I have been married to my husband for 5 years.  I married him when we had nothing.  In fact I can still bet it was for love.  We have had our moments of happiness and sadness.  It has not been a bed of roses.  However, through thick and thin, we have sticked to each other.  I know he loves me or loved me?  Can love be so cruel?  Or does it fade?  We courted for long too before we got married.  And I knew he likes women too just like every other man.  But I didnt know he could go to the extent of bringing a woman to the house.  I am a working class mother with two children and he is a business man.  He had done this before and after several pleading and talking by his parent and sibling, we made peace with each other.  Here again, it has happened.  Please my fellow women and honourable men out here, help me.

the fact that you decided to forgive him the first time was your only mistake. you should only forgive someone who is sorry for their actions and wanna repent!
your husband has no respect for your UNION, your HOUSE or YOU.

there is only 2 options:
A) accept that your man is the way he is and pretend it never happens for the benefit of "being married".
B) drop that rat like he was hot and have some respect for yourself and the people in your life.

Perseverance is a key factor.

If he could do such a thing, it means he has no respect for you.
I can imagine the pains you're going through.
Some men chase after women even when they are married, but it strictly outside their home.
Sorry to say this, but your husband is a rat and men like him give the male folks a bad name.
I won't advise you to leave cos ur children would definitely end up being a product of a broken home.
On the other hand, i won't ask you to stay because of the risks involved. You could stay & risk contacting STD or have an emotional breakdown.
Its something you have to decide on ur own.
Best of luck.

Na! he is thee most direspectful bonobo I've heared of today. I dont know what you are going to do with him but this monkey doesnt have self love and I am not sure how you manage to love somebody who doesnt have it for themselves

just close ur eyes and remain in the marriage cos of ur kids but pls crose ur mind that u are a widow in dat way u will get ova it fast he is an ingrat and jobless fool,

leave him, divorce him, make an agreement on alimony and child support. Dont look back- he has no respect for you and you dont want your children to become like him! Don listen to women who have low esteem and think its ok for a man to treat a woman wrongly, stop pleading with him you have done nothing wrong, leave him and dont look back, you can find someone else who will respect you!

Lovemee:

We courted for long too before we got married.  And I knew he likes women too just like every other man. 

I refuse to agree with those words in bold letters (every man is not like that)

As for your husband, i wont advise you to leave him now but express your displeasure to him and let him know it wont be taken lightly if such repeats
all the best

there is only 2 options:
A) accept that your man is the way he is and pretend it never happens for the benefit of "being married".

this is the option most naija women take. word to my uncle's wife

^^^^sadly, you are right!

most wouldnt look at the multiple acts of disrespect and dishonesty from their spouse but rather they would simply think of what people around them would say/think etc.

i blame this silly society which looks down on divorced women or single mothers for that and also i blame the NIGERIAN MYTH which makes people believe that "marriage=happiness/success"

Thank u all so much. I really do appreciate.
I feel encouraged and uplifted by your comments.

God bless u all for me in NL.

NB: Right now, I have come to realise that I can live without him (even being in the same house), cost I cant afford to spend money on another accommodation, that is if I decide to seperate. 'cos I am building a house already, so this will not pay me at all. In the meantime, I am praying that God gives me the strength to bear all this and still find happiness.

Thank you all once again and may God meet u all at the point of your needs IJN. Amen.

thats why you should make an agreement with him, it makes no sense to me anyways. why a woman will tolerate such just for financial stability- one wont sell her organs on the street so why should she sell out her dignity? well i guess whatever works for you!

she has taken the right decision for herself in her circumstances.
Let`s pray for her, that the man will sober with age.

mutter:

she has taken the right decision for herself in her circumstances.
Let`s pray for her, that the man will sober with age.

hahahahaahhaha, MUTTTERRRRR

I cant believe am actually laughing with this ur last statement!

