im a 30 year old man from the eastern part of nigeria.i have been dating this lady for 4 years now.recently i started thinking about marriage so i told her my mind by proposin to her which she accepted.i work with 1st generation bank with mangable income for about 5 years . i currently live with my parents and i use my mother's car.this implies i need to get my acommodation a car and wedding expenses.

based on my savings i showed her my budget for the above as follow:
1.2bed room aparment
2.2001 corolla
3.1.5million for the wedding ceremonies
4.250k for honeymoon
all the above would cost me about 4million

but to my chagrin,this lady who is an unemployed graduate of 2years me blatantly that i am not ready to marry. reason to be given later


*****pls read my subsequent replies

bigass:

im a 30 year old man from the eastern part of nigeria.i have been dating this lady for 4 years now.recently i started thinking about marriage so i told her my mind by proposin to her which she accepted.i work with 1st generation bank with mangable income for about 5 years . i currently live with my parents and i use my mother's car.this implies i need to get my acommodation a car and wedding expenses.

based on my savings i showed her my budget for the above as follow:
1.2bed room aparment
2.2001 corolla
3.1.5million for the wedding ceremonies
4.250k for honeymoon
all the above would cost me about 4million

but to my chagrin,this lady who is an unemployed graduate of 2years me blatantly that i am not ready to marry. reason to be given later

una dey go dubia? lol

@op
If it is for the reason of the money not been enough, then you have to think twice about going further. Marriage, i fink, should be for supporting each other

Ask her how much she is bringing? Marriage is friendship, Patience, Tolerance, understanding and support, love is 10%. Those other qualities will keep the marraige going, if you do not share the other qqualities then am sorry to tewll you that you are not meant to be together.
Am worried that she is unemployed for 2 years, please tell me she does some business and is not just idlying away waiting for a job

The devil you know before is better than a new one,you need to sit her down and talk to her.She,s so sure you cant leave her ,but you need to tell her about tommorow and not today.From her actions this kind of women when empowered will mess up.She needs to be creative and sell something,education is not only to work but to think.Maybe she cant contribute now,but she will do it later,am sure she as friends on the high side.

I once given 3million budget,but i ran away,but did not like were i am.

bigass:

im a 30 year old man from the eastern part of nigeria.i have been dating this lady for 4 years now.recently i started thinking about marriage so i told her my mind by proposin to her which she accepted.i work with 1st generation bank with mangable income for about 5 years . i currently live with my parents and i use my mother's car.this implies i need to get my acommodation a car and wedding expenses.

based on my savings i showed her my budget for the above as follow:
1.2bed room aparment
2.2001 corolla
3.1.5million for the wedding ceremonies
4.250k for honeymoon
all the above would cost me about 4million

but to my chagrin,this lady who is an unemployed graduate of 2years me blatantly that i am not ready to marry. reason to be given later

If she can say this that means she does not love you its the money she is after.and you can tell her to stop deceiving you.If she truly loves you as she might be saying then material things should not be an obstacle.

N1.5m for wedding 'ceremonies',nna bros,are you bringing in NE-YO & Beyonce put 2gether down hia?
Why are you so loud?
Are you aware that N1.5m can buy you 2tokunbo cars with great change 2flex around and then you wont dstrb momsie over her car.
Kai,I jst saw d #1.5m and its allocation and to read down no gree me again.
Smbdy plz tell me the rest of d story.

Odunnu:

N1.5m for wedding 'ceremonies',nna bros,are you bringing in NE-YO & Beyonce put 2gether down hia?
Why are you so loud?
Are you aware that N1.5m can buy you 2tokunbo cars with great change 2flex around and then you wont dstrb momsie over her car.
Kai,I jst saw d #1.5m and its allocation and to read down no gree me again.
Smbdy plz tell me the rest of d story.

Girls!! chai! the love of money and material things is the root of all evil.lol you have just calculated how much will be spent and how much is left.

