Good day Nairalanders ,

Happy Independence Day to everyone.


I'm a final year student in a university. In my early 20s, earlier this year I had sth with a girl and it turned into pregnancy.

When the pregnancy was two weeks, she told me about it and she opined we flush it.

We went to different Nurses and they all told us not to abort because it's dangerous.

She managed the pregnancy till the 5th month until her mother got to know about it (Her mum works at Eko, she only stays at home on Sunday's).

They called me, I went to them, they scolded me and did the normal things a normal parent would do.

On my own family part, Dad is a retiree(Hes got no money), and I'm the only son. Got two elder sisters. They abandoned me since they heard about everything.

Now, this is the week she's gonna deliver and I'm yet to provide anything for the girl and the baby.. The little money I get from. menial jobs, my school projects and final year wahala is taking it.

The problem here now is.. Her family told her to block me, they all did too. She sent me a msg that she won't allow me see the baby again until I do something.

I'm just depressed here and don't know what steps to take.

I plea on Nairalanders with similar experiences to advice me on what to do cos I'm losing it already.

Pikin no dey loss e go find you come one day. Na money you no get, you no kill person

city will kill Zagreb tonight

Why exactly are you depressed? You can't take responsibility for a baby you wanted to abort, and the people that can told you to stay away from the baby until you are ready to be a man.. That is what is making you depressed?

That baby ain't going anywhere. Go get your life sorted out.. You still got a chance with him. I think you should be grateful.

"she won't allow u to see the baby again until u do something"

they are telling u to come pay her bride price .it's not as if they are rejecting or pushing u away...

so go and hustle, because as for now.u have got nothing to offer to both the girl and the baby...
next time when u see Toto, take to ur heels

Inasmuch as i dont like d idea of mother taking all d glory away from father, but i cant overrule it dat in dis case...

UR MOTHER WOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING NO MATTER WHAT!! provided she's til breathing cus u didn't mention her.

that is wat i trust our africa mums with, dey dont let us down wen all hope seems lost.

On my own family part, Dad is a retiree(Hes got no money), and I'm the only son. Got two elder sisters. They abandoned me since they heard about everything.

So you knew this and you still went ahead to look for girl to administer your strength on. Chai, anyway I hope you realize now that Actions have real consequences you must face.

There's hope though. Rearrange yourself, make some good legitimate money and watch things go your way. It's a win-win situation for you, your baby mama and child

OlawaleBammie:
Inasmuch as i dont like d idea of mother taking all d glory away from father, but i cant overrule it dat in dis case...

UR MOTHER WOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING NO MATTER WHAT!! provided she's til breathing cus u didn't mention her.

that is wat i trust our africa mums with, dey dont let us down wen all hope seems lost.

Mum is late. she'd have definitely done something if she was alive.

blessedvisky:

On my own family part, Dad is a retiree(Hes got no money), and I'm the only son. Got two elder sisters. They abandoned me since they heard about everything.

So you knew this and you still went ahead to look for girl to administer your strength on. Chai, anyway I hope you realize now that Actions have real consequences you must face.

There's hope though. Rearrange yourself, make some good legitimate money and watch things go your way. It's a win-win situation for you, your baby mama and child

Thank you very much!

iPrevail:
Why exactly are you depressed? You can't take responsibility for a baby you wanted to abort, and the people that can told you to stay away from the baby until you are ready to be a man.. That is what is making you depressed?

That baby ain't going anywhere. Go get your life sorted out.. You still got a chance with him. I think you should be grateful.

I'm just worried that they'd be thinking I'm not serious about it. And na money dey do Ojoro.

Thanks for the advice

hunterezi:


Mum is late. she'd have definitely done something if she was alive.

I tot as much, sorry for d loss.

Anyway, u just hav to brace up guy, try as much as u can to help out. Try to prove ur love to ur wife, tank goodness d lady's family are trying there best to help u guys.

Has your family done anything to try and claim the child. Since they don’t have money, have they at least visited the girl? Have they been in contact with the girl’s family?

I have no idea that people still make this kind of mistakes. This mistake belongs to the '80's when condoms were not common..

You should be happy it's just pregnancy..

elektra:
Has your family done anything to try and claim the child. Since they don’t have money, have they at least visited the girl? Have they been in contact with the girl’s family?

Dad not feeling to well to move far distance. Sisters don't even bother bou me. I've been going there alone.

She's supposed to give birth this week and I've been blocked since on Sunday.

OlawaleBammie:


I tot as much, sorry for d loss.

Anyway, u just hav to brace up guy, try as much as u can to help out. Try to prove ur love to ur wife, tank goodness d lady's family are trying there best to help u guys.

I'm trying. even explained how things are to her aunt who's taking care of her. The girl is just 20.

Richy4:
I have no idea that people still make this kind of mistakes. This thing belongs to the '80's.

You should be happy it's just pregnancy..

abi

hunterezi:


abi

when you were nacking what were u expecting Sell one kidney

OlawaleBammie:


I tot as much, sorry for d loss.

Anyway, u just hav to brace up guy, try as much as u can to help out. Try to prove ur love to ur wife, tank goodness d lady's family are trying there best to help u guys.

Mmmm!! Excuse me which wife are u talking about?

Young man, when I was in the university I fell into similar situation and fear the unknown and pride and foolishness and the thought that it's going to be a burden didn't allow me to sleep well....we couldn't go through with telling our parents! They will kill us! So we thought but really would they have
Unfortunately after 5th month she miscarried and though we were "relieved" we still think it was all the stress that made it happen.
Why am I saying this, chill out bro... gather your wits together and man up! That child is yours and please start now to plan to wed the mother. Dont ever think she's not wife material, Work together and don't let anger and frustrating situations ruin your future.
Whatever decision you make together now will make or mar your future.
Today after 26 years I'm married to that same girl and we have kids and peace of mind. Only regret is "we should not have allowed FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN to steal away our first child!
Good luck bro...
FEAR NOT....

