Just doing this for a friend of mine who feels advice from nairaland may not be of help , but i belief it really can.

This friend of mine is presently in a five months relationship with this lovely lady. It all happened that this lady actually has someone who has travelled out of the country for about two years now(he comes in at intervals). She's actually having some troubles understanding this London guy since he travelled due to lack of attention, but the London guy claimed that the stress and the system in the UK is the cause of him loosing his concentration on the lady's attention and he apologised.In fact he promised to marry her by April this year.

But this lady's boss in the office being so close to her knew all that was happening. He is as well an associate pastor in this lady's church and also the head of marriage councelling unit in the same church. He adviced her to back out of the relationship with the UK guy ( about 8years old relationship). My friend is a consultant to this lady's boss and tactically the boss helped in giving adequate information to help my friend to pave his way into the lady's heart. Now they are 5 months old. The UK guy never knew this all along until february when he wanted to start rounding up preparation for his proposed april traditional wedding. He got so disappointed yet promise heaven and earth not to loose this lady.

The lady's parent on the other hand started going around for all spiritual help and they are always been told everywhere that the UK guy is their daughters right man.

- The lady in question is now claiming she's confused

- My friend thinks he shouldn't let go for no reason, even though he knows he has gotten this lady based on situation and opportunity.

-The UK guy says she's not going anywhere either ( in fact I learnt he fainted once and almost lost his job out of loosing concentration)

-The lady's parent says over their dead body would she marry anyone other than the UK guy.

Nairalander I have tried to be as truthful as possible concerning this issue not minding my position in the case as a friend. What do you think my own friend should do o, because he his hoping I will be his best man in May!

Well dear lets take it right from the beginning of course the girls's parents would say "no", what was he expecting??
"to hell with someone that has been there for their daughter for a whole 8 years. for someone who doesn't mind taking what isn't his regardless of who gets hurt in the process?"[/b] well that just proves how much of a dreamer he is, and i advice he wakes up ooh

people sef lol never cease to amuse, lol again

[b]First of all the lady's boss (the pastor) should be ashamed of himself, i feel so sorry for the millions of people he might have ruined their lives how could he? a man appointed by God and loved by people, entrusted with people's lives and faith and oh lawd name itpeople, and all he can do is lead them astray. That's a no no. Infact he should be asking God for forgiveness, because he just acted unworthy of the trust

Now if your friend wants to get mad or blame someone, then it should be the pasto, who didn't tell him that its not right taking another man's possession, something that doesn't belong to you?? sooner or later, you're bound to loose it. That's just life dear, and the sooner he started facing the fact that no one reaps where they did not sow, the sooner he might find the person meant for him.

ask him this: if he was in this UK guy's shoes and someone rapped his girl from behind, just because he was in another country making a better living for himself, how would he feel??

well everyone knows its a fact, that live overseas doesn't have to be all smooth all the way, so if this guy's only crime was that he got caught up from time to time (which he already apologised for), then God being a merciful and faithful one would make the girl find her way back to him very soon

Your friend just has to let go, its so funny when you say that he doesn't want to leave her lol. how funny? he won't leave someone 8yrs of stuggle relationship?? that's not ideal at all

His girl is out there, and if he continues being selfish, then he might end up getting a taste of his own medicine when finally he finds hapiness. What goes around, comes around. Yes today it seems the uk guy is helpless, but tomorrow might be his turn.

He should walk out before he causes more damage that might take a life-time repairing

for the simple fact that she is confused means she has developed strong feelings for your friend. However I suggest he gives her some space. She needs to clear her mind and find out who she really wants, since the other guy isn't around as well.

As for the parents, they might be gaining something from that guy or thinking that an eventual marriage and the moving of the girl to the UK could be the best for her. Anyway she isn't a baby anymore and this is a decision she has to take herself.

The guy in the UK might have been working really hard to make things right before eventually coming to marry her and he won't definitely accept a rejection after 8 years of relationship. Europe is hard and it's true that sometimes you can't focus on too many things at the same time. he is very right to continue to fight for his love.

In conclusion, your friend just has to let her be for now. In her confuse state his always being around her might just increase the entropy in her head and worsen things.

Confusion jam more confusion.

