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Unromantic Husband - Family - Nairaland

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Wat Can I Do Am Getting Married To An Unromantic Man And I Ve Tried All I Culd (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Unromantic Husband by yesoo: 3:43pm On Apr 18, 2010
i was a virgin when i married my husband but have endured marriage since i got hooked.my hubby is always tired and not in the mood for lovemaking.i always initiate the act.most times i'm turned down.infact,i am fed up.i've spoken to him concerning this and he keeps telling me that he felt i was his kind of person that doesnt like intimacy that was one of the reasons he married me.what else do you think i should do to make him like it.suggestions are highly welcomed(meanwhile i am a mother of two kids)
Re: Unromantic Husband by labiyemmy(m): 3:45pm On Apr 18, 2010
then you didnt marry him as a virgin - you lied to him?
Re: Unromantic Husband by rokiatu(f): 3:55pm On Apr 18, 2010
yesoo:

i married my husband as a virgin but have endured marriage since i got hooked.my hubby is always tired and not in the mood for lovemaking.i always initiate the act.most times i'm turned down.infact,i am fed up.i've spoken to him concerning this and he keeps telling me that[b] he felt i was his kind of person that doesnt like intimacy that was one of the reasons he married[/b] me.what else do you think i should do to make him like it.suggestions are highly welcomed(meanwhile i am a mother of two kids)
I'm sorry, but you married a non-intimate person.
Since he's been this way a long time, the chances that he'll change are quite low. frankly if it was always low sex drive,
then you got into this knowingly. dont try to change him/it anymore
Re: Unromantic Husband by jennykadry(f): 4:02pm On Apr 18, 2010
@labiyemmy:

then you didnt marry him as a virgin - you lied to him?

Read properly


@topic
how do you initiate it?communication is not strong enough here, listen sit him down one night, infact, wake him up from his sleep, and ask him a few questions, tell him you are not happy, cos he is pushing you into sthg you dont want to do, ask him the reason for his constant tiredness and lack of interest, ask him if he feels intimacy is only for reproduction

P:S You might wanna change the way your body approaches the subject, do you just go to him, or roll over to his side , shake him and ask him fro intimacy? have you tried turning him on in different ways, like massaging him on the bed with no clothes on, giving him a BJ, caressing him, you shuld know his weak point,try getting him in that area, send him x-rated sms when hes not at home, tell him how much you want him down there , and how you are going to ride him to pleasurable exhaustion when he comes home, join him in the shower or bath tub, give him a bath, wat sort of nighties n clothes do you put on? you have to activate his imaginary mind, let him begin to imagine what you look like under those sexy clothes,you have to look hot to make him want hot, are you the missionary type? if you are change, you have to be the mild aggressor here,this is your man, common do with him as you please smiley
Re: Unromantic Husband by jennykadry(f): 4:15pm On Apr 18, 2010
rokiatu:

I'm sorry, but you married a non-intimate person.
Since he's been this way a long time, the chances that he'll change are quite low. frankly if it was always low desire for intimacy,
then you got into this knowingly. dont try to change him/it anymore

not true,all hope is not lost, alot of pple lose interest cos they find their partner boring, or have some emotional problem that they need to see a psychologist or a counselor for, in this case these is marriage, and sacrifices should be made, that is both of them should be able to meet at the middle
Re: Unromantic Husband by yesoo: 4:31pm On Apr 18, 2010
Thanks jennykadry:ive actually tried soo many things to lure him to enjoy intimacy but all to no avail.the only time he succumbed to my desire soo freely without much aguements was when i told him he was indirectly pushing me out to have intimate partners outside wedlock.this really hurt him and we made love that day.infact,that month was one of my best months as a married woman.after some time he changed to his 'I'm not in the mood attitude'  cry
Re: Unromantic Husband by jennykadry(f): 4:38pm On Apr 18, 2010
yesoo:

