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Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani - Politics - Nairaland

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Not IBB, Nor OBJ… Meet The Men Who Will Deny Buhari A 2nd Term By Mayowa Tijani / Suspended DG NIA Weeps, Barred From Aso Rock / Buhari Sacks Army Bodyguards From Aso Rock (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by Islie: 3:21pm On Jan 03
by Mayowa Tijani,



At the banquet hall of the presidential residence, Abuja, the Aso Villa demons are having the first meeting of the year. Their meeting is characterised by a lot of laughter, mockery and of course, drums and songs for dancing.

After minutes of dancing, the chief demon steps in; the drums roll a for a minute more before coming to a halt. The demons sit in order of hierachy, as they await the words of the chief.


(Chief clears throat to give the first speech of the year).
“Good evening gentlemen and ladies of the celestial villa, it is with great pleasure and a deep sense of gratitude that I welcome you to the first meeting of the year 2018.

“You all deserve a raise; your work in 2017 was remarkable. You recorded feats we have never seen in the history of this nation. Not even Sanni Abacha fell prey to our tricks as much as you made this man fall to them in 2017.

“For the first time in 57 years, we ensured that the man at the helm appointed masquerades (men of the world yonder) to his government to lead key agencies as board chairmen.


(Confusion and Delay, the demons responsible for this feat stand up and take a bow. The chief raises his right arm to make gestures of gratitude to the demons of the year 2017. He continues…).
“We gave them blind eyes to ignore the fracas between the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) and the Department of State Services (DSS). We ensured that Baba Lawal was sent back to his house in Borno since he was not cooperating. How can he use only N200 million to cut grass, when his mates are using over N4 billion to maintain the villa.

“We should send special gifts to Baba Garba, Uncle Femi, Prof Tsetse Sirkay, and Abu Mallami as our men of the year 2017. They made our work extremely easy this year. For Baba Garba, he embarassed the president with his rodents on rampage narrative, making rats chase the president from office for over two months.

“For Uncle Femi, it was a move from one blunder to the other. To cap a remarkable year, he cooked a presidential documentary where visuals were faster than sound, showing the incompetent side of his media team and the other side of the president. To make our work easier, he insisted that the documentary be aired at a time when only himself and the team in the villa would watch it. Insensitivity, how did you pull that off?


(Insensitivity , a four-eyed demon stands up to answer the chief. He speaks…)
“My lord, I cannot take all the credit for that one o. Uncle Femi is a phenomenal man. He is simply a man who loves to see the positive side of everything. When his boys told him not to air the documentary, I just whispered to him: ‘your boys complain too much; in fact if they mistakenly find themselves in Heaven, they would even complain against God’. That was all I said, Uncle Femi did the rest.”

“In fact, it will be harder to convince governor Rochas to build a statue of George Weah than to get Uncle Femi to see the bad side of things.”


(Insensitivity takes a bow and sits. The chief continues…)
“We should send Maina’s golden gate to Mallami for a job well done. And perhaps send a beautiful whistle-blowing tip to Prof Sirkay, who added colour to our 2017.”
“A round of applause for you all. It was a remarkable year. Let us celebrate.”


(The demons turn up with irrational laughter, drumming, dancing, and drinking to a great 2017)
DEMONS REVIEW PLANS FOR 2018
(The chief calls for calm, as demons get seated for planning the new year. Chief speaks…)

“We need to plan; our vision for 2018 must be brighter and more daring that what we saw for 2017. We must excel, break records, and set landmarks, never seen in the history of this nation. So the floor is open, make your suggestions for the year.”


(Deception stands up and laughs continually for 18 minutes, as other demons join the laughter parade like drunk men. He stops abruptly and begins to speak)
“2018 is my year! As it is the last year before another general election, it is my time to shine. As it is my culture every year before an election, I would put a lying tongue in the mouth of almost everyone in the Villa. With this, I would effectively put the president in a bubble, detached from reality.

“I have started my work; as you must have noticed in the president’s speech on January 1. I put a lying tongue in the mouth of his speech writers to blame Nigerians for fuel scarcity, when in fact, it is an increase in global price of petrol, coupled with poor policies, and his lack of investment in local refining, that is causing this particular scarcity.

“With the remarkable patience Nigerians displayed in 2017, I made the president blame them for being so impatient.
“I would ensure that some young minds in this half of the villa tell other youths on social media that the president is the best thing that has happened in Nigeria after Jollof rice. I so submit.”


