Hi Nlanders,need your candid opinion/advice on this. My friend has a wedding to attend in new york in
august so she applied for a B2 visa to the u.s. She filled the online forms naturally and secured an appointment for her interview on the 21st of june. A couple of days ago while lookin through her email box she found a letter in the drafts folder. The letter was addressed to the us embassy lagos,the letter stated my friends visa application number and passport number .The letter also stated that the applicant is a fraud and if granted the visa will not return to her spouse.in shock my friend confronted her hubby cos he's the only other person apart from her that knows her email password.To her utter dismay, the guy admitted he had written the letter cos he did not want her to travel and left it in the drafts so she could see it adding that he had warned her not to apply in the first place but that she did not listen. Here is a man who travels to the states a couple of times a year on B1/B2 visa and his wife never complains or tells him not to go! My friend is thinking of going for the interview all the same saying that she can always use the visa some other time if not for the wedding she has to attend.I'm sayin she shouldn't attend the interview cos the embassy might act on the blackmail letter and deny her the visa. What do u think guys?

Unfortunately your friend is married to a selfish and self centred sadist! i'll advise her to go for the interview all the same, the embassy are usually aware of such blackmail, remember 'nothing ventured nothing gained'

@tunnytox:thanks for your advice.your words r true "nothing ventured,nothing gained!". The reason why i'm telling her not to go is cos since 9/11 and the Mutallab issue,I'm guessing that the u.s consulate might not overlook letters of any kind.

I can not fathom why a man who visits the US will not want his wife to go . Very odd indeed . I really think this needs to be settled between the couple A spouse going to the extent of possibly getting his wife a lifetime ban obviously is either very shortsighted ( what if they have reason to travel togerther someday ?) or very concerned about something . please have her settle issues with her husband before going for any visa . She will not live with America , she has to live with her Husband .

@Pittbaby: hmmmm,

Pittbaby:

I can not fathom why a man who visits the US will not want his wife to go . Very odd indeed . I really think this needs to be settled between the couple A spouse going to the extent of possibly getting his wife a lifetime ban obviously is either very shortsighted ( what if they have reason to travel togerther someday ?) or very concerned about something . please have her settle issues with her husband before going for any visa . She will not live with America , she has to live with her Husband .

You are right but i see her husband's action as that of someone who believes in subjugation/domination of women or rather may be he's insecure thinking the wife might do a runner if carried away by the excitement of being in the US. In the first place what stops the man from taking holidays together with his wife? at least he has a US visa and has travelled there on few occasions this should make it easy for his wife to get a visa as well but instead of working together with his wife he's sabotaging her efforts. If this scenario has been at the other way round what do you think ppl will say?

I'm mostly upset about the situation cos its happening to a dear friend. Who in his or her right senses would do such a thing?!

Maybe her husband has some dodgy deals in the states
or d couple r kind of related 2 d person d wife wants 2 attend
her wedding, and the husband has done some stuffs there,

Maybe d man is active all night and would not
want to miss his wife, Who knows the situation?

SHALOM

The husband obviously lives a double life. He probably has another wife in the US. It is clear he would not want his 'second' wife to discover what is going on

She should investigate further!

Thanks guys for all your prompt responses.Do u think that she should still go for the interview?  and do u think that the u.s embassy might act on the blackmail letter they've received which might result in the denial of the visa or worse still a longterm ban from entering the u.s?

WOW the husband is an as*hat i can't beleive he would do something like that. Well if the letter was in the draft box then it wasn't sent so i say she should go for the interview.

For real the situation seems shady i think the husband probably has something to hide in the states like he is baba joy to everyone and here comes mama Abe or he knows how the women (nigerian) who live in the states act when they see a johnny just come they tend to poison the mind of said women. They talk about you can come and get a job and your husband can't tell you sh$t etc. so he is probably scared of all those "i know my rights and i will sue you" naija women in the states. 

Sorry to hear this. And I'm not mincing my words - your friend's hubby's a nasty piece of work! Does he realise the sort of issues that could arise from his selfish act? Supposing she does travel, but is then detained at the port of entry, and deported? And the consequences on future applications?

