Well I think the related topic (https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-158.0.html) is so crowded and did not really address my concerns so i'll explain properly and hope for fresh opinions.
So please Oga moderators please spare us this one it's not a duplicate but an attempt to a more focused discussion


There's this general belief that premarital intimacy is so bad and as a mater of fact it's a crime to society.


Questions:

1. What if you find out after marriage that your partner's sexual appetite does not come close to yours ?
    a. Do you become unreasonable and demand it anyway even if your partner is disgusted/exhausted/not into your thing ?
    b. Do you go out looking for satisfaction outside marriage
    c. Do you live the rest of your life knowing that part of your life will never be fulfilled till the day you die.

2. What happens if you find out after marriage that you man can't get it up for some reason beyond his control(may be medical or Mental conditions)
   a. Do you get a Divorce ?
   b. Do you stay in the marriage ?
   c. Do you look for satisfaction outside your marriage

3. Most guys say they would prefer their ladies to be virgins. case in point( https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-158.0.html )
But most also want them to be very good in bed( No one is good at anything me feel without schooling practice )
you can attest to this point by the Calabar girls and the Maiden school where they are thought to treat a man in bed and all round, I'm sure a lot of Naija guys know or have heard about Calabar girls.

Case in point:

I personally used to think this way, but NOT any more, I'd rather have a wife I'm cool with her personality all round than have a virgin who turns out to be disgusted by me later, the of living an un-interesting rest of my life is not worth it. As long as we are both healthy and disease free.
I mean intimacy is intimacy, even married couples who stray are advised to forgive their wives cause there are more important things once you are married.


4. The Church was vehemently against a lot of things e.g
    a. (Using a Condom) I read a while back that the Catholic church stood vehemently against the use of condoms but in todays world, it's supposed to be the norm.
    b. Homosexuality (The Anglican church is at loggerheads with itself because some Priests are now receptive to homosexuality while other are still dead against it)
    c. Premarital intimacy
   d. If you ask Pastors and marriage councellors, There's has been a lot of troubled marriage due to sexual incompatibility, These things don't get said often but they happen and there have been countless marriages broken because of them.
   e. And so many more but above are relevant to this topic.


Now given number the above,

---- Should people still have it at the back of their mind that premarital intimacy is entirely bad ?

---- Is it really a bad thing or it's just religious and societal brainwashing  ?

---- And yes a lot of values have been placed on intimacy, while rightly so,  isn't it depriving the more important things from being enjoyed ?

If you think about it there are pros and cons in every thing, Including premarital intimacy and we could spend the whole day stating them but there are also downsides to not having premarital sexual knowledge of your partner.

Okay NLanders please try in your best way to analyse this issue in your mind before you state your opinion for others to learn from, Including myself, you'll be helping a lot of people too.

Ps: Refrain from personal attacks and or slanderous statements so that every post on this thread would not be a wast of time, Other attempts to discuss this topic have been riddled with un-necessary comments and personal discussions. Please co-oporate so that this does not re-occur.

La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la . . . . . . . . . . . . .aint listenin. . . . . . . . . . . . la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . na u sabi. . . . . .la la la la la la la la la la la la la.

You have brought forward valid questions and issues. However, the stigma attached with premarital intimacy is not of a social origin but a religious origin.

I do not intend to preach but provide a religious perspective.

Nigeria is a religious nation and both Muslims and Christians frown upon pre-marital intimacy according to what is instructed in the holy books (Bible/Qu'ran).
With this in mind, for those that are religious, it is not a matter of what we want and what we feel is best for us. God has spoken and we have to obey his commandments or be ready to for the consequences (Hell). God knows what is best for us.

Having said this, from a religious stand point, God's word is final and all the points you have brought forward are INVALID!

the ONLY relationship that is based on sex is between a pr0stitute and her "john". marriage even simply dating is sooo much more and beyond sex. if you are getting married and sex is your biggest/most important issue, your not old enough to get married

agathamari:

the ONLY relationship that is based on intimacy is between a pr0stitute and her "john". marriage even simply dating is sooo much more and beyond intimacy. if you are getting married and intimacy is your biggest/most important issue, your not old enough to get married

You obviously did not read the post properly.