(The demons give deception a round of applause as political prostitution takes the stage)
“My lord, you know this is my time to shine too. I plan to find a way to the hearts of every politician that steps into the villa. This year, I will unveil my pet project called ‘cross-carpeting’. I have tried out my wand on Atikulate and Obanikoroad, and it worked just fine.

“I am planning on getting Tinuboot and Sir Raki to move, but both men are proving to be very stubborn. My lord, I shall try harder and bring you update by the time we meet again in February.”


(The Chief takes over…)
“Thank you for your brilliant contributions. I am afraid we have to halt the meeting for now; If all is well, the first Federal Executive Council meeting should be on, and we must attend to inspire some havoc.

“As we go, I want us to think really hard on why Nigerians say there are no demons in the Villa, when dead people are appointed as board chairmen. Personally, I think we have been operating too much in the background, let’s work harder to make it to the next list of appointees.


“Meeting adjourned.”
(They all rise as the chief leads the procession out of the hall).
The story never ends…


https://www.thecable.ng/leaked-conversations-aso-villa-demons-first-2018-meeting

65 Likes 8 Shares

Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by johnnyn1(m): 3:27pm On Jan 03
I laugh in Chinese as I heard Rochas..

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by haywire07(m): 3:35pm On Jan 03
This writer must be the script writer for Mount Zion movies

32 Likes 1 Share

Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by Nobody: 3:41pm On Jan 03
grin grin grin

2 Likes

Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by greatgod2012(f): 3:55pm On Jan 03
The writer of this article deserves an award! The write up might be funny, but truly, devil and his agents live and dine with those in that aso villa!

50 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by policy12: 4:00pm On Jan 03
What a piece..

6 Likes

Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by MetroBaba1(m): 4:01pm On Jan 03
OK No Problem no body is perfected. am a student, I need to help every part, with my life, now I want growth if you need to help I like, my head on the ground.

1 Like

Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by Teewhy2: 4:14pm On Jan 03
I need Ruben Abati to help confirm if truly this how Aso Rock demons meetings go, at least he told us that there are lots of demon in Aso Rock.
Salute for the writer, Nice piece . I hope the writer takes this writing skills very seriously to generate more income in 2018.

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3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by Teetopz: 4:14pm On Jan 03
kk

4 Likes

Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by Queendoncom(f): 4:16pm On Jan 03
Hahahaha from rats to demons. This country don tire me

1 Like

Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by Comrade360(m): 4:16pm On Jan 03
Nawa o
Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by caseclosed147: 4:17pm On Jan 03
summarize it for me grin grin grin ain't reading that long ass essay. wink sad

1 Like

Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by Abfinest007(m): 4:18pm On Jan 03
buhari ear will still leak soon
Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by fasho01(m): 4:18pm On Jan 03
Hmm
Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by jeeqaa7(m): 4:18pm On Jan 03
É
Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by Sunnycliff(m): 4:19pm On Jan 03
Nice sarcasm

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by koolgee(m): 4:20pm On Jan 03
grin grin grin grin
Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by Nobody: 4:20pm On Jan 03
chief dullard nko?
Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by micklplus(m): 4:20pm On Jan 03
Demons on fleak. LOL
Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by hobermener: 4:22pm On Jan 03
Reminds me of one of my favorite songs

"Demons"

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood's run stale

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There's nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide
Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

At the curtain's call
It's the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you made

Don't wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide
Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide
Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

7 Likes

Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by agbarisocket: 4:22pm On Jan 03
Okorocha Would Betrayed Other Flat Head Like Slate,i Knew
Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by Collins0609(m): 4:23pm On Jan 03
beautiful
Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by agbarisocket: 4:23pm On Jan 03
agbarisocket:
Okorocha Would Betrayed Other Flat Head Like Slate,i Knew
why Flat Head Dont Like To Hear Truth
Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by royalamour(m): 4:23pm On Jan 03
shocked
Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by YouthsPC0: 4:23pm On Jan 03
Writer per excellence

1 Like

Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by frank043(m): 4:24pm On Jan 03
.
Re: Leaked Conversations From Aso Villa Demons’ First 2018 Meeting By Mayowa Tijani by COdeGenesis: 4:24pm On Jan 03
E just be like say I dey watch Mount Zion film

1 Like

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