Thanks jennykadry:ive actually tried soo many things to lure him to enjoy intimacy but all to no avail.the only time he succumbed to my desire soo freely without much aguements was when i told him he was indirectly pushing me out to have intimate partners outside wedlock.this really hurt him and we made love that day.infact,that month was one of my best months as a married woman.after some time he changed to his 'I'm not in the mood attitude' cry

the dude is a funny one i tell you grin grin grin , ok, why not stop asking, you can help yourself out with toys, or your fingerss , dont ask for it , he will be shocked and would wanna know whats wrong, why not give him an emotional torture for a while, torture him emotionally,you can give him the impression that you get yourself satisfied some way, he'll wanna know how
Re: Unromantic Husband by rokiatu(f): 4:43pm On Apr 18, 2010
jennykadry:

not true,all hope is not lost, alot of pple lose interest cos they find their partner boring, or have some emotional problem that they need to see a psychologist or a counselor for, in this case these is marriage, and sacrifices should be made, that is both of them should be able to meet at the middle
You have a point, and since you are married, I wouldn't argue with you grin
Re: Unromantic Husband by yesoo: 4:45pm On Apr 18, 2010
@jennykadry lol.i must say he is indeed very funny.when i look back and remember all the long stories,quarrels and arguements we go through 'all because of intimacy 'it amazes me.i just wished he is a romantic person because he is very caring although hot tempered.
Re: Unromantic Husband by jennykadry(f): 4:51pm On Apr 18, 2010
rokiatu:

You have a point, and since you are married, I wouldn't argue with you grin

She could always walk out when he turns her down, or seize sleeping in the same room for sometime, yea if he wants to know why, she should tell him there's no need since she cant have intercoure with him, whats the use, thats what i meant by emotional torture, you know just keep cooking his meals, u lot should keep talking the way you talk, laugh and joke about everything,, go to church together, spend time together, but when it is time to sleep, take your blanket and sleep elsewhere, in this case, an ultimatum is supported here, though im not a fan of it, but if it were me, God forbid, i'd tell him that if he wants me back on that bed, then he has to give me my marital benefits, he has to make me the woman that i no longer am, he has to honour his word of loving evrything about me until death do us part,tell him you are not happy, let him know you are not a happily married woman, you are a shadow of yourself, let him know these, tell him marriage should be enjoyed and not endured but in this case you are endurin and dont know how long you can go for, some issues should be dealt with ,with mild agression

Denying your partner intimacy is like sending that person to his/her early grave, cos whats the joy of going out and wanting to rush back home to spend some time with your family, when you know you will receive nothing in return even after giving?

This is emotion, emotion is life, tormented emotional mind leads to frustration, anger and pain of not even knowing what you are living for
Re: Unromantic Husband by yesoo: 11:12am On Nov 08, 2012
sad sadI'm fed up of all of these.I'v tried all u'v said and as well decided to b patient with him but the issue has gotten out of hand.The moment you complain about his attitude towards sex he changes for few weeks(say 2weeks)and returns to his old attitude
Re: Unromantic Husband by Nobody: 11:29am On Nov 08, 2012
yesoo: sad sadI'm fed up of all of these.I'v tried all u'v said and as well decided to b patient with him but the issue has gotten out of hand.The moment you complain about his attitude towards sex he changes for few weeks(say 2weeks)and returns to his old attitude

Since 2010 OP you need a professional help ! For real
Re: Unromantic Husband by chaircover: 11:31am On Nov 08, 2012
@
Re: Unromantic Husband by Nobody: 5:31pm On Nov 08, 2012
OP are you gonna answer chaircover's questions or pm her if you're shy ?
Re: Unromantic Husband by ileobatojo: 5:43pm On Nov 08, 2012
I hate to be the one to say it but have you considered the possibility that your husband is on the downlow? Him saying he chose you because he felt your sex drive would be low sounds very suspicious to me.
Re: Unromantic Husband by Nobody: 6:20pm On Nov 08, 2012
ileobatojo: I hate to be the one to say it but have you considered the possibility that your husband is on the downlow? Him saying he chose you because he felt your sex drive would be low sounds very suspicious to me.