Nnaaaaaa!!!Didnt u read 1.5m for weddin?Kai!datz tooooo much!
I'm an accountant so each time I c 'big' figures like ths,my head goes in2 action.
@Poster,do you knw you can conviniently get a rented 2bdrm flat,buy a toks car and wed with N1.5m?Your problem be say you sef 2get big eye.
Beta cut your coat accordingly o!
Na my own advice b ths!

i am overwhelmed with everybody's outpouring of comments.i am really grateful.

this below is her reasonsher reasons are these

that she cant leave in 2 bedroom but 3bedroom
that corolla 2001 is too old/small but something like 2008
and that i want to disgrace her with wedding plan of 1.5million.


*she is ibo too so the whole burden is on me.she is jobless.i am very confused i need help

to be frank with everybody in my heart of heart ,my desire and real capability is to spent about 2million for the house car and wedding but because of her displeasure each time i make this known to her.so i decided to delay and probably do some runs to shore my capital to this amount.after this nothing will be in my account.i really wish i could please myself because this is what i am really confortable with. i feel heavily burdened i love her and want to marry.i cant date 2 girls simultaneously but never felt i wish i had someone else any other time than now.thanks you all.

bigass:

i am overwhelmed with everybody's outpouring of comments.i am really grateful.

this below is her reasonsher reasons are these

that she cant leave in 2 bedroom but 3bedroom
that corolla 2001 is too old/small but something like 2008
and that i want to disgrace her with wedding plan of 1.5million.


*she is ibo too so the whole burden is on me.she is jobless.i am very confused i need help

to be frank with everybody in my heart of heart ,my desire and real capability is to spent about 2million for the house car and wedding but because of her displeasure each time i make this known to her.so i decided to delay and probably do some runs to shore my capital to this amount.after this nothing will be in my account.i really wish i could please myself because this is what i am really confortable with. i feel heavily burdened i love her and want to marry.i cant date 2 girls simultaneously but never felt i wish i had someone else any other time than now.thanks you all.

Oh she's just a biatch!

You are about to start a journey that you may not be able to complete. If you are telling us the truth, i don't believe she is a wife material; sorry i am sounding this way.

You are looking at your present income without considering your unknown future. You are bound to continue with this standard or raise it more when you get married to this girl. Ask yourself, what if there is no job tomorrow (God forbid) will your wife agree to lower her standard?

You need to have confort in your marriage yes, but you don't have to be extravagant. Think about your relatives or your wife relatives that you can really help their career get started. Think about some of your friends who need little push financially to get started. Most marriage fail because of failure to meet up with high expectations like this.

If she is the one you actually love and want to marry, she should be ready to sit with you and plan for the unforeseen future. Your marriage requirements are too extravagant in my opinion. You really need to cut it down instead of making it up.

bigass:

i am overwhelmed with everybody's outpouring of comments.i am really grateful.

this below is her reasonsher reasons are these

that she cant leave in 2 bedroom but 3bedroom
that corolla 2001 is too old/small but something like 2008
and that i want to disgrace her with wedding plan of  1.5million.


*she is ibo too so the whole burden is on me.she is jobless.i am very confused i need help

to be frank with everybody in my heart of heart ,my desire and real capability is to spent about 2million for the house car and wedding but because of her displeasure each time i make this known to her.so i decided to delay and probably do some runs to shore my capital to this amount.after this nothing will be in my account.i really wish i could please myself because this is what i am really confortable with. i feel heavily burdened i love her and want to marry.i cant date 2 girls simultaneously but never felt i wish i had someone else any other time  than now.thanks you all.

