The Issue Of Female Subservient or Subservience In Marriage.

I saw a thread with the topic : "Why is it that women no longer respect their husbands? " . The comments there were laughable and at the same time some were cool.

A lot of people were saying your wife shouldn't be subservient rather she should be your companion or whatever and she must partake in every crucial decision making in the family... like ,really? .


Sisters sorry but no man will be the sole provider and at the same time take your opinions seriously or allow you to make crucial decisions for the family when he's around.

When a man is the sole provider he'll deserve unlimited respect and that respect shouldn't be compromised.

Same applies to when a woman is the sole provider ,she'll demand unlimited respect and that respect shouldn't be comprised.

Most guys or men who were saying all sorts of things to support Lakeside when he said your wife is your companion, partner and not your subservient in that thread won't allow their wives to make decisions for their family, they won't even consider her opinions.. not just that most of them aren't married and some are young men in their early twenties .

No woman will be the sole provider and won't see her husband as a subservient (women in western countries may be exempt. I'm talking about Africa)

No man will be the sole provider and allow his wife's opinions to come before his options, so he'll see her as a subservient.

A man who's the sole provider will surely be angry after providing everything while you sit at home and you refuse to obey him or confront him on issues that are not okay to you.. His words must be strictly followed and not questioned.

Same applies to a lady who's the sole provider.

Dear Sisters,sorrry but not all Nigerian married men are on nairaland to see these threads.. We've less than 50,000 married men on nairaland, what am I even saying? I'm not sure if the number of married people on nairaland both men and women are even up to that number...


To avoid being subservient the only thing you can do is;

Avoid the woman becoming / being the sole provider.

Avoid the man becoming / being the sole provider.

That way your opinions won't be compromised and at certain times you'll make certain decisions yourself ,,after all you two are contributing.



#Words of an elder.

Tonyebarcanista I saw your posts on that thread...
cheers

The sad truth is they'll face reality when they log off from nairaland.

Let the kids and the female folks keep wailing.

if she cant cook and serve food on her knees im not interested.
i cant woo you, pay bride price and sponsor the wedding all to share my power 50/50 in marriage and listen to someone's opinion when she didnt lift a finger or spend a cent to make the marriage happen. sorry. NOT happening.

Opinions and mindsets change.

How people run their homes is based on their upbringing, culture, formed notions, mentality, etc. And every home is different.

Being in it is the best way to test your model and see how the results works and affect your family.

ImaIma1:
Opinions and mindsets change.

How people run their homes is based on their upbringing, culture, formed notions, mentality, etc. And every home is different.

Being in it is the best way to test your model and see how the results works and affect your family.

what exactly is your point?

ubunja:
if she cant cook and serve food on her knees im not interested.
i cant woo you, pay bride price and sponsor the wedding all to share my power 50/50 in marriage and listen to someone's opinion when she didnt lift a finger or spend a cent to make the marriage happen. sorry. NOT happening.

They'll face the harsh reality when they log off from nairaland.

Elder001:


what exactly is your point?

If you couldn't deduce that from my comment, then pass.

ImaIma1:


If you couldn't deduce that from my comment, then pass.

Your post was not in anyway related to my topic.

Any it'll be better I pass than to rub shoulders with kids who are always on nairaland 24/7.

Elder001:


Your post was not in anyway related to my topic.

Any it'll be better I pass than to rub shoulders with kids who are always on nairaland 24/7.

Says the guy who lives and breathes on Nairaland creating countless threads

If i decide to sleep here, allow Seun complain first before you take it up. Or are you the Nairaland police??

And i think you are the kid here. Because a mature mind would have the wisdom to decipher my comment and how it relates to your write up. You should change that "Elder" moniker.

ImaIma1:


Says the guy who lives and breathes on Nairaland creating countless threads

If i decide to sleep here, allow Seun complain first before you take it up. Or are you the Nairaland police??

And i think you are the kid here. Because a mature mind would have the wisdom to decipher my comment and how it relates to your write up. You should change that "Elder" moniker.

countless threads.. really? I've created only 10threads on nairaland and I don't think of creating any other thread till June 20...I spend only 3 or 4hours everyday on nairaland so I think what you just said doesn't relate to me.


oh really?.. who wouldn't comprehend what you meant by that post? even a kid in grade 5 can surely comprehend that post.

My point... forget about all those mentality, home upbringing stuffs no woman will be the sole provider and won't her husband as a subservient. [western women may be exempt]

No man[some are exempt.. Westerners mainly] will be the sole provider and will allow the woman to make crucial decisions for the family when he's around.. His opinions will always come first. ..sometimes the woman's opinions won't even be considered.

I don't know how you people on romance section think marriage works.

Many of you aren't even married and some are still teenagers.. don't worry get married soon and see if those factors you listed will play out.


Off to work.

The Husband is HEAD of the home..

Elder001:


countless threads.. really? I've created only 10threads on nairaland and I don't think of creating any other thread till June 20...I spend only 3 or 4hours everyday on nairaland so I think what you just said doesn't relate to me.


oh really?.. who wouldn't comprehend what you meant by that post? even a kid in grade 5 can surely comprehend that post.

