bukatyne:


This is only a part.

These same women are very sexually expressive before marriage and suddenly feel suppressed in marriage.

I agree that some men also feel their wives shouldn't be expressive, some are selfish, etc.

And a man ejaculating is not same as orgasm.

Now I've been thinking of this lately, sexually expressive and crazy ladies before marriage automatically becoming sexual repressed and suppressed for no justifiable cause. The excessive hype of the value of women whereas the combined value of both parties not been taught empowers this lifestyle I choose to say and believe. I find it very very ddisturbing that due to too much indoctrination, ladies are setting themselves up with prize tags for almost anything even in marriage. What's consent in marriage,if consent is to be sought, then marriage shouldn't be necessary. Marital rights enshrined within the roles and responsibility in marriages should guide the roles of both gender with tolerance and consideration for one another. I find it very disturbing when people want to dictate how couples should ibtimiate. What's more disturbing is 90% of the so called marital rape many times. Started from the position of one party weaponizing their value or hurting the others psychological person hood than otherwise. People are hypocrites. If my daughter doesn't want to have sex in future, then marriage isn't for her. You f she wants to be married she and her husband should choose what works best for them, which is why the choice of who one marries is by far one of the most important choice to make in life when building ones destiny



Cc Missjoy29

essenceplus:



My brother all the mods. I've watched them from the sidelines well enough to know the power they arrogate themselves with. Its why the country needs a referendum as soon as possible. Let forward thinking people have their republic and not nr yoked with dimwits.

What to do...

Dimwits will always be a part of society no matter how advanced or developed the society is. Which is why there is nothing I enjoy more when I'm around dimwits than letting them know they are dimwits.

I've always said it too much knowledge will run this generation mad,everything is reduced to the battle of wits,win the debate and your position stands supreme no matter how crazy your logic and standpoint maybe. Tueh

Excessive feminine sympathy is spoiling our ladies rotten worldwide. I'll start the process of leaving this shit hope forum from now.

Tanx dear!

essenceplus:



Come get it in person. Cause each time I see your moniker, I quickly rush down to read ya comment. And . Ah it flows out

Ladyhippolyta88:

Yes

Ok.

LilMissFavvy:
Hmm.....it seems you are still convinced there is nothing like marital rape. I think the best advice you can read so far, is that ''you should have paraphrased the Topic as a question, not a statement'', I can recall you even told me it was a statement. Too bad that after I wasted so much time and followed the thread, it's wiped off. Tho am still trying to understand if that thread was worse off than the miseducation threads which I don't even follow, but which I think is much more offensive.

I sympathize your posts were wiped off.

It is sometimes hard to get stuffs penned down twice.

I read some of his miseducation threads and I agree with the sentiments of one (sex on credit) even though it could be more robust.

Men & women develop/bloom at different stages. Women earlier than men so it pays women to marry in their 20s preferably early so they can marry their choices unpressured.

The guy who seems awkward at 22 becomes a stunner at 35 especially if he takes care of himself well.

It is good to read such stuff with an open mind and pick what you can.

essenceplus:



Preach. You see why I follow your comments. Objectivity. Note people who think through their emotions and wear their hearts on their slvees. The roap map to change and development starts with doing things differently, and for this to be done differently there has to be an examination of what's not right within a faulty system and then make corrections and improvement. Make no mistake, Africa is stuck in mediocrity, even Nigeria as a result of a laxity to follow through with this learning process.

I agree with you.

Thanks

bukatyne:

I agree with you.

