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How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by edoman2016: 10:31am On Dec 23, 2018
stefanjaeger:
Please how do you outgrow a friend because he doesn't have as much money as you do. You admitted he has a business he is struggling with, have you tried to help grow his business? I did not read anywhere you said you have supported his struggling business financially in the past. Nevertheless, It is not out of order to be struggling with business in Nigeria right now, that is the prevailing economy template. I advise that you cut back on footing his bill anytime you guys hang out together. Give him substantial money ('cos you sound rich) to at least help his ailing business. You should let him know you won't be frequently footing his bill any longer which is why you are helping his business. Advise him to get serious and elevate his personality. Please don't ever tell him you don't want you guys to stop being friend because he is flat broke. That statement is rude, irresponsible and can be suicidal.
In the past, I loaned him 1,000,000 Naira to support his business. Still, he misused the money in the business. He was just telling me stories that customers were owing him a lot after sales and didn't pay a dime to me. In other words, he couldn't account for the money.

5 Likes

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by BuddhaPalm(m): 10:53am On Dec 23, 2018
“Friendship” is contracted between people of equal means.

If not, the tendency for jealousy and envy, on their part, and resentment on yours are off the charts.

If your friend is not of equal means you can’t share the same tastes, experiences and hobbies.

You can’t go to the same restaurants, gyms, bars, clubs, events, etc.

What will you guys be doing together then?

And most importantly, you two will likely not have the same habits or share the same outlook on life.

You'll expend lots of energy in moderating what you say in order not to offend them.

While it sounds cold to severe these entanglements, it’s just the natural order of things.

For example, if you lead an active lifestyle, it’s hard to stay friends with a fat person who stays home and stuffs his face all day.

Finally, I’ll advice you to not tell him this in words. Just stop seeing him.

If not, you’ll offend his ego and create a lifelong enemy who will actively seek to injure you.

It is also easier to forgive actions than words.

12 Likes

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by Nobody: 11:43am On Dec 23, 2018
edoman2016:
I have a friend that was just an acquaintance to me when we were in the university. We became friends after we met again in Lagos. My friend is just too broke and poor.It's more than 7 years we've graduated from the university, my friend has nothing to show for it. He can't even take care of his basic needs.

He has a struggling business that fetch him peanut. He has become a parasite and too dependent on me. [/b]He always beg me for money all the time. [b]He believes since I am doing well financially, I should always foot the bill whenever we hang out together.

I have tried to end the friendship so as to stick with people in my status. But this guy won't let me go. I am thinking of telling him straight that I have outgrown my friendship with him and he should move on. And that we are no longer in the university like before.

What do you guys think?
So I think you and your friend have a lot of growing up to do.
I finished my bsc in 2009 and I waited almost 5 years before I got a decent job. Now within those 5 years most of my friends had "gone far". There was this particular one whom we went to the same secondary school and had been friends for almost 20 years but then he went to the USA and you could tell that everytime I made attempt to get information about how to proceed in life he always had this attitude.

Anyway, unlike you and your friend, I was not drinking away my life, I was busy working to progress in life, I got into an msc programme kept my head down, got a ph.d grade and got a decent job later.

Today I am no longer in the same place I used to be and I have made such progress in so little time it doesn't even look like I was without job for the first 5 years after my graduation. The fact you haven't mentioned any positive thing you have contributed to the progress of your friend than paying for his bottles of acoholic drinks says so much about you both.

You both need to grow up and understand that life only yields to those who have a plan and work hard at it. You are lucky to have a job today, dont be too quick to condemn him cos his situation may change in just a day.

8 Likes

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by fastseo: 12:00pm On Dec 23, 2018
edoman2016:

In the past, I loaned him 1,000,000 Naira to support his business. Still, he misused the money in the business. He was just telling me stories that customers were owing him a lot after sales and didn't pay a dime to me. In other words, he couldn't account for the money.

No offense from the way u sound.. U never did that.

7 Likes 2 Shares

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by LordKO(m): 12:51pm On Dec 23, 2018
@OP

Your choice of words though, you're so tactless. Anyway, I understand your plight. What you need to do is apply the act of cutting contact without burning bridges. Example, you can create a third-avenue (either real or imaginary) personal time and other resources consuming project. . . With this in place you've solved the problem up to 99 percent.

11 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by Ranchhoddas: 1:33pm On Dec 23, 2018
edoman2016:

You can't understand how it feels to still be keeping a friend whom you have outgrown in status The truth is that the friendship is unbalanced. Because the other friend will always think of how to milk you dry by always begging for money and feeling entitled. It's natural. It's just like if Dangote is a friend to you too.

There is a saying " A rich man in the midst of poor men is a poor man".

