faridaije:



why have u ignored me

I’ve been busy at work Ije. You’ve got my undivided attention tata.

Hi Faridaije, I have chronic OCD coupled with other mental issues like ADHD, chronic depression, extreme anxiety, bipolar, Low self-esteem, Perfectionism(OCPD similar to OCD) and the Fantasy Disorder (i waste hours fantasizing about a character rich fantasy world i have created in my head for almost a decade now) and (i don't know) i think i'm autistic... It kills me inside... I have contemplated suicide but i'm afraid it will be too painful or unsuccessful (since firearms are not sold in this country)...

My mental issues started when i was around 5 years (or maybe since child birth)... My depression heightened during my secondary education at a military secondary school (Nigerian Navy Port Harcourt).

I stay in Port Harcourt and school in the University of Port Harcourt (Uniport)... Studying Mathematics and Computer Science... I'm repeating my final year because my mental issues did not allow me focus on my project and two difficult Maths courses.. i find it hard to focus (ADHD) and study... If i am not battling with that ever present inner OCD voice, I'm fantasizing about another world inside my head...

Everybody thinks i'm rude because i am never smiling and i don't know how to talk to or reply people... no matter how i try i will always say something awkward or wouldn't be able to say anything at all... So i just detach myself from people generally... and what my OCD and OCPD has done to me is just so much i can't write all about it here...

Side note: I recently stop believing in religion (Christianity in my case)... I see it as a mechanism implemented to make people behave and make people be motivated to live and enjoy life... I also don't identify as an atheist because most atheist these days are just religious about their non-believe... They will undoubtedly support theories like The Big Bang Theory and yet criticizes Christians for believing in the Creation Story... I don't believe both of the aforementioned theories(stories)... I can say I'm agnostic because i do not know about the origin of existence.. Although, when i was still an ardent Christian, my OCD voice will compel me to give large portions of my personal savings to "God" so that i'll receive a specific blessing or answer to a prayer request... lol...

I have not talked to anyone about my issues because i know they will not understand... during my secondary school days, i told my parents i was contemplating suicide... they beat me up and took me to church for deliverance... lol so there is no point talking about it to my family... I thought i was the only one with the OCD issue in this part of the world until i started seeing posts like yours...

I emailed you though... I will appreciate talking to someone who understands...

Thanks...