Thanks

I was going to ask this evening jare. Wanted matured female to discuss with especially around the subject of how females quickly transit from sexually expressive pre marriage to sexual repressed after marriage. This issues are pusing me towards publishing oh. Considering there's no pro Christin life magazine anymore. Its private jets they are pushing upandan. What do you think?

essenceplus:



Now I've been thinking of this lately, sexually expressive and crazy ladies before marriage automatically becoming sexual repressed and suppressed for no justifiable cause. The excessive hype of the value of women whereas the combined value of both parties not been taught empowers this lifestyle I choose to say and believe. I find it very very ddisturbing that due to too much indoctrination, ladies are setting themselves up with prize tags for almost anything even in marriage. What's consent in marriage,if consent is to be sought, then marriage shouldn't be necessary. Marital rights enshrined within the roles and responsibility in marriages should guide the roles of both gender with tolerance and consideration for one another. I find it very disturbing when people want to dictate how couples should ibtimiate. What's more disturbing is 90% of the so called marital rape many times. Started from the position of one party weaponizing their value or hurting the others psychological person hood than otherwise. People are hypocrites. If my daughter doesn't want to have sex in future, then marriage isn't for her. You f she wants to be married she and her husband should choose what works best for them, which is why the choice of who one marries is by far one of the most important choice to make in life when building ones destiny

There is a thread on that here: https://www.nairaland.com/4436386/transactional-vs-validational-sex

I also believe that anyone intending to marry must realize they cannot hoard sex or hold their partners to ransom via consent or not.

essenceplus:
Excessive feminine sympathy is spoiling our ladies rotten worldwide. I'll start the process of leaving this shit hope forum from now.

I opened a thread on over emphasis of the girl child.

Hopefully, the world doesn't become too gynocentric that it tilts towards pre-feminism days again.

essenceplus:


I was going to ask this evening jare. Wanted matured female to discuss with especially around the subject of how females quickly transit from sexually expressive pre marriage to sexual repressed after marriage. This issues are pusing me towards publishing oh. Considering there's no pro Christin life magazine anymore. Its private jets they are pushing upandan. What do you think?

If you want to open a thread, I will contribute my thoughts on it.

bukatyne:


There is a thread on that here: https://www.nairaland.com/4436386/transactional-vs-validational-sex

I also believe that anyone intending to marry must realize they cannot hoard sex or hold their partners to ransolm via consent or not.

People don't listen objectivity and are quick to pick a stone than listen. Been listening to the marital rape saga since the term was coined and have been following this debate for as long as possible. One thing I find consistent in most cases, is one party hordes it weaponizes it which then creates the atmosphere for forceful getting. To all those pro women 100% queen treatment stand against pro family life values which is both parties are important in the union. This makes me state with boldness that over 90% of marital rape cases the ladies horded intimacy but before marriage they could be sexually free as possible. I think somewhere along the line their passions eroded with their libido in the process of their experimentation leaving their partners to bear the consequence of their actions in marriages. This is besides hoarding sex so I don't see how I'll purely support anyone that is quick to condemn a man in a marriage if he wants sex because marriage itself is consent, and there shouldn't be secondary consent as marital laws places responsibility on both parties to perform their roles as expected in a marriage

bukatyne:


If you want to open a thread, I will contribute my thoughts on it.

I'm wondering where can be private. Matured adults private Congo on a public forum
I don't care much about peoples comments cause I almost learn nothing from this site. I've been saying this for sometime now

bukatyne:


I opened a thread on over emphasis of the girl child.

Hopefully, the world doesn't become too gynocentric that it tilts towards pre-feminism days again.

Hate to tell you were there already

bukatyne:
Is there any reason why my thread on marital rape was hidden or deleted especially as I was not notified?

Is there now a type of topic we can create on Nairaland considering the fact that I put up references?

Thanks
bukatyne

Cc: Royalroy.

I'm actually happy that your thread was deleted. Your title is misleading & you know Africans don't read. Coupled with the fact that you also used Religious views to express your points.

Then I was also supporting some of your points which I felt was valid & people starting looking a me with one sided eye like I was/am a Rapist.

Abeg oh, Thank God for vindicating me

Praaaaise da Lord

That’s why it was deleted. In NO scenario does a human being have the right to another human being’s body. The definition of rape NEVER changes, “sex without consent”
I am glad it was deleted.

bukatyne:


If you read the thread, you would note that it did not advocate rape which is sex without consent.

I infact pointed some scenarios in marriage which would have been rape outside of it.