My point... forget about all those mentality, home upbringing stuffs no woman will be the sole provider and won't her husband as a subservient. [western women may be exempt]

No man[some are exempt.. Westerners mainly] will be the sole provider and will allow the woman to make crucial decisions for the family when he's around.. His opinions will always come first. ..sometimes the woman's opinions won't even be considered.

I don't know how you people on romance section think marriage works.

Many of you aren't even married and some are still teenagers.. don't worry get married soon and see if those factors you listed will play out.


Off to work.

So you mean my husband and I are both working and we both make the decisions. And my husband loses his job and tries to make a decision in the home and i go like "sorry you cant do that. I am the one bringing in the money". Or I lose my job and i try to make a decision and he goes like "you cannot make any decisions since you don't bring money in anymore".

It is a flawed approach. Like they are in a competition with each other. If that is how you run your marriage, we don't roll like that (and we are not "westerners".

Marriage is not as hard and strict as you described it to be, hence my first comment.

And you need to open your mind to other views and not always get upset when you are opposed.

the way nairalanders describe relationships and marriages makes me lose interest in it.

elyna:
the way nairalanders describe relationships and marriages makes me lose interest in it.

minus 1 headache

ubunja:
minus 1 headache

continue.

elyna:
continue.

minus 1 headache for some poor man out there who was gona marry you.

ubunja:
minus 1 headache for some poor man out there who was gona marry you.

are you through with your lamentations?

elyna:
are you through with your lamentations?

you are the one who lamented first.

ubunja:

you are the one who lamented first.

I remember I didn't specifically mention your name.

elyna:
I remember I didn't specifically mention your name.

that excuse wont save you.

@OP

You ought to understand that money doesn't define a sane person - literally. This by extension means that by virtue of one being the sole provider (either be omission or commission), you shouldn't demand or expect servility from another - a better half in this regard. Complement of efforts in marriage or any other form of union neither necessarily need to be in monetary/material form nor in proportional and equal measures before it'll be assumed balanced and healthy. What's certain and necessary is that there must be complement of efforts. There are some people (especially men) who simply need a keeper as a wife, while some need both a keeper and a helper - a keeper in this context I used it doesn't need to earn her own money before she'll be counted and loved. She simply need to be virtuous - a virtuous woman is a conscientious woman, a principled woman, a wife material.

Being a major provider (both material and immaterial) with civility will always earn you dominance and respect not domineeringness and without expecting subservience from your better half. Leaders and loyal people don't subjugate instead they liberate. They don't demand for respect instead they earn it and when they do it flows in effortlessly.

Subservience shouldn't be mistaken for respect. In truth, behind any servile person is a hypocrisy personified. And only small-minded people/oppressors keep servile people or expects subservience from their better halves or others around them - leaders don't do that. This explained the reason why in their time of difficulties they hardly have any of their once sycophants around to give them lifting hand.

You can only buy obligation not loyalty. You can always count on a better half that respect you to remain loyal to you in all conditions. But the one that is subservient to you simply owe you an obligation and will leave, if not kill you, the very moment you lose the object you used in subjugating him/her.

Meanwhile, as much as I agree that small-mindedness is more prevalent among Africans/Blacks, yet that doesn't mean that all Whites/Westerners are aristocrats. Race and gender doesn't define a person's character - ethical leanings will always define a person's character.

ubunja:
that excuse wont save you.

you have serious issues please sort yourself out.

elyna:
you have serious issues please sort yourself out.

says a girl not planning to marry.

ubunja:
says a girl not planning to marry.

take your bullshit elsewhere I'm not interested good night.

LordKO:
@OP

You ought to understand that money doesn't define a sane person - literally. This by extension means that by virtue of one being the sole provider (either be omission or commission), you shouldn't demand or expect servility from another - a better half in this regard. Complement of efforts in marriage or any other form of union neither necessarily need to be in monetary/material form nor in proportional and equal measures before it'll be assumed balanced and healthy. What's certain and necessary is that there must be complement of efforts. There are some people (especially men) who simply need a keeper as a wife, while some need both a keeper and a helper - a keeper in this context I used it doesn't need to earn her own money before she'll be counted and loved, she simply need to be virtuous - a virtuous woman is a conscientious woman, a principled woman, a wife material.

Being a major provider (both material and immaterial) with civility will always earn you dominance and respect not domineeringness and without expecting subservience from your better half. Leaders and loyal people don't subjugate instead they liberate. They don't demand for respect instead they earn it and when they do it flows in effortlessly.

Subservience shouldn't be mistaken for respect. In truth, behind any servile person is a hypocrisy personified. And only small-minded people/oppressors keep servile people or expects subservience from their better halves or others around them - leaders don't do that. This explained the reason why in their time of difficulties they hardly have any of their once sycophants around to give them lifting hand.

