Desirae:
Hello everyone.

I come from a very overprotective and irrational family. I just turned 30, I’m gainfully employed and doing so well in my career.

However, my social life is suffering. Most times I want to spend weekends with friends, or just hang out with colleagues after work, but by 7:00 I’ll already have over 15 calls from my parents asking if I’m on my way home. Yeah, I live with my parents.

Presently, I’ve been searching for an apartment so I would move out of their house. I need my freedom and independence. I feel like I can’t breathe!

Even weekends, when I decide to go out and chill with friends, they ask all manner of questions “who are you doing with, where are you going to, hope you’ll be back before 5”. Seriously! I’m 30 years old! And they’ll be the ones asking why I haven’t brought a husband. Where will I find him? In my office? Or in my bedroom?

The last straw was last week. My best friend lost her mum. When I told my own mum, her response was “oh she has finally died? Ehn, shey she’s been sick. Why do you now want to spend the weekend with her? For what”

I was furious, but I didn’t say a word so I won’t regret anything. How would she feel if her husband died and someone said “oh he’s finally dead?” Even my dad doesn’t help matters! How insensitive could people be?! They seem to forget death is inevitable. And anyone can go at anytime.

I’ve made up my mind to move out this month. I love them, I wish them well, but I can’t do all of this madness with them. I’m done being controlled and told what to do and what not to do. I’m not a kid. Most of my mates have more than 2 children.

I love them, but I’m done!

Are your parents living with their parents?

fullstreets:
.

That happened to me till I bought this shirt in protest.

Desirae, you are overreacting. Don't move out yet. That should be your last step. From your story, you have not even taken the first step yet. I agreed, your parents are over protective but it is out of love. Sit down with both of them on a weekend when the atmosphere is relaxed and you are sure they both are free. Tell them how you feel. Say your mind sincerely without being rude and tell them you wouldn't like to be pushed to take irrational decision. If they are wise they will understand and take correction but you too must not over enjoy your eagerly sort for freedom. At your age, your aim should be marriage if you are truly interested.
Best of luck.

Desirae:
Hello everyone.

I come from a very overprotective and irrational family. I just turned 30, I’m gainfully employed and doing so well in my career.

However, my social life is suffering. Most times I want to spend weekends with friends, or just hang out with colleagues after work, but by 7:00 I’ll already have over 15 calls from my parents asking if I’m on my way home. Yeah, I live with my parents.

Presently, I’ve been searching for an apartment so I would move out of their house. I need my freedom and independence. I feel like I can’t breathe!

Even weekends, when I decide to go out and chill with friends, they ask all manner of questions “who are you doing with, where are you going to, hope you’ll be back before 5”. Seriously! I’m 30 years old! And they’ll be the ones asking why I haven’t brought a husband. Where will I find him? In my office? Or in my bedroom?

The last straw was last week. My best friend lost her mum. When I told my own mum, her response was “oh she has finally died? Ehn, shey she’s been sick. Why do you now want to spend the weekend with her? For what”

I was furious, but I didn’t say a word so I won’t regret anything. How would she feel if her husband died and someone said “oh he’s finally dead?” Even my dad doesn’t help matters! How insensitive could people be?! They seem to forget death is inevitable. And anyone can go at anytime.

I’ve made up my mind to move out this month. I love them, I wish them well, but I can’t do all of this madness with them. I’m done being controlled and told what to do and what not to do. I’m not a kid. Most of my mates have more than 2 children.

I love them, but I’m done!

Lesbianism loading......

twosquare:
It's kind of funny at the bolded in this 21st century. What is expected before? Stay with them till someone comes to pick you? Since you have a job, get yourself an apartment like others before me said. You are 30 years old. My fiancée is just minus 2, doing her own business, and she already got her own apartment living alone.

