Black women, Black lie, Black life, Black trouble.

nat138:

Well is rather unfortunate that your girlfriend kept secret the paternity of the baby from you. But I don't think that should be a hindrance to your plans if you say you love her as much as you claim, yes she lied but that is why she should be forgiven, at least she has told you the truth even if it was under duress. The fact still remains that your both families still think the child is yours and you have already endured all the insults and shame from them all these years, so why back out now? if you are really convinced she is the one for you, go for her my brother, [b]after all you won't be the first person to father another man's child, people all over the world are doing it on a daily basis. Moreover am sure the child also believes you are his father since there is no other father figure.
Anyway think about it seriously and make up you mind.
And should you decide to marry her, please and please don't use this against her in future because she will feel highly betrayed.

Cheers[/b]

I also think this response is very, funny, and this is the best I can do because I hate name calling and things like that. The most funny parts are the bolded parts above. What if hes not the first dude to father another mans child. So what? She took this guys love for granted and betrayed him! She cheated, and not just cheated, she did it without protection. If my guy had an STD, she would have kept quiet.
She also kept quiet when my guy was being insulted, and all for a crime he didnt commit, haba now.
And as for "being betrayed in future", who cares? I wonder why some women seem to like to condone weird behaviour from their own sex. The tone sounds like the chick did the dude a favor by confessing. It was a favor as per God helping him out, but the chick confessing was the right thing and not a priviledge.
Things like this seriously mess it up for genuine women out there, cus this dude will have serious trust issues. For 10 years. DAMN!!!!

@OP. Please listen.

1)This is going to be hard. You sound decent, and you dated her for 10 years. But this is God saving you. The chick confessing was not an accident. You need to LET THE WOMAN GO.
I am not married, but I know a wife is meant to be someone who has your back and loves you. A woman who loved you would never never never do this to you. If a man had done this, I would have said the same thing, so I dont send gender ish. She can betray you and all of that. Please free her.

2) You can still take care of the child from afar off. Thank God ure not in the USA. You would have paid child support for a kid that aint yours, for life. But you can still show the kid love.

3) Tell your parents, and the girls family about this. Your image was tarnished, and a good name is more than money. Your name needs to be cleared.

4) Forgive the girl. Not for her, but for you. Forgiveness doesnt mean being foolish. You can be cordial to her, but free her all the same. let her go.

5) Dont go near this girl. She will cry, beg, send smses, call pastor, etc. Let her go. Ask God to break the soul tie which has developed over those 10 years. What you had wasnt based on love, but deceit.

6) Take up something else to fill the void. Maybe start a business, activate an old dream, write a book, etc.

I cant stand lies, either from men or women. Let this woman go. We are human and yeah if she confessed before, maybe things would have been different, but I understand she did this under duress, meaning that if it were up to her, she wont have talked.
There are decent women out there waiting for you. Dont allow this woman to color your perception of women. Please, I beg you.

Cheers man,

Dont marry this girl. Her revelation means God saved you. Also, consider the blow to your ego as a man, and suffering for a crime you were not guilty off.

Peace.

And to any woman who thinks what she did was right and tries to use the "she did you a favor angle", shame on una!

*flexing fingers from typing this much needed piece *

Women wit secrets! had a girl who was impregnated by someone only after i came back from NYSC. Well the choice is yours.U really need to ask your self questions like are u sure this ugly revelation will stil make you trust her again.For your info be prepared for enough surprises after she kept that away from you for so long

It has gone beyond s both of you, atlest ur parents and hers must be aware of the paternity of the baby.

Besides, is the baby a SHE or a HE, because most definatly, the lost father must surely appear at the end of the day to claim the child, and in as much as he is able to provide d evidence of paternity d law will not consider what u went thru. And by then everybody will get to know d truth.

Forgiveness is d only solution but then YOU MUST FORGET. otherwise after d marriage the remembrance of d past issue may cause a big barrier.

As you continue with d child see him/her as a child under ur care(but don't treat him/her as such)

So that u will not break down when hit with reality.

Hard nut to crack, 10 years? uhmm

forgiveness is no big deal, but to forget? i dont think so~

Bro this heartbroken for real, I have been through this kinda thing tho mine was kinda of mistake from the DNA result after my white girlfriend gave birth to complete white baby girl. My family and friends were busy making assumptions and fun of me, like the black brother with /white girlfrnd who gave birth to 100% white baby "Not even Mixed", I mean it was too much but for that fact that I trusted this girl "my girlfrnd", To cut it short bro, it's only a woman that knows the father of her child. Go for DNA when the result is out make a decision for yourself.

I know how u feel calling this kid your son/daughter for years, the love and the care, Well you can still love and care for the child but as a step, But to me if she could hide this for all these years for you, she is not a right choice of a woman for you. Forgive is sure but forgetting it is not easy,

How does one date someone for 10years sorry but I just cant get over that. Some men are just selfish muddafuggas.

Ebony respect please,

Respect? Im sorry but such men need to be in butt-clamping jail.

Nothing.

If only you can answer this question truely
1. In the last 10yrs you been with this lady, have you not impregnate her for once?
2. Have you have any sexual activity with another lady who can confirm you impregnate her and you later remove?
3. Do you have doubt about your potency and capabillity to impregnate a woman?
To be with a woman for 10yrs without without pregnancy despite you been lovers is a question you'll have to answer. Iam hoping you are not having doubt about youself and makes pretex about this child issues. otherwise you'll need to make a decision if this lady is not helping you out. otherwise you'll will start to develop complex even after marrying her. Go out and try it with another woman and then make a decision

@willy et what a dum.b suggestion? this is ridiculous

On the contrary ol' chap,

This lady HAS been unfaithful to you for the duration of those 10 years.
She shows remorse now because of the pressure you put on her to confess. I see a massive weak-point in her strength of character for this, a weak-point that could show itself again in the future.
She was not honest enough to let you know this earlier and of her own free will; instead she chose to keep you chained/locked down with the guilt of illegitimate fatherhood for 10 YEARS!, causing you to claw at your skull and go through all those bouts of disapproval with your family.

All because she was too chicken to stand up and own up to what she had done. This would have freed you long ago, and then with your freedom (and admiration of her honesty), you could then have chosen on your own to father the child with her or not. The fact is, you were bamboozled into this and she hasn't been very fair to you.

As to what you should do? I cannot say. I do not know her. All I can do is highlight the injustice done.

the 2nd respodent was a fool, am sure she must be the ladys confidant.

thank God she confessed, i commend her for saving your ass off unnneccessary spending in the name my child. the child born must have a father which she knows and her wicked confidant must be known. yet do the DNA TEST.

whatever ur decision is, she had already "a standby man", wise up bro. because u said ppl has be proposing to her and she has been faithful as she claimed be4 and bore a child that is not yours and she is still faithful and she has ppl comming to her for marriage? brooooooooooooo!!! if the worse happen she wont feel anything.

declare to the girl's parent mum/dad only in the absence of the lady you are not their grandchild's father.

no be dream bro, forgive the girl and thank her for her confession.

its not too late bro she do you good,take decision rationally and unconditionally.