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by talk2percy(m): 6:09pm On Oct 01, 2017

U think sending them money will solve their problems? It's obvious u have the money buh u have not established any other person in ur family. Diversify the wealth, let two or three of ur family members be financial ok through ur help. U can send the guys abroad or better still make them stand solidly here in naija so that they don't have to call u for every one naira they need. If u are the only rich person in ur family then it is an error! Make others rich too! Cuz u don't know tomorrow. Don't u understand their fears?

1 Like

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Lexusgs430: 6:10pm On Oct 01, 2017

hdeeman:
i have always have a very close relationship with my siblings while growing up, which i have tried much to see that everyone is comfortable. i don,t based in Nigeria, but my family has always been my first priority. but everything changed immediately i want to get married. that i have to settle everyone first before getting married. they automatically ganged against me, that if i don,t settle that no one will come for my marriage. this really pissed me off cos this is the same people i have been struggling for over 10 years now. am no longer a kid if i start to settle i will never get married. this is really disturbing me, they only call you on phone when they need something. it really hurt when people you love dearly treat you like this. how do i go about this cos i have decided what ever will happen let it happen, let me look for my own life. i owe no one a dime, every struggle is me and me alone,

Simply go incommunicado..... Change your phone number and they would get the message, loud & clear......
Is it your marriage or their marriage?

3 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by shallysgirl: 6:10pm On Oct 01, 2017

What kind of family is this?. Well, be careful and prayerful.
What about your parents.?

hdeeman:
i have always have a very close relationship with my siblings while growing up, which i have tried much to see that everyone is comfortable. i don,t based in Nigeria, but my family has always been my first priority. but everything changed immediately i want to get married. that i have to settle everyone first before getting married. they automatically ganged against me, that if i don,t settle that no one will come for my marriage. this really pissed me off cos this is the same people i have been struggling for over 10 years now. am no longer a kid if i start to settle i will never get married. this is really disturbing me, they only call you on phone when they need something. it really hurt when people you love dearly treat you like this. how do i go about this cos i have decided what ever will happen let it happen, let me look for my own life. i owe no one a dime, every struggle is me and me alone,

1 Like

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Lomprico2: 6:10pm On Oct 01, 2017

DonConst:

Brother... for d sake of ur God d one who was n Is...and for ur wife to be, ur children.... settle them as they request in d best way u can afford....bcs they can't cook soup but they can rubish it. God's gift will continue to shine on u...amen

Settle them how? Did u not see where op wrote he has been helping for the past 10 years? Haba!

I dont think they are using whatever he is giving them wisely am sure they are just flexing it.

Dude should marry abeg!

1 Like

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Nobody: 6:11pm On Oct 01, 2017

oake:
A man's enemies will be the members of his own household.' Luke 12:53.

The words of Jesus...

1 Like

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by dessz(m): 6:12pm On Oct 01, 2017

whitebeard:
okay I just checked it on play store, I have played many other games of it kind, war and order, clash of kings, ocean and empires, pirates something sha (same maker of ocean and empires) I recently played on but I can't remember the name..!

I might trying this empire war but it has a low rating 4.2, are people active in the game..!

Chinese are a big threat to games like this.

very active, I quit my server I was ganged up on when I was sleeping. I had almost 1m worth of power, some guys with 700k took turns attacking me till dey destroyed me T_T lost all my troops. Am waiting for new server to be launched about 12 days from now. So I can start again

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Lomprico2: 6:12pm On Oct 01, 2017

Iwaycee:

I respect ur opinion, but dats not d best option in dis case. Can u visualize ur wedding day without any family member from ur side, although they ar still alive, truly speaking U won't enjoy dat, so I believe d man should try and sort tinz out with d help of elderly ones in the family

Shey all those guys whey dey marry abroad dey invite all their family ni?

6 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by sokera: 6:13pm On Oct 01, 2017

Your siblings are just trying to control your new family to be in advance, this is my advise . Don't mind them , ignore them and if they eventually carry out their threat not to come to your wedding then you need to just abandon them ... but please don't step on your parents toes no matter what ... God bless you

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by whitebeard(m): 6:15pm On Oct 01, 2017

dessz:
very active, I quit my server I was ganged up on when I was sleeping. I had almost 1m worth of power, some guys with 700k took turns attacking me till dey destroyed me T_T lost all my troops. Am waiting for new server to be launched about 12 days from now. So I can start again

I can relate me and my clan members have done it when I was still playing war and order, the idiot attacked a member of our clan..we rallied several attack on his base, back then, my clan was no 3 in the realm, mehn I provoked battles grin

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by YourWife(f): 6:15pm On Oct 01, 2017

Well... Get the girl pregnant, and let her deliver of her baby first. Get her pregnant again, and allow her get to the 7th or 8th month... Then tell your family you want to marry her. They will approve of the marriage without complain, and even forget about you settling them (whatever that means) before the wedding. Thank me later.