Girl846:

You have brought forward valid questions and issues. However, the stigma attached with premarital intimacy is not of a social origin but a religious origin.

I do not intend to preach but provide a religious perspective.

Nigeria is a religious nation and both Muslims and Christians frown upon pre-marital intimacy according to what is instructed in the holy books (Bible/Qu'ran).
With this in mind, for those that are religious, it is not a matter of what we want and what we feel is best for us. God has spoken and we have to obey his commandments or be ready to for the consequences (Hell). God knows what is best for us.

Having said this, from a religious stand point, God's word is final and all the points you have brought forward are INVALID!

So you don't think that people are being miss lead in the name of religion ?
I mean this same way of thinking ( NOT ASKING QUESTIONS BECAUSE IT'S GOD'S WILL ) is responsible for a lot of miss deeds in the name of religion, There probably could be a valid point from a religious perspective, but I don't think ( Because God says so. is enough to guide humans who think and reason )

Believe wt u want,God is d final judge.

We all have almost all the commands in either the bible or quaran in our head and i know it distinctly says no s e x before marriage and so on and so forth.We all know extramarital s e x is wrong.But so is cheating and divorce.Why not stop divorce and cheating with at least one round or two.S e x is a very important part of marriage so dont tell me you can do without it.YOU will look for it elsewhere the moment you find out your partner no de deliver.You may fight it but it will happen.There is something wrong with it.There is also nothing wrong with it.

read ur post and found it quite interesting.premarital sex is a contemporary issue and ther a lot of opinions abt it.d reason im against it is simply becos its disadvantages re more than d advantages u re tryin to emurate and also its against God's word.if u believe in God and He says premarital sex is wrong,its simply becos ther are more dangers than good.of course,intimacy incompatibility as u put has been a see to cuz mani marriages 2 fall simply because it was their top priority in d marriages.God didnt institute marriages mainly 4 intimacy although its very vital in a marriage, u no,they say,the largest room is that 4 improvement.intimacy is 4 marriage not the other way round, and God made it a sacred thing.we are the ones who created the word intimacy incompatibility because a woman who is nt good in bed can always improve and even taught better if the man is willing to be patient 2 teach.every man has different ways of enjoying intimacy so does the woman, greediness and selfishness re wat cause dis so called intimacy incompatibility, abortion,unwanted pregnancy,single parenting,delinquent tendencies,moral instability,rape,STDS,and even murder just 2 name a few are frequently d results of premarital sex.d fact is u simply wat to see d good in it and ignore d harm it causer so dat u can keep doin it and ther are just few like u mentioned.

NaUSabi:

You obviously did not read the post properly.

did read it and my observation still stands

as your user id says, na you sabi wetin you wan take your body do.

However, uneccessarily attacking people who decide not to have premarital sex, isnt cool. Likewise believing you're somehow more sanctified than others, because you dont have premarital sex, isnt ok either.


Let every man be convinced in his own mind.

Premarital sex depends on you as an individual and ur religious beliefs. if u r a religious person then premarital sex is an absolute no-no as commanded by God. if u r not religious then it is up to u to determine wat u want to do. i'm just tired of hearing someone say 'i'm a staunch catholic' whilst viewing premarital sex as normal.
About the sexual compatibility, someone that is sexually compatible with you today may no be tomorrow. u can never tell. the person's libido or appetite for sex may go down so premarital sex doesn't really safeguard a relationship in the long run. to each person his own,

whatever nigga

NaUSabi:

Well I think the related topic (https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-158.0.html) is so crowded and did not really address my concerns so i'll explain properly and hope for fresh opinions.
So please Oga moderators please spare us this one it's not a duplicate but an attempt to a more focused discussion


There's this general belief that premarital intimacy is so bad and as a mater of fact it's a crime to society.


