baby4u2:


I don't want old papa, she has no need to worry. Her man is not straight. Her case is not unique. We don see them before.

I understand your point sincerely but try to bridle your tongue. This is someone's marriage for Christ sakes.

She can only get biased opinions here.

She has a right to investigate but she should have done this since not now... She should ask questions but she said they both work hard for what they have and that alone is good for me.

Per the business, it may just be a pet project or something but we still don't know... People don't tell their wives things for many reasons.

I think there's no problems at all but if she is worried about whether the man has another wife and kids, we still don't have any answer so let's just be careful.

CastedAyo:


I think he's just trying to have an Investment back home.

You know you guys are unpredictable, in case there's divorce or something, he won't have much to lose.


He will go back home a happy man.

CastedAyo:


I think he's just trying to have an Investment back home.

You know you guys are unpredictable, in case there's divorce or something, he won't have much to lose.


He will go back home a happy man.

Carry ur one corner advice go Agege side.Understanding/ trust matter much in any relationship. She said dat they both are hard working there.Dnt add fuel to situation biko.

Don’t worry yourself about this issues , it’s possible in Nigeria to have different surname with your father and grandfather.... and about having a company without telling is nothing to worry about , we have more inactive registered companies in Nigeria than active registers companies.... the problem you are having is due to the different background or culture ... so just relax and enjoy your relationship with him ...

Morwendy:
I don't think he's a gold digger, we both work hard for what we have and that has never been an issue. I just wonder how he has his grandfathers name (paternal not maternal) and a business that I didnt know about. He has no property that I'm aware of until his fathers passing recently but he doesnt have documents for his fathers properties yet. No documents until he got the ID card just before we married.

It's very possible and easy to change your whole name. I have seen a lot of people using surname different from their family. I even have an uncle whose surname is okonofua but his kids use his own name which is Julius as surname. It's nothing, not enough reason to suspect anything.

About the business, would you have agreed to it if he told you about it?

EmpresFIDEL:
and you cannot fathom out what brings about this investigation. the husband in question is shady, he keeps secret.. don't you know keeping secrets from your spouse will bring about her not trusting you? why can't the man trust his wife with his secret? after all they are one because they are married. I don't blame the lady because the husband has been keeping secrets from her, so she has every right to doubt him. Oga I must not be married to know what is wrong or right.

I'm guessing you are a very young girl and not married hence your uninformed opinion.

Do you know what 8 years of marriage is?

People separate in months, divorce in one year, two years, go through hell for four years, eat, sleep together, fight, argue, live together for 365 days times 8.

Learn to bridle your tongue sister so that you don't destroy someone's life because we know nothing about their marriage but can only give our opinions on our beds like we know the man.

She said they both work hard for what they have today.
It's not her fault that she wants to know some things based on the recent developments in her marriage but it's not in our place to mar it.

mavinc4u:
Emm, are you sure the man does not have another wife at home since he does not have any child with the op?

mavinc4u:
Emm, are you sure the man does not have another wife at home since he does not have any child with the op?

bia!Face one corner with dis ur evil plot.Let him born/have wife back home,that's not ur biz.U can as well help the op go his village go investigate.What nonsense. I dey vex ooo

Morwendy:
Thanks but when I'm about to pay £2.5k for his leave to remain and hes been busy setting up his secret company in Nigeria, I think I may be permitted to think that when he's a permanent resident next month, he has plans to be changing things?

Then discuss issues with him and not with nairaland

Very possible.. Only problem is why he is still using the old nams one a current document (the obituary poster). I dont understand that though its possible thats tge name he is known with in the village

RuthDaniels:
People do change surnames here in Nigeria for different reasons. Probably religious,personal preference, A dispute among family members etc. All you need to do is to make it legal /publicized

I was told my recent surname was changed by my great grand father for religious sake. So i don't see why you should be bothered. But if you aren't sure of someone you have been married to for 8 years,well do your findings but never let him know because it will break him but break you more if he comes out clean. Be careful

Exactly, but I doubt the case here is for religious purpose. That man is up to something cos he's using both surnames

Morwendy:
I don't think he's a gold digger, we both work hard for what we have and that has never been an issue. I just wonder how he has his grandfathers name (paternal not maternal) and a business that I didnt know about. He has no property that I'm aware of until his fathers passing recently but he doesnt have documents for his fathers properties yet. No documents until he got the ID card just before we married.

hello try and dig deeper. though changing of name is not much of a big deal, there are one or two red flags if your story here is true

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Most people are failing to address the issue directly i think its due to the fact that the guy is fellow country men, i say worse case scanario which is common among western african, changing names due visa issues. 1 uses his original name to apply to visa to uk for an example s/he get denied due to forgery and gets banned to apply for next 10 years. The next step is to ger another passport most likely with the same name but different surname and date of birth

A very common practise, however it might not true on this guy but the chances of being true are high. Its something that he would told his wife long back, than him being asked about it when wife saw something from the old pictures. They might culture differences but during the 8 years he has never mentioned the changing of family names,

Heyyyyyyy! What are this people saying. Lady if you are worried about the surname that is no issue at all....

