mercy87:


You just exposed your narrow-mindedness, shortsighted bigot. You are just too basic and primitive to realise that someone can talk with another human being for reasons apart from primordial motives. Idiot!!!!

Martinez39:
If he can go through what he went through and is still asking what to do, then not even a baseball to his head can fix him.

Viking007:
Your killed me with laugh.[img]https:///media/3-18-2018/Mgd9b8.gif[/img]

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
These stories should b a lesson. No b to dey shine teeth. His wife his best suited to a rich hard man. All this her behavior no go too show.

OmoAlata1:
You sound like those husbands that will emotionally drained their wives. I know your type very well. You can fool others with your poor me victim card post but not me.

Martinez39:
What if the OP is among them?

OmoAlata1:
You sound like those husbands that will emotionally drained their wives. I know your type very well. You can fool others with your poor me victim card post but not me.

OmoAlata1:
You sound like those husbands that will emotionally drained their wives. I know your type very well. You can fool others with your poor me victim card post but not me.

Melian:


Treasured4eva you married her inspite of her surly attitude. You married her for her beauty and she married you because she wanted to get married, not because she loves you. It's a tit for tat thing so you must learn to carry your cross. Men are guilty of going after beautiful, flashy women and looking the other way when they're rude. They think beauty is everything. When they marry the woman and she begins to act like a poisonous snake, they come to NL to cry. Shiooor. You're on your own on this one. I'm sure there was a good woman you were dating, she loved you but you dumped her on meeting this poison.

Oga, you must carry your cross alone.

Capensis:



Funny that I am actually a billionaire with 7 companies and counting on my portfolio. My advice is for men who want to build Empires, not just people who are contented with being rich.

grafixdon:


What kidda advice is this? The man said he's jobless you're advising him to buy massage table of 300k. You're practically telling him to worship his wife and his life should evolve around her. It's doesn't work that way, she'll take advantage.

OP. I'll not advice you to leave your wife because of the kids, but you deserve to be happy. Don't kill yourself to satisfy any woman,

Capensis:

Thanks .I have learned a lot from you.You a great teacher.Am loyal sir
Will you pay attention and stop this victim mentality. It is either you will take advise, since you brought this matter to the court of public opinion, or you will narrate your experience, believe your wife is the worst woman and conclude that you are leaving a marriage. You are sounding emotional and your feedback system has totally clouded your judgment.

Pay attention:
Being a husband is a full-time job. Just like any job, it comes with serious responsibilities and repercussions if you fail to understand how the game is played.

1. It is your responsibility to get the money, pay the rent, pay kids school fees. You are the chief medical officer of your home, so everyone's health including your wife's and kids', are under your care.

2. You are the chief security officer of your home, you must check that all doors are locked at night and ensure the safety of everyone in the family.

3. You are the chief romance officer, you must master how to play women with sweet words, give her massage every evening, and make sweet love to her during the massage sessions, and I mean this. Get a massage table, it goes for about 180K to 300K for a good one. If you cant afford that, then buy massage mat. Prepare the oil and get some candles.

4. You must join her in the kitchen, even if there is a maid to do the chores and help her out, you must learn this. Wash those plates sometimes.

5. You must lie down with that woman on bed after sex, hold her face, and tell her truths and lies of how you love her. Then if you have nothing more to do, do some gossiping with her. Stroke her nicely and tell her how hard you are working to ensure your family is financial stable for the next 100 years.

6. You must stop thinking like your ancestors. Define your own path and ignore customary and traditional ways of running your home. Times have changed. Why wont you fetch water and wash your own hand. Seems she is the one doing all the kitchen work and you are the African man waiting to be served. It is not mandatory, besides do you know if her mother used to serve her father that way? It might be she got a different kind of training.

7. Do not ever think you have done enough, cos you havent done jack. If you feel that your wife is cheating, then rent a place somewhere else and move towards a different location. It does not matter if you own the house you are living now. Go and rent someplace nice for a year and move there and change your children's school so as to forget the shame and embarrassment your quarrel may have caused. If it is your house, you can return back after a year.