I think your friend married the wrong sort of person - was he always this possessive and selfish?

a husband doesnt just go to that extreme for no reason. he knows her very well. he knows her tendencies. he knows her inside out. he is protecting her from herself and himself. personally i will tell the husband. let her go. if she never comes back or if she runs off with another man in yankee, well it wasnt meant to be. no point in trying to keep what does not want to be kept

i will advise her to go cause the embassy might take it that the letter is true if she is not there to prove herself

What a sad story, if there is something i can't stand is a selfish man. So its good for him to travel while his wife stays  home  cleaning up his mess, Gosh the man is retarded,
First stuff your friend should check her sent and trash messages. That way she can figure out if the email was sent or not, cos it could only be a threat on her , If there aint any existing mail of such, then she should go ahead for the interview without fear but putting God infront, Otherwise, she should also put it in prayers regardless her smart ass husband.

chaircover:

Yes but if she had a roving eye, she would still probably do it under his nose anyway. I don't think that it is fair the way he has gone about this. In future they may need to travel out in an emergency and then what next?

travel out to america in an emergency ? what kind of emergency is that ? i have never heard of that. if anything in an emergency everyone is relocated to neighboring countries. or you mean family emergency ? cuz even that dont make sense. and as per if she has roving eye she will do it under his nose, well hunny that exactly is why this problem has occurred. he has seen her tendencies. us men watch you women like a hawk but you wouldnt know it because we do it discreetly. and a woman who passes the test is the apple and joy of her husbands eye. the ones who fail ? well lets just say a coldness is developed in the mans heart. now dont get me wrong this goes both ways too.

DIS IS ALARMING.WEL D MAN DOESNT WANT D WIFE TO DO MWHAT HE IS DOING.
MAY BE D WIFE KNOWS AND IS KEEPING QUIET AND LOOKING FOR A WAY OF ESCAPE AND D MAN KNOWS SHE CAN DO MORE DAN REQUIRED

Here's a problem of trust and communication. Here's a marriage gliding to the rocks. The man cannot speak but he takes cowardly actions. The woman discovers that her husband is not comfortable with her travelling to the US and she doesn't think that the more important question to ask is why her hubby does not trust her, rather she's asking if she should travel or not.

such a husband will follow any one pant girl, assuming he is capable, once the wife travels since he is likely to be vindictive. And what is the joy in travelling to the US without first finding out why your husband will resort to such a horrible, immature and cowardly act.


Please, the couple needs counseling.

chaircover:

I am sure you knew that I meant a family or medical emergency but that is beside the point.

If you agree that this mans method of dealing with an unproven accusation of a roving eye is to cut off his nose to spite his face then what more can I say?

I just hope he feels the same way when the wife gets her own back one way or the other. We all know that hell hath no fury than a woman scorned.

The marriages of these days sef 

you know that the 'unproven accusation' you speak of is strictly you 'hypothesizing' right ? for all we know the accusation could be 'proven' . i mean for a man to take such a drastic action, i somehow suspect he has caught her doing something before. no sane man does what he did without reason and he is not exactly a crazy person. i dont think america gives crazy and irrational nutjobs visas. he also sounds like he is well off (goes to yankee twice ayear) so he must be somewhat sane. me sha i think this all lies with the woman.

asker, i am sure you know i am hitting the nail on the head with this. somehow i suspect the asker is the person in this scenario. she just take style talk say na her friend

buzugee:

travel out to america in an emergency ? what kind of emergency is that ? i have never heard of that. if anything in an emergency everyone is relocated to neighboring countries. or you mean family emergency ? cuz even that dont make sense. and as per if she has roving eye she will do it under his nose, well hunny that exactly is why this problem has occurred. he has seen her tendencies. us men watch you women like a hawk but you wouldnt know it because we do it discreetly. and a woman who passes the test is the apple and joy of her husbands eye. the ones who fail ? well lets just say a coldness is developed in the mans heart. now dont get me wrong this goes both ways too.