8 years and then loosing out.  Sometimes out of sight becomes out of mind. The guy stayed too far away and someone closer to the woman stole her heart. Moreover he created doubt in the woman's heart by staying out of sight for long intervals at a time. If he was really serious, he should have engaged the woman many years back. At least do some preliminary ceremonies to keep potential suitors at bay.

You know the girl is gonna marry the UK guy cause he has the upper hand in everything.
He would be more loaded and the fact that her parents are saying no - then its a no.

The lady should have cleared that area before inviting your friend into her heart so tell ur friend to save himself the hassle and let it go.

richylaw:

-The lady's parent says over their dead body would she marry anyone other than the UK guy.

When the mother was already dreaming of going to London to take care of her grandchildren!

davidylan:

When the mother was already dreaming of going to London to take care of her grandchildren!

hehehehe! truly mama wan go obodo oyibo!
only the lady knows who she truly loves. guys abroad sometimes neglect women left behind in naija until they hear someone else wants to marry her then they become frantic.
she has the final say!

Are the parents saying no because the othern guy is in the UK or bacause they think what the lady is doing is wrong??

You know the girl is going to marry the UK guy cause he has the upper hand in everything.
He would be more loaded

Fallacy of hasty generalization!!!!!

The One:



Fallacy of hasty generalization!!!!!

dear, bless you

its so wrong when we all leave the inside of a mango, and want to lick the outside, so so wrong

the story says, the boss who also is the pastor of the girl, has been trying to convince the girl to leave the other guy. What relationship can be strongly built that way, when the girl wasn't given a choice to decide just being pulled into it

why does it have to be that the family-in-law is just after his money, or that the girl will follow him because of his money.so marriage now starts and ends with money _{*sighs in disapproval*}

did anyone care to ask when the 8yrs relationship started, what if the guy hadnt travelled before they started dating, what was the girl and her parents after then??

can't it be that they just don't trust this guy?? someone that wouldn't respect a lady that is already taken, how do you think life would treat him when he gets his own lady.

you people should please quit all this generalization, its getting more and more boring by the day.

these people have only dated for 5months, how are you judges sure its not all infatuation, afterall this girl has all along loved and cared for her boyfriend before this joy-breaker came along

lets call a spade a spade jare, and away with all this money money talk being the topic of the day, be realistic. if all you overseas boarders where to be in the uk guy's shoe would that still be your response??

what in your senses is it that makes this naija guy the right one?? because he's near. that's no excuse for love

seriously, i tink cute ass has a very gud point there and i tink ur friend shld just let go cos the girl is not his

, chic needs to be given space to unerstand who
she is,what she wants.
Seems this is more of what the chic wants.
There is much 2much to marriage than
Obodo Oyibo,money ,But unfortunately money is an
important factor.
Bobo should slow down ,check himself and whole
scenario b4 he recks himself.
Y are the parents saying no?
, there is wisdom in the words of the elderly

Thank you everyone for all your responses so far, I really do appreciate this. To be honest I had at a point seen this stuff as a wrong match making for my friend, considering his pastor friend's position, but I really want to help my friend and my conscience too and I had hence gone ahead again to bring out further facts concerning this issue.

@ Ibo man : Y are the parents saying no?
my friends says the lady told him that they have gone around to pray and investigate spiritually and from all indication the UK chap is the right man to give her peace, asides they claim to know the UK chap first whom they have no faults against and since she never cleaned herself off from him before starting a new relationship they are not ready to be a part of such new relationship!

@ cute ass : did anyone care to ask when the 8yrs relationship started
I learnt the 8yrs started while they were in the university ( they were classmate and coursemate) and she claimed that the guy had actually been honest in the relationship to the best of her knowledge , except that his UK trip brought the silence for sometime.

@ hot chic

spoilt:


hehehehe! truly mama wan go obodo oyibo!
only the lady knows who she truly loves. guys abroad sometimes neglect women left behind in naija until they hear someone else wants to marry her then they become frantic.
she has the final say!

This guy left nigeria about 2 years ago for his masters , he's finished now and has a work permit to stay back , I also learnt he has made all preparation for this lady to come in and start her masters too and he has been to nigeria to see her twice in between, in fact came in last month in the next available flight when he heard this new development

hot chic:

Are the parents saying no because the other guy is in the UK or bacause they think what the lady is doing is wrong??