8. Always remember that most women are like babies. You must master how to lie to them if you know that truth will hurt. Learn all those skills from yahoo boys how they control white women and use it for your marriage. If you do it right, your wife might be giving you pocket money sometimes and you all will fall in love again.

Do you think your wife is bad? You have no idea. No one will tell you what is going on in their homes.

Master how to manipulate women, and you will control them like a intimacy gadget.

Treasured4eva:
I've never been happy for almost 8 years of marriage with 3 wonderful kids.I wake up everyday asking God how I got entangled with the worse woman I've ever met in my life.

I'm a very responsible and decent man who provides for his family.My family has always been my priority, but my wife's disrespectful attitude towards me has rendered me hopeless,shattered and broken.

She insults me at any slightest argument,raises her voice to attract the attention of neighbours and the kids whenever we have a misunderstanding.She hates been talked to,even if she's wrong.

I have my own imperfections too as a man,but it really baffles me when a woman you paid her bride price sees you as trash,challenges you in a very rebellious and arrogant manner for the whole time you've ever spent with her.

My kids has been the ones keeping me from leaving the marriage since I've complained to virtually all her family members yet it seems to be worse. I die in silence and pains everyday.

My wife can't serve me food with water to wash my hands,I'll always go and wash my hands myself and mostly take the plates back to the kitchen if the maid didn't do it.She has never asked why I rejected a particular food,she'll just take it away without remorse.

I'm just nothing to her and her family members. Her sister even called me to warn and threaten me one certain time we had problem.It even became worse when she got a job,I'm a laughing stock because I lost my job.

I usually send her money to pay the kids fees,I was owing some little amount this term,surprisingly,the gave the school accountant my number to embarrass me.

I've come to realize that any woman disloyal to her husband definitely has someone she's loyal to and if you don't let her go,she might end up killing you or you do the unthinkable out of frustration.

Divorce might not be the best way to end an unhappy marriage,but it can surely prolong the lives of the couples involved. Kids will surely grow into adults someday to understand things. This is my point of no return.

She started as a terrible girlfriend and ended as a bad wife.I pray my daughters don't ever take after their mother because I can't wish a fellow man what I've experienced for almost 8 years.No body should ever marry a man or woman with flaws thinking they'll change with time;they don't change,they only get worse.

Lots of people are really misquoting me.I only lost a high paying job but still got a very big business which is already yielding income,just that my spending pattern changed.I still run all aspects of mybhome.

My wife's money remains her business and she's not mandated to spend it on me or the family.I truly assist her to the best of my ability in domestic chores and otherwise.

She's a very bad tempered woman that doesn't regard or respect me and that's where the problem lies.My only crime is that I wanted respect from her.

Filmewell:

He is not. Re_read his post and deduce his personality your self.
My point is he could have simply told his story without playing the victim card. It made him look guilty.

Treasured4eva:
I've never been happy for almost 8 years of marriage with 3 wonderful kids.I wake up everyday asking God how I got entangled with the worse woman I've ever met in my life.

I'm a very responsible and decent man who provides for his family.My family has always been my priority, but my wife's disrespectful attitude towards me has rendered me hopeless,shattered and broken.

She insults me at any slightest argument,raises her voice to attract the attention of neighbours and the kids whenever we have a misunderstanding.She hates been talked to,even if she's wrong.

I have my own imperfections too as a man,but it really baffles me when a woman you paid her bride price sees you as trash,challenges you in a very rebellious and arrogant manner for the whole time you've ever spent with her.

My kids has been the ones keeping me from leaving the marriage since I've complained to virtually all her family members yet it seems to be worse. I die in silence and pains everyday.

My wife can't serve me food with water to wash my hands,I'll always go and wash my hands myself and mostly take the plates back to the kitchen if the maid didn't do it.She has never asked why I rejected a particular food,she'll just take it away without remorse.

