One of the advantages of the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) when it was introduced in Nigeria was that it encouraged Intertribal Marriages. Up till now it is still the "in- thing". One of the advantages of intertribal marriage is that it fosters unity. BUT there are two sides to a coin. What are the advantages and hiccups inherent in intertribal marriages? WHO can share his or her experience?

Inter-Tribal marriage is good and it fosters unity too among the tribes concerned. The only little hiccup will be the parties trying to adjust and accommodate each others' differences i.e. that fact that they both had different backgrounds in terms of orientation etc. In some cases issues such as which language should the children master when growing up (aside English), the husband will want the children to be identified on his side and the fact that he is not always at home and the woman is close to the kids makes it difficult for this to happen hence, you know what i mean?. But aside these few things i am telling you it is fun and adventurous

Love will conquer any disadvantage.

Haha. . You really think so, Snowdrops?

Well, the [dis]advantages of inter-tribal marriages are not that much different than that of intra-tribal marriages, if at all. Parties involved will still face similar challenges and go through similar ups and downs. So now, it would have to be left to the parties involved to decide what [dis]advantages would apply to them and their situation.

The advantages cum disadvantages are self-same. It bouys down to the level of tolerance and acceptance of both cultures when looked at from a subjective point of view. Hence, the advantages, say of a marriage btw individuals of tribe A and B may not be the case btw tribes C and D.
Again, the individuals involved play a big role in determining the success of the marriage. However in my view, the inter-tribal marriages that hav worked the most (not only being the most pronounced) is those btw the igbos and yorubas. I stand to be corrected though.
In all, I duely subscribe to inter-tribal marriages.

a little experience here >>> when i was about 16 >>> my mum gave me a heart-to-heart about marrying an Edo girl >>> b 'cos
of the notion that >>> eeehnn  >>>  Abraham told Isaac to marry from his tribe  as the firstborn she wanted me to marry a girl from our
tribe, my junior siblings of course, were exempt from this rule >>> i seriously disagrred with her on the issue >>> i remember jokingly saying
that she pray i find a Rebecca   >>> she was hurt by my statement though   >>> unfortunately i never got to fully talk it out with her as i intended to  

nevertheless >>> the dilemma was >>> much as i would have loved to please my mum (& popsy still dey o!!!) >>> i can't say no to a babe in
whom i see all the qualities, & probably aspirations, i cherish , regardless of tribe >>> take my dilemma as a tiny snapshot in the framwork of
the dilemma of the Nigerian youth as regards >>> inter-tribal marriage

habumaks:

Inter-Tribal marriage is good and it fosters unity too among the tribes concerned.

It may foster unity between both families not both tribes.

The only or major snag is - Adaptation to changes : The Food, Custom, Language etcetera aspect.
Aside from that, Inter-tribal marriage is just the same as intra-tribal marriage.

ChinenyeN:

Haha. . You really think so, Snowdrops?

Yes, if you really love your partner, you would see beyond any perceived differences between yourselves.
Same applies to inter-racial, inter-class, etc marriages.

. . . .two people marrying doesn't unite two massive "tribes", and if you mean by mass marriage, then it still doesn't do much. What does is if the children of that couple form a whole new unique ethnic group out of both their mothers ethnic group and fathers. This does not happen and the mothers ethnic group is considered to have no relation to the child who has a father from another ethnic group. There's a lot of instances where the partners themselves still have bad perceptions about the other partners ethnic group.

Example:
Babangida's kids have nothing to do with Igboland and I bet you they have no recognition of the land as part theirs.

I've seen fathers angry when their children wear their mothers ethnic wear. Call me back when a Yoruba man allows his children to attend an event with okpu okonoko and ishi agu.

i do not see anything particularly wrong with intertribal marriage.
The onlly problem only exist with the people and not the culture in itself.
Why do we have Colours?
1. For diversity.
2.For beauty.
3.For flair
4.To show that the God who made them himself love the diversity and is a man of diversity.
Until we learn to respect others and their culture their shall always be conflict.
Case in point:
The American where in conflict with the Red Indians-the original inhabitants of Now America.
The american thought that this people where savages,bushmen,who did not own anything,and should not.

This attitude was metted out to the chinese and their culture,but them over time - time has proved that if you must dwell in peace with self and neighbours-you must RESPECT the next man and his culture.
NO matter how absurd it may look or sound .

snowdrops:

Yes, if you really love your partner, you would see beyond any perceived differences between yourselves.
Same applies to inter-racial, inter-class, etc marriages.

Okay. 

ezeagu:

. . . .two people marrying doesn't unite two massive "tribes", and if you mean by mass marriage, then it still doesn't do much. What does is if the children of that couple form a whole new unique ethnic group out of both their mothers ethnic group and fathers. This does not happen and the mothers ethnic group is considered to have no relation to the child who has a father from another ethnic group. There's a lot of instances where the partners themselves still have bad perceptions about the other partners ethnic group.