I couldn't agree more with Stallion93 and davep...I don't know what went wrong. Maybe you haven't noticed, if you look at our parents, they were given a free hand by our grand/great-grandparents. Most of them. They may not be literate, but they know that when a child has reached a certain age in their twenties, it is time to be independent, and it is no big deal. It is ironic that it is the supposed educated/literate ones who are messing up with parenting. I still don't understand. Desirae, you just have to free yourself o... No one would do that for you. Naija parents of their generation love to keep children under rather than set free like those before them did.

Look, most of the educated parents who left villages or semi-rural areas to bigger towns early in life got their freedom early. Just like you mentioned. Their time was a libertarian one. From the 1960s upwards. In that time many were up to no good and made mistakes while being students or young employees in the cities. Despite regaling you with stories of how decent they were, most actually weren't.

I have been shocked lately to find out just how many of the women got married because they got pregnant in the mid 1960s to 1980s! Those still alive are now about 55 to 75 years old. I thought pregnancy out of wedlock was VERY rare back then. It wasn't.

So many parents have secret regrets from own mistakes. They are trying to ensure their children do not do same.

It might seem hypocritical to expect you to keep very high standards they couldn't back then. But maybe they believe their own parents failed them through inadequate guidance. And they do not want to do same.

We are lately also in an era of conservative religious revival. The opinions of church members/clergy matter once again to parents.

They are basically trying to live the "perfect" life through their children. The result is parents becoming over-protective.

OP should make it clear that she wants to be close to her place of work if possible. Or any such half-way plausible excuse. They will be riled by it initially but will ultimately accept it.

Sit ur mum down and explain to her first.

Funny how people react sometimes because of Love. Your parents are only doing this because of the love they have for you, but it is a kind of love that comes with fear. They have been watching over you right from childhood, so they feel if they don't keep watch over, you will get hurt, miss your way or go in the wrong direction. That thought is still in them.
There is a way you can handle that.
-Don't be harsh on them. Just assure them you can take care of yourself.
-Try not to stay out late, I don't think any parents like that.
-communicate with them if you are going to stay longer.
-Behave like a matured woman, be responsible at home and let them know you will be married soon and bringing a man home anytime soon.
-Pray persistently.
-Above all, Love them, for perfect love drives away all fears.

oruma19:
I am an adult, 40 years Feb 19th this year. I have a wife and 3 children (2 girls, 1 guy ages between 4-8, I own my own house built by me (by aGod's grace) I am and an engineer working in a foreign land but live n Nigeria. I'm all these my parents still call me and my wife whenever I am in town and say "where u de?, no waka for night o, pls go home, my grandchildren nko?, dont go to any party tgis weekend in case u have plans for one, wake up 12 midnight make we do prayer on fone, don't open ur gate ooo, be careful how u do good o, dont go out today, etc etc. For those of us who are blessed to have caring parents let's celebrate and stop Misyearning on Nairaland. Appreciate what u have and communicate ur dislikes instead of spewing trash like " despising parents " . when u finally loose them to death, u will realize what a blessing u had that u didn't appreciate and u will cry. Repent now and loosen up to be their friend instead of keeping to urself. Akpa. Lollzzzz

She's not spewing trash. It's not by force to love your parents if they are bad to you. Just because they contributed sperm and egg to make you doesn't make them parents. It has been proven that black children are being held back from taking risks, in comparison to other races because of fear of reprimand from parents. If Zukerberg and Bill Gates were black there won't be Microsoft nor Facebook. A typical naija parent will disown you if you drop out of Harvard. Look at the way Parkland High school shooting survivors were confronting their senators over gun laws. In Nigeria, your senators will call you children of anger and you will cower in fear. Is it not this nairaland you will see a father that slept with his child or throw a child inside a well because of witchcraft suspicion? If you have a good relationship with your parents, that's great. But you can't speak for everybody. Let me tell you something Mr. 40 something year old man, there's a thin line between being possessive and being caring. The case with this poster, it's a control thing and not a love thing. There's a big difference. There are many of your mates that resent their parents for decisions they made for them. Be it career or maybe they didn't allow them marry who they want. Even some of our parents don't like our grandparents. Sit them down and observe... there's always that grandparent that they don't like talking about. They will quickly change topic or their mood will change.