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by Ranchhoddas: 1:35pm On Dec 23, 2018
BuddhaPalm:
“Friendship” is contracted between people of equal means.

If not, the tendency for jealousy and envy, on their part, and resentment on yours are of the charts.

If your friend is not of equal means you can’t share the same tastes, experiences and hobbies.

You can’t go to the same restaurants, gyms, bars, clubs, events, etc.

What will you guys be doing together then?

And most importantly, you two most likely don’t have the same habits or share the same outlook on life.

You'll expend lots of energy in moderating what you say in order not to offend them.

While it sounds cold to severe these entanglements, it’s just the natural order of things.

For example, if you lead an active lifestyle, it’s hard to stay friends with a fat person who stays home and stuffs his face all day.

Finally, I’ll advice you to not tell him this in words. Just stop seeing him.

If not, you’ll offend his ego and create a lifelong enemy who will actively seek to injure you.

It is also easier to forgive actions than words.
Man wey sabi na im you be!
Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by Acidosis(m): 2:05pm On Dec 23, 2018
You foot all the bills when you hangout? Your friend sef is not a very serious somebody. Drinking beer and pepper soup on your head for 6 years yet can't call for help to grow his business.

While your choice of words are bad, your reaction is not totally out of place. It is normal to get tired someday, whether you like it or not.

I think you've gotten to that point where you need to take a break because no matter how much we preach, your friendship is as good as dead. Not so many people can deal with your situation for 6 years.

4 Likes

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by Fidelismaria: 2:06pm On Dec 23, 2018
Phew...you really need to read the 48laws of power by Robert Greene

You will find the answer you seek

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by Nobody: 2:33pm On Dec 23, 2018
Don't tell him anything, if you do that, you will feel bad about it afterwards. Just be avoiding him, if he gets the hint that he is being avoided, he will eventually back off. Trust me, it works.

1 Like

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by Larryfest(m): 3:04pm On Dec 23, 2018
I don't really see the point in keep close friends at all, am friends with everyone just so i don't have a bullishitt of a friend like this op...Guy go tell him to his face let him find his own level maybe after that sef God will change his life around just to prove to you that you are an ass...

2 Likes

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by Nobody: 3:27pm On Dec 23, 2018
The only time I can outgrow a friend is mentally. You have to be an extremely shallow individual to believe you can’t associate with someone just because you’re richer or more successful. This life has a funny way of humbling some people.

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by kiahrt: 4:47pm On Dec 23, 2018
Why don't u help him secure a job. Instead of struggling with his "peanut business" as y said rather tell him that u are thinking of helping him with a job that can pay his bills and gat some savings.

I know this can be tough on u but if u are bless to such extent, support his business with some amount of money and tell him to manage it judiciously. Let him know if he squander it, that's d-end.

I'm sure if he's not d lazy type, he's gonna make something tangible out of d two options.
Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by pussyeater(m): 6:27pm On Dec 23, 2018
edoman2016:
I have a friend that was just an acquaintance to me when we were in the university. We became friends after we met again in Lagos. My friend is just too broke and poor. It's more than 7 years we've graduated from the university, my friend has nothing to show for it. He can't even take care of his basic needs.

He has a struggling business that fetch him peanut. He has become a parasite and too dependent on me. He always beg me for money all the time. He believes since I am doing well financially, I should always foot the bill whenever we hang out together.

I have tried to end the friendship so as to stick with people in my status. But this guy won't let me go. I am thinking of telling him straight that I have outgrown my friendship with him and he should move on. And that we are no longer in the university like before.

What do you guys think?
Baba! Pray make life nor humble you oh.

2 Likes

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by efighter: 7:01pm On Dec 23, 2018
edoman2016:
I have a friend that was just an acquaintance to me when we were in the university. We became friends after we met again in Lagos. My friend is just too broke and poor. It's more than 7 years we've graduated from the university, my friend has nothing to show for it. He can't even take care of his basic needs.

He has a struggling business that fetch him peanut. He has become a parasite and too dependent on me. He always beg me for money all the time. He believes since I am doing well financially, I should always foot the bill whenever we hang out together.

I have tried to end the friendship so as to stick with people in my status. But this guy won't let me go. I am thinking of telling him straight that I have outgrown my friendship with him and he should move on. And that we are no longer in the university like before.

What do you guys think?

Don't let me get mad at you.
Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by efighter: 7:03pm On Dec 23, 2018
edoman2016:
I have a friend that was just an acquaintance to me when we were in the university. We became friends after we met again in Lagos. My friend is just too broke and poor. It's more than 7 years we've graduated from the university, my friend has nothing to show for it. He can't even take care of his basic needs.

He has a struggling business that fetch him peanut. He has become a parasite and too dependent on me. He always beg me for money all the time. He believes since I am doing well financially, I should always foot the bill whenever we hang out together.

