.

If you have any doubts whatsoever about your upcoming wedding, then you must postpone it.
Marriage is not something you can jump into and jump out of easily, especially as a Nigerian woman. I say postpone.
That is not to say that your fiance is at fault, but you must be convinced beyond any reasonable doubt,

postpone forever

its this kind of stuff you have to deal with in a long distance relationship. when you are apart its tempting for him to follow other paths if you see what i mean. honesty has to come to the fore. its either he wants you or he doesn't. and what is it with guys and their exes? they just never seem to be able to truly let go. im beginning to think guys are more emotional than women!

He might still be 'friends' with his ex but do you think he'll want to marry her? This kind of situation is very confusing but you should talk things out with him and get it clear that he cuts off any link with his ex if he wants to marry you and be yours.

On the other hand, I don't think he wants to trash a[b] 9 year relationship [/b]

Get him to speak the truth tho' that might be hard.

He might still be 'friends' with his ex but do you think he'll want to marry her?

It could be that the lady is his insurance policy in case his long distance relationship doesn't work.
But seriously, should a man have to completely abandon all his female friends because of marriage?

no one says he shd abandon all female friends but when one caller is the most persistent you dont need an oracle to tell you that something is up. of course "just a friend' has always been the classical excuse!
when she flies back to london then madam just a friend will take over.

Seun:

But seriously, should a man have to completely abandon all his female friends because of marriage?

Would you like to see your bride to be chatting every day with men on phone? You won't even be able to discuss with her that the phone will ring again! Guess who? Her ex! I imagine u'd really start asking questions.
And why would he not pick the calls in her presence? If it's really just a casual call saying 'hello' then what could be wrong with it?

So f4flakes, you are not irrational! I know you don't like the situation but you need to sort it out. Just as Radiant said, make it very clear to him that all those phone calls bother you. If he respects you he should drop this 'tight' relationship with 'old friends'. Don't be too radical either cuz you might just make him feel caged, but tell him a call in a month is ok, but every 2 days is way out of limit. Why don't you invite the girl over for dinner? Make it obvious in her eyes how happy your man is with you. Maybe even have a 'nice little chat' with her and let her know your man is none of her business.

spoilt:

no one says he should abandon all female friends but when one caller is the most persistent you don't need an oracle to tell you that something is up. of course "just a friend' has always been the classical excuse!
when she flies back to london then madam just a friend will take over.

take over and begin cooking him soups and stew lol

Maybe even have a 'nice little chat' with her and let her know your man is none of her business.

@white nkem
i agree. next time she calls be sure to pick up the phone. tell her to back the f**k off!

take over and begin cooking him soups and stew lol

@ babyosisis

i tire oh! you hit the nail on the head. its annoying how some girls always surface to cook for guys when their babes are not around! God it drives me crazy!

spoilt:



@ babyosisis

i tire oh! you hit the nail on the head. its annoying how some girls always surface to cook for guys when their babes are not around! God it drives me crazy!

So true! The first advice a Nigerian lady gave me: never let another woman cook for your husband or else that means you've given him to her!

nigerian women believe in advertising their domestic skills . so they do the whole cooking and cleaning thing for a guy and are generally syrupy sweet to him. it's only a matter of time before he falls flat!

Speaking from experience, though I may be wrong.Your Man is involved with several women.When a man refuses to pick up his calls and switches off his phone.RUN RUN RUN far from him. You must be rational because if you two get married and this continues, It's really going to ruin the joy of this marriage.
SO step back, and think and make sure this is something that u can deal with ie.Having other women friends that u don't know about.Bad Bizness!!

spoilt:

nigerian women believe in advertising their domestic skills . so they do the whole cooking and cleaning thing for a guy and are generally syrupy sweet to him. it's only a matter of time before he falls flat!

It's pathetic how they fall for anything.

One thing i've always wondered is that, ok lets say you and your boyfriend had a fight, his female friend/friends get a wind of these new they are always the ones to jump and give a comforting shoulder, gassing you up about how they(the guy) is the one who was in the right blah blah and these moronic males just fall for this shit. It's the oldest damn trick ever yet they never seem to learn from it.

Ridiculous.

DontsayNO:

Speaking from experience, though I may be wrong.Your Man is involved with several women.When a man refuses to pick up his calls and switches off his phone.RUN RUN RUN far from him. You must be rational because if you two get married and this continues, It's really going to ruin the joy of this marriage.
SO step back, and think and make sure this is something that u can deal with ie.Having other women friends that u don't know about.Bad Bizness!!

good advice from a man.
@ topic,take this advice seriously

@f4flakes
Sweetheart, please becareful. Don't be in such a hurry to marry this man, let him come to his senses and know what he wants. Trust me the more you push, the more he pulls away. You want to be absolutely sure he wants you. Marry someone who loves you and wants to be with you rather than play games with many other females. I'm a guy and i know that when a man starts having many female friends instead of planning a marriage, he still wants to be a playa. So take your time and take it to the man upstairs for guidance and help ! Goodluck.