Example:
Babangida's kids have nothing to do with Igboland and I bet you they have no recognition of the land as part theirs.

I've seen fathers angry when their children wear their mothers ethnic wear. Call me back when a Yoruba man allows his children to attend an event with okpu okonoko and ishi agu.

Plain & Simple.

This is currently my dilema,my girl is from yoruba,we met in the church,we have been together for a year now,twice i have been trying to go for her introduction,the problem is that she said her parent are against her marrying from outside yoruba .

I think the major problem with inter-tribal marriage comes from the family of the people involved.

lol my mom isn't too keen on me marrying an Ibo girl.
She says even though the girl is good, Ibo peeps (her family members) tend to be overbearing and never really let the man rest with demands upon requests.

I fell in love with a Yoruba and my plans was to get mrried to her. The first day her dad saw her with me, she was beaten up and was forbidden from seeing me. Her elder sister saw her again with me and she was beaten up again mercilessly. Their reason was that, I am not from their tribe and they say nothing whenever they see her with a Yoruba boy.
I really love her and feels jealous whenever I see her with other Yoruba boys talking. I have tried to put her off my mind but no way. She still love me as she said and I realy need to settle down soon. I love her but her people are now our obstacle. What do I do? I can't even put her off my mind. I need your advice .

2buff:

lol my mom isn't too keen on me marrying an Ibo girl.
She says even though the girl is good, Ibo peeps (her family members) tend to be overbearing and never really let the man rest with demands upon requests.  

There are Igbo women that are the providers for their households, I don't know any Igbo woman that solely depends on their husband for her families upkeep, if they do, they've usually invested into the marriage 6x the amount their asking for.

Dora Akunyili
Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala

There aren't any Nigerian females that are more prominent and independent today than the two above.

Tell your mum.

What a topic in 2010, Nigerians wake up. Can someone from Leeds marry a person from Brighton, what about New-york and Boston, how about Marseille marrying a dude from Strasbourg, Milan V Palermo, Cologne and Munich and on and on. What is our problem. We school together, serve together, worship together, work together, trade together, no problem and then when it gets to man and wife we talk food, village, uncles, language. Rubbish. No wonder, fifty years after so called independence we are more dependent than ever before, more comfortable, more trusting of non-nationals than ours. We must rotate for acceptable leadership, we must have every tribe represented in our sporting teams, we must have an airport, university, refinery, etc in every state viable or not. We are in a mess not knowing it. How can foreigners trust and respect us as Nigerians when when tribe and tongue is powerful enough to turn a single matrimonial bed into a bunk domitorial one.

I can marry anyone I want, live anywhere I choose, conduct business with anyone I please and invest every dime I have in any field that's viable. The great USA is a product of very strange bed fellows, poles, greeks, irish, english, etc and not forgetting Kenyaindonesiamerican or what ever Obama is.

Reference:

What a topic in 2010, Nigerians wake up. Can someone from Leeds marry a person from Brighton, what about New-york and Boston, how about Marseille marrying a dude from Strasbourg, Milan V Palermo, Cologne and Munich and on and on. What is our problem. We school together, serve together, worship together, work together, trade together, no problem and then when it gets to man and wife we talk food, village, uncles, language. Rubbish. No wonder, fifty years after so called independence we are more dependent than ever before, more comfortable, more trusting of non-nationals than ours. We must rotate for acceptable leadership, we must have every tribe represented in our sporting teams, we must have an airport, university, refinery, etc in every state viable or not. We are in a mess not knowing it. How can foreigners trust and respect us as Nigerians when when tribe and tongue is powerful enough to turn a single matrimonial bed into a bunk domitorial one.

I can marry anyone I want, live anywhere I choose, conduct business with anyone I please and invest every dime I have in any field that's viable. The great USA is a product of very strange bed fellows, poles, greeks, irish, english, etc and not forgetting Kenyaindonesiamerican or what ever Obama is.

You can't compare mono-ethnic (for the most part) England to Nigeria. You can't compare pilgrim/migrant created Anglo-Americans to Nigerians. Nigeria is indigenous territory of the many ethnic groups. The United States is not, and besides they're bound by English culture. Nigeria was not created with any of their consent. Nigeria's only options is 'federalism' or a break-up. There's no such thing as making a nation out of thin air.

ezeagu:

You can't compare mono-ethnic (for the most part) England to Nigeria. You can't compare pilgrim/migrant created Anglo-Americans to Nigerians. Nigeria is indigenous territory of the many ethnic groups. The United States is not, and besides they're bound by English culture. Nigeria was not created with any of their consent. Nigeria's only options is 'federalism' or a break-up. There's no such thing as making a nation out of thin air.