I have tried to end the friendship so as to stick with people in my status. But this guy won't let me go. I am thinking of telling him straight that I have outgrown my friendship with him and he should move on. And that we are no longer in the university like before.

What do you guys think?

Madness is madning you. I pray for you that your downfall does not come before Atikuloot humiliation and downfall. May God forgive you. You are not his friend, instead you are his worst enemy.

1 Like

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by superlightning: 7:17pm On Dec 23, 2018
OP I understand you want to upgrade your social class. you also feel being exploited by this friend of yours because you pay all the bills when you both hang out.

if you are that well to do as you claim (and he is your friend), why not connect him to bigger opportunities?

if you were friends with otedolas son (who is above you financially and socially), would you want him to drop you like a hot potato too?

help him grow, but if you feel he is pulling down, talk to him about it (albeit politely) because no one wants to be seen as a parasite, so be nice and mature about it.

2 Likes

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by superlightning: 7:20pm On Dec 23, 2018
OP I understand you want to upgrade your social class. you also feel being exploited by this friend of yours because you pay all the bills when you both hang out.

if you are that well to do as you claim (and he is your friend), why not connect him to bigger opportunities?

if you were friends with otedolas son (who is above you financially and socially), would you want him to drop you like a hot potato too? be sincere...

help him grow, but if you feel he is pulling down, talk to him about it (albeit politely) because no one wants to be seen as a parasite, so be nice and mature about it.
Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by RSVP: 7:22pm On Dec 23, 2018
I want to believe your story is incomplete and I see you are trying so hard to make your friend look bad even though you both are unserious fellow...

Yourself still need some serious life couching classes to attend cuz you sounds like one silly kid...

Do you know the table could turn around and you will be the one running around looking for a favor from this guy someday?? Oh you don't know one thing could lead to another and Gbam! this your poor friend elevates and "outgrown" you too.

look my brother, if you really want to help this guy....

Call him and have a heart to heart discussion with him on what he's planning to do as a man and what you think he need to make him stand up on his feet. this one nobi all these yeye beer parlour talk wey you go dey laugh, drink stout talk join.

I will suggest you get him a small car for Uber business.. we all know Uber dey do well for Lagos .. And if you know you can't help him .. then don't add salt to his injury by buying him drinks! ..

Oh you even said you gave him a million naira before .. hmm that's cool but do I believe you? NO! smiley

.....I just had to read your post again and to shot you sefl dey hungry me. "My friend is just too poor and broke "
really ??

1 Like

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by pocohantas(f): 7:42pm On Dec 23, 2018
LordKO:
@OP

Your choice of words though, you're so tactless. Anyway, I understand your plight. What you need to do is apply the act of cutting contact without burning bridges. Example, you can create a third-avenue (either real or imaginary) personal time and other resources consuming project. . . With this in place you've solved the problem up to 99 percent.

Lollllllll

4 Likes

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by Oyindidi(f): 8:31pm On Dec 23, 2018
edoman2016:

You can't understand how it feels to still be keeping a friend whom you have outgrown in status The truth is that the friendship is unbalanced. Because the other friend will always think of how to milk you dry by always begging for money and feeling entitled. It's natural. It's just like if Dangote is a friend to you too.

There is a saying " A rich man in the midst of poor men is a poor man".
You are a wicked soul. I pray God to open the eyes of this your friend.

May I never be a friend to someone like you in Jesus name....Amen.

One of the reasons I don't have friends, self centered people everywhere.

How much is in your account? I know a guy that was into business, the vehicle carrying his goods from Lagos to ph got burnt, goods worth 15 million burn to ashes and he's a cab driver today, I don't think you have up to 2 million in your account and you're here bragging. Be humble

5 Likes

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by Oyindidi(f): 8:48pm On Dec 23, 2018
Edoman? shocked
Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by Rosarie(f): 8:56pm On Dec 23, 2018
I have a friend whilst I was in school she did not have money to further.she was learning nails.we met in pry 2.whilst in University I send her recharge card.then anytime I come home men she will drag me I must fix .nails free.lashes free.i went into entertainment.she took it on herself to these things for me.anytime my family had any ocassion she was always there.her family never held till recently.i graduated and got married.she gather money enter college.200level she could not further and dropped out.anytime we had ocassion my mom will pay for her ashebi.always telling me never to look down on her.then challenges came for my hubby.now she was working.she stood by me through thick and thin.there was a time my sister told me she will be jealous of me I should leave her.i refused.when u LOVE a friend my dear u WILL NEVER EVER LOOK DOWN ON THEM.our friendship has had so many up and down.if I tell u we have never quarreled u will not believe.now i relocated I told her next year to come over.to change state.till now she is not married.i am for 6years with 3kids.yet never felt or feel above like some people think when they wed.i now have a federal job still dont look see myself superior.as I came here I started to look for a job for her she just got a far better one in another state to resume next year.my dear.i also have another I met in uni.richer than me .she has never ever looked down on me.alwayss praying for my good.her hubby is stinkly rich.we are so close.so close.i I even buy things for kids no matter how cheap she values them.is just ur mindset.u don't love him u are not his God.nobody knows tomorrow.every rich man has a story.now I am ok I don't joke with my friend.cos things happen for u to know people around u.just drift away cos u don't love him.do u think he is happy depending on u.but na where he see himself for the now.he may not show nor say it but his tired asking u.when u see how do u expect him pay.make he steal.my dear this life is funny.he feels free with u.not knowing u re looking down on him

