Wednesday, February 6, 2019.
Abuja, Nigeria.

The new Inspector-General of Police has set up the Pant Protection Department of the Nigerian Police barely a month after assuming office.

In a statement issued during his first meeting with the media yesterday, IGP Abubakar Mohammed Adamu said the new department was necessary to checkmate the incessant theft of female panties by internet fraudsters known as Yahoo boys.

The IGP said the department will report directly to his office and will be headed by the famous crime buster, Assistant Commissioner of Police Abba Kyari.

IGP Adamu added that the sudden rise in pant theft is alarming especially in the southwestern and southeastern regions of the country where police stations have witnessed an embarrassing increase in pant related crimes.

Earlier this month, officers at Area F divisional police station in Agbor, Delta state, detained a suspected yahoo boy after his girlfriend started imitating the sounds of a Benz engine.

His brother was also detained after his girlfriend pretended her slippers was a steering wheel as she ran around her family house while pretending to drive a Benz.

At Area G Ogba, Lagos, a lady accused one of her neighbors of using her pants for rituals after a Benz logo mysteriously appeared on her forehead.

One of the weirdest reports came from the state headquarters in Ibadan, where a lady has been reciting the names of the past CEOs of Mercedes Benz for the past nine days.

The IG added that he had directed all DPOs to set up pant registration desks at all divisional police stations across the country.

Starting from Monday the 21st, every Nigerian lady below the age of 27 will be required to register their pants at the nearest police station. The IG said the pants will be tagged and the owners issued unique Pant Identification Numbers (PIN) to hasten the identification and recovery of stolen pants.

EFCC to set up similar unit

Ibrahim Magu, the Chairman of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) said his office was closely monitoring the situation and could set up a similar department in the future.

During a brief phone call, Magu said the EFCC was in close talks with the police and had seconded some agents to the Pant Protection Department to help with pant theft investigations.

Yahoo Boys Deny Stealing Pants

The announcement of the new police department did not sit well with the G-boy and Allied Businessmen Association of Nigeria (GABAN).

The spokesperson of the organization, who only identified himself with the alias, Olu Wire, said the Pant Protection Department was a decoy and attempt to allow SARS go after innocent youths.

He added that the Police and EFCC would have been better off going after state governors who hide bribes in their agbadas.

Olu Wire added that GABAN members do not use pants or engage in rituals. However, he mentioned that members of the United Omo Ologo Front (UNOOF), a breakaway faction of GABAN, could be involved in such vices.

In a brief phone call with an anonymous man claiming to be the secretary of UNOOF, the man denied any relationship between UNOOF and pants.

He mentioned that UNOOF was only interested in punishing the white men who sold their grandparents as slaves and did not use pants for rituals. However, he added that GABAN members could be responsible for the rise in pant theft.

This is a developing story.

Note: What you just read is a fictional article.

the op writes well. interesting fiction.

Seriously

Edited:
Op, you got me there

A Vote for buhari is SATANIC!Ameachi sold River state Power plants for $350million and looted the money. most of the money were used to fund Buhari election
Akpabio stole more than any South south governor ever, he is now dining with Buhari
Tinubu has annexed Lagos and a greater chunk of South west states to his private estate, he is the henchman of Buhari
Osibanjo his deputy is jumping from one state to the others buying votes in the name of trader moni, while yet to answer how he spent #5.8billion IDP funds
Fashola has not yet explained to us where the #1.5billion house he built is located
Abba kyari and Baru approved over 24 billion USD oil service and lifting contracts without approval
Ganduje was caught on camera receiving bribe in USD$, Buhari says he does not know the technology used to make the video and goes ahead to present him to Kano people as a saint
Adams Oshomole was petitioned for stealing Billions of Edo State patrimony, EFCC has since lost the file under Buhari's watch

So women don dey turn Benz.

This country is just a joke Imagine setting up pant stopping department I just weep for this country

BuhariLooter:
A Vote for buhari is SATANIC!Ameachi sold River state Power plants for $350million and looted the money. most of the money were used to fund Buhari election
Akpabio stole more than any South south governor ever, he is now dining with Buhari
Tinubu has annexed Lagos and a greater chunk of South west states to his private estate, he is the henchman of Buhari
Osibanjo his deputy is jumping from one state to the others buying votes in the name of trader moni, while yet to answer how he spent #5.8billion IDP funds
Fashola has not yet explained to us where the #1.5billion house he built is located
Abba kyari and Baru approved over 24 billion USD oil service and lifting contracts without approval
Ganduje was caught on camera receiving bribe in USD$, Buhari says he does not know the technology used to make the video and goes ahead to present him to Kano people as a saint
Adams Oshomole was petitioned for stealing Billions of Edo State patrimony, EFCC has since lost the file under Buhari's watch

I am just imagining how your '3D wailing style' will look like after 16/2, it is better 4u to start rehearsing your PDP perpetual song of 'den don rig am again' because you will wail tirely. You are trying to package expired product in term of PDP and Atikulooter/Obichina. Sorry, is too late! What magic is he going to perform that we have never seen in his last 16yrs as vice. Rubbish! If you like abuse and insult buhari as you like, he is our president till 2023, if you don't like it, relocate to Sambisa forest where house rent is the cheapest, we will send somebody to come and call you after 2023 to come and campaign for Osibanjo after your brain resetting to factory mode is assured.

apc members are using the pants to campaign. thats what their babalawo told them to use, if they wants to defeat pdp.