Desirae:


I’m expecting a lengthy speech from my mum... “what will people say? A single unmarried woman living alone... you’ll chase men away”

What will be, will be. But I’m done.

My dear forget the lengthy speech and leave honorably. Please don't quarrel or argue with them. Parents seems always right. Seriously u would have left a long time ago but it's not too late anyway. Goodluck

BBNaija: I'm In Love With Denrele Edun -- Alex Reveals


Alex who is a housemate in the ongoing big brother Nigerian has spoken out on people that inspire her and those that are disappointing.

During a honest question and answer session last night in the house, when asked if anyone inspires her, she said Missy Elliot, Cynthia Morgan regarding her style and hair color.

When she was going on mentioning these names, she quickly mentioned Denrele Edun which she corrected saying he was a disappointment.

According to her Denrele disappointed her prior to her coming to Big Brother Nigerian house.

After she found out she was going to be on Big Brother Naija, she reached out to Denrele, and after they talked, he refused to be there for her. She said he stopped answering her calls and DMs and totally avoided her.

Despite all of this, she said she is still in love for him and loves the way he expresses himself fashion wise.

Alex has said that since coming to the BBNaija house the only thing she did that she has regretted doing is crying when Leo was evicted in the house.

http://www.mcebisco.com.ng/2018/03/bbnaija-im-in-love-with-denrele-edun.html

my dear your overreacting is kind of weird to me if I need to tell u. a typical African parents don't stop looking after their kids regardless of age


you will receive more calls by the time you pack out and you will be open to move with bad fellas by the time you're on your own. their over protection one or the other must ve protect u from some past occurrences that you yourself might not even know


instead of you saying series of negative and using bad adjective on them, why not call them and express your dislikes towards the monitoring


if you're the only child or the only female then I wouldn't blame them but this is what u can settle with them amicably with good manner of approaches. I relate with my parent like brother and sister



if my friend read this your epistle na swear he go swear for u @op. he lost his parents at 4yrs old, till now he was still feeling it. I pray I don't give birth to a child like u, that would bring me to public instead of telling me privately

Hi Desirae, don't leave your parent's house. Too much freedom may have negative effects on you. You are being treated like a teen because they care about you. Are you the only child?
Stop behaving like a kid too, you will get calls, just ignore them, you can take care of yourself. You don't need to give reasons to stay over at your friend's. Behave like an adult. Let them see you as an adult. Behave more like a man. Say where you are going or where you at but don't give reasons.

Stallion93:
Nigerian parents are psychopaths, they don't reason normally. My advice, get a place as soon as possible don't even think about it, you'll thank me later, perhaps invite me over

lol. You are also a Nigerian right? You are or you will be a parent too. Hmmm "psychopath" to me, its not the Op's parents fault, Op herself allowed it. @30?

Wagasigiungu:


Orisirisi something!!! Wonders shall never end. My people say who get cap no get head and who get head no get cap!!! Pls OP desist from using that word- despise- on your parents. There are literally millions of people desperately wishing they could have the love, attention and care (albeit suffocating according to you) of their parents, but alas, this can never be!!!!

Some don't even know their parents, some have lost theirs to the cold hands of death, some were never shown such love by their parents. The list is endless.

What am i driving at- appreciate what you have and look for a nice way to let them know how you feel. They obviously want the best and are looking out for you. How would you feel if you become a parent in future and your kids say such things about you?

You are a very lucky person, you just don't realize it yet. As humans, we never appreciate what we have until we loose it (i pray this isn't your portion though)

A word, they say is enough for the wise!!!

Some Americans, send their children out to become homeless and jobless once they turn 18. She needs to read quora, she will appreciate the fact that African parents are far more responsible.

I had a Romanian boss who was 60+, non of his 2 children can dare ask him for money. He was always amazed when we received our meagre salary but take a leave for the bank depositing in several accounts that belong to family and friends. He would say, "why are you throwing away your hard earned money".