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Nobody: 6:16pm On Oct 01, 2017

oake:
A man's enemies will be the members of his own household.' Luke 12:53.

May i add, greatest enemies. This is so true btw.

2 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by chicoMX(m): 6:16pm On Oct 01, 2017

Op, teach your siblings how to fish. You cannot fight your family and win.

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by dessz(m): 6:18pm On Oct 01, 2017

whitebeard:
I can relate me and my clan members have done it when I was still playing war and order, the idiot attacked a member of our clan..we rallied several attack on his base, back then, my clan was no 3 in the realm, mehn I provoked battles

it hurt af. Almost 2 months of work gone. But I tried I started about 1 month after the server started so I was behind. Now I have gotten the tricks to the game when next server start, I will definitely be in top 15,i can't be first cos I don use money. Money guys will buy stuffs which u cNt afford.

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Nobody: 6:18pm On Oct 01, 2017

Daeylar:
If they don't want to come don't invite them na,
I know I'm different though, no time for stress,

I would have asked you to try and resolve it but I don't like the way they are threatening you.

You come first, before anyone, even your family. So do what's best for you. Let them go

Thought provoking.

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Brugo(m): 6:19pm On Oct 01, 2017

The ladies on this thread are so predictable. Somehow they have forgotten that this is exactly how they act when their get into a new relationship.

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Nobody: 6:21pm On Oct 01, 2017

hdeeman:
i have always have a very close relationship with my siblings while growing up, which i have tried much to see that everyone is comfortable. i don,t based in Nigeria, but my family has always been my first priority. but everything changed immediately i want to get married. that i have to settle everyone first before getting married. they automatically ganged against me, that if i don,t settle that no one will come for my marriage. this really pissed me off cos this is the same people i have been struggling for over 10 years now. am no longer a kid if i start to settle i will never get married. this is really disturbing me, they only call you on phone when they need something. it really hurt when people you love dearly treat you like this. how do i go about this cos i have decided what ever will happen let it happen, let me look for my own life. i owe no one a dime, every struggle is me and me alone,

No, don't take it like that. They really care for you because you are the bread winner of the family.

Just try to help them so that they will be able to cater for themselves, after that you can go ahead and get married. It's very simple.

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by whitebeard(m): 6:22pm On Oct 01, 2017

dessz:
it hurt af. Almost 2 months of work gone. But I tried I started about 1 month after the server started so I was behind. Now I have gotten the tricks to the game when next server start, I will definitely be in top 15,i can't be first cos I don use money. Money guys will buy stuffs which u cNt afford.

exactly that's it money. People who useonwy on the game grow really fast. That's why I haven't played any of those kind of games for some time.

Chinese people spend money on these games like mad..!

But in it all u get to meet new people, chat and engage in different kind of conversation..how many realm/kingdom/server does the game have

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Abagworo(m): 6:23pm On Oct 01, 2017

hdeeman:
i have always have a very close relationship with my siblings while growing up, which i have tried much to see that everyone is comfortable. i don,t based in Nigeria, but my family has always been my first priority. but everything changed immediately i want to get married. that i have to settle everyone first before getting married. they automatically ganged against me, that if i don,t settle that no one will come for my marriage. this really pissed me off cos this is the same people i have been struggling for over 10 years now. am no longer a kid if i start to settle i will never get married. this is really disturbing me, they only call you on phone when they need something. it really hurt when people you love dearly treat you like this. how do i go about this cos i have decided what ever will happen let it happen, let me look for my own life. i owe no one a dime, every struggle is me and me alone,

The settlement is not about giving them money to solve problems. Teach one or two how to be independent and you are good to go.

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by ayokellany: 6:24pm On Oct 01, 2017

hdeeman:

Like the guys are saying what have you done to help your relative stand on their feet ? I understand you are not their god but giving them fish instead of teaching them how to is the problem here. While I know your life should matter most people should steal idea from the rich on helping their siblings establish themselves. That is the only way to leave the cycle of poverty plaguing Nigeria.

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by keko14: 6:26pm On Oct 01, 2017

guy if you are from the east please try and settle the issue before the marriage for we will not hear story that touch the heart.

1 Like

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by dessz(m): 6:26pm On Oct 01, 2017

whitebeard:
exactly that's it money. People who useonwy on the game grow really fast. That's why I haven't played any of those kind of games for some time.