Bestglo:

I refuse to agree with those words in bold letters (every man is not like that)

As for your husband, i wont advise you to leave him now but express your displeasure to him and let him know it wont be taken lightly if such repeats
all the best

No, the poster is right.
All men like women even guys who are in denial(gay guys/sadists not included)

My dear,it surely hurt when you think how long you have been with him.It is quite unfortunate it turned out to be like that.I will like you to do some deep thinking and answer the following questions candidly.


1. Why did you marry him in the first instance when you knew a little bit about his weakness?

2. What conviction did you had when you decided to marry him? or better still what are those qualities you saw in him that convinced you to marry him?

3.How well do you pray for him on a regular basis?

4. Is your intimacy life in great order or not?

5. How close are you to his mother?

6. How close are you to his heart and life?

7. How do you correct him when he is wrong or doing the wrong thing? Is it with meekness and humility or the shouting and bullying type most women adopt today?

8.At what point in time did you notice his behavioral change and what did you do then?

9. How spiritual is he?

10. Have you heard a heart to heart deep discussion with him before?

11. How well do you know his friend?

12. How well do you blow his ego and make him feel he is the emperor of his family and home?

Why all this questions? Most women who loose their husbands to other women are guilty of some of these things.
The issue is not the woman outside but the one inside.Most women drove their husbands outside only to begin to regret their actions when the man has gone a bonga.

Divorcing him is not the issue.What makes you think if you remarry a similar thin will not take place.If you fail to see the part you played in the whole process but decide to put the whole blame on him you are not justified an inch.Let me tell you boldly the issue of many wives saying they suffered with their husbands but later were cheated or the man went to marry someone else.

This words make me to laugh.The question I want to ask is what about the other women that suffered with their men and their men didn't change.Have many of you who are having this problems ever gone to ask such women what they did to hold their husbands?

The many things you women said when the men were poor.The many bad comments,ridicules,comparison and disgrace you levied on them made a lot them to become subconsciously bitter against you.Let alone the many quarrel you had with them when they could not meet up with the financial demands of the family.The many times you denied them intimacy when they could not give you what you demand.

It is very easy for many to condemn such men but what made them to do it people are not bothered about such.I am not in support of such.I am totally against it.But the truth is that some men were forced into it by the attitude of their spouses.

Let me also tell many women out there that marriage will never make anyone truly happy.Your man can never make you truly happy.It is only your Creator.you personal values and the way you see you marriage that will make you happy.The internal meanings you attach to the external things will determine your happiness.That make sound hard but that's the truth from my experience.

Finally my advise to you is not to listen to all those cosmetic advise but look deeply inward and realized where you made a mistake.Then go to your man and have a humble heart to heart discussion with him with prayer and faith to tell you what offends him in your attitudes.He will tell you.

You can save your marriage and cast out every stranger from his life. If you women know the great power and influence you have over men and learn to use such wisely and humbly your husbands will become a baby toy in your hand.
Let me ask all women this question if you can answer then you will know for sure that you can change your man with God's help and your effort.

THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT THAT EVE GAVE ADAM TO IT,WAS ADAM NOT AWARE OF IT HOW THEN DID SHE MADE ADAM TO EAT AGAINST GOD'S COMMAND.

I leave you with that food for thought.

@loveaflame true talk

cantell:

No, the poster is right.
All men like women even guys who are in denial(gay guys/sadists not included)

I still do not agree, maybe cos i'm one who doesnt believe in general principle

Bestglo:

I still do not agree, maybe cos i'm one who doesnt believe in general principle

unfaithful men will say it, women of low self esteem will say it, allow them to say it while you maintain higher standards of life!

loveaflame are you insinuating the woman may have made her husband bring another woman into her matrimonial home? , This is why i dont indulge in conversations with freshers #imouttahere

I wouldn't advise you to leave or stay with your husband. You will make that choice by yourself when the time is right. You have given him more than his one chance to behave and he has abused you. Take care of your self, keep looking after your children to the best of your ability and trust in God. You will soon be directed onto the path that is right for you. He wont change but you will! Stay strong!