You can only buy obligation not loyalty. You can always count on a better half that respect you to remain loyal to you in all conditions. But the one that is subservient to you simply owe you an obligation and will leave, if not kill you, the very moment you lose the object you used in subjugating him/her.

Meanwhile, as much as I agree that small-mindedness is more prevalent among Africans/Blacks, yet that doesn't mean that all Whites/Westerners are aristocratic. Race and gender doesn't define a person's character - ethical leanings will always define a person's character.

That about wraps it up.

Respect is not demanded for but earned. I agree.

With this subservience, there is no evidence of genuine love in the equation. I do not believe that a couple who love each other will subject the other to humiliation and relegate them because they are unable to contribute financially at a particular period.

Westerners are not the demi gods as people make them out to be.

You did a good job with your writeup.

LordKO:
@OP

You ought to understand that money doesn't define a sane person - literally. This by extension means that by virtue of one being the sole provider (either be omission or commission), you shouldn't demand or expect servility from another - a better half in this regard. Complement of efforts in marriage or any other form of union neither necessarily need to be in monetary/material form nor in proportional and equal measures before it'll be assumed balanced and healthy. What's certain and necessary is that there must be complement of efforts. There are some people (especially men) who simply need a keeper as a wife, while some need both a keeper and a helper - a keeper in this context I used it doesn't need to earn her own money before she'll be counted and loved, she simply need to be virtuous - a virtuous woman is a conscientious woman, a principled woman, a wife material.

Being a major provider (both material and immaterial) with civility will always earn you dominance and respect not domineeringness and without expecting subservience from your better half. Leaders and loyal people don't subjugate instead they liberate. They don't demand for respect instead they earn it and when they do it flows in effortlessly.

Subservience shouldn't be mistaken for respect. In truth, behind any servile person is a hypocrisy personified. And only small-minded people/oppressors keep servile people or expects subservience from their better halves or others around them - leaders don't do that. This explained the reason why in their time of difficulties they hardly have any of their once sycophants around to give them lifting hand.

You can only buy obligation not loyalty. You can always count on a better half that respect you to remain loyal to you in all conditions. But the one that is subservient to you simply owe you an obligation and will leave, if not kill you, the very moment you lose the object you used in subjugating him/her.

Meanwhile, as much as I agree that small-mindedness is more prevalent among Africans/Blacks, yet that doesn't mean that all Whites/Westerners are aristocratic. Race and gender doesn't define a person's character - ethical leanings will always define a person's character.

In as much as I'll like to admit that your write up is very intellectual I think it doesn't apply to the African way of life.. We all used to say things like this.
I believe when you get married you'll understand.

ImaIma1:


That about wraps it up.

Respect is not demanded for but earned. I agree.

With this subservience, there is no evidence of genuine love in the equation. I do not believe that a couple who love each other will subject the other to humiliation and relegate them because they are unable to contribute financially at a particular period.

Westerners are not the demi gods as people make them out to be.

You did a good job with your writeup.

I hope you know this is Nigeria and not Europe or America..
which man will be happy with you if you don't have respect for him especially when he's the sole provider?

The respect is immediately earned and must be continued to be earned immediately he becomes the sole provider.

Just be realistic for once.. social media talks won't change anything

ImaIma1:


So you mean my husband and I are both working and we both make the decisions. And my husband loses his job and tries to make a decision in the home and i go like "sorry you cant do that. I am the one bringing in the money". Or I lose my job and i try to make a decision and he goes like "you cannot make any decisions since you don't bring money in anymore".

It is a flawed approach. Like they are in a competition with each other. If that is how you run your marriage, we don't roll like that (and we are not "westerners".

Marriage is not as hard and strict as you described it to be, hence my first comment.

And you need to open your mind to other views and not always get upset when you are opposed.

One thing I always say is; no matter how you lie to yourself on social media you'll surely log out and face reality.

Elder001:


One thing I always say is; no matter how you lie to yourself on social media you'll surely log out and face reality.

All the lady was trying to say is this: "Experience is the best teacher, you can say all you want but it's a different ball game when you are the one in the marriage itself".

Now to my contribution. I think marriage is not a black/white affair. It is two human beings each with feelings, emotions and belief systems. If your wife refuses to respect you, you can't force it out of her, especially when she doesn't believe such. Rather than demand for her to be subservient, focus on marrying the kind of woman that matches what you want.

In my opinion, women who are outspoken, intellectually active and ambitious are less likely to be subservient in the way you put it, this has nothing to do with wealth or money, it's just natural for such women to want their own money and so it appears like they are independent. On the other hand, women who are easily submissive are more likely to be the kind to let you shine as head of house, and so they let you shine, it doesn't make them incapable of making more money than you, they just choose to let you be the man and not try to make too much money on their own.

majorbravo:

All the lady was trying to say is this: "Experience is the best teacher, you can say all you want but it's a different ball game when you are the one in the marriage itself".

Now to my contribution. loading.....

This is what we always said back then... I'll advice you you to get married then and see if you can follow this your point.

Elder001:


This is what we always said back then... I'll advice you you to get married then and see if you can follow this your point.

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