Chinese people spend money on these games like mad..!

But in it all u get to meet new people, chat and engage in different kind of conversation..how many realm/kingdom/server does the game have

108. I wanted to make my new stand in 108,but our transformer blow on the second day I wan cry lol. I no fit charge phone. So I left it am waiting for #109

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by whitebeard(m): 6:27pm On Oct 01, 2017

dessz:
108

lol omo they have been around for long grin

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by dessz(m): 6:28pm On Oct 01, 2017

whitebeard:
lol omo they have been around for long

I just modified Dat comment check it again. Also new server comes every 15 days

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by whitebeard(m): 6:30pm On Oct 01, 2017

dessz:
I just modified Dat comment check it again. Also new server comes every 15 days

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by AreaFada2: 6:30pm On Oct 01, 2017

hdeeman:
i have always have a very close relationship with my siblings while growing up, which i have tried much to see that everyone is comfortable. i don,t based in Nigeria, but my family has always been my first priority. but everything changed immediately i want to get married. that i have to settle everyone first before getting married. they automatically ganged against me, that if i don,t settle that no one will come for my marriage. this really pissed me off cos this is the same people i have been struggling for over 10 years now. am no longer a kid if i start to settle i will never get married. this is really disturbing me, they only call you on phone when they need something. it really hurt when people you love dearly treat you like this. how do i go about this cos i have decided what ever will happen let it happen, let me look for my own life. i owe no one a dime, every struggle is me and me alone,

My brother, the scenario is more common than you think.
They will never be satisfied no matter what.

But first of all are you marrying a lady you met in diaspora or coming to marry from 9ja?
If in diaspora and you are fairly sure of her good character sit down with her. Discuss a simple diaspora marriage and move on with your life. Let your In laws understand that at the right time you will come and pay dowry.

Most family in 9ja do not care about your progress in life. Only what they can siphon from you. They feel money is easy abroad. No matter how you much you explain to them.

If you are coming to marry from 9ja then you are in a difficult situation. Because you cannot marry in 9ja without your family coming. Even then, depending on your immigration status where you live, just let your woman in 9ja come over with a fiancee visa and marry her abroad.

If your fiancee and her family can co-operate with you, you will have it easier.
Be aware that if you marry without family consent, the battle could be tough. Both metaphysical and all. Trust in God and keep assisting them if you can. Before they know you are married, you will already have a kid or two. grin

Op some are accusing you of not teaching your folks how to fish. They forget that you can buy someone a net, but you cannot force him to fish. They have no idea.

If you listen to them and not marry now, in a few years they will be the ones to mock you that after 20 years abroad that you have no wife or kids to show for it. Diaspora people are often oblivious of the envy, greed and competition that exist in many family members since they left home.
Your situation is not unusual at all.

5 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by whitebeard(m): 6:31pm On Oct 01, 2017

dessz:
I just modified Dat comment check it again. Also new server comes every 15 days

another thing bout the game is u have to be upgrading constantly..!

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by dessz(m): 6:33pm On Oct 01, 2017

whitebeard:

that second day was the u luckiest day of this 3 past months. My power bank got stolen for bet9ja shop wey I go charge. I forget am when I dey carry me phone and charger put for pocket. My charger broke and transformer spoil all on the same day

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Raxxye(m): 6:33pm On Oct 01, 2017

hdeeman:
i have always have a very close relationship with my siblings while growing up, which i have tried much to see that everyone is comfortable. i don,t based in Nigeria, but my family has always been my first priority. but everything changed immediately i want to get married. that i have to settle everyone first before getting married. they automatically ganged against me, that if i don,t settle that no one will come for my marriage. this really pissed me off cos this is the same people i have been struggling for over 10 years now. am no longer a kid if i start to settle i will never get married. this is really disturbing me, they only call you on phone when they need something. it really hurt when people you love dearly treat you like this. how do i go about this cos i have decided what ever will happen let it happen, let me look for my own life. i owe no one a dime, every struggle is me and me alone,

I can relate, my brother because I'm in a similar situation.
Try the much you can for your family and leave the rest. Then move on with your life. There is never going to be a time when everyone of them will ever feel you've done enough for each of them. Remember it's your happiness first before that of others.

4 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by mrjojo: 6:34pm On Oct 01, 2017

This entitlement attitude of Nigerians, once you are the first born or little bit boxed up, everyone will be on your neck like you owe them. Helping shouldn't be a do or die affair, family member or not. Trust me they will all survive God forbid something happens to you.

6 Likes

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