Hello everyone.

I come from a very overprotective and irrational family. I just turned 30, I’m gainfully employed and doing so well in my career.

However, my social life is suffering. Most times I want to spend weekends with friends, or just hang out with colleagues after work, but by 7:00 I’ll already have over 15 calls from my parents asking if I’m on my way home. Yeah, I live with my parents.

Presently, I’ve been searching for an apartment so I would move out of their house. I need my freedom and independence. I feel like I can’t breathe!

Even weekends, when I decide to go out and chill with friends, they ask all manner of questions “who are you doing with, where are you going to, hope you’ll be back before 5”. Seriously! I’m 30 years old! And they’ll be the ones asking why I haven’t brought a husband. Where will I find him? In my office? Or in my bedroom?

The last straw was last week. My best friend lost her mum. When I told my own mum, her response was “oh she has finally died? Ehn, shey she’s been sick. Why do you now want to spend the weekend with her? For what”

I was furious, but I didn’t say a word so I won’t regret anything. How would she feel if her husband died and someone said “oh he’s finally dead?” Even my dad doesn’t help matters! How insensitive could people be?! They seem to forget death is inevitable. And anyone can go at anytime.

I’ve made up my mind to move out this month. I love them, I wish them well, but I can’t do all of this madness with them. I’m done being controlled and told what to do and what not to do. I’m not a kid. Most of my mates have more than 2 children.

I love them, but I’m done!

Thats a typical naija parent for u

You would av moved out a long time ago since u okay financially.

sinaj:
Thats a typical naija parent for u

You would av moved out a long time ago since u okay financially.

I’m expecting a lengthy speech from my mum... “what will people say? A single unmarried woman living alone... you’ll chase men away”

What will be, will be. But I’m done.

Desirae:


I’m expecting a lengthy speech from my mum... “what will people say? A single unmarried woman living alone... you’ll chase men away”

What will be, will be. But I’m done.

At least u'll have ur sanity back nd will have the chance to meet people nd hang out too.
Parents drive their children to depression atimes without knowing that.

I think you've over stayed sef. Not because of your parent's attitude, but because of your age and level. Nobody should be living with her parents at your age.

Sometimes we do some unpleasant things that we don't know it's affecting another folk negatively and until our attention is called to it. We won't know what we've done.


You should have called their attention to it. Tell them how you feel and how it has been hurting you.


To them you're still that 5yrs old little girl.

I agree that this is a disturbing trend these last decades... And these parents use the eyes they used to see you as their cutey Lil boy or girl of childhood and it's wrong.


Sometimes telling them you're not that cutey Lil kid again consistently would make them cautious. Say it in the presence of their visitors as well and watch how they would get cautious. Do it in public also.

You are not overreacting, you are an adult! I could only imagine your pains at 30 , yet you are still being treated like a kid. Get your own place if you can, or remain with them and stood on your grounds. Go out and come back whenever you like , go to places you like and do your things. They will only shout, get surprised , get used to it and keep quiet.

Nigerian parents no be am everything about them is done at the extreme.

Walk away.

You do not owe anyone the right to abuse you, blood relation or not. If you have clearly articulated your limits and the consequences for transgressing your person to them, and they still break those rules, get away and stay away. Cut all forms of communication with them. Move far away. i dont mind if you move countries for your sanity. Do not feel guilty for this. You owe your spirit some peace and tranquil.

Most african children's claimed love and loyalty for aged parents is just stockholm syndrome. They still remember how dey were forced to be loyal by beating and still have this fear of challenging their parents. Look at me i was forced to marry a girl from Anambra cos im from anambra.

My parents fought my wish of marrying a kaduna cute humble girl then an imo cute humble girl cos of arcaic tribalism and selfishness on thier part, which was more important to them than my happiness. They said over thier deadbody. Now, i started looking for thier choice and settled down with the supposed anambra chic. Alas! It was one issue or the other till i left the marriage now they are absorbing themselves of the blame. Why didnt you look well, cant you know what is right? You can imagine. I regret not listening to my spirit just to obey them and be a good son which i'm not now!