I am not insinuating anything.I am only been realistic.For the man to go to such an extent that means their is more to the whole story.I am not blaming the woman in question.Am only trying to help her to see the path she might have played in the whole drama.



I am not condemning the man also that is left for his conscience and God.The woman in question should be truthful to herself.You cannot say she has no fault of hers.We might conclude on the man but for heaven's sake we have not heard from the man.He might have a different story to tell.



For the one who called me a fresher.Is it a fresher on Nairaland or in marriage? For your information,I have been married since 1999.I know the many times that my wife did things that would have made me to go outside.But I didn't because of the fear of God.

The woman should please realize where she missed it and go and seek for spiritual help from clergy men.

You gave him permission to do this to you. You gave him the impression that his behavior was okay. Even if you do not leave today you need to change your mentality today. You should never have involved family especially when it is obvious that you did not do all you could have done. Stop having sex with him and start loving yourself

No when i say fresher i mean your mentality, i CANNOT think of a way a man will bring another woman into his matrimonial home without divorcing his wife first? Even the most colourful playwriter in the world cannot think of a decent plot to that, but its simply the way you guys reason, you have chuvanistic/biggoted beliefs, im not insulting you im telling you the truth, this century even nigerians are not accepting those forms of thinking, google esther ogunleke. Think properly, what would be your reaction to your wife bringing a man into the house while you are there? will you accept she had a reason for it? other than her being a disrespectful slut? Im not going to argue over it because we are different in our thinking, i just had to point it out.

Okay. Let me get this. He brought a lady to your house (what a slowpoke!) to do whatever with her, you found out, you forgave him (certainly a no no), and the idiot did it again? Well, I think he has figured he has control over you and can do anything. Are you that dependent on him? Even so, there is no reason to take this crap! Unfortunately the polygamous society we live in condones this type of behavior. I personally will not take it if I were a lady. I know this is a difficult situation, and I wish you the best of luck.

Easier said than done. Many people think they will never condone it till it happens to them
I think it is unfair of people to suggest that the woman called for it. It is one thing having an affair outside and another bringing the woman into the house.
That is disrespectful .It is also not easy to leave a marriage,especially after some years have been invested.
She forgave him in a bid to save her marriage and bringing family into it was the right thing to do.
Most people will just tell you to forgive and even tell you to work on yourself. You loose your self esteem and keep trying harder and harder to make the man satisfied but it does not work out that way sometimes.
My first marriage was an eye opener or me. My ex was really into women and he brought them home too. I remember there was this day too ladies rang the bell and walked into the house. The greeted me went to the kitchen took food I had cooked ate and went to lie down on my husbands bed watching videos. When he came back I told him he had guests, he was shocked, those poor girls when he went to his room and came out with them. They apologized, they did not know I was his wife. My ex was smart about it. He told the girls that an officers family was staying with him.
My husband was scared could not believe that I never reacted or told the girls that I was his wife.
I had made up my mind that the humiliation was enough from his side, I was not going to humiliate myself with any girl by going into any argument etc.
I even ended up becoming good friends with some of the women that he was dating and that put an end to the relationship. He actually told me that he was not going to let any woman come there again because they would always sympathizing with me and have no interest in a relationship with him.
I wish I could tell you this story had a happy ending- it did not.
He finally married a second wife, a childhood friend who was more than ten years older than I was.
It was only at this stage that my family finally gave me their blessing to leave the marriage.
In the past I had run to them so often because of the abuse,they never saw anything disturbing about it. They did not even want to entertain the girlfriend issue. For them it was normal for a man to have girlfriends. As for the abuse, all they had to say was that educated girls had a problem with respect. I should keep my mouth shut and everything would be okay. In fairness to my family I was even too ashamed to tell them how bad it was.
That is why when people think the fault lies with the woman they are also contributing to the abuse that women suffer in Nigeria today.
Women keep on tolerating so much because when the leave the marriage the society looks down on them. The family of the woman too is only interested in the
good name of the family or the benefits of the inlaw.