It is important to get a little freedom (she should ask for it). Its not her right under either her parents or husband. It gets even worst with a husband, so she should be responsible and communicate to the parents.

When a person lives under a parent, its like living under a husband or with a spouse.

My wife chocks me too. She hates it if i hang out beyond 9pm with friends. I wont say "who is she to put a curfew on me?" because i know that she loves me wants me at home so i should make it home before she sleeps off.

Cc Desirae

I really thought I was alone in the matter until I saw this thread
Although despise is a feeling provoked by someone or something i n our lives,we still have control over that feeling.
Parents can be overbearing, mine even are telling me where to work, who to date!...lolz...but u should still in a way love them for their overbearing attitude.
Plan and promise not to do the same to ur kids though!...
Finally, try to get ur own apartment! Otherwise, u will still be 40 yes, single and sad and still living with ur parents. The shocking thing is that they will exonerate themselves of any fault!

emmasege:
Trust me, you need not stay till late evening before you meet a decent and responsible man. Despite your parents' overprotective attitude, you still do manage to go to work, attend social gatherings in daytime. Those will suffice for a beautiful girl to find a good man.

Your mum's reaction towards the demise of your friend's mum is most insensitive but you still need to be careful, lest you sin against God through them. Your prosperity and longevity in life are hinged on the Biblical command of honouring/respecting your parents.

Are you okay? Your rear hole seems to be the thing doing your thinking for you as against your brain.

Nigerian parents are fault finders.

Celepope:
So many people are suffering this same fate as yours.The aftermath is mentally wrecking.Even in western countries like America and UK where there is high level of freedom,Nigerian parents still want to dictate for their children.I went through same from my mum.When I finally left my parents home at my early twenties after graduating from college,I became a loosed canon.Any given opportunity I have with members of the opposite sex, I will want to make sure I get them down.I found it hard to settle with a girl because I was always searching for a lady whom my mum won't find any fault in.Up till now, me being in my mid thirties and with a good career,I still can't find that girl all because I want to please my mum.At 30 OP u stayed too long with them hopefully your life don't get screwed just as others are because of the draconian nature of Nigerian parents.May God help u in this step you are about to take.

Ovoko! Long thing

Even if u r living alone, it will not change . But their attitude helps tho to an extent .

@Desirae

I want to commend you for being a lady you are. A lady from a good home with good home training. Please, just continue to be good and Godly. God in His infinite mercy will make you happy for the rest of your life.
To the subject matter, please and please, do not execute your proposed actions. I want to believe that, your parents may know what you knew not. According to popular parlance "what the elders can see while sitting down, the young, even while standing on a ladder cannot see". You need to sit your parents down and rub minds together, let them know the reality you are facing and all stuff. Definitely, they will see reasons with you and you shall begin to see changes.
I will also implore you not to rent an apartment for yourself. Please, don't do it! I'm a man and I know what that may bring upon you (REGRET, God forbid ). When it's time to get yourself a better half, definitely you shall get.
So, don't worry yourself unnecessarily, be yourself, be Godly and social in a responsible way.
Best wishes

Desirae:
Hello everyone.

I come from a very overprotective and irrational family. I just turned 30, I’m gainfully employed and doing so well in my career.

However, my social life is suffering. Most times I want to spend weekends with friends, or just hang out with colleagues after work, but by 7:00 I’ll already have over 15 calls from my parents asking if I’m on my way home. Yeah, I live with my parents.

Presently, I’ve been searching for an apartment so I would move out of their house. I need my freedom and independence. I feel like I can’t breathe!

Even weekends, when I decide to go out and chill with friends, they ask all manner of questions “who are you doing with, where are you going to, hope you’ll be back before 5”. Seriously! I’m 30 years old! And they’ll be the ones asking why I haven’t brought a husband. Where will I find him? In my office? Or in my bedroom?

