Is fertility test advisable before marriage?

Infertility can be noticed when one is living with the opposite sex for at least a year and you are having unprotected sex, but you are not able to get pregnant, then you see here that there is a problem which needs to be attended to and in order to do this, you need an expert advice. It could be the doctor, your pastor or even a counselor, depending on the type of case you have. It is good, but in our own case, we advice they go for checkup to know their HIV status, genotype and blood group. These are the three test we encourage couples to do. Fertility test before marriage is good if you just want to know your status.

Is divorce advisable when couples are infertile?

Every problem has a solution. The extent to which you go after your problems will determine the kind of solution you get. So when you go for divorce because you can't stand the pressure, then you are running away instead of looking for a solution. Whichever it is, you can even adopt; we have had cases were the couple had to adopt and the woman got pregnant later because she had settled her mind and wasn't anxious again. Anxiety can cause delay in childbirth.

In another case, a family of six, the whole six children were adopted and the still bear that family surname till today. A child is a child as long as you have been able to impact your life into that baby; the child swallows you up. That's a pure definition of who a child is to me. Adoption is not bad if you want to adopt. We are preachers and we don't preach against adoption.

Should spouses stay together even in the face of abuse?

The word abuse is relative. In the western world, any negative word is an abusive word and one can sue you for that; so it depends on the abuse. But I perceive that abuse in the sense you mean is when a woman's life is threatened. If the man sends you out of the house you out of the house and says that he will kill you, a wise woman should go away and get both family to handle the case, not just to leave.

There must be an effort to restore, when all efforts fail, then you can now decide to go. Since everyone was involved when you were getting married, you still have to involve them when you are told to leave the home and that includes the church that joined you together as husband and wife. You shouldn't just carry your bag and checkout when you are asked to checkout of your matrimonial home.

How should a woman handle this challenge of child birth delay?

Well a woman should train herself to be calm, because one of the things that can cause delay in child birth is when you are worried, you know, your temperature and blood pressure rises so high, you still find out that when you get to the hospital, doctors will tell you to take things easy, stay away from stress. Generally there are no problems that can not be solved, no need to be anxious especially now that science has gone very far, there are other alternative if it is difficult to conceive, just make sure you take your problems to the right person, it is God's will that we multiply biblically so there's always a way out.

It is not the time to push blame, lookout for what is responsible, if it is the man or the woman. Over the years, I have noticed that the major problems are from the men but because of our culture, we push the whole blame on the woman, it is not even time to call relations for intervention, Infact husbands should learn to protect the wife on issues like this and support them not to start considering a second wife when the problem might just be a case of some little prescription from the doctor and everything is settled. So people should learn to do the right thing.

Methods that can be applied to convince a stubborn husband for medical checkup?

Men generally don't like taking there matters outside the home while some don't even care. Some like feeling in charge because of their ego but if the can consider their problems and drop their ego, problems can be sorted out-rightly.

The woman has to be very patience and persuasive, shouting back at your husband is not the right method. The problem is that we need a child and whatever it takes to get a child we should do, pet him, kneel and beg, make love to him, if you have to do, Learn when he is in the right mood to talk, not when he gets back from work so tired and weak. Massage his ego, encourage him with the right words and pray for the wisdom, he may not even agree for the first and the tenth time but don't give up, keep massaging his ego, one day you will hear him say “honey it is because of you and just this once” he will go with you. Women are naturally emotional because of the way they are wired but just like the case of Rachael and Jacob, you don't have to fight but if you can, apply the method of Hannah and Elkanna, God will answer you definitely.