They gave birth to you fine but you arent owing them in any form. Pls stay away for Narccisstic parents they cause more harm than good. Love them because they are your parents but love them from afar! Say NO to helicopter parents!!

Nigerian parents are psychopaths, they don't reason normally. My advice, get a place as soon as possible don't even think about it, you'll thank me later, perhaps invite me over

Desirae:
Hello everyone.

I come from a very overprotective and irrational family. I just turned 30, I’m gainfully employed and doing so well in my career.

However, my social life is suffering. Most times I want to spend weekends with friends, or just hang out with colleagues after work, but by 7:00 I’ll already have over 15 calls from my parents asking if I’m on my way home. Yeah, I live with my parents.

Presently, I’ve been searching for an apartment so I would move out of their house. I need my freedom and independence. I feel like I can’t breathe!

Even weekends, when I decide to go out and chill with friends, they ask all manner of questions “who are you doing with, where are you going to, hope you’ll be back before 5”. Seriously! I’m 30 years old! And they’ll be the ones asking why I haven’t brought a husband. Where will I find him? In my office? Or in my bedroom?

The last straw was last week. My best friend lost her mum. When I told my own mum, her response was “oh she has finally died? Ehn, shey she’s been sick. Why do you now want to spend the weekend with her? For what”

I was furious, but I didn’t say a word so I won’t regret anything. How would she feel if her husband died and someone said “oh he’s finally dead?” Even my dad doesn’t help matters! How insensitive could people be?! They seem to forget death is inevitable. And anyone can go at anytime.

I’ve made up my mind to move out this month. I love them, I wish them well, but I can’t do all of this madness with them. I’m done being controlled and told what to do and what not to do. I’m not a kid. Most of my mates have more than 2 children.

I love them, but I’m done!

Orisirisi something!!! Wonders shall never end. My people say who get cap no get head and who get head no get cap!!! Pls OP desist from using that word- despise- on your parents. There are literally millions of people desperately wishing they could have the love, attention and care (albeit suffocating according to you) of their parents, but alas, this can never be!!!!

Some don't even know their parents, some have lost theirs to the cold hands of death, some were never shown such love by their parents. The list is endless.

What am i driving at- appreciate what you have and look for a nice way to let them know how you feel. They obviously want the best and are looking out for you. How would you feel if you become a parent in future and your kids say such things about you?


[Addition] How would you feel if your future husband you love so much stays out very late into the night and you voice out your concerns for his late nights (out of love and care of course), but he sees it as you nagging and suffocating him with your actions (note that a spouse's love is very very minimal compared to that of parents IMO)

You are a very lucky person, you just don't realize it yet. As humans, we never appreciate what we have until we loose it (i pray this isn't your portion though)

A word, they say is enough for the wise!!!

Desirae:


I’m expecting a lengthy speech from my mum... “what will people say? A single unmarried woman living alone... you’ll chase men away”

What will be, will be. But I’m done.

It's kind of funny at the bolded in this 21st century. What is expected before? Stay with them till someone comes to pick you? Since you have a job, get yourself an apartment like others before me said. You are 30 years old. My fiancée is just minus 2, doing her own business, and she already got her own apartment living alone.

I couldn't agree more with Stallion93 and davep...I don't know what went wrong. Maybe you haven't noticed, if you look at our parents, they were given a free hand by our grand/great-grandparents. Most of them. They may not be literate, but they know that when a child has reached a certain age in their twenties, it is time to be independent, and it is no big deal. It is ironic that it is the supposed educated/literate ones who are messing up with parenting. I still don't understand. Desirae, you just have to free yourself o... No one would do that for you. Naija parents of their generation love to keep children under rather than set free like those before them did.

Your fault totally.

Still living with them at 30.

Simple.

