Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

Very possible...

But why are you worried Except he is rich with properties and has read the stories of Eboue...

U remember that footballer?

Itan nla gbaaa ni



Try verify the surname on the docs of his properties
#Riches2Rags

I have no idea as well..it's kinda weird that he has a different surname.. If that's the case, anyone of them in Ng can juz choose a surname they want? And my question is --- when are they allowed to change it?

Have u seen his birth certificate or school diplomas?

Anyway, this is too complicated for me..lemme ask my TRUE-BLUE Ng friends to confirm..

Cc
RadicallyBlunt
Martin0
Dafeyankee
Itzjwizzy

Because you are too inquisitive!

learn to mind ur business

And watch how he will start relating with u

Long story. He was in the Uk when I met him 10 years ago. He was arrested by border agency for being an overstayer BUT after 2 years of legal battles, border agency admitted they got it wrong, that he had been granted a visa to stay for 3 years but they lost his passport and he'd never chased them for it. To get a new Nigerian passport, he had to get his sister to send his national id card from Nigeria and that gave the name we're married under. (Mystified how she got him a new ID card but says she paid officials and they gave it to her). So apart from the new ID card and the new passport, no other documents.

People can be addressed how they see fit... I have changed my surname via deed poll because I was sick of the way white people murder the name

I don't see scam here but I see a wife who doesn't really know her husband and that's disheartening. I think you should tell him what your feeling. The fact that he's not transparent with you and the fact that you're loosing trust. You guys need to deal with that rather than the different surname.

Thanks but when I'm about to pay £2.5k for his leave to remain and hes been busy setting up his secret company in Nigeria, I think I may be permitted to think that when he's a permanent resident next month, he has plans to be changing things?

Tim Fisher - thanks for your advice but this IS my business�

Morwendy:
Tim Fisher - thanks for your advice but this IS my business�

Show us your picture and tell us your age... we'll determine if he's using you for the passport. What's your age difference? This will bring so much light to the situation. Wait for his countrymen to answer the surname issue but I would be pissed about him hiding his business from you as well. Don't trust his family they'll cover his tracks.

You haf enter one chance my sista.

Haha I dont trust his family - he went to visit and his sister had a Nigerian wife lined up for him when he got there who had travelled from the USA to meet him. (He didnt tell me that either, the new wife-to-be contacted me when he refused - she already has a husband in the US) He's 3 years my junior - not a lot when you're in your 50's.

Motigbo




Call Magu

Its very possible

Madam, there are many inconsistences in your husband’s story. From border stories to ID cards, to different surnames? How can only one person have all these issues And he knows exactly how to feed you lies excuses

@surname: was he born outside wedlock? . Do you have access to his birth or secondary school credentials?

How long ago did his father die? 8 years or less? Was he at the funeral? Were you? How "married" are you to him? Any traditional rites? Have you ever met members of his immediate family?

He started a business and you didn't know about it? Why didn't he tell you? Are you two not that close? I think he's hiding something from you but I don't know what.

Any kids in the union?

Itan nla gbaa ni really got me cracking

daewoorazer:

Very possible...

But why are you worried Except he is rich with properties and has read the stories of Eboue...

U remember that footballer?

Itan nla gbaaa ni



Try verify the surname on the docs of his properties
#Riches2Rags

Morwendy:
Haha I dont trust his family - he went to visit and his sister had a Nigerian wife lined up for him when he got there who had travelled from the USA to meet him. (He didnt tell me that either, the new wife-to-be contacted me when he refused - she already has a husband in the US) He's 3 years my junior - not a lot when you're in your 50's.

On a more serious note, it seems to me that with every comment you make, you're deliberately weaving a fictitious story that would lead everyone to conclude he's a gold digger and you are the innocent white 'maga'.
Although why you'd go through all that trouble, I do not know. Could it be loneliness, insomnia, or lack of attention?!

