My dad died in 2016 and mom retired in 2018. It been tough but God has been faithful.

Our eldest sister married in 2009 and my dad bankrolled the wedding because her husband was not financially buoyant.

After service, I went to stay with them, during that period the husband borrowed N20k from me and told me not to tell my sister.

We decided to go after my dad pension money since we needed money for mom's health and well being which our sister has been championing. Upon receiving the money after a tedious process we decided to help the ones that are not doing too well in the family and invest the remaining money in Govt investment. At the expiration of the investment she decided that mom need to get medical attention.

My sister decided she should come stay with her since she is in a place where she could get the best of treatment.

The money that was supposed to to be for moms medical 2.3m she borrowed her husband hoping to pay in a weeks time, now she is saying it will be in six months. And the hubby has not given me my N20k since 2011. Although there was a time moms was ill the hubby took care of it which she claims ran into millions of naira. Hubby also borrowed kid brother with N200k for his project (fencing of his landed property just to secure it) , which we are all aware of and his been paying back gradually

She said that she borrowed her hubby the money to pay back in 8 months or less, they have a land worth 3m than can be converted to cash easily if we need money desperately. Hubby was supposed to pay back in a weeks time but disappointment here and there. She can't leave her hubby in trying times, that hubby has been more depressed with the delays and have High blood pressure issues.

Does that giver her the right to give hubby money without informing us?
Is hubby business more important than mom's health?
Why didn't they sell part of the land to use the money?
Why must it be family money?
Why did they go to the bank to get the loan?

I need help as to what to do?

Hmm...

Wrong on all levels.
Why will he borrow money from you and tell you not to tell sis? I'm all ears.

LadySarah:
Wrong on all levels.

Elucidate pls

For a better inlaw relationship...dont borrow dont lend.

donbachi:
For a better inlaw relationship...dont borrow dont lend.

why?

IyaTola:
why?

Because of what you just narrated.

IyaTola:
Elucidate pls

That wasn't the original intention ma'am. God forbid her health deteriorates further your ppl won't forgive them.

Why take all the money. If they needed it so much they'd take some and start treatment with some.

She's a good woman though to help her hubby this while and I hope it's positive at the end.

Frm 6 wks to 8mths is a long time. Ca
N the sickness wait this long?
I really hope the biz is worth it this one the pa
Yback time frame has started shifting.

Tytyt

Is this your elder sister the one in charge of the money?
Yes the source of the money is from your father's pension, but who exactly is the administrator over it?

You also said that part of the money had been used to help members of the family who were not doing well, so it's not like every kobo went to your sister.

The part that was used for the investment which yielded returns and which was supposed to be used for your mother's medical expenses, who is in control of those funds exactly?

How urgent is your mom's medical need in comparison to the 8months time frame your sister's husband is supposed to pay the loan back?

Lots of questions...

IyaTola:
why?

leads to disrespect.

Something is definitely wrong in the home front. Why are we increasingly having incompetent men?

No shame whatsoever!!

Your wife's family BANKROLLED your wedding. Except the OP doesn't know the meaning of bankroll tho, or shes exaggerating.

You start borrowing from wife's family members without repayment.

No shame!!!

Yet some people will be rating men above women, just because they have a penis? Some men are shit! A disgrace.

crackkhaus:
Is this your elder sister the one in charge of the money?
Yes the source of the money is from your father's pension, but who exactly is the administrator over it?

You also said that part of the money had been used to help members of the family who were not doing well, so it's not like every kobo went to your sister.

The part that was used for the investment which yielded returns and which was supposed to be used for your mother's medical expenses, who is in control of those funds exactly?

How urgent is your mom's medical need in comparison to the 8months time frame your sister's husband is supposed to pay the loan back?

Lots of questions...

1.No, she was not in charge of the money.
2. The administrator was our first son, but too hot headed and get angry easily and man y times wants it his way.
3. Yes
4. The investment that yielded result was monitored by the one in the bank and the money was domiciled with her and returns was remitted to my immediate younger sisters which she gives monthly update. The investment is such that you get your capital back after the expiration of the investment. The person in control of the funds is the one in the bank.
5. She would be the only one to tell us that because mom left since last year and she been championing for mom to go for treatment

Femsyn:
Something is definitely wrong in the home front. Why are we increasingly having incompetent men?

No shame whatsoever!!

Your wife's family BANKROLLED your wedding. Except the OP doesn't know the meaning of bankroll tho, or shes exaggerating.

You start borrowing from wife's family members without repayment.

No shame!!!

Yet some people will be rating men above women, just because they have a penis? Some men are shit! A disgrace.