They feel she is doing the wrong thing and if it is right shes done it the wrong way.

@davidylan and michelin89
This lady's parent are well to do and spent the younger days of their marriage in the UK , in which the lady herself is a beneficiary as well. I think the issue of going abroad to be with their child or gaining something from this UK guy is not it , they have all it takes to do that without any external help.

I beleive with this I have thrown more light on this situation. Nairalander , please note that this is not a cooked story it is as hot as you may think at the moment. I just feel this is the time my friend will need me most and I want to stand for him but my conscience is as well asking some confusing question. Asides I don't think I am muscular enough to absorb blows in case the UK guy may turn to Mike Tyson sooner or later .

but who does the girl love? all our speculations are a waste of typing. who is she tending towards? in a woman's heart she knows who she wants even though she may be bullied into picking someone else!

spoilt:

but who does the girl love? all our speculations are a waste of typing. who is she tending towards? in a woman's heart she knows who she wants even though she may be bullied into picking someone else!

thats very true, but sometimes you're pushed and blindfolded to the point of picking the wrong person, and regretting later when its too late

or dear, don't you know infatuation too can disguise itself to be love??

i'm not saying the UK guy is the right one, no Cos i know old relationships can be hard to break out from because its been so long, and you don't want to dissappoint the person in qusetion

but this naija guy might still not be the one, the girl was pused into a relationship with him, and though some might ask "is she a baby?" well in matters of the heart, we can all be babies

i think tehy should both give her some breathing space to think on her own, without interference. That's the only time the answer might come

and i'm happy the poster confirmed the girl's parents are well to do for those that think its always about the money

@richylaw
you say your friend has only dated her for 5 months? is he truly in love or is he still in the chest-banging stage of early romance? does he know her very well? 5 months isnt a very long time. besides when he started dating her did she give her word that she was done with the u.k guy? or was your friend just the stop gap guy? he may not want to loose this tug of war for the lady but what's the point marrying her (if he wins) and she keeps pining away for the guy she did 8 years with? it will be tragic!

@spoilt

From all I know, my friend loves her, he's gone ahead to give her a marriage proposal ring, but the lady spoke out to me that she really still love the UK guy but she has given her word to my friend  and that is why she wouldn't want to go back.( even though she never confirmed to my friend that she's done with the UK guy, nonetheless my friend can write a biography about the UK guy and give all the accounts of the 8yrs relationship with this babe , the lady narated it all to my friend)
To my dismay she later came back that she has made up her mind to go with my friend because she really wants her parents to know that they can't force her to do anything and it's like the UK guy believes the backing of the parents maybe well enough for him to work his way back.( my friend does not know all this, she 's really confided in me and thats why I'm concerned)

@ richylaw
well , seems to me like she does like your friend (at this point i don't know if to use the word love) but still clings to the memories of the 8 year relationship.Girls have a way wanting to marry a guy their parents have endorsed because of the "i-told-you-so"  factor if the marriage goes wrong. your friend still has some time before the u.k guy breezes into the country. he should really talk to her one on one and find out her true feelings. thats the only way. infact when a man looks into a woman's eyes when the chips are down, he'll know if he has lost to another.
he has to sort things out now because once that guy's plane touches down she'll be caught up in the mantra of everyone singing "her husband has come". and she wont be able to decide without bias.
its a tough one but if your friend doesnt get this girl then it wasnt meant to be.
i feel for him and i don't even know him.  all he did was fall in love. but if shes his, she'll come willingly not at gun point!

@ poster (the friend of the second sutor)

well i guess you now have a lot to tell your friend, some advice are more realistic than others but at the end of the day everybody tends to do that which they feel seems more right.

like spoilt said, she likes your friend, but who doesn't like most people,

tell your friend to be sure before making a life-time decision, Cos from where i'm standing right now it seems its not only the lady that has some thinking to do.