I told you that she does not love you. you should tell her to stop decieving you.remember dont be decieve by sweet tounges she has a target so act wisely now that there is still time b/4 you will regret ever going into that marraige where there will never be peace of mind.

bigass:

im a 30 year old man from the eastern part of nigeria.i have been dating this lady for 4 years now.recently i started thinking about marriage so i told her my mind by proposin to her which she accepted.i work with 1st generation bank with mangable income for about 5 years . i currently live with my parents and i use my mother's car.this implies i need to get my acommodation a car and wedding expenses.

based on my savings i showed her my budget for the above as follow:
1.2bed room aparment
2.2001 corolla
3.1.5million for the wedding ceremonies
4.250k for honeymoon
all the above would cost me about 4million

but to my chagrin,this lady who is an unemployed graduate of 2years me blatantly that i am not ready to marry. reason to be given later

Still, I can't help but marvel at how short-sighted you've been. You've been working for five years and in all that time you've neglected to focus on building your life. And now you want to do it overnight? You were living in your mother's house, eating her food and driving her car. It never occured to you that you should try and gain a little independence    

Jeez, MEN! *shakes head*

Ujujoan:

Still, I can't help but marvel at how short-sighted you've been. You've been working for five years and in all that time you've neglected to focus on building your life. And now you want to do it overnight? You were living in your mother's house, eating her food and driving her car. It never occured to you that you should try and gain a little independence

Jeez, MEN! *shakes head*

your comment is cruel.do you want me to shed tears over my family problemsi am not a fool you cannot understand why.i lived with my mum not because i dont want to be on my own everybody loves freedom and space but due to her illness.you dont expect me to leave her when my sisiter is married and gone.i take practical care of her.

Ujujoan:

Still, I can't help but marvel at how short-sighted you've been. You've been working for five years and in all that time you've neglected to focus on building your life. And now you want to do it overnight? You were living in your mother's house, eating her food and driving her car. It never occured to you that you should try and gain a little independence    

Jeez, MEN! *shakes head*

All Girls are the same you can imagine? what a pity for some girls your profile picture shows that you are a heart breaker

bigass:

your comment is cruel.do you want me to shed tears over my family problemsi am not a fool you cannot understand why.i lived with my mum not because i dont want to be on my own everybody loves freedom and space but due to her illness.you dont expect me to leave her when my sisiter is married and gone.i take practical care of her.

So who's going to take care of her when you get married and move out of the house? 

john david:

All Girls are the same you can imagine? what a pity for some girls your profile picture shows that you are a heart breaker

What did I do wrong?

I don't care about the girl, in my opinion she's not worth the trouble. If he were my brother, I'd make sure he doesn't marry her because she's very inconsiderate!

But I have concerns about him. How can he not plan his life? How can he just want to do EVERYTHING at once? I'm sorry but I find that a bit odd and it's not a good sign!

*Aisha2*
Your below comment is edifying; thanks.

Ask her how much she is bringing? Marriage is friendship, Patience, Tolerance, understanding and support, love is 10%. Those other qualities will keep the marraige going, if you do not share the other qqualities then am sorry to tewll you that you are not meant to be together.
Am worried that she is unemployed for 2 years, please tell me she does some business and is not just idlying away waiting for a job

*bigass*
There is an urgent lesson for you in the saying, "Sew your coat according to your size!"
I quite appreciate the fact that you have started well by thinking to budget, actually budgeting,
and thinking of STICKING to the budget made, hence your asking for ´vindicating´ advice.

What you need to know to guide you in making that life decision has been contributed to you on this thread, wittingly or unwittingly.
Search for them, understand their long-term effect, and apply them.

Summarily:
- avoid future regrets!
- your future started when you left school and got the job (like *Ujujoan* posited, start plans early and, progressivly too)
- I agree and accept the fact that you are in love: believe it or not, from most experiences worldwide, lasting marriages are strongly based on understanding, tolerance, frienship, sacrifice. Do not think you cannot lose her because of what you see (infatuation, which grows old with time), the inside (welterschauung) is what you are stuck with for better or for WORSE.
- remember you do have immediate responsibilities, your mum ( how does she feel about your sick mother?) - consider that as one of my litmus test when you decide finally what you will do.
- ask her continuously to see reasons with you; repeat the same reasons frequently and each time document her response. Think about them
- under no circumstances should you allow this ponderings of yours to affect you performance at work.