You mean cheating! lipsrsealed did I just say that?
Re: Unromantic Husband by Nobody: 6:22pm On Nov 08, 2012
jidegirl12:

You mean cheating! lipsrsealed did I just say that?
No she meant he might be gay and just married to fulfill all righteousness,
Re: Unromantic Husband by baby124: 6:27pm On Nov 08, 2012
ileobatojo: I hate to be the one to say it but have you considered the possibility that your husband is on the downlow? Him saying he chose you because he felt your sex drive would be low sounds very suspicious to me.

grin grin grin grin grin

A big possibility as being gay is a sin in Nigeria. So many gay men are married to unsuspecting gullible girls who dont know the signs. trust me, a lot of Nigerian's are very gullible when it comes to gays. It could also be that the guy is older and has some erectile or intimate issues. Any hot blooded man that can resist his sexy Unclad wife is suspect. undecided
Re: Unromantic Husband by Nobody: 6:40pm On Nov 08, 2012
debrief08:
No she meant he might be gay and just married to fulfill all righteousness,

That's even worse .... not that there's anything wrong with being gay but he's married.
Re: Unromantic Husband by ileobatojo: 6:48pm On Nov 08, 2012
debrief08:
No she meant he might be gay and just married to fulfill all righteousness,

Yup!


baby_123:

grin grin grin grin grin

A big possibility as being gay is a sin in Nigeria. So many gay men are married to unsuspecting gullible girls who dont know the signs. trust me, a lot of Nigerian's are very gullible when it comes to gays. It could also be that the guy is older and has some erectile or intimate issues. Any hot blooded man that can resist his sexy Unclad wife is suspect. undecided

cheesy It's possible he has intimacy issues oh but that statement he made screams gay to me. I hope I'm wrong though. For OP's sake.
Re: Unromantic Husband by yesoo: 7:22pm On Nov 08, 2012
Thank you soo much for responses.@Chaircover;I doubt he has any medical condition cos we both have 2children.But I must say I was the one that virtually forced him those days I conceived.As for being gay I really can't say,he comes back home immediately he's done with work&at weekends we visit our family members.I'm really soooo sad and honestly wish I had known his lack of interest before we tied the not
Re: Unromantic Husband by Nobody: 7:31pm On Nov 08, 2012
yesoo: Thank you soo much for responses.@Chaircover;I doubt he has any medical condition cos we both have 2children.But I must say I was the one that virtually forced him those days I conceived.As for being gay I really can't say,he comes back home immediately he's done with work&at weekends we visit our family members.I'm really soooo sad and honestly wish I had known his lack of interest before we tied the not
Re: Unromantic Husband by Nobody: 7:32pm On Nov 08, 2012
yesoo: Thank you soo much for responses.@Chaircover;I doubt he has any medical condition cos we both have 2children.But I must say I was the one that virtually forced him those days I conceived.As for being gay I really can't say,he comes back home immediately he's done with work&at weekends we visit our family members.I'm really soooo sad and honestly wish I had known his lack of interest before we tied the not

You just melted my heart with your last statement , pls see a professional , cc up to you! This is way above me!
Re: Unromantic Husband by yesoo: 8:15pm On Nov 08, 2012
sadThank you for the responses.
@Chaircover:I don't think he has a medical problem.We have 2children together.
As of being gay,I really can't say cos he comes back home immediately after work and during weekends we both visit our family members.So when cld he have had the time to engage in such act
Please I'll appreciate any more suggestions.I'm gradually beginning to loose my sanity
Re: Unromantic Husband by ileobatojo: 8:24pm On Nov 08, 2012
yesoo: Thank you soo much for responses.@Chaircover;I doubt he has any medical condition cos we both have 2children.But I must say I was the one that virtually forced him those days I conceived.As for being gay I really can't say,he comes back home immediately he's done with work&at weekends we visit our family members.I'm really soooo sad and honestly wish I had known his lack of interest before we tied the not

A medical condition in this case does not mean inability to 'perform', it's more like a medical reason for low libido/s.ex drive. A man with low libido has a reduced desire to have sex but he may still be able to perform if he has to. There are some medical and psychological causes for this which you could both explore. However from his statement , he has no interest in exploring a solution which is not normal. Most guys with low libido would go from doctor to doctor if need be to fix it so his disinterest is highly suspect to me. I don't strongly suspect a 'medical' cause. I believe it in his psyche/mind. Either he is gay and not sexually attracted to women but men, asexual ( not sexually attracted to anyone, male or female) or he has some deep psychological issue that has produced an aversion to s.ex. Whatever the case, you deserve to know the truth. I would start with counseling if it were me, individual and couples counseling. If you can find an experienced psychologist that is.

