So background. I am American. Haitian background. I am a nurse practitioner. My husband works in engineering. We have 4 kids. One with special needs. Married 10 years. He comes from a very poor background. I do not. We are in debt in due student loans,mortgage and our kid has medical needs and will probably need care for life. We both work and built life together.
He always said he was going to wait several years before building a home back home..he always said this. While sometimes I worked 2 jobs to make sure we stayed afloat. He got multiple job and first thing he did,instead of helping to pay debts to relieve me or save for our kids especially the one with medical needs etc was behind my back build a 60,000usd home for his parents.
Everyone knew except me. I found out cos u wen to his phone to get some pictures and found it. It breaks my heart cos we have built life together and I have struggled with this man and instead of relieving my stress so I don't have to work so hard he takes 60k and builds a mansion for parents. We have literally no savings ofr ourselves or our kids. That to me is irresponsible. His parents already had a home and we send nearly 400 a month for upkeep. Meanwhile all the money my special needs kid has is from my own pocket. We have 3 other kids without savings at all
.how could he do this? I seem to can't get over this.

lefemmechoclat:
So background. I am American. Haitian background. I am a nurse