The last straw was last week. My best friend lost her mum. When I told my own mum, her response was “oh she has finally died? Ehn, shey she’s been sick. Why do you now want to spend the weekend with her? For what”

I was furious, but I didn’t say a word so I won’t regret anything. How would she feel if her husband died and someone said “oh he’s finally dead?” Even my dad doesn’t help matters! How insensitive could people be?! They seem to forget death is inevitable. And anyone can go at anytime.

I’ve made up my mind to move out this month. I love them, I wish them well, but I can’t do all of this madness with them. I’m done being controlled and told what to do and what not to do. I’m not a kid. Most of my mates have more than 2 children.

I love them, but I’m done!

welcome to my life!!! please when you see an apartment, call me, we can be roommates.. tnx bae

Desirae:
Hello everyone.

I come from a very overprotective and irrational family. I just turned 30, I’m gainfully employed and doing so well in my career.

However, my social life is suffering. Most times I want to spend weekends with friends, or just hang out with colleagues after work, but by 7:00 I’ll already have over 15 calls from my parents asking if I’m on my way home. Yeah, I live with my parents.

Presently, I’ve been searching for an apartment so I would move out of their house. I need my freedom and independence. I feel like I can’t breathe!

Even weekends, when I decide to go out and chill with friends, they ask all manner of questions “who are you doing with, where are you going to, hope you’ll be back before 5”. Seriously! I’m 30 years old! And they’ll be the ones asking why I haven’t brought a husband. Where will I find him? In my office? Or in my bedroom?

The last straw was last week. My best friend lost her mum. When I told my own mum, her response was “oh she has finally died? Ehn, shey she’s been sick. Why do you now want to spend the weekend with her? For what”

I was furious, but I didn’t say a word so I won’t regret anything. How would she feel if her husband died and someone said “oh he’s finally dead?” Even my dad doesn’t help matters! How insensitive could people be?! They seem to forget death is inevitable. And anyone can go at anytime.

I’ve made up my mind to move out this month. I love them, I wish them well, but I can’t do all of this madness with them. I’m done being controlled and told what to do and what not to do. I’m not a kid. Most of my mates have more than 2 children.

I love them, but I’m done!

When I started reading your post, I thought you were broke.. What you want to do now is what you would have done a long time ago

oruma19:
I am an adult, 40 years Feb 19th this year. I have a wife and 3 children (2 girls, 1 guy ages between 4-8, I own my own house built by me (by aGod's grace) I am and an engineer working in a foreign land but live n Nigeria. I'm all these my parents still call me and my wife whenever I am in town and say "where u de?, no waka for night o, pls go home, my grandchildren nko?, dont go to any party tgis weekend in case u have plans for one, wake up 12 midnight make we do prayer on fone, don't open ur gate ooo, be careful how u do good o, dont go out today, etc etc. For those of us who are blessed to have caring parents let's celebrate and stop Misyearning on Nairaland. Appreciate what u have and communicate ur dislikes instead of spewing trash like " despising parents " . when u finally loose them to death, u will realize what a blessing u had that u didn't appreciate and u will cry. Repent now and loosen up to be their friend instead of keeping to urself. Akpa. Lollzzzz

Don't mind them. How can you use such a language as 'despise' because your parents are being overprotective?
Smh. You don't know what you have till its gone.

I'm older than the OP but my parents, especially my mum still treat me like a teenager. It can be stifling sometimes but I appreciate it because I know that one day, inevitably, they will not be here to shower me with love and stalk my every move. Lol

Make every moment count!

Wagasigiungu:


Orisirisi something!!! Wonders shall never end. My people say who get cap no get head and who get head no get cap!!! Pls OP desist from using that word- despise- on your parents. There are literally millions of people desperately wishing they could have the love, attention and care (albeit suffocating according to you) of their parents, but alas, this can never be!!!!

Some don't even know their parents, some have lost theirs to the cold hands of death, some were never shown such love by their parents. The list is endless.

What am i driving at- appreciate what you have and look for a nice way to let them know how you feel. They obviously want the best and are looking out for you. How would you feel if you become a parent in future and your kids say such things about you?