I dont think ethnicity has anything to do wit it, Any educated person(i dont mean someone with a Bsc, cos not all with Bsc are educated in 9ja) should be able know that just because we speak d same language doesnt mean we are incompartible,
Things dat generally destroy marriages include
1) infidelity(Not tribe dependent)
2) Childlessness(Not tribe dependent)
e.t.c.
plus i dont think any marriage in nigeria has crashed due to ethnicity, ethnicity is just our fall guy when we cant face d truth.

I quite agree Ezeagu but mono-ethnic England wasn't always so and God knows they had their bitter wars but we must realise that in 2010 the world is fast shrinking. Nations and peoples are seeking alliances of all types across religion, politics and ideologies. The States, England, France, Germany and even Russia, yes Russia today all have blacks in authority. Sectional walls everywhere are crumbling. I was particularly pleased for the Benenoir who got elected in Russia and I'm sure every black man would. On Nairaland we celebrated the election of Nigerians in the UK a few months ago. My deal then is why are issues like these a problem back home. Why would a man not feel comfortable taking a wife from anywhere in Nigeria. If politics or business can do it 6,000 miles away why can't love do it here. Afterall Nigeria is no more than 1,000 miles across.

I am wary about guys on this thread that are just generalising particularly if this is based on fear of the unknown, lack of courage to take the bull by the horns or even just plain old ignorance.

Basically marriage is about 2 individuals coming together to form a unit. In of itself that is a great mystery

All in all love, trust, honesty and respect are the ingredients that make for a sucessful marriage and not abstract things like state of origin,  place of birth,. or even schools attended.

Even people are mentioning mundane things food and clothes as a factor as if the partner is coming from Mars.
By the way how many languages do you need to speak at a time? Just one. So just speak the language that both of you understand.Chikena.

Haha. Tensor, you're wasting your time. Ethnic/tribal affiliation still matters in our societies.

Considering the hassle, i dont think it's worth it.

ChinenyeN:

Haha. Tensor, you're wasting your time. Ethnic/tribal affiliation still matters in our societies.

I thought as much that you would say this even though you have, for some reason, been reluctant to post your own views. But no it does not of itself determine the success or failure of a marriage in Nigeria.
There are other much more fundamental things the most important of which is faith in God.
Having said that I pity any guy that jilts his soulmate simply because she is from another state and marries a girl from his village just to keep the family happy.

What really kills marriages- whether inter or intra tribal- in Nigeria is the sheer lack of courage and moral fibre, more especially on the part of the man, to stand up to interfering inlaws.
That is the issue, not abstract things like state of origin or grandfather's native language.

Advantage 1) the kids will be good English speakers, since they will be neither here nor there

2) For the Igbo guy bride price is extremely low when we play away

Disadvantage
Uncomfortable during family reunions
New food

Billsmith:

I fell in love with a Yoruba and my plans was to get mrried to her. The first day her dad saw her with me, she was beaten up and was forbidden from seeing me. Her elder sister saw her again with me and she was beaten up again mercilessly. Their reason was that, I am not from their tribe and they say nothing whenever they see her with a Yoruba boy.
I really love her and feels jealous whenever I see her with other Yoruba boys talking. I have tried to put her off my mind but no way. She still love me as she said and I realy need to settle down soon. I love her but her people are now our obstacle. What do I do? I can't even put her off my mind. I need your advice .

im so sorry
this is so sad, in the 21st |Century
i guess ull have to move on, abi?
pathetic.

tensor777:

I thought as much that you would say this even though you have, for some reason, been reluctant to post your own views. But no it does not of itself determine the success or failure of a marriage in Nigeria.
There are other much more fundamental things the most important of which is faith in God.
Having said that I pity any guy that jilts his soulmate simply because she is from another state and marries a girl from his village just to keep the family happy.

I agree with you here. In fact. See what I posted earlier in this discussion.

ChinenyeN:

Well, the [dis]advantages of inter-tribal marriages are not that much different than that of intra-tribal marriages, if at all. Parties involved will still face similar challenges and go through similar ups and downs. So now, it would have to be left to the parties involved to decide what [dis]advantages would apply to them and their situation.

. . . but, that all says little to nothing about our current societal views, which are. . . who your father is still matters. People can talk what they want, saying things like "in this day and age" or, "in the 21st century?", but whether or not they like, they will have to realize that ethnic/tribal sentiment/loyalty is a reality, and there's really nothing they can do about that.

That's the only point I'm trying to get across here.

Avoid where possible.

So far in my house they have said 'Don't bring Igbo Or Somali here'

That is quite fair to be honest.

Gamine:

Avoid where possible.

So far in my house they have said 'Don't bring Igbo Or Somali here'

That is quite fair to be honest.

Too bad for the many Somali and Igbo men falling over your gorgeous feet. . . . . .