Now is not the time to be depressed. Man up, stay strong and take responsibility for your actions.

Richy4:


Mmmm!! Excuse me which wife are u talking about?

See u?? u carry Belle giv person and u no wan admit say u don get wife?

hunterezi:


I'm trying. even explained how things are to her aunt who's taking care of her. The girl is just 20.

Av never had a prior experience tho... but i bliv it wil always b hard at d beginning, especially wen the situation is stil embryonic. u wil just kp try bro, do d one u re capable of doing, the one u can't do let dem no dat u dont hav d strnght in a more polite way and am sure u guys wil manoeuvre thins soon

OlawaleBammie:


See u?? u carry Belle giv person and u no wan admit say u don get wife?

The way you were petting the guy and making his irresponsibility look really nice is so heart warming.. u were even giving him a sermon of proofing his love for "the wife" but he deliberately omitted or totally forgot to tell you that he was only sowing a wild oats.. Indians call it tasting the cuisine. It got nothing to do with marriage.

I swear I like your type a lot. U will make a wonderful Y2K dad.. But if my kid should do something faddish like this, I will hit the roof first before calming..

jaszplus12:
Young man, when I was in the university I fell into similar situation and fear the unknown and pride and foolishness and the thought that it's going to be a burden didn't allow me to sleep well....we couldn't go through with telling our parents! They will kill us! So we thought but really would they have
Unfortunately after 5th month she miscarried and though we were "relieved" we still think it was all the stress that made it happen.
Why am I saying this, chill out bro... gather your wits together and man up! That child is yours and please start now to plan to wed the mother. Dont ever think she's not wife material, Work together and don't let anger and frustrating situations ruin your future.
Whatever decision you make together now will make or mar your future.
Today after 26 years I'm married to that same girl and we have kids and peace of mind. Only regret is "we should not have allowed FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN to steal away our first child!
Good luck bro...
FEAR NOT....

thanks for sharing
and the encouragement to the young man
God bless you and your family

Try to use a General hospital so the expenses are not huge.
Whatever money you can raise(or sell something to raise),send it to her.
Her parents think you don't want to do anything,they don't understand you don't have.

*Young people,there are condoms and they are not expensive.USE IT.

Richy4:




The way you were petting the guy and making his irresponsibility look really nice is so heart warming.. u were even giving him a sermon of proofing his love for "the wife" but he deliberately omitted or totally forgot to tell you that he was only sowing a wild oats.. Indians call it tasting the cuisine. It got nothing to do with marriage.

I swear I like your type a lot. U will make a wonderful Y2K dad.. But if my kid should do something faddish like this, I will hit the roof first before calming..

For ur mind naw u dey go heaven oo

see as u twist everything for my hand naa, me self con dey confused, ahh neijiriaaa...

Lol, but u re slightly right tho, my principle is dat the moment u start doin wat u re nt yet up to den i assume u hav looked urself well and realized u re equal to d task, by den i dont blame again cus blaming u wont solve the problem but rather got u depressed.


BTW, pls wat does Y2K mean??

desvi:


thanks for sharing
and the encouragement to the young man
God bless you and your family

You're welcome!

Hmmm oga what happened to condoms na. You're lucky the family never use sars manhandle you self. This is the worst thing that can happen to a man without money. How do you feel now? You can't buy anything for the expectant lady, very terrible. I've never been in this kind thing before all through undergrad years when I was broke. You just have to do something no matter how small.

Well the past is gone and the present is a gift. You won't be the first neither the last. I advise you focus on yourself to be a better man and to be able to give that boy a better future. Improve yourself now, focus on your project etc because the truth is that kid is yours and that's the way it is. It will never change. Make money and take care of him before he starts growing into boyhood.

Why will Nigerian nurses tell this couple that abortion is dangerous? Should they not route them to a safe place where they could get it done? Why force people who are not ready for a child to have one? Yes, they have made the mistake of pregnancy. But appropriate counseling is key and guidance on their choice to either keep or get rid of the baby should be done too.

As for you OP, if that baby was truly yours, no family member in their right mind will decide to block you! Even if you are poor. Just focus on your final year and try to do very well. So that you can take care of your responsibility when it is called for. Also save money to do DNA test as soon as you can. I find it suspicious that the whole family is trying to run from you all of a sudden.

Goodluck on your final year. Don’t worry, everything will work out in it’s time.

baby124:
Why will Nigerian nurses tell this couple that abortion is dangerous? Should they not route them to a safe place where they could get it done? Why force people who are not ready for a child to have one? Yes, they have made the mistake of pregnancy. But appropriate counseling is key and guidance on their choice to either keep or get rid of the baby should be done too.

As for you OP, if that baby was truly yours, no family member in their right mind will decide to block you! Even if you are poor. Just focus on your final year and try to do very well. So that you can take care of your responsibility when it is called for. Also save money to do DNA test as soon as you can. I find it suspicious that the whole family is trying to run from you all of a sudden.

Goodluck on your final year. Don’t worry, everything will work out in it’s time.

Is abortion legal in Nigeria ?

Pubichairs:
"she won't allow u to see the baby again until u do something"

they are telling u to come pay her bride price .it's not as if they are rejecting or pushing u away...

so go and hustle, because as for now.u have got nothing to offer to both the girl and the baby...
next time when u see Toto, take to ur hills

Heels.