Oritshejafo, second time gini You mean there was a first

mutter:

Easier said than done. Many people think they will never condone it till it happens to them
I think it is unfair of people to suggest that the woman called for it. It is one thing having an affair outside and another bringing the woman into the house.
That is disrespectful .It is also not easy to leave a marriage,especially after some years have been invested.
She forgave him in a bid to save her marriage and bringing family into it was the right thing to do.
Most people will just tell you to forgive and even tell you to work on yourself. You loose your self esteem and keep trying harder and harder to make the man satisfied but it does not work out that way sometimes.
My first marriage was an eye opener or me. My ex was really into women and he brought them home too. I remember there was this day too ladies rang the bell and walked into the house. The greeted me went to the kitchen took food I had cooked ate and went to lie down on my husbands bed watching videos. When he came back I told him he had guests, he was shocked, those poor girls when he went to his room and came out with them. They apologized, they did not know I was his wife. My ex was smart about it. He told the girls that an officers family was staying with him.
My husband was scared could not believe that I never reacted or told the girls that I was his wife.
I had made up my mind that the humiliation was enough from his side, I was not going to humiliate myself with any girl by going into any argument etc.
I even ended up becoming good friends with some of the women that he was dating and that put an end to the relationship. He actually told me that he was not going to let any woman come there again because they would always sympathizing with me and have no interest in a relationship with him.
I wish I could tell you this story had a happy ending- it did not.
He finally married a second wife, a childhood friend who was more than ten years older than I was.
It was only at this stage that my family finally gave me their blessing to leave the marriage.
In the past I had run to them so often because of the abuse,they never saw anything disturbing about it. They did not even want to entertain the girlfriend issue. For them it was normal for a man to have girlfriends. As for the abuse, all they had to say was that educated girls had a problem with respect. I should keep my mouth shut and everything would be okay. In fairness to my family I was even too ashamed to tell them how bad it was.
That is why when people think the fault lies with the woman they are also contributing to the abuse that women suffer in Nigeria today.
Women keep on tolerating so much because when the leave the marriage the society looks down on them. The family of the woman too is only interested in the
good name of the family or the benefits of the inlaw.

Na wa oh

Busy body, when many are quick on this forum to advise a woman to leave a marriage, has anyone tried to think further, what the future would be like.
When my first marriage broke up I was in my late twenties. Many of my friends were not even married.
Did you expect me to condemn myself to a lifetime of licking my wounds

mutter:

Busy body, when many are quick on this forum to advise a woman to leave a marriage, has anyone tried to think further, what the future would be like.
When my first marriage broke up I was in my late twenties. Many of my friends were not even married.
Did you expect me to condemn myself to a lifetime of licking my wounds

Er. . . come again

By the way, do you know that if a woman chooses to remain in an unhealthy marriage just for the sake of her children, she can sink into clinical depression (a mental health problem)

I don`t need anyone to tell me that.
I still suffer up till today from the trauma, I went through.
This is something every woman has to weigh very carefully and know how much she can tolerate and when to leave.
Some women can take more than others.
I certainly do not advocate till death do us part method but also I am against just walking out without putting in all efforts.
Also sometimes a woman might have no choice but to stay depending on the circumstances.

mutter:

I don`t need anyone to tell me that.
I still suffer up till today from the trauma, I went through.
This is something every woman has to weigh very carefully and know how much she can tolerate and when to leave.
Some women can take more than others.
I certainly do not advocate till death do us part method but also I am against just walking out without putting in all efforts.
Also sometimes a woman might have no choice but to stay depending on the circumstances.

Perhaps you should add this disclaimer to your posts then, always advising people to stay at all cost