10 Likes 2 Shares

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by blacq2009(m): 9:57pm On Dec 23, 2018
edoman2016:
You guys are just hypocritical. I am sure most of you have friends that you ignore their calls whenever they call you on your phone. Because you know it's either money or help they want to beg from you.

So, don't be hypocritical with me. It's a reality that each of us pass through in life. I am not an exception.
Avoiding a friend's call is OK. But telling him/her you've outgrown his outta the equation. This your imbred foolishness makes you think your utterances is justifiable.

3 Likes

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by LordKO(m): 10:01pm On Dec 23, 2018
pocohantas:


Lollllllll



As bad as being hypocritically disingenuous is, tactlessness isn't an option in this situation. Diplomacy will always be gold.

Hey! I don't want to hear long story when I come for my Christmas rice. Compliments of the season, Milady.

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by fastseo: 10:08pm On Dec 23, 2018
pussyeater:

Baba! Pray make life nor humble you oh.

Like here

https://www.nairaland.com/4920671/how-auto-dealers-lost-cars
Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by jesmond3945: 11:37pm On Dec 23, 2018
Op don't mind this people telling you no condition is permanent. There is no guarantee when he becomes rich he would return the favour. You have every right to to determine your circle of friends. This guy is actually dragging you back, you don't need such people around you. You owe no soul anything.

4 Likes

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by pendragon35(m): 11:39pm On Dec 23, 2018
sisisioge:
Hmmm...don't kick a man already down by telling him you've outgrown him in status and friendship. Biko just gradually withdraw from him without being so obvious if you don't wanna be friends with him anymore. By the time you keep that up for a couple of months, he would get the message and stop bothering you.

Indeed, the reality of life is that we outgrow some friends but we are not allowed to state this fact. 20 children cannot be friends for 20 years. Nature always takes its course to reduce animosity/bad blood. Besides, a wise man never burn bridges!


Sense will never kill you!!

SAGACIOUS Lady indeed
Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by Abcruz(m): 10:02am On Dec 24, 2018
edoman2016:
I have a friend that was just an acquaintance to me when we were in the university. We became friends after we met again in Lagos. My friend is just too broke and poor. It's more than 7 years we've graduated from the university, my friend has nothing to show for it. He can't even take care of his basic needs.

He has a struggling business that fetch him peanut. He has become a parasite and too dependent on me. He always beg me for money all the time. He believes since I am doing well financially, I should always foot the bill whenever we hang out together.

I have tried to end the friendship so as to stick with people in my status. But this guy won't let me go. I am thinking of telling him straight that I have outgrown my friendship with him and he should move on. And that we are no longer in the university like before.

What do you guys think?

Hear the word of the Sovereign Lord O simple one:

Live life like a pair of walking feet. The one at the back has no shame and the one at the front has no pride for they know their situations must surely change.

for riches do not endure forever, and a crown is not secure for all generations.--proverbs 27:24

Just as iron sharpens iron, friends sharpen the minds of each other. --proverbs 27:17

Stop giving him fishes and start teaching him how to fish. For life is a mystery.

A word is enough for the wise.!!

1 Like 1 Share

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by rosemary21(f): 2:19pm On Dec 24, 2018
Nonsense yarn.
Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by Nobody: 3:30pm On Dec 24, 2018
edoman2016:

In the past, I loaned him 1,000,000 Naira to support his business. Still, he misused the money in the business. He was just telling me stories that customers were owing him a lot after sales and didn't pay a dime to me. In other words, he couldn't account for the money.

Dude we know you ass is lying, just cut it.

1 Like

Re: How Do I Tell A Friend I Have Outgrown Him by mytym(m): 11:09pm On Dec 28, 2018
Saffi:
The only time I can outgrow a friend is mentally. You have to be an extremely shallow individual to believe you can’t associate with someone just because you’re richer or more successful. This life has a funny way of humbling some people.

The Gospel!

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