Morwendy:
Haha I dont trust his family - he went to visit and his sister had a Nigerian wife lined up for him when he got there who had travelled from the USA to meet him. (He didnt tell me that either, the new wife-to-be contacted me when he refused - she already has a husband in the US) He's 3 years my junior - not a lot when you're in your 50's.

You're in your 50s! Which means his 47? Do you guys have children? If the answer is no... You are being scammed

The writing is on the wall but you should just let him get his passport and see if he sticks around. 8 years in he probably loves you but he just loves himself more..

What tribe is he?

Morwendy,

I think you should just approach him and ask simply.

But with the name thingy, I don't see any bad in it. My father proposed that we bear his name Isaac, but I and my siblings preffered our great grands name. In Nigeria people change names for different reasons, and its no biggy at all

You are not really asking the real question, why he is keeping things from you. Asking him won't bite off of your ego. Please ask questions, you are in a ship together, and its called relationship, you have got to relate- you married for Godsake!

Yes it's very possible madam, that does not imply any scam at all. My blood sisters and I do have different surnames. They all use my grandfather's while I decided to use my father's name. It's all about choice. In Nigeria you can decide the surname you want for yourself.

Ain't nobody snitching here.

Just kidding

It is a common thing in Nigeria for some family members to have different surnames. In my family, three of us have different surnames, same with hubby. It depends on which ancestor one prefers and sometimes it's only about how right sounding the name is.

The red flag here is him opening a business without informing you. Dig a little deeper (surreptitiously) to be sure he's not using you.

As for the burial announcement of his father, I guess he is using the general family name just to identify. Sometimes, it's just because of the fear of 'village people'.

Are you a land whale?

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

Yes it is usual. My Dad bears his family surname BUT we his children are using different surname instead of the family name like other children from his sibling and everyone is cool about it.

Long story. He was in the Uk when I met him 10 years ago. He was arrested by border agency for being an overstayer BUT after 2 years of legal battles, border agency admitted they got it wrong, that he had been granted a visa to stay for 3 years but they lost his passport and he'd never chased them for it. To get a new Nigerian passport, he had to get his sister to send his national id card from Nigeria and that gave the name we're married under. (Mystified how she got him a new ID card but says she paid officials and they gave it to her). So apart from the new ID card and the new passport, no other documents.

and regarding this, It is possible to get many things done here in proxy as we don't have a centralized database that prevents that. So IMO, I guess the sister got a new ID with a different surname for him and that's what he's been using.

So, don't read any meaning to the surname change BUT get him to tell you more why kept it away from you.

Dear Op, his claim might actually be true. My grandfather beared many names and my father only chose one out of those names to make his own surname even after many years of using the main family's surname on all his documents.

However, kindly do your findings subtly without just in case you are still in doubt.

Good luck.

Your story is kind of confusing and fictitious.............

What is is state of origin and village?

If u could provide that with his family name, then it's very easy to trace his origin

Well couple of things - u have been married to him for 8 years . If he will leave u he will leave u after u file , if he is pretending he will continue to pretend .

Changing of names is pretty common in Nigeria . I have a different last name than my brother and my father . I changed mine , my brother changed his to a different name . My father has the original .

Especially sinxe he has had problems with the law he may have just picked up an older ancestral name or a village name , very very common in Nigeria

flyca:
Madam, there are many inconsistences in your husbands story. I'm also not aware of any traditions that allow a man take up his mother's surname, or was he born outside wedlock? . Do you have access to this secondary school credentials?

I think he's hiding something from you but I don't know what.

Any kids in the union?

She said paternal grandfather, that's his father's father. He took his grandads name... I don't understand what she means because I thought British people answered to the family name which is usually the grandfather's name from the father's side...

I don't think he's a gold digger, we both work hard for what we have and that has never been an issue. I just wonder how he has his grandfathers name (paternal not maternal) and a business that I didnt know about. He has no property that I'm aware of until his fathers passing recently but he doesnt have documents for his fathers properties yet. No documents until he got the ID card just before we married.