Bros forget that one, no reasonable man will behave this way and mind you Nigerian men do make passes to married women as well. If a woman will cheat on you she'll do it and the possibility that you'll find out is near to zero,

ok let me show you the strikes i have against her, he has already told her for whatever reason not to go but she goes behind his back to apply for a visa, that is a sneaky woman

next is she found out what he did. any sane woman will like to know why he did what he did right ? and then act accordingly. but noooooooo not her. what is her response ? she is trying to find out from her friends if she can still sneak off and do the visa interview and if it can be rescued.

does this sound like a committed woman to you ?

tunnytox:

Bros forget that one, no reasonable man will behave this way and mind you Nigerian men do make passes to married women as well. If a woman will cheat on you she'll do it and the possibility that you'll find out is near to zero,

bros you are on ya own ohhhh. me i like to know that i did not turn a ho into a housewife. marriage is not a game of 100 percent trust. once you get to that level of 100 percent trust, you have lost your marriage because that means you are both not possessive over each other anymore. a tiny bit of possessiveness is good. it is a sign that you are still treasured.

buzugee:

ok let me show you the strikes i have against her, he has already told her for whatever reason not to go but she goes behind his back to apply for a visa, that is a sneaky woman

next is she found out what he did. any sane woman will like to know why he did what he did right ? and then act accordingly. but noooooooo not her. what is her response ? she is trying to find out from her friends if she can still sneak off and do the visa interview and if it can be rescued.

does this sound like a committed woman to you ?

or you meant ' does this sound like a slave/submissive-ask no question/maga to you'

she is going for wedding, and weddings are one of those experience nigerian women dont joke with
<sub>I mean that's where they measure each other up and see who is keeping up the ze Joneses


are they still married</sub>

Dis Guy:


or you meant ' does this sound like a slave/submissive-ask no question/maga to you'

she is going for wedding, and weddings are one of those experience nigerian women dont joke with
<sub>I mean that's where they measure each other up and see who is keeping up the ze Joneses


are they still married</sub>

ok lets for one moment pretend that she is actually going for a wedding. so you will jeopardize your own marriage just to go to another persons wedding ? does that even make sense to you ? doesnt that show how committed she is or isnt to her own marriage ?

@ poster
 your friend should still go ahead with the interview theres a very good chance the embassy might not have seen the letter these embassies are very busy and email is a very rare form of communication for their applicants
  because they receive a huge amount anyways

@ all my Nlanders:thanks again people for your responses!@Buzugee:It is not a twisted question o! This really is happening to my friend o!We r both billed to attend this wedding of a former uni classmate in nyc in august o!, I'm feeling so unhappy at the moment cos we've been planning the trip for a bit now.unfortunately,she is the one who needs to get a u.s visa.she is not even the travelling type!! Like most of u Nlanders have noted and also from what I have observed from watching "the interaction" between the couple,dare i say it tht her hubby is certainly a control freak! Apart frm this I can't say tht I know any sort of ongoing/lingering problems tht they might be havin cos I guess thts private.

The man is a complete bitchass freak. He's got a huge problem thats yet to be figured out. If i was in her shoes i'll definately pay him back the same way. What the hell is he trynna keep away from her, Perphaps he is married over there or he's got chains of girlfriends and he's trynna cover the sun with one finger. Trust me this dude is retarded,

buzugee:

ok lets for one moment pretend that she is actually going for a wedding. so you will jeopardize your own marriage just to go to another persons wedding ? does that even make sense to you ? doesnt that show how committed she is or isnt to her own marriage ?

Bloody hell, they are already married, if she wasn't committed she wont be married to him with her password and everything in the same house! she is not relocating she is attending a wedding _{feel sad having to answer your funny question though}

so what happens when you girlfriend wants to go to the toilet? you make sure you junior sister is there just to check up on her? does your girlfriend ask permission before going to see her friends? heck

_{ps: we dont know the full details of their relationship but assuming all is well the guy is a bit disturbed!}