Apart from that? It's to fast and pray for God to give you wisdom to be able to extract the truth from him.
Re: Unromantic Husband by Nobody: 8:33pm On Nov 08, 2012
yesoo: sadThank you for the responses.
@Chaircover:I don't think he has a medical problem.We have 2children together.
As of being gay,I really can't say cos he comes back home immediately after work and during weekends we both visit our family members.So when cld he have had the time to engage in such act
Please I'll appreciate any more suggestions.I'm gradually beginning to loose my sanity

Noo, it's just what if? That doesn't mean it's true pls don't start thinking about that?

@ ileoba have said it all, it could be other mental or psychological problem , there are sex therapists you know? They will actually get in bed with him for few sessions ( witnessed it of course with my whitey friend).

There are endless solutions so get off that couch and do something, it's your life!
Re: Unromantic Husband by dayokanu(m): 9:09pm On Nov 08, 2012
Disadvantages of not test driving your intending spouse.

If you had bleeped him while dating maybe you wouldn't have tied the knot. But the idealistic being virgin till marriage is what you are paying for now.

Your own sex drive is way higher, there is no way of knowing that if you don't test drive.

lesson for unmarried ppl. Fuckkk the hell out of your fiancee before saying I do else you get stuck with a one minute man

Some things cant be taught

Similar issue being discussed here

http://www.nairaland.com/1097434/wife-not-interested

2 Likes

Re: Unromantic Husband by chaircover: 6:19am On Nov 09, 2012
@
Re: Unromantic Husband by maclatunji: 10:26am On Nov 09, 2012
After 2 years, the problem persists? Wow!
Re: Unromantic Husband by P406: 8:03pm On Nov 09, 2012
yesoo: sadThank you for the responses.
@Chaircover:I don't think he has a medical problem.We have 2children together.
As of being gay,I really can't say cos he comes back home immediately after work and during weekends we both visit our family members.So when cld he have had the time to engage in such act
Please I'll appreciate any more suggestions.I'm gradually beginning to loose my sanity
@ yesoo, have you had an affair in these 2years?I am just curious because of your expression above.I for one,truely have no councel to give.
Re: Unromantic Husband by Kobojunkie: 8:37pm On Nov 09, 2012
yesoo: i was a virgin when i married my husband but have endured marriage since i got hooked.my hubby is always tired and not in the mood for lovemaking.i always initiate the act.most times i'm turned down.infact,i am fed up.i've spoken to him concerning this and he keeps telling me that he felt i was his kind of person that doesnt like intimacy that was one of the reasons he married me.what else do you think i should do to make him like it.suggestions are highly welcomed(meanwhile i am a mother of two kids)

Again, these are issues that should have been discussed BEFORE marriage, not after. People don't typically change their body after marriage. A man/woman who is 'unromantic' before marriage is likely to remain so even after marriage. It is not a disease or a sickness and there is no such thing as as a CURE for being 'unromantic'. Not all humans are created 'romantic' . . . some are and some simply are not. Even a baby knows this . .

Not saying you should have been intimate with him prior to marriage but you two should have talked about these things and come to an agreement on how to meet each other half way. No need crying over spilled milk now . . . and thinking yourself a victim in all this. You went into the marriage with your headlights full on so either talk now on how to reach 'common ground' or accept this is the person you are married to.
Re: Unromantic Husband by maclatunji: 9:25pm On Nov 09, 2012
P406:
@ yesoo, have you had an affair in these 2years?I am just curious because of your expression above.I for one,truely have no councel to give.

Just pounce on him when he thinks he has escaped again and vent your "anger" on him on your bed. You are allowed. (It would be debatable if it were the other way round).

Tell him it is what husband and wife do regularly not seldomly. Don't laugh, I am not joking.

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