Why did the man encourage her to relocate to Nigeria when he is having affairs?

true talk. ive been in a long distance relationship.its not just hard. its brutally hellish.
having other interlopers only makes it more unbearable!
he doesnt seem to be straightforward with you. you may want to go ahead and marry him. your choice. you keep the ring and his ex keeps the man (since she cant let go)

.

It sounds really painful to know that a man could give up a 9 year relationship but let me tell you a story.

There's this lady(Nigerian) who had been dating a guy(Nigerian) for 10 solid years. A decade! For some reason they didn't get married all these years but anyway, the lady got pregnant in the 10th year and guess what? The man abandoned her for good till date as I'm writing this story.

It's possible the worst can happen to this posters relationship but the guy has to buckle up and set his priorities straight.

Obi can't be a boy forever.He has to be a man someday!If it means taking a trip to Nigeria again or him coming over to London, please do so and sort this out. A 9 year investment shouldn't go in a blink!

wow thats a really long time to be in a relationship without even getting married, i don't think i could last that long in just a plain relationship. but anyway you 2 need to work it out if you really want to be together and he has to lean how to compromise because, your wife should be your best friend and should come first before any other person even if you come from the same belle, i would say postpone it til you guys work things out.

@ f4flakes

i totally agree with igbonla

that's a sad story i must confess, its ok for a guy to have female friends, but who wants her guy being too attached to "the" female friend(s)?

To answer your question; yes, you should postpone the marriage at least till you know where you have him, because like Seun said, you wouldn't want to jump into the marriage just to later say "had i known"

now, don't jump into conclussions dear because you might end up regretting. Afterall a guy that really loves you could act strange once in a while. Its just a human nature.

The question is, for how long does he continue acting strange?
nothing good comes easily they say, so you fight til you know there's nothing to fight about,

Try bringing his attention to it once again, tell him the situation makes you insecure and uncomfortable. Then watch his body language and reaction, if he still  loves you, you will sense it (remember that's your guy we're talking about and i'm sure you know him some)

If he dosen't fight to keep you, then girl walk out with your head high, because what's tempting about marrying someone just because you've dated them for ages when you see the person is indirectly pulling away from you? absolutely nothing

yea i know honey,  9yrs is a long period of time for you to just be put by the corner as if you didn't really matter but what about couples that have been married for 15yrs and yet they split up?? life goes on, and who knows tomorrow might turn out the best day of your life

could it be you guys weren't really meant to be?? maybe. I believe everything does happen for a reason remember

could it be a test of time you guys are experiencing? noone knows dear. but only you can find that out

Good luck darl. it shall be well

cute-ass:


If he dosen't fight to keep you, then girl walk out with your head high, because what's tempting about marrying someone just because you've dated them for ages when you see the person is indirectly pulling away from you? absolutely nothing

Girl, have you been so battered in life and have developed a stone heart that you think she can just "walk out with her head high"?

Which head? lol. . Girl, take it easy cause it ain't easy.

You may feel  obliged to stay with him because you've invested nine blessed years of your youth.its been known to happen that a woman comes out of a long term relationship only to marry a totally different guy in less than a year. so sweetie he's not your "LAST HOPE".
As long as you have your doubts (and trust me most times your woman's instict is correct) you shouldnt go ahead with the marriage.

There's this saying that goes like, "once you feel it, it's happening"._{(Not always true but. . .)}

@ Radiant darl.

i know its hard, as in very hard. i'm not questioning that

but will you advice yourself to stay with someone that dosen't love you anymore, or someone that sees you as the reason to their denied hapiness in the long run? i don't think so

common, i believe she can do better and i agree with spoilt to the core

i do hope the guy was just having a bad time,and that he comes back to his normal self. I really pray to God, that it happens

but if a friend or anyone i know got dumped by their boyfriend. i'm sure you don't expect me to say to the person

my dear please eeh don't forget him, mourn him till the day you die?? ofcourse not

i'd give anything to make the person realise it wasn't their fault, and that life has better things in stock, don't you think darling??

cute-ass:


life has better things in stock, don't you think darling??

I know Sweetie but you know,the way you put it there sounded like it was some sort of Swiss chocolate situation

It's very hard indeed and some people are very emotionally feeble and fragile. It could be her case too

But anywany, thanks for standing up for a dear sister

Radiant:

I know Sweetie but you know,the way you put it there sounded like it was some sort of Swiss chocolate situation

It's very hard indeed and some people are very emotionally feeble and fragile. It could be her case too

But anywany, thanks for standing up for a dear sister

that's what i do best

i can't say i know what she's feeling, because that is awrong choice of words, but i know she is in deep pains and it breaks my heart

but she should also know it won't be the end of her road/world and no matter how hard it may seem, life goes on
(but i hope it dosen't come to that )

Hope so too

4flakes, please keep us informed.Take care dear

If the calls are persistent and he is not picking them up, it's is very likely more than just a friend. Even though you visit Nigeria 4 times a year or so, you are not there permanently, and that opens the door for other women to step in, or for him to step out. Just give him the ultimatum to cut out all those friends or you are going to move on, don't worry about what he has done when you are not there, just let him know you want things to change for the future you guys want to have together.

somethings smelling here, _{ur man is cheating 'nuff said}!!!!