An individual might decided to adopt any name from the family... at anytime has his surname. I can decide to use my dad adopt my dad first name ir .y grad father's name or even my own name to by my surname this is very common in Nigeria.

If is that is your only fear ... then it is not an issue.

NB: but in a case where he uses two surnames without letting one go... then he is definitely up to something.

Morwendy:
I don't think he's a gold digger, we both work hard for what we have and that has never been an issue. I just wonder how he has his grandfathers name (paternal not maternal) and a business that I didnt know about. He has no property that I'm aware of until his fathers passing recently but he doesnt have documents for his fathers properties yet. No documents until he got the ID card just before we married.

i can help u run a veritable and proper background check on him here in Nigeria if u can pay me well.

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

/*
There is nothing odd about the situation.

The only plausible reason is Immigration ordeals.

It is very common. You are just overreacting out of insecurity. Scammers do not wait around for 8 years. If he
had told you about the business from the onset, you may
dissuade him from the venture or worse, your paranoia
will grow exponentially off the chart.
Some of the folks you are asking here have never stepped
outside Nigeria and will only talk based on the limits of their
imaginations.

*/

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

1. Let's not hang this chap before giving him a chance. It's a well-known fact that for a lot of families here in Nigera, names are still in flux, especially with our new found religiousity that has spawned a whole wave of name-changing from so-called "deity-related" ones to those declaring our Christianity. My family had the same issues and my grandfather's surname was changed when they "saw the light".

Others change it to some English name sometimes to conceal tribal origins and other times again out of an excess of religiousity, feeling that Biblical names are more connected to Christianity, and this is very common in the eastern/southern part of the country.

2. Another thing you might want to consider, especially given your husband's age (born almost immediately post-civil war), is that if he is from the eastern part of the country his birth was most likely not properly registered.

3. It should also be stated that many people here do not take personal details seriously the way they are taken in developed countries with proper record keeping. It is possible to alter dates of birth to take advantage of age-related opportunities (such as playing football,etc.), and while this is undoubtedly wrong, one should understand that for very many people these opportunities are sometimes their only tickets out of the grinding poverty that afflicts large swathes of the population.

I have worked with people in underprivileged areas and refugees, and I must say that sometimes one cannot help but understand the desperation that moves these people when it comes to the falsification of documents to get a chance at resettlement in the US or Canada.

4. Lastly, true, he may have had immigration (not necessarily criminal) issues in the past there in the UK which led to the name change. If you feel you need to get to the bottom of this, you could run a check on him over there, and if it turns up the former, not the latter, I can only say that you might want to read more about the Nigerian emigration crisis and what is driving it before you take a decision on what to do.

And surely a scammer would have cashed in and moved along by now if he was really one?

Best of luck to you both.

Morwendy:
I don't think he's a gold digger, we both work hard for what we have and that has never been an issue. I just wonder how he has his grandfathers name (paternal not maternal) and a business that I didnt know about. He has no property that I'm aware of until his fathers passing recently but he doesnt have documents for his fathers properties yet. No documents until he got the ID card just before we married.

Dear OP, I think there are 2 voices conflicting in your head. 1 positive and the other negative. No matter what anyone here would say, it's still your decision.

People had loved and lost after being scammed, yes. Nigerians can be funny, yes. And yes, it hurt absolutely to be scammed by someone you love. But 8 years...?
You said he rejected a wife, positive. And you both worked hard for what you guys have now, positive. You don't think he's a scammer, that's feelings.

I cannot say he is or isn't planning to scam, but name change, that's not an issue. Not telling you about his other stuffs, that's not a good one to me. But then, i had a neighbour who was going on pilgrimage, whose wife saw him off to the airport without her knowing he had paid for her ticket and everything. It was at the airport he handed her the documents and...

Only you knows exactly what you're going through.

miriamchi:
i can help u run a veritable and proper background check on him here in Nigeria if u can pay me well.

Even in war, there are people who makes huge profit. While one side is calling for dropping of arms, another one is advertising array of guns.