None of my posts have supported barbaric practices against women however, I will continue to highlight their responsibilities.

Husbands are also expected not to deny their wives sex which is not 'rape'.

Frankly, I think it was the religious views to buttress her opinion on rape that I felt was rather misleading.

truthsayer009:


I'm actually happy that your thread was deleted. Your title is misleading & you know Africans don't read. Coupled with the fact that you also used Religious views to express your points.

The

Gloriagee:
Frankly, I think it was the religious views to buttress her opinion on rape that I felt was rather misleading.

Many evils are perpetuated under the guise of religion. There is always one reference or the other to back it up. However, its left for decency and humanity to see through and know what is evil is evil.

I agree with you on this. Typically, I tell people that people often pass on their cultural and personal preferences as religious positions and then look for Bible verses to (mis)quote.

eyinjuege:


Many evils are perpetuated under the guise of religion. There is always one reference or the other to back it up. However, its left for decency and humanity to see through and know what is evil is evil.

I think you seem a little confused about your ideas in this reply.
You stated how a woman should seek redress if violence is involved but almost all cases of rape(marital or none)would involve some sort of physical dominance and subjugation except the woman is drunk or paraplegic.
Now to address this issue
Your whole argument is based on the premise that sex become a duty courtesy of marriage.This is quite reasonable but what you fail to prove is why it is justified for the husband to force(often with some sort of violence) the wife to perform such duties.
Fundamental rights such as right of choice is always paramount irrespective of whatever responsibilities you have and that is why a student can't be bundled up and forced to write his exams even if he/she has such duty.This is akin to the fact that a man can't be forced to take a bullet for his wife or give her his organs because he is supposed to be the protector or provider.
The whole essence of human rights is the choice to make personal decisions as one see fit as long as it is not detrimental to another's person fundamental rights.

bukatyne:


I wish I was able to answer your questions on the other thread.

There is sexual abuse when someone wants to do something you find demeaning or unnatural e.g. Anal sex.

I have to keep repeating this: any partner injured should seek redress. A wife who was beaten, kicked, choked etc. (outside BDSM) in the act should seek redress through whatever means they deem fit: legal with evidence, family meeting, pastoral, counseling etc.

If there are issues in the marriage, they need to be addressed. If a partner is physically abusive for instance and you still comfortable enough to stay with them, you must be willing to carry out your duties. It is like saying I hate my boss, you did not report the person or resign yet the said boss gives you a task and you refuse to do it.

Or you hate your parents, don't seek redress, don't call their attention to it, keep bearing their surname, keep eating their food and when they send you to the market at 9pm start complaining or refuse to go.

Rape has physiological impact, yes. So does battery, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse etc.

This is not about eroding human rights in marriage: this is about each party knowing their responsibilities the moment they decided to get married.

For instance, I have a right to my husband's surname and to live together after marriage. He has the right to decide his co-habitants however the right I have to live with him is greater.

Your take is quite laughable as you are just looking for irrational excuses to justify rape aside the fact that you are also quite ignorant.
Firstly, rape is not justified punishment for how a woman lived her life before marriage but what you don't even know is the libido is mostly regulated by hormones and their secretion is dependent on many factors such as genetics,age, environmental factors, diseases and many others factors.
Also there are reward centers in the brain for several activities such as sex,drug use etc.......The intensity and extent of how this centers are stimulated differs from person to person.
Also some women have a condition called vaginismus which is characterized by painful intercourse and if such women are not even sexually active before marriage and consequently unaware of their condition before marriage,they should still be raped according to you marital rape supporters because she has a duty.