Questions:

1. What if you find out after marriage that your partner's sexual appetite does not come close to yours ?
a. Do you become unreasonable and demand it anyway even if your partner is disgusted/exhausted/not into your thing ?
b. Do you go out looking for satisfaction outside marriage
c. Do you live the rest of your life knowing that part of your life will never be fulfilled till the day you die.

2. What happens if you find out after marriage that you man can't get it up for some reason beyond his control(may be medical or Mental conditions)
a. Do you get a Divorce ?
b. Do you stay in the marriage ?
c. Do you look for satisfaction outside your marriage

3. Most guys say they would prefer their ladies to be virgins. case in point( https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-158.0.html )
But most also want them to be very good in bed( No one is good at anything me feel without schooling practice )
you can attest to this point by the Calabar girls and the Maiden school where they are thought to treat a man in bed and all round, I'm sure a lot of Naija guys know or have heard about Calabar girls.

Case in point:

I personally used to think this way, but NOT any more, I'd rather have a wife I'm cool with her personality all round than have a virgin who turns out to be disgusted by me later, the of living an un-interesting rest of my life is not worth it. As long as we are both healthy and disease free.
I mean intimacy is intimacy, even married couples who stray are advised to forgive their wives cause there are more important things once you are married.


4. The Church was vehemently against a lot of things e.g
a. (Using a Condom) I read a while back that the Catholic church stood vehemently against the use of condoms but in todays world, it's supposed to be the norm.
b. Homosexuality (The Anglican church is at loggerheads with itself because some Priests are now receptive to homosexuality while other are still dead against it)
c. Premarital intimacy
d. If you ask Pastors and marriage councellors, There's has been a lot of troubled marriage due to sexual incompatibility, These things don't get said often but they happen and there have been countless marriages broken because of them.
e. And so many more but above are relevant to this topic.


Now given number the above,

---- Should people still have it at the back of their mind that premarital intimacy is entirely bad ?

---- Is it really a bad thing or it's just religious and societal brainwashing ?

---- And yes a lot of values have been placed on intimacy, while rightly so, isn't it depriving the more important things from being enjoyed ?

If you think about it there are pros and cons in every thing, Including premarital intimacy and we could spend the whole day stating them but there are also downsides to not having premarital sexual knowledge of your partner.

Okay NLanders please try in your best way to analyse this issue in your mind before you state your opinion for others to learn from, Including myself, you'll be helping a lot of people too.

Ps: Refrain from personal attacks and or slanderous statements so that every post on this thread would not be a wast of time, Other attempts to discuss this topic have been riddled with un-necessary comments and personal discussions. Please co-oporate so that this does not re-occur.

Guy you are 100% right!!!!

NaUSabi:

Well I think the related topic (https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-158.0.html) is so crowded and did not really address my concerns so i'll explain properly and hope for fresh opinions.
So please Oga moderators please spare us this one it's not a duplicate but an attempt to a more focused discussion

There's this general belief that premarital intimacy is so bad and as a mater of fact it's a crime to society.

I don't know where you get your ideas from, but nobody thinks pre-marital sex is a crime. It's not even morally wrong when you are sticking with one partner!

Questions:

1. What if you find out after marriage that your partner's sexual appetite does not come close to yours ?
   a. Do you become unreasonable and demand it anyway even if your partner is disgusted/exhausted/not into your thing ?
   b. Do you go out looking for satisfaction outside marriage
   c. Do you live the rest of your life knowing that part of your life will never be fulfilled till the day you die.

2. What happens if you find out after marriage that you man can't get it up for some reason beyond his control(may be medical or Mental conditions)
  a. Do you get a Divorce ?
  b. Do you stay in the marriage ?
  c. Do you look for satisfaction outside your marriage

People change, as so does ‘sexual appetites’ . .  Women and even men have experienced sexual decline at different points in their life. This is one of the reasons why you don’t marry someone because of how good h/she is in bed! The fact that someone is good in bed, before marriage, doesn’t mean that h/she will remain that way for ever. Infact no amount of time is guaranteed. An accident could happen, an illness, anything . .  and that ‘tiger’ becomes a ‘lamb’ in bed. That is why less emphasis should be placed on things that will most likely go away.

