Hello everyone, my parents are btw the age range of 50- 60 and they still quarrel, exchange words,keep malice and the man even blows n slap her. I have grown to see them doing this but at this stage when all thier children' 4 of us are all married with children of our own' its really disheartening.
The most annoying one is that recently my father started accusing my mother that she wants to kill him. After all these years(33).
i was thinking of telling my mum to travel somewhere maybe for about 6months, to be away from all his troubles b/c it is really wearing her down. Pls anyone with more reasonable advice?

and while he is slapping your mother what are you doing hissssssssssssssssssssssss. Your mom needs to take some kickboxing classes because it seems nothing else has worked for her. 33 years ke. This is sad.

Aww, you poor thing
Maybe you should try and be the voice of reason and speak up
tell them both that you don't like it when both of them argue and fight
esp in front of you.

Another thing you can do is, talk to someone to help to talk to them (eg a trusted adult)

@mamagee' its more serious than u think o!
@rokiatu' we have tried bringing in our uncles into it but just as soon as they are gone, the whole thing resumes again.
My dad used to be in d army, so u can imagine how strong he still is, my mum is no match

@Poster

You have to tell one of them to cool down, most especially your mother since she knows who ur papa was/is. Pleaseee, by now she should be used to your father and have deviced means to control or deal with the situation when it arises.

At that age, she doesn't need any man slapping her, it is not just good at all for her health.

Guess they have been managing the marriage all along.

one day ur pops is gonna knock off ur moms choppers. but seriously dis is disheartening to hear

Grandpa and Grandma please take it easy ooo.

I was hoping someone would say it but no one is. Your father needs to respect himself. No one has ever stood up to him. Maybe you people need to sacrifice for your mother the way she sacrificed for you guys. Take her away from there and leave your father alone by himself. You guys do not even need to communicate with him. You guys have accepted his behavior including your mom that is why he still behaves this way at his age. Maybe after a while he will learn that he has no children or wife if he behaves so badly. WTF

Beavyvan:

Hello everyone, my parents are btw the age range of 50- 60 and they still quarrel, exchange words,keep malice and the man even blows n slap her. I have grown to see them doing this but at this stage when all thier children' 4 of us are all married with children of our own' its really disheartening.
The most annoying one is that recently my father started accusing my mother that she wants to kill him. After all these years(33).
i was thinking of telling my mum to travel somewhere maybe for about 6months, to be away from all his troubles b/c it is really wearing her down. Pls anyone with more reasonable advice?

your right-- she should travel away from him and get him a househelp (preferably a boy)

ur never too old to get some couples councelling as well-- let the family gather and air their views

its upsetting all of you the way they bicker, its important you all show them what they are doing to each other and the family

after time apart they should miss each other enough to start making things work

mama-gee:

Nothing serious, just wait until they're both too old to fight. . .

LMAO! First time you made sense. Poster, Find quoted as requested FYI & A!

With all the years and experience ur father has, he is still an Illitrate.
Pls. take care of your mother while u can. just seperate them for a while. But you mother too, maybe she likes the beating to have been enduring it for the past 33yrs. ,
My parents too are similar.
What I have done to savage it, very simple,
Played more and laugh more at their stupidity in front of them, and make gesture at them when they are relax. At times, I even ask them to start the part-II. since they don't have issues to think about.


don't convince them for anything, they will correct themselves with time or at their graves.

What de , lol.

Take your mother out of that house immediately o. At her age now, blows and slaps may run faster to the grave.

If you fail to heed my advice, you may start preparing for a Funeral.

.NET

Sounds like your father likes beating women and your mother is among the women that likes the man more when he beats them.   If they have been living together for 33 years, and with all the quarrels and fights, then not even you can stop that habit. i think the idea of your mother being away for six months is enough punishment for the old school wife beater.

You children and your mum made a terrible mistake of allowing this to linger until now. This should have been stopped long time ago.

But better late than never, you got to do everything possible to let your dad realize you are not taking it any longer.

Take your mum away if possible and find out other things you can deny your father that will make him reason well.

The earlier you all put a stop to it and tell him enough is enough, the better.

60=? With what strength?

mama-gee:

Nothing serious, just wait until they're both too old to fight. . .

lol

I am sorry to say this , I don't think this man can change , once a wife beater, always a wife beater
I have a friend who watched his father always beat his mum and he hated his father for it.
now, he turned into a wife beater himself too. the wife has even left him now. It takes the special grace of God to be free of this habit

If the woman refuses to walk out on him, then he will not see the reason to change his ways, you children need to stand up to your father also, let us get real now

@ Poster
I don't know how much you value your mum but i would never let mine go through something like that esp. at this fragile stage of her life. Since u and ur siblings are grown up, please take her away with you, give the man a houseboy that can do chores for him. Whether you like it or not those beatings are wearing her down, physically or psychologically. Do something fast.