My points is most women reception to sex is mostly by factors they have no control over and so everything you've been saying is pure fallacy
Hope you learnt a thing or two

essenceplus:





People don't listen objectivity and are quick to pick a stone than listen. Been listening to the marital rape saga since the term was coined and have been following this debate for as long as possible. One thing I find consistent in most cases, is one party hordes it weaponizes it which then creates the atmosphere for forceful getting. To all those pro women 100% queen treatment stand against pro family life values which is both parties are important in the union. This makes me state with boldness that over 90% of marital rape cases the ladies horded intimacy but before marriage they could be sexually free as possible. I think somewhere along the line their passions eroded with their libido in the process of their experimentation leaving their partners to bear the consequence of their actions in marriages. This is besides hoarding sex so I don't see how I'll purely support anyone that is quick to condemn a man in a marriage if he wants sex because marriage itself is consent, and there shouldn't be secondary consent as marital laws places responsibility on both parties to perform their roles as expected in a marriage

Toxay:
Your take is quite laughable as you are just looking for irrational excuses to justify rape aside the fact that you are also quite ignorant.
Firstly, rape is not justified punishment for how a woman lived her life before marriage but what you don't even know is the libido is mostly regulated by hormones and their secretion is dependent on many factors such as genetics,age, environmental factors, diseases and many others factors.
Also there are reward centers in the brain for several activities such as sex,drug use etc.......The intensity and extent of how this centers are stimulated differs from person to person.
Also some women have a condition called vaginismus which is characterized by painful intercourse and if such women are not even sexually active before marriage and consequently unaware of their condition before marriage,they should still be raped according to you marital rape supporters because she has a duty.

My points is most women reception to sex is mostly by factors they have no control over and so everything you've been saying is pure fallacy
Hope you learnt a thing or two

Who justified rape?

That first line even discouraged me from reading.


Best regards. Learn to comprehend before rushing to type.

Yea, you did "One thing I find consistent in most cases, is one party hordes it weaponizes it which then creates the atmosphere for forceful getting." Sorry marriage is NOT consent. No human being has the right to another human beings body. I actually pity your wife or your future wife if you are not married.There is NO scenario where rape is justified, whether someone hoards sex or not. Sex with your wife is NOT a right but a privilege. How do you even enjoy the sex when one party is not interested? that is sick and twisted.

essenceplus:



Who justified rape?

That first line even discouraged me from reading.


Best regards. Learn to comprehend before rushing to type.

doitforyou:
Yea, you did "One thing I find consistent in most cases, is one party hordes it weaponizes it which then creates the atmosphere for forceful getting." Sorry marriage is NOT consent. No human being has the right to another human beings body. I actually pity your wife or your future wife if you are not married.There is NO scenario where rape is justified, whether someone hoards sex or not. Sex with your wife is NOT a right but a privilege. How do you even enjoy the sex when one party is not interested? that is sick and twisted.

Indeed. You folks will learn
Coting I did just made me passed it over without reading. Folks should learn how to own comment without enforcing ideas on people


Ibjumped over a part and I saw sex with marriage being a privilege. Lol. You folks are exhuberating the same errors I talked about. Good luck. You will learn your sons will grow to marry, when their wives do the act with them you'll reflect then

Number one you are not even making a lot of sense. I doubt English is your first language. Yes! I am teaching my son to respect women and for him not to be entitled! and for him to know that he has NO right to a woman's body, just like his father treats his mother and how I saw My father treat my mother. yes marital sex is a privilege NOT a right, I am sorry that you were taught differently growing up.

Sometimes, I wonder if you people were raised by wolves! talking about raping your wife because she is not momentarily interested in sex, animals!

essenceplus:



Indeed. You folks will learn
Coting I did just made me passed it over without reading. Folks should learn how to own comment without enforcing ideas on people


Ibjumped over a part and I saw sex with marriage being a privilege. Lol. You folks are exhuberating the same errors I talked about. Good luck. You will learn your sons will grow to marry, when their wives do the act with them you'll reflect then

essenceplus:





People don't listen objectivity and are quick to pick a stone than listen. Been listening to the marital rape saga since the term was coined and have been following this debate for as long as possible. One thing I find consistent in most cases, is one party hordes it weaponizes it which then creates the atmosphere for forceful getting. To all those pro women 100% queen treatment stand against pro family life values which is both parties are important in the union. This makes me state with boldness that over 90% of marital rape cases the ladies horded intimacy but before marriage they could be sexually free as possible. I think somewhere along the line their passions eroded with their libido in the process of their experimentation leaving their partners to bear the consequence of their actions in marriages. This is besides hoarding sex so I don't see how I'll purely support anyone that is quick to condemn a man in a marriage if he wants sex because marriage itself is consent, and there shouldn't be secondary consent as marital laws places responsibility on both parties to perform their roles as expected in a marriage

Sex has truly been weaponized in marriage.

truthsayer009:


I'm actually happy that your thread was deleted. Your title is misleading & you know Africans don't read. Coupled with the fact that you also used Religious views to express your points.

Then I was also supporting some of your points which I felt was valid & people starting looking a me with one sided eye like I was/am a Rapist.

Abeg oh, Thank God for vindicating me

Praaaaise da Lord

Hahahahahaha

You have a babe you are toasting on NL?

I also quoted the Nigerian constitution

So you are one of the people doing me?

Please live up to your username, it sometimes wouldn't be easy.

TheNaijanBlog:
That’s why it was deleted. In NO scenario does a human being have the right to another human being’s body. The definition of rape NEVER changes, “sex without consent”
I am glad it was deleted.

You have a blog, you should be more open to critical thinking and discussions.

In marriage, the husband has right to his wife's body and the wife has a right to her husband's body.

The below is the Christian wedding vows:

Groom: I,____, take thee,_____, to be my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.

Bride: I,_____, take thee,_____, to be my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.

Then, as the groom places the ring on the bride's finger, he says the following:

With this Ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.

Do you know that a marriage can be annulled if it is not consummated i.e. one party can't or won't have sex?

Can a marriage be annulled if not consummated?
You can apply for a decree on the following grounds: The marriage has not been consummated because one party can't, or won't. Consummation means normal sexual intercourse. If either party to the marriage did not consent to the marriage, because of pressure placed upon them, mistake, mental illness or any other reason.
Can your marriage be annulled? | Blanchards Law

www.blanchardslaw.co.uk/blog/can-your-marriage-be-annulled/

Toxay:
I think you seem a little confused about your ideas in this reply.
You stated how a woman should seek redress if violence is involved but almost all cases of rape(marital or none)would involve some sort of physical dominance and subjugation except the woman is drunk or paraplegic.
Now to address this issue
Your whole argument is based on the premise that sex become a duty courtesy of marriage.This is quite reasonable but what you fail to prove is why it is justified for the husband to force(often with some sort of violence) the wife to perform such duties.
Fundamental rights such as right of choice is always paramount irrespective of whatever responsibilities you have and that is why a student can't be bundled up and forced to write his exams even if he/she has such duty.This is akin to the fact that a man can't be forced to take a bullet for his wife or give her his organs because he is supposed to be the protector or provider.
The whole essence of human rights is the choice to make personal decisions as one see fit as long as it is not detrimental to another's person fundamental rights.

I love the bolded:

If a spouse no longer wants sex in a marriage, then they should seek for divorce. It is quite simple.

What happens is that the spouse wants to eat his/her cake and have it.

If there is physical subjugation or injury, seek redress.

It's not so hard.

doitforyou:
Yea, you did "One thing I find consistent in most cases, is one party hordes it weaponizes it which then creates the atmosphere for forceful getting." Sorry marriage is NOT consent. No human being has the right to another human beings body. I actually pity your wife or your future wife if you are not married.There is NO scenario where rape is justified, whether someone hoards sex or not. Sex with your wife is NOT a right but a privilege. How do you even enjoy the sex when one party is not interested? that is sick and twisted.

Sex in marriage is NOT a privilege; it is a right.

bukatyne:


Sex has truly been weaponized in marriage.

My dear sister. I duff my hat to you for seeing the lies behind the mask. Let them keep weaponizing it and giving approval. Their sons will grow up to marry.

As for me, I'll teach my daughters marriage is consent. Moderation,frequency and all in betweens should be discussed by both parties. No responsible husband will rape his wife unless he's psychotic.