3. Most guys say they would prefer their ladies to be virgins. case in point( https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-158.0.html )
But most also want them to be very good in bed( No one is good at anything me feel without schooling practice )
you can attest to this point by the Calabar girls and the Maiden school where they are thought to treat a man in bed and all round, I'm sure a lot of Naija guys know or have heard about Calabar girls.

Case in point:

I personally used to think this way, but NOT any more, I'd rather have a wife I'm cool with her personality all round than have a virgin who turns out to be disgusted by me later, the of living an un-interesting rest of my life is not worth it. As long as we are both healthy and disease free.
I mean intimacy is intimacy, even married couples who stray are advised to forgive their wives cause there are more important things once you are married.

Se.x is not just s.e. x . it’s not just a union of bodies but of souls. I don’t blame people who want to marry virgins; I only blame dose doodles who except a virgin wife when they themselves have been tarnished! Like you said though, virginity does not guarantee a good marriage in any way, likewise sex.ual poweress!  

As for ‘straying’ in a marriage, it has consequences. You bring curse on not just yourself, but your family. There are laws that rule this world, and it’s not just religious in nature. The worst thing my husband can do to me, is to sleep with another woman. He puts not just my life, but that of my kids in danger! The most important thing in a marriage is trust. How can you love someone you don't trust? How can you cheat on your husband or wife without tampering with the trust?

4. The Church was vehemently against a lot of things e.g
   a. (Using a Condom) I read a while back that the Catholic church stood vehemently against the use of condoms but in todays world, it's supposed to be the norm.
   b. Homosexuality (The Anglican church is at loggerheads with itself because some Priests are now receptive to homosexuality while other are still dead against it)
   c. Premarital intimacy
  d. If you ask Pastors and marriage councellors, There's has been a lot of troubled marriage due to sexual incompatibility, These things don't get said often but they happen and there have been countless marriages broken because of them.
  e. And so many more but above are relevant to this topic.

The church has not changed its stand on the use of condoms. It’s a norm quiet all right, but not as far as the Catholic Church is concerned!

As for homosexuality, I don’t think the Catholic Church is ever going to bend on that, likewise pre-marital sex!

While I agree with you that se.x causes a lot of trouble in many homes, I think the main issue to be addressed is patience, willingness to compromise and understand your partner, respect and most especially love! I dont think sexual incompactibility cannot be handled by two couples who share all these things!

Now given number the above,

---- Should people still have it at the back of their mind that premarital intimacy is entirely bad ?

---- Is it really a bad thing or it's just religious and societal brainwashing  ?

---- And yes a lot of values have been placed on intimacy, while rightly so,  isn't it depriving the more important things from being enjoyed ?

If you think about it there are pros and cons in every thing, Including premarital intimacy and we could spend the whole day stating them but there are also downsides to not having premarital sexual knowledge of your partner.

Personally, I have my own convictions against pre-marital sex. I believe it enhances a lot of mistakes we make while choosing a partner. You meet a guy you barely know, you are having sex with him and it's so wonderful that you tell yourself that he's the one! It doesn't matter that he smack you a little when he's angry, it doesn't matter that he talk down at you when he's with he's friends, it doesn't matter that he drinks and drives (which is the height of irresponsibility if you aske me) . .  when the lights are off, he makes everything okay!

intimacy colours things the wrong way, it's dulls your senses and makes you blind to a lot of things. For both the men and the women.

I'm not totally against pre-marital s.ex.  . .  I'm just against the abuse of something that should be held sacred and shared only by two people who truly value and respect each other!

I definitely cant read all that. Go author a book or somthing.