The solution to me, let all the male child in that family bounce on the MAN for him to see how sweet it is to be beaten, this should be done after seriously warning the MAN

Glorya:

@ Poster
I don't know how much you value your mum but i would never let mine go through something like that esp. at this fragile stage of her life. Since u and your siblings are grown up, please take her away with you, give the man a houseboy that can do chores for him. Whether you like it or not those beatings are wearing her down, physically or psychologically. Do something fast.

GOOD ADVICE, FOR ME I CANT ALLOW MY MOM TO BE BEATEN LIKE THAT COS I LOVE HER SO MUCH, IF NOT FOR ANYTHING BUT FOR GIVING BIRTH TO A HERO WHICH IS ME.

Hey the best thing u'd do now is to take ur mum away for awhile. At her age, ur mum's body chemistry has gone weak and therefore cannot entertain such severe treatments, it could fail and I'm sure you dont want that.
Its hard for one to think their parents are not together anymore but some times its all for the best.
God forbid, but if something happens to ur mum as a result of the man's beatings, he'd spend the rest of his days regreting it and u'd hate him for life.
So to save both of yourselves from such emotional crisis, take ur mum away now, dont hesitate.
Talking things over with the dad is ok but since u guys have done that already to no avail, they've got to separate.
Not neccessary divorce.

Hey the best thing u'd do now is to take ur mum away for awhile. At her age, ur mum's body chemistry has gone weak and therefore cannot entertain such severe treatments, it could fail and I'm sure you dont want that.
Its hard for one to think their parents are not together anymore but some times its all for the best.
God forbid, but if something happens to ur mum as a result of the man's beatings, he'd spend the rest of his days regreting it and u'd hate him for life.
So to save both of yourselves from such emotional crisis, take ur mum away now, dont hesitate.
Talking things over with the dad is ok but since u guys have done that already to no avail, they've got to separate.
Not neccessary divorce, and pls do not threaten ur dad.

Beavyvan: I am so sorry about that situation it is really pathetic. It is a terrible thing, and it usually never ends.

I had a patient recently who had eight broken ribs and a cracked skull. She was a spritely little 79 year old. Her husband of 57 years beat her up for the umpteenth time. I told the social worker and had her put into housing; I cannot go into further details per patient privacy, but suffice it to say that he is only allowed to see her under supervision. The ogogoro man however has not even bothered to. They are oyinbo people for the record. I see it all the time. East Indians, and of course Africans are also chronic for this. An East Indian once had his wife wife gang raped and beaten. A walking stick was used during the rape; long story short, he is in jail, and she had to have her prolapsed VV repaired. Spousal abuse knows no barriers; not racial not age, nothing. It is the biggest open cankersore in the world and very little to nothing is ever done about it.

i) It looks like mum stayed in the marriage "for the sake of the children",  a lot of women do this, and it is a sacrifice not to be taken lightly. Please you and the other siblings remove her from the situation, even if just temporarily, I would say a year at least, and re-evaluate things at the end of that period.

ii) Please nobody should say again that the mum enjoys the beating; how many times have you enjoyed a physical assault? It is degrading to say the least. Even when correcting a child (if you must resort to that) , it should be no more than two slaps on the behind with the palm of the hand. The intent is to correct and not to maim or kill. I was subjected to that, and each time I got hit by my ex-husband, notice the EX part?, I lost just a little bit of myself, it was so humiliating. I threw his a*ss out in the gutter where it belongs. Three years of happiness and peace.

iii) Poster have you and the other siblings as adults called your father and talked to him seriously? After removing your mum, please ALL of you if possible, location permitting, talk to him, even if it means a conference call by people who are far away. Don't bother with the extended family, as they have their own issues, and most would probably see it as nothing new.

iv) @ All those who think it's a laughing matter , I hope you don't get slaps and blows in the nearest future, as that would really teach you how funny it is. MMsshheeeew!![/size]

I just hope your dad has not transfered this agressive tendencies of his to any of you guys. And I hope your dad is really a responsible dad (grand dad) who does not drink or smoke beyond limit. I dont subscribe to the non-sense notion of his being an ex-military man. He is just purely irresponsible even at 50-something. A fool at 40, they say, is a fool for ever. Sorry, I am lost for advice for your dad!!!

@ Poster. I thought i was the only one with this problem! As grown up children, if he does it again you all should give him a stern warning. He will get the message. But please dont get physical with him. Growing up in a violent home is not funny at all.

ec3l:

Hey the best thing u'd do now is to take your mum away for awhile. At her age, your mum's body chemistry has gone weak and therefore cannot entertain such severe treatments, it could fail and I'm sure you dont want that.
Its hard for one to think their parents are not together anymore but some times its all for the best.
God forbid, but if something happens to your mum as a result of the man's beatings, he'd spend the rest of his days regreting it and u'd hate him for life.
So to save both of yourselves from such emotional crisis, take your mum away now, dont hesitate.
Talking things over with the dad is ok but since u guys have done that already to no avail, they've got to separate.
Not neccessary divorce, and pls do not threaten your dad.

true talk

Why did the auto/correct change the word r*a*p.e to despoil? just doesn't work grammatically.