Check the dictionary about that meaning. My dad bankrolled it from the food to hall, to clothes to drinks to just name it.

Issues like this, you need to thread carefully. It kinda dicey but the truth is your sister hubby will never be respected

IyaTola:

1.No, she was not in charge of the money.
2. The administrator was our first son, but too hot headed and get angry easily and man y times wants it his way.
3. Yes
4. The investment that yielded result was monitored by the one in the bank and the money was domiciled with her and returns was remitted to my immediate younger sisters which she gives monthly update. The investment is such that you get your capital back after the expiration of the investment. The person in control of the funds is the one in the bank.
5. She would be the only one to tell us that because mom left since last year and she been championing for mom to go for treatment

Okay it's clearer now.

Personally, I believe your brother(the first son) should have been and continued being in charge of the entire thing. What is his opinion on the matter as it is now?
He should be the one spearheading this recovery, not particularly you..no offense.

As for your sister, she never should have done anything with the money without informing the rest of you especially your brother, it's disrespectful..but what is done is done.

Try finding out on your own the urgency of your mother's medical health, this may be difficult considering she lives with your sister...but that should be the most important step right now.

First of all i know it's not that all easy In Life and sometimes even a rich man can be out of cash and yet have investments but the mistake the husband to your sister made was borrowing money from you, it's a Wrong move, he should have gone elsewhere to look for money, he has got friends and family.

Well it's done already and OP, you should forget about the money you borrowed him.

It's been like 8 years now and you are still thinking of 20k you borrowed him?


Haba!!! What sort of human being are you?

Remember this man has spent so much money on your mom before that ran into millions, the man has really tried for both your family and his younger brother.

Your elder sister knows the sacrifice her husband has made and that was why she gave him the money out of love and Goodwill.

You should put yourself in the shoes of your elder sister.

Will you leave your man in his trying times, knowing fully well the many sacrifices he made when he has money?

Forget about whether she should have informed you guys or not.

You guys should support her and her husband in love and oneness.

The family should be United and everything will be alright very soon.

Money will come and bills will be paid.

LadySarah:


That wasn't the original intention ma'am. God forbid her health deteriorates further your ppl won't forgive them.

Why take all the money. If they needed it so much they'd take some and start treatment with some.

She's a good woman though to help her hubby this while and I hope it's positive at the end.

Frm 6 wks to 8mths is a long time. Ca
N the sickness wait this long?
I really hope the biz is worth it this one the pa
Yback time frame has started shifting.

She no get work ni? Why is the husband borrowing form the wife family or he does not have friends or family? There is something fishy

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IyaTola:
My dad died in 2016 and mom retired in 2018. It been tough but God has been faithful.

Our eldest sister married in 2009 and my dad bankrolled the wedding because her husband was not financially buoyant.

After service, I went to stay with them, during that period the husband borrowed N20k from me and told me not to tell my sister.

We decided to go after my dad pension money since we needed money for mom's health and well being which our sister has been championing. Upon receiving the money after a tedious process we decided to help the ones that are not doing too well in the family and invest the remaining money in Govt investment. At the expiration of the investment she decided that mom need to get medical attention.

My sister decided she should come stay with her since she is in a place where she could get the best of treatment.

The money that was supposed to to be for moms medical 2.3m she borrowed her husband hoping to pay in a weeks time, now she is saying it will be in six months. And the hubby has not given me my N20k since 2011. Although there was a time moms was ill the hubby took care of it which she claims ran into millions of naira. Hubby also borrowed kid brother with N200k for his project (fencing of his landed property just to secure it) , which we are all aware of and his been paying back gradually

She said that she borrowed her hubby the money to pay back in 8 months or less, they have a land worth 3m than can be converted to cash easily if we need money desperately. Hubby was supposed to pay back in a weeks time but disappointment here and there. She can't leave her hubby in trying times, that hubby has been more depressed with the delays and have High blood pressure issues.

Does that giver her the right to give hubby money without informing us?
Is hubby business more important than mom's health?
Why didn't they sell part of the land to use the money?
Why must it be family money?
Why did they go to the bank to get the loan?

I need help as to what to do?

How does your sister borrow money that is not hers to her husband?

Money she knows the specific purpose is for your mother's treatment?

Let her cough out the money.

The moment you got your dad's pension, money ought to have been shared among the family members (your mom and children). E.g. 40% can go to the mother while the children shares the remainder (60%) in whatever ratio they decide on.

You do not keep monies meant for the entire family in the pocket of an "administrator" (usually first-borns) in the name of family or trust.

It will save you lots of stress and also caution individuals to mind their business.

How can you trust a woman that "abandons" y'all to spend the rest of her life with another man with your collective wealth?

