DOES NO REALLY MEANS NO?

Social Media has been buzzing for a while over this particular topic. It has created some sort of dissonance among many school of thoughts. This idea of consent is so sensitive that if you tweet or post something on Fb and these armies come for your head, you’ll be forced to take it down. Before I proceed on the topic, let’s first try to consider these two illustration:
Ade and Funmi has been dating for a while, they have sextexed, teased, flirted with each other, they have had phone intimacy on many occasions but the only thing is that they haven’t yet met. So while chatting, Ade invited Funmi over and she agreed to come. On getting to Ade’s, after expected pleasantries and small talks, things got heated and they started kissing and smooching. But when it was time for action, Funmi shouted a very loud “NO” that she is not interested. Ade, even though pained, calmed down and didn’t pursue it further. Later, Funmi left for her house and she stopped picking Ade’s call. When Ade’s friend that hooked them together called Funmi, she said Ade wasn’t man enough, he should have pressed futher that she was just doing initial gra-gra bla bla bla. Bottom line, Ade moved on.
Few months later, Ade met Tope and things was normal between the two, they were teasing, flirting and even kissing after dates. So, Tope visited her boyfriend and while watching a film, things got intensed. The romance came and Ade proceeded to go down but Tope said NO, he shouldn’t but Ade not wanting to make the same mistake twice, thought it was just gimmicks. So, He tried to continue the pursuit and eventually forced his member into Tope’s abode while she shouted and resisted vehemently. Ade was eventually arrested and prosecuted.
The illustration above (though fictional) is what is happening in this society, many guys are like Ade who couldn’t discern the difference between NOs. This has become some sort of dilemma for most guys raising questions like how do you know the difference between Consent and no consent, how to know a Lady that just wants Romance etc. The answer to these questions though complex is quite simple. It just need a proper breakdown:
What is NO? No (in sex context) simply means not giving or expressing permission for the opposite sex to have forms with you. From my personal experience and finding, there are two types of NO and for the purpose of this discussion, I’ll call them “Normal No” and “Coded No”. “Normal No” involves not giving consent and insisting on maintaining that stance even after persuasion and seduction while the “coded No” also known as Initial gragra is when a lady says No initially because she doesn’t want to be seen as cheap or Lady of easy virtue. This type of NO is very difficult to understand.
To understand the difference between the normal no and coded No, we need to acknowledge that the fact that the term “No means No” in Nigeria is very relative and it’s meaning isn’t as literarily expressed, this is because due to our cultural and religious backgrounds, most girls will never say "Yes, let’s Bleep or let’s have sex same way they’ll never walk up to a guy to woo him (Even when they have strong feelings for the guy). So, guys have to understand Consent comes in all forms and manners, human can communicate via verbal and none verbal means, body language, posture, eye contact and proximity. This implies that guys have to learn to discern the differences by watching and listening to the body language of the opposite sex.
For example, in the Normal No, you’ll notice reluctancy, rigidity and hostility in the girl, you will this encounter this look that shows lack of passion, disgust hatred an. Her body language will say it all. If you encounter all these traits and characters, Please stop every approach and take your L in peace, don’t be like Ade, there is no joy in raping a lady that is not interested. But on the other hand, in the coded No, you’ll notice that signs of encouragement or no resistance, even while the girl is saying her No you’ll notice her responding to all your touches in a very good way, urging you to continue or not showing signs of wearing back the undies that had been initially removed. If you encounter a lady like this, cheers mate, enjoy yourselves.
In conclusion, in order to avoid getting yourself in an awkward situation where you might be accused of rape, the best thing is to remain celibate, no body will accuse you if you did not thread the path but If you can’t zip-up, make sure you print out enough copies of the consent forms making round on Social Media and make sure she fills it before you start any action or Make sure you get an affirmative answer before penatrating any lady (I’ll advise you ask three times) in order to avoid stories that touch. Above all, don’t force anybody, don’t let your dick think for you and make sure you always use protection. Aids is real. Stay woke, Stay blessed.
Kayode Abiodun writes from his village in Ibadan and can be reached @AbiodunSpeaks on Twitter and Abbeyunique on Facebook.

Tosyne2much, lailasticlala, Mynd44, kbs464

You can always be plain and ask NO means NO thanks, some other time perhaps, sex isn't the end of the world, if you cant wait to get a partner

Well in my opinion, I don't think its a must for penetrative sex to follow up after much cuddling. Ah mean, there is a way a guy would give a girl pre-intimacy and she would urm take His member by the hand and fix it into her..

dingbang:
Well in my opinion, I don't think its a must for penetrative sex to follow up after much cuddling. Ah mean, there is a way a guy would give a girl pre-intimacy and she would urm take His member by the hand and fix it into her..

But most girls are shy and don't often let out their wildness. So they'll prefer you do some things before flowing with the rhythm

ChiefPiiko:
You can always be plain and ask NO means NO thanks, some other time perhaps, sex isn't the end of the world, if you cant wait to get a partner

So you've not heard of wife accusing their husband of rape?

uncleabbey:

But most girls are shy and don't often let out their wildness. So they'll prefer you do some things before flowing with the rhythm

well.. At the onset...but after that, na u go run oooo

Sex is really fuvking overrated. If she says No, leave the poor girl, go to the bathroom, masturbate and then come back to bed. You no go even reason her matter again, una too dey give girls preference over some stupid hole in their body. Mtcheew