[Addition] How would you feel if your future husband you love so much stays out very late into the night and you voice out your concerns for his late nights (out of love and care of course), but he sees it as you nagging and suffocating him with your actions (note that a spouse's love is very very minimal compared to that of parents IMO)

You are a very lucky person, you just don't realize it yet. As humans, we never appreciate what we have until we loose it (i pray this isn't your portion though)

A word, they say is enough for the wise!!!

You are wrong on this

A lot of parents don’t hold on to their children out of love but selfish reason of having that child around them all the time due to few people in the house.

Some parents are controlling and ll do everything to control their children lives.

This is not love but selfishness.

Parents who loves you ll respect you at certain age and let you have your freedom too.

Lakebeyin:
no matter what they've done, you've got no reason to despise em.. They're our god on earth

i just dy hate how u people they reason

You be ajibutter abi? Anyway I don't see anything out of the cool regarding your parents's overprotective treatment to you, they truly do love you and want the best for you. Maybe you should have a chat with them, let them know that you don't like the way they treat you like a kid. Moving out just like that because you are mad at them isn't the best. Sought things out first before you move out.

Last bullet: At 30 you should be bringing suitors home, what's getting in the way?

Wagasigiungu:


Orisirisi something!!! Wonders shall never end. My people say who get cap no get head and who get head no get cap!!! Pls OP desist from using that word- despise- on your parents. There are literally millions of people desperately wishing they could have the love, attention and care (albeit suffocating according to you) of their parents, but alas, this can never be!!!!

Some don't even know their parents, some have lost theirs to the cold hands of death, some were never shown such love by their parents. The list is endless.

What am i driving at- appreciate what you have and look for a nice way to let them know how you feel. They obviously want the best and are looking out for you. How would you feel if you become a parent in future and your kids say such things about you?


[Addition] How would you feel if your future husband you love so much stays out very late into the night and you voice out your concerns for his late nights (out of love and care of course), but he sees it as you nagging and suffocating him with your actions (note that a spouse's love is very very minimal compared to that of parents IMO)

You are a very lucky person, you just don't realize it yet. As humans, we never appreciate what we have until we loose it (i pray this isn't your portion though)

A word, they say is enough for the wise!!!

You dey mind am...?

Leave am make im dey dia dey talk rubbish.

You despise your parents because dem no allow you to turn into bad girl abi?

Some idiotic folks dey here dey lambaste naija parents like say dem no go become naija parent one day.

Una wan copy oyibo people abi?

Okay na...

Genea:
welcome to my life!!! please when you see an apartment, call me, we can be roommates.. tnx bae

you go make one big wahala room mate as I dey see your face. OP no go fancy having you as one, lol. All these financially independent girls still living with their parents, it's high time you get serious with a dude and have him put a ring on it, that way you will eventually move out of your parents abode in honour.

MrNigeria2018:


You are wrong on this

A lot of parents don’t hold on to their children out of love but selfish reason of having that child around them all the time due to few people in the house.

Some parents are controlling and ll do everything to control their children lives.

This is not love but selfishness.

Parents who loves you ll respect you at certain age and let you have your freedom too.

And i also put it to you sir that you are equally wrong to make this erroneous assumption/generalization. What you are describing seems like the typical Nigerian movie script of a family with an only child. The love a parent has for his/her kid cannot be quantified. It is immeasurable.

The love starts right from the womb. Increases after they behold the child at birth and grows exponentially thereafter (all things being equal). This is not to say there aren't some few exceptions. If one experiences the true love of a parent (mothers in particular), one's live will never be thesame.

The love parents have for their kids is only second to the love God has for us. A parent's love is unconditional- always there come rain, come drought, in plenty and in strait circumstances, in health and in sickness; in childhood and in adulthood. Never underestimate it please.

Don't make the very big mistake of your life,what if you live the house and you lose your job,your Pastor will tell you that your parent na wish or what.
You parent are you Angel ,appreciate them while they are alive,know how to play your game with your parents and don't over step your boundary.They see what you don't see.