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

Well, I cannot claim to know what your husband is up to, but I can tell you I come from a family of 5 and just 2 of us are currently using our Dad's name, the other 3 are using our grand father's name as surname.

Elkay3:



Even in war, there are people who makes huge profit. While one side is calling for dropping of arms, another one is advertising array of guns.

Chill pls..I'm only trying to help a fellow woman sort out her fears and trust issues..You can't completely rule out the fact that she could be on d right path at d end of d day.

Why are you the one paying for his leave to remain?

As to your other question, some people do change their surnames. He can still be using the old one because that is what most know him as.

Morwendy:
Thanks but when I'm about to pay £2.5k for his leave to remain and hes been busy setting up his secret company in Nigeria, I think I may be permitted to think that when he's a permanent resident next month, he has plans to be changing things?

Don't stress yourself over this. Many people do it in Nigeria. It's legal and legitimate

Morwendy:
I don't think he's a gold digger, we both work hard for what we have and that has never been an issue. I just wonder how he has his grandfathers name (paternal not maternal) and a business that I didnt know about. He has no property that I'm aware of until his fathers passing recently but he doesnt have documents for his fathers properties yet. No documents until he got the ID card just before we married.

You are insecure.

Morwendy:
Long story. He was in the Uk when I met him 10 years ago. He was arrested by border agency for being an overstayer BUT after 2 years of legal battles, border agency admitted they got it wrong, that he had been granted a visa to stay for 3 years but they lost his passport and he'd never chased them for it. To get a new Nigerian passport, he had to get his sister to send his national id card from Nigeria and that gave the name we're married under. (Mystified how she got him a new ID card but says she paid officials and they gave it to her). So apart from the new ID card and the new passport, no other documents.

It is possible for someone to bear his or her grandparent name, but every sibling of that person will mostly bear the same grandparent name and his or her father will also have the name.

His arrest of 8 years ago seem to give clue about happening.

It seems that your husband changed his identity, eespecially 10 years ago, when he was having legal battle of overstaying. And he might have worked out his identity to win the battle.

It is also possible that your husband is impersonating another person. I have heard many of such case, like passport stolen and another person is using the passport.... Nigerians can sometimes get desperate.


If you can hire private investigator, that would be fine. But if you can't, you will have to do it by yourself.

Try to contact border behind him to make enquiry about the identity of the person arrested and have as much details as possible.

And you can also make enquiry about his certificates and the schools he finished from in Nigeria before migrating to the UK.

It is possible.my father also beard another surname,grandfathername

You're his wife and you have the right to be inquisitive about such issues. When shit happens these people condemning you for being too inquisitive won't be around to bear your burden with with you. And the honest truth is that you as a foreigner should never trust a Nigerian man. They can do anything to get their permits, but best believe your husband different.

Morwendy:
Thanks but when I'm about to pay £2.5k for his leave to remain and hes been busy setting up his secret company in Nigeria, I think I may be permitted to think that when he's a permanent resident next month, he has plans to be changing things?

megareal:
It is a common thing in Nigeria for some family members to have different surnames. In my family, three of us have different surnames, same with hubby. It depends on which ancestor one prefers and sometimes it's only about how right sounding the name is.

The red flag here is him opening a business without informing you. Dig a little deeper (surreptitiously) to be sure he's not using you.

As for the burial announcement of his father, I guess he is using the general family name just to identify. Sometimes, it's just because of the fear of 'village people'.

The man may have set up the Nigerian business as a kind of insurance against any unforeseen development in their marriage. It is common knowledge that in case of a divorce in Europe, the man can lose everything.

You married a G-boy. Yahoo,yahoo wirewire.

Morwendy:
Long story. He was in the Uk when I met him 10 years ago. He was arrested by border agency for being an overstayer BUT after 2 years of legal battles, border agency admitted they got it wrong, that he had been granted a visa to stay for 3 years but they lost his passport and he'd never chased them for it. To get a new Nigerian passport, he had to get his sister to send his national id card from Nigeria and that gave the name we're married under. (Mystified how she got him a new ID card but says she paid officials and they gave it to her). So apart from the new ID card and the new passport, no other documents.

ONE CHANCE

Morwendy:
Haha I dont trust his family - he went to visit and his sister had a Nigerian wife lined up for him when he got there who had travelled from the USA to meet him. (He didnt tell me that either, the new wife-to-be contacted me when he refused - she already has a husband in the US) He's 3 years my junior - not a lot when you're in your 50's.

Please, don't believe that. His one of sisters or he could arraigne another lady to do so in order to gain your trust and make you easily gullible.