I'm just nothing to her and her family members. Her sister even called me to warn and threaten me one certain time we had problem.It even became worse when she got a job,I'm a laughing stock because I lost my job.

I usually send her money to pay the kids fees,I was owing some little amount this term,surprisingly,the gave the school accountant my number to embarrass me.

I've come to realize that any woman disloyal to her husband definitely has someone she's loyal to and if you don't let her go,she might end up killing you or you do the unthinkable out of frustration.

Divorce might not be the best way to end an unhappy marriage,but it can surely prolong the lives of the couples involved. Kids will surely grow into adults someday to understand things. This is my point of no return.

She started as a terrible girlfriend and ended as a bad wife.I pray my daughters don't ever take after their mother because I can't wish a fellow man what I've experienced for almost 8 years.No body should ever marry a man or woman with flaws thinking they'll change with time;they don't change,they only get worse.

Lots of people are really misquoting me.I only lost a high paying job but still got a very big business which is already yielding income,just that my spending pattern changed.I still run all aspects of mybhome.

My wife's money remains her business and she's not mandated to spend it on me or the family.I truly assist her to the best of my ability in domestic chores and otherwise.

She's a very bad tempered woman that doesn't regard or respect me and that's where the problem lies.My only crime is that I wanted respect from her.

zeb04:


Didn’t you read that he is married? Naso una they start

Filmewell:

He is not. Re_read his post and deduce his personality your self.
My point is he could have simply told his story without playing the victim card. It made him look guilty.

nairamaniac:


Pls give me your address let me come and give you the dirtiest slap in the world.


Do u think you can manipulate women without the right tools to do so?
This guy lost his job, doesn't provide enough. The wife does more for the home.

Be realistic.

Have u seen the movie 50 shades of Gray?

So u think the Mr. Grey would have been able to have so much control over his woman without being so wealthy and trip her with all the good things of the world?

Eze2000:


My brother lives in the UK and there is a strange incident rocking his neighborhood there. The case is much like yours, nice husband, terrible wife. Know how it ended? The man lost his patience one day and slapped the women. She tried to have him arrested but the neighbors insited that she not he was the trouble maker and the cops left the man be. He moved out of the home temporarily and that was the last he saw of his kids.

In revenge, the wife shot the three kids one by one and buried them in a woodland. Oldest kid, 6 years.


My dear, you have been stupid! For 8 years!

God created man to enjoy and have dominion over his home/marriage. Your marriage wasn't ordained by God but by evil and wickedness and you are sitting in silence thinking good might come of it?

Let me tell you a secret. The worst evil hides in beautiful houses. I bet your wife is very beautiful which is one reason you stay with her. Go now to the internet google about the worst crimes ever committed by women in history and see how lovely those women are.

If you spend your entire life miserable perhaps you will buy another life at the end be happy then.

Stay there until the fine wife kills you and cuts off your head then you tell other spirits in death that you are headless and your kids fatherless out of stupidity

Treasured4eva:
I've never been happy for almost 8 years of marriage with 3 wonderful kids.I wake up everyday asking God how I got entangled with the worse woman I've ever met in my life.

I'm a very responsible and decent man who provides for his family.My family has always been my priority, but my wife's disrespectful attitude towards me has rendered me hopeless,shattered and broken.

She insults me at any slightest argument,raises her voice to attract the attention of neighbours and the kids whenever we have a misunderstanding.She hates been talked to,even if she's wrong.

I have my own imperfections too as a man,but it really baffles me when a woman you paid her bride price sees you as trash,challenges you in a very rebellious and arrogant manner for the whole time you've ever spent with her.

My kids has been the ones keeping me from leaving the marriage since I've complained to virtually all her family members yet it seems to be worse. I die in silence and pains everyday.

My wife can't serve me food with water to wash my hands,I'll always go and wash my hands myself and mostly take the plates back to the kitchen if the maid didn't do it.She has never asked why I rejected a particular food,she'll just take it away without remorse.