Follow the signs to your future. Listen while there is still time!

Check the book of Proverbs 31: 10, possibly medidate on the whole chapter, ONLY if you believe (it does not matter what your religious belief is).

it is easy to know from day one who you want to marry,
and know her attitude and behaviour, due to time
constraint, read this article @ www.emarriagelifeinfo..com

i think she just have dreams which she had held on for long about what she wants.she is not in tune with realty just tell her you cannot satisfy her needs break up with her.you need to move on.marriage is not based on assumption and illusions and desires but realities.she might not be an all-weather women.run for your life

@poster

You have been advised but it seems you are allowing your emotions to becloud your good sense of judgement.
Listen, i hate to see fellow Men like you do stupid things and you call it love.
I will tell u my experience dude. I was emotionally enslaved to girl I thought I so much love, but then I was a broke ass. She was playing the tricks and looking for a highest bidder. It was dificult for me but I resigned myself in building my life and making a success out of it. Now that I have got money she's begging to come back.

Lesson: this lady of yours as others have rightly said, is not a lady that i think you should spend the rest of your life with if what u have said is true.
A word is enough for ,

Still, I can't help but marvel at how short-sighted you've been. You've been working for five years and in all that time you've neglected to focus on building your life. And now you want to do it overnight? You were living in your mother's house, eating her food and driving her car. It never occured to you that you should try and gain a little independence   

Jeez, MEN! *shakes head

Idiot, the same  way you would side with a girl who was dating a married man for a 2 years   because of his riches only to cry foul when she discovered that she would not be made a  co-director of the guy's wealth  as a wife.  Some guy who saved about 4million Naira ($25,000)  in order to start a new life with a pennyless gold digger is now to be blamed. Maybe he should have bought a jet  and a mansion in VCG to assert his independence. This has clearly demonstrated that  folks like you are not ready for marriage because they want a free ride.  Guess what? There is an eligible husband for folks like you- he's called Ahmed Sani Yerima

She sounds like a BRIDEZILLA!

dump her fast, there are plenty working class babes who can share the burden with yu, na by force to marry her,

i am also thinking of getting married soonest, and i showed my gal my budget, if she like make she no gree, thats the fastest way to find me someone else, but fortunately she is the supportive type and understands, she is also the independent type, guess am a lil lucky,

my guy beta run from her and find a better person,

O BOY U BETTER RUN FOR YOUR LIFE OR

FOLLW LOVE AND DIE BEFORE YOUR TIME[b][/b]

Ujujoan:

Still, I can't help but marvel at how short-sighted you've been. You've been working for five years and in all that time you've neglected to focus on building your life. And now you want to do it overnight? You were living in your mother's house, eating her food and driving her car. It never occured to you that you should try and gain a little independence    

Jeez, MEN! *shakes head*

Maybe you shld read Aisha's comments. Sounds like you are not much different from the girlfriend in this issue.

So u want to spend the rest of your life within a few month becos u want to get married and please her,  Remember u said that should be the last in your account, your work is not "Guaranteed" and many things are further to cater, Choose to spend the rest of your life in a month than to be happy all the rest of your life. Be wise and apply WISDOM!
About ur woman, Both of u should reason together, if she cant reason with u, then my advise is follow ur heart, Guy, we are in difficult times, or say Ciao and finds another one to listen as if she cant listen now, there is no time she will. My advise, Gluck.

Nairaland is like a big family, U will hear different types of drums being beaten and this makes it exciting, gives an opportunity to get wise.

@ Poster, you have heard all and I trhink you can pick from the good, bad and ugly to take a good decision.

But, I will advice you to take a careful stock of your relationship with Ur madam and ask Urself if thats how U want life to be for U.

Marriage is not to be endured it is to be enjoyed and it starts after the ceremonies.

Rgrds