Move out. Familiarity breeds contempt. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Hmmn

I support you. Move...

This is how they'll try to stop you but don't give up

Trust me, you need not stay till late evening before you meet a decent and responsible man. Despite your parents' overprotective attitude, you still do manage to go to work, attend social gatherings in daytime. Those will suffice for a beautiful girl to find a good man.

Your mum's reaction towards the demise of your friend's mum is most insensitive but you still need to be careful, lest you sin against God through them. Your prosperity and longevity in life are hinged on the Biblical command of honouring/respecting your parents.

You told us the problem and also gave us the decision you have taken. I guess you brought this here for some sort of endorsement.

So, I'm endorsing your decision. Please move out. I can relate very well with this. Same reason my elder brother moved out at early after working less than a year.

I don't want to talk about your parents. Just get that apartment and move out

I feel your pain
you made the right move by planning to be independent. I hope everything works well for ya.

I got a parry to attend today biko
I'm ara here

Desirae:


I’m expecting a lengthy speech from my mum... “what will people say? A single unmarried woman living alone... you’ll chase men away”

What will be, will be. But I’m done.

Never ever settle for a man that has the bolded mentality. Such man is still very archaic and can never reason in-line with today's world. Live your life. I repeat, Live your life. You only have one life.

Naija parents shaa,

Cage person like say u go stay with them forever.
Annoying most times,

They always believe they are right, especially most time when they are sooooo freaking wrong. You try to reason with them, next thing you know, you'd hear, 'you have changed oo, u were not like this before, blah, blah, blah'. Lol


Dear Op, maybe getting your place is better, at least you get ur own peace of mind. @30, and ur parents treat u like that? Uncool.

Sometimes, i don't blame guys/girls that move out of their parents place in their 20s.

Watch this Gary Vaynerchuk video. I tried to upload the video but nairaland can't take it. I will post the link to the instagram video. In the video, he said appeasing your parents at your own expense every time will cause you to resent them. He said that most of our patents resent their own parents because of something they were forced to do. They won't tell you but if you look closely you will notice. Here's the link

https://www.instagram.com/p/BeT1ZSAl5Fe/

I won't tell you what to do. Just watch and decide for yourself.

Don't freak out no more dear, most of our parents are prolly like that...my dad, we call him 007 at home, he won't only do these things u've mentioned, he spies too. Lol!...

Just get an apartment, calmly and happily tell them u are moving, They apparently would call ur bluff but they'd accept their 'fate' when u start picking ur stuff.

And pls endeavour to visit them often when u move, they'll definitely miss u as they are used to having u around. So u have to help them adjust...

Our parents?! U really can't blame them, it's just their way. Lol!

yes you are

I am an adult, 40 years Feb 19th this year. I have a wife and 3 children (2 girls, 1 guy ages between 4-8, I own my own house built by me (by aGod's grace) I am and an engineer working in a foreign land but live n Nigeria. I'm all these my parents still call me and my wife whenever I am in town and say "where u de?, no waka for night o, pls go home, my grandchildren nko?, dont go to any party tgis weekend in case u have plans for one, wake up 12 midnight make we do prayer on fone, don't open ur gate ooo, be careful how u do good o, dont go out today, etc etc. For those of us who are blessed to have caring parents let's celebrate and stop Misyearning on Nairaland. Appreciate what u have and communicate ur dislikes instead of spewing trash like " despising parents " . when u finally loose them to death, u will realize what a blessing u had that u didn't appreciate and u will cry. Repent now and loosen up to be their friend instead of keeping to urself. Akpa. Lollzzzz

no matter what they've done, you've got no reason to despise em.. They're our god on earth

Naija Parents be like....

Naija Parents: Where are you going at this time of Night?
Me: Errrrrm, I want to go and see ehn.... ehn
Naija Parent: Shut up, when I'm talking you dont talk


Summary is Naija parents are overbearing

That was my situation till I bought this shirt in protest.