I'm just nothing to her and her family members. Her sister even called me to warn and threaten me one certain time we had problem.It even became worse when she got a job,I'm a laughing stock because I lost my job.

I usually send her money to pay the kids fees,I was owing some little amount this term,surprisingly,the gave the school accountant my number to embarrass me.

I've come to realize that any woman disloyal to her husband definitely has someone she's loyal to and if you don't let her go,she might end up killing you or you do the unthinkable out of frustration.

Divorce might not be the best way to end an unhappy marriage,but it can surely prolong the lives of the couples involved. Kids will surely grow into adults someday to understand things. This is my point of no return.

She started as a terrible girlfriend and ended as a bad wife.I pray my daughters don't ever take after their mother because I can't wish a fellow man what I've experienced for almost 8 years.No body should ever marry a man or woman with flaws thinking they'll change with time;they don't change,they only get worse.

Lots of people are really misquoting me.I only lost a high paying job but still got a very big business which is already yielding income,just that my spending pattern changed.I still run all aspects of mybhome.

My wife's money remains her business and she's not mandated to spend it on me or the family.I truly assist her to the best of my ability in domestic chores and otherwise.

She's a very bad tempered woman that doesn't regard or respect me and that's where the problem lies.My only crime is that I wanted respect from her.

OmoAlata1:
You sound like those husbands that will emotionally drained their wives. I know your type very well. You can fool others with your poor me victim card post but not me.

Capensis:


Will you pay attention and stop this victim mentality. It is either you will take advise, since you brought this matter to the court of public opinion, or you will narrate your experience, believe your wife is the worst woman and conclude that you are leaving a marriage. You are sounding emotional and your feedback system has totally clouded your judgment.

Pay attention:
Being a husband is a full-time job. Just like any job, it comes with serious responsibilities and repercussions if you fail to understand how the game is played.

1. It is your responsibility to get the money, pay the rent, pay kids school fees. You are the chief medical officer of your home, so everyone's health including your wife's and kids', are under your care.

2. You are the chief security officer of your home, you must check that all doors are locked at night and ensure the safety of everyone in the family.

3. You are the chief romance officer, you must master how to play women with sweet words, give her massage every evening, and make sweet love to her during the massage sessions, and I mean this. Get a massage table, it goes for about 180K to 300K for a good one. If you cant afford that, then buy massage mat. Prepare the oil and get some candles.

4. You must join her in the kitchen, even if there is a maid to do the chores and help her out, you must learn this. Wash those plates sometimes.

5. You must lie down with that woman on bed after sex, hold her face, and tell her truths and lies of how you love her. Then if you have nothing more to do, do some gossiping with her. Stroke her nicely and tell her how hard you are working to ensure your family is financial stable for the next 100 years.

6. You must stop thinking like your ancestors. Define your own path and ignore customary and traditional ways of running your home. Times have changed. Why wont you fetch water and wash your own hand. Seems she is the one doing all the kitchen work and you are the African man waiting to be served. It is not mandatory, besides do you know if her mother used to serve her father that way? It might be she got a different kind of training.

7. Do not ever think you have done enough, cos you havent done jack. If you feel that your wife is cheating, then rent a place somewhere else and move towards a different location. It does not matter if you own the house you are living now. Go and rent someplace nice for a year and move there and change your children's school so as to forget the shame and embarrassment your quarrel may have caused. If it is your house, you can return back after a year.

8. Always remember that most women are like babies. You must master how to lie to them if you know that truth will hurt. Learn all those skills from yahoo boys how they control white women and use it for your marriage. If you do it right, your wife might be giving you pocket money sometimes and you all will fall in love again.

Do you think your wife is bad? You have no idea. No one will tell you what is going on in their homes.

Master how to manipulate women, and you will control them like a intimacy gadget.

nairamaniac:


Pls give me your address let me come and give you the dirtiest slap in the world.