You people overate this family thing too much that you feel money can't separate y'all. We are in the same society where children lie to get money from their parents because they must satisfy their girlfriends'/boyfriends' lusts

Acidosis:
The moment you got your dad's pension, money ought to have been shared among the family members (your mom and children). E.g. 40% can go to the mother while the children shares the remainder (60%) in whatever ratio they decide on.

You do not keep monies meant for the entire family in the pocket of an "administrator", usually first-borns.

It will save you lots of stress and also caution individuals to mind their business. It wouldn't be your business if your sister decides to spend hers on her hubby.

How can you trust a woman that "abandons" y'all to spend the rest of her life with another man with your collective wealth?

You people overate this family thing too much that you feel money can't separate y'all.

I agree with you on that. Our firstborn son suggested that he solely manages our late parents' properties and would be remitting quarterly to us his siblings but we refused because we have clear idea of firstborn sons and their sense of entitlement when it comes to properties, we had the properties sold and shared the money amongst us, each choosing how to spend/invest their share and that got my big bro angry, saying we have no clean hearts towards him and his wife but in the real sense it is for the good of everyone, to avoid unnecessary claims in the future.

Mindlog:


I agree with you on that. Our firstborn son suggested that he solely manages our late parents' properties and would be remitting quarterly to us his siblings but we refused because we have clear idea of firstborn sons and their sense of entitlement when it comes to properties, we had the properties sold and shared the money amongst us, each choosing how to spend/invest their share and that got my big bro angry, saying we have no clean hearts towards him and his wife but in the real sense it is for the good of everyone, to avoid unnecessary claims in the future.

It doesn't always apply to all families.

it's in these scenario that we know how strong our relationship amongst our siblings are.

I am not a fan of selling and sharing all the money from late parents properties, it always lead to waste!

Typically, there should have been a joint acct amongst two or three siblings where they put their late parents money into, that way there is transparency.

Any project, medical expenses and what not to be carried out will be done with the knowledge of the others (joint acct)

Usually when properties are sold and shared like this, give it 5yrs max, you will start hearing Stories of how the money was squandered from dablling into a bizness that crashed and what not.

Now is the time that they all put heads together and see how to grow thier late dad's wealth, but it's all dependent on their relationship.

There is strength in unity, this is how families build an empire! not selling properties and sharing it like rats!!!

chukzyfcbb:

It doesn't always apply to all families.

it's in these scenario that we know how strong our relationship amongst our siblings are.

I am not a fan of selling and sharing all the money from late parents properties, it always lead to waste!

Typically, there should have been a joint acct amongst two or three siblings where they put their late parents money into, that way there is transparency.

Any project, medical expenses and what not to be carried out will be done with the knowledge of the others (joint acct)

Usually when properties are sold and shared like this, give it 5yrs max, you will start hearing Stories of how the money was squandered from dablling into a bizness that crashed and what not.

Now is the time that they all put heads together and see how to grow thier late dad's wealth, but it's all dependent on their relationship.

There is strength in unity, this is how families build an empire! not selling properties and sharing it like rats!!!

There is nothing like sharing it like rats, it is being realistic and not sentimental. With all the siblings all married except one and each in a different part of the world with their spouses and kids, why should there be the need for joint account with siblings when you are already married? Each used their share to invest in properties/portfolios in their own personal and nuclear family's name.

bukatyne:

How does your sister borrow money that is not hers to her husband?
Money she knows the specific purpose is for your mother's treatment?
Let her cough out the money.

My thoughts as well.

Firstly, what her credit history?
Secondly, what are the chances you will actually get the full money after 8 months or less
In my own opinion, it was pre-planned and this can cause crack in the family.

Acidosis, cmon na from her story obviously the rest of the family members were doing well they just wanted to help those not doing well, it will have been really unfair if they had shared the money while those doing well will still be better off than ones not doing well.

Nawa ooo

Why would he borrow money from you and tells you not to tell your sister... Plus your sister's husband should in no way be a part of your family properties... Shey he doesn't have a bad intention bayii

Mindlog:


There is nothing like sharing it like rats, it is being realistic and not sentimental. With all the siblings all married except one and each in a different part of the world with their spouses and kids, why should there be the need for joint account with siblings when you are already married? Each used their share to invest in properties/portfolios in their own personal and nuclear family's name.

If you think what I said up is not being practiced, I leave you to your opinion.

I don't expect everyone to agree with me.

Those who will find wisdom in what I said will take a cue from it.

lavylilly:
My thoughts as well.

Hmmmm.

Hopefully, money is available for Mama truly needs it.

Op be careful the kind of advice you receive here