Love is something that should be mutual. When not, might be critical and tell your friend to believe me out of experience that he wouldn't want to go into a relationship where he loves the girl, and the girl is still confused whether she loves him or not
i believe things happen for a reason . .was he in her life because they were meant to be?? or because he was supposed to be the one to make her realize what she got in the UK guy?? timw will answer that for them

a forced love is not ideal because i believe love should come naturally, i still don't understand why the pastor would push both into a relationship without a foundation

but please do tell the girl that . even though she might now end up marrying this your friend just because she wants to prove her parents wrong, its not an excuse enough to enter a marriage with ooh, Cos at the long run her parents will be living their lives while she might be at the other corner saying had i known" (afterall all parents want the best for their children, they can be wrong but sometimes, as sad as it might sound they're right too)

and marrying the guy just because in time of confussion she "promised" is not a reason enough either, Cos she might later end up causing pains for both herself and your friend

for all we care, neither of both guys might even be her "supposed husband", all the same they should both be 100% sure of what they're going into ooh i know why i'm saying this ooh, the rate of divorce is increasing by the week and it pains my soul to se it happen

though things that are meant are meant to always end up being, atimes we don't give it time to happen
i've seen 1001 people on this forum saying they now realize they chose their spouses out of confussion, or because they thought they'll later develope love or because they thought things will later be ths and that

i won't want them to go down the same drain, so all parties should be careful

spoilt and cute ass , you've said well

tell the friend to BACK OFF

this's indeed a crazy triangle!
the lady acted on an advice given by her boss, dis does not necessarily imply that d uk guy did her wrng or that she rlly wantd to quit d relationship, then this same boss makes the entry for ur friend, who exactly does did boss think he is? God?
ur friend cannot attest as a matter of fact that the girl does not love the uk guy anymore, neither can he expressly determine how much she loves him (he aint psychic), the only thing he can guarantee is his love for her (this obviously xplains her confusion)

am nt surprised @ d reaction of the parentals, wht did he expect? i suggest that ur friend does not pressure her but let her take her time & decided wht its gonna be. (that she accepted his ring mite av bin ot of convinience and not conconviction)

@ 2dye4, you speak like the elders

I really do appreciate nairalander intellectuals for your time spent in responding to this confusing wahala. Just to give you a situation report, my friends family called the lady and told her to go and tell lies to her parents that she's pregnant so that the pressure will go down and they will succumb to her marrying my friend. Are this real in-laws? Would they not even get back at her in the nearest future if she succeed in that? Will she herself not live to regret this?

How i wish i knew who this girl was, so i can free her from her misery and talk some sense into her. Is marriage by force?? see me see trouble ooh

well like you said richylaw, if she succumbs to their advice, then she's digging her untimely grave, because yes they'll use it against her in the future and who on earth will gang up with some not-yet-in-laws and battle against their parents, leading them behind the light

if this lady knew what was good for her, she better wake up from her sleep, before she'll be in water while soap eneters her eyes hmmm

Now i see where your friend got his desperate and selfish and forceful attitude from, his parents. No wonder *sighs*

this people dont need any advise. What would be would be.

Word

@richlaw

what ur friend's parents are suggesting is diabolical and rather unbecoming of would-be-inlaws! from this, the lady can tell the kind of advice they would give their son on other critical issues should she get married to him.
if the intentions are rite, but the approach is wrong, then the whole idea is WRONG!

As for ur friend, hell wont freeze ova if he doesnt marry this lady, life would definitely go on.

I 've said it repeatedly,people should stop trusting these so-called pastors.They lead people astray a lot.As for the girl,if she's confused about an 8 year old relationship,then she needs to get her head examined.Anyway anyone seen this blog.lindaikeji..com.It's da'bomb.U guys need to check it out.

cinnamon:

I 've said it repeatedly,people should stop trusting these so-called pastors.They lead people astray a lot.As for the girl,if she's confused about an 8 year old relationship,then she needs to get her head examined.Anyway anyone seen this blog.lindaikeji..com.It's da'bomb.U guys need to check it out.

pastor used his position as trusted confidant to influence things. not good

n.b do you work for linda ikeji now? heard she did something reallyyyyyyyy bad.

this is serious still,i believe the lady knows wat is best for her.this is yet another warning to guys to try and be more on the romantic side.to be real,money aint everything,just that the situation in our country makes it seem as though.attention counts and so does care.