Do u think you can manipulate women without the right tools to do so?
This guy lost his job, doesn't provide enough. The wife does more for the home.

Be realistic.

Have u seen the movie 50 shades of Gray?

So u think the Mr. Grey would have been able to have so much control over his woman without being so wealthy and trip her with all the good things of the world?

chiefqueen:

You expect your wife to take out your dirty dishes after you've eaten. You're not even serious.


Get a job, at least try and be searching for one, let her know you're making an effort.


Also, you can talk to her about a divorce. Maybe she's also tired of the marriage.

DrTee1:


Dear Capensis,

First, i must thank you for taking time out to write out such bold thoughts of yours on a forum like Nairaland. It is impressive to read people who are knowledgeable and can put it out in nice language writing freely and for no financial returns. It isn't very common in Nigeria, as against what readily obtains in Reddit and Quora which are quite Western.

That said, I wouldn't join the bandwagon of those castigating you. Indeed, my opening message of thanks is as sincere as it comes. I must tell you that I have saved your post as "Tips to surviving a bad marriage" on my computer hard drive. OP has made the cardinal mistake by marrying a bad girlfriend. OP possibly can not/does not/is advised against divorce as an option. SO what you have written for him are the effective radical changes and roleplay that he could consider in order to survive and live in an otherwise distressing situation he has found himself - and I fully agree with you if this is his situation.

The first rule before going into marriage is DO NOT MARRY A WOMAN FOR ANY REASON IF YOU ARE NOT ABSOLUTELY AND OVERWHELMINGLY SURE you can live with her strengths and weaknesses, attitudes and proclivities for the rest of your life. Never marry a woman because your family or a Pastor said/advised (these 'Men of God' are often times modern day dibias/babalawos) or you feel indebted or obliged or feel the society expects you to. When the shit hits the fan, you would be all on your freaking own!

But the OP has gone past that stage already now, and the preceding paragraph is for singles. For a man with three kids, he now must take a very different and careful course, and that is why your advice may be the best thing from the textbook of survival in a bad marriage. It involves a lot of role-playing, bending over backwards and ego-ripping, but it is possibly important to take one (or many) for the family, at least for the children. OP must now take the role of the wife and let the domineering woman take the role she wants/seems to prefer. It is a lot worse that he has lost his job currently.

Even the best of wives might occasionally misbehave when dealing with a man who doesn't bring anything significant to the family's table. Women are weaker vessels that often do not cope well in the shoes of men.

That's why the single men out there today must be very careful. If you want a good wife, you must prepare yourself too as a good bachelor. There are no good wives in those women you go to clubs and drinks, smoke and dance seductively with. You cannot catch a dolphin in a river, no. They are in the seas. It is the same way you cannot expect to meet the best of women at beer-parlours or clubs. What you attract is what you get.

I have not written about Churches or Mosques in choosing a life-partner. All good and bad people go to Church on Sundays, maybe mosques on Fridays too. Attending Church on Sunday for most people is a part of their weekend ''owambes'' that begins with attending a Christian wakekeeping on Thursday, a burial ceremony owambe on Friday afternoon and the club at night, A wedding "owambe" on Saturday afternoon and Church "owanbe" on Sunday mornings before resuming work again on Monday morning. In today's world, values or virtue are hardly/rarely seen or perceived in the larger percentage of the church-thronging people around us - and they are in their millions!

Women today are ''slaying'' proudly, whatever that means. Men are marrying semi-professional harlots[b][/b] from apps like Instagram et al. Men should ask themselves within the first month of meeting a lady if she ticks their boxes for a wife and mother of kids. Once that fails, then the marriage is condemned to be problematic - and these roleplaying changes may be necessary for survival in such situation as that which the OP has found himself until he gets a job and can command finances again.

As always, women and money are usually friends. You'll rarely hear of the wives of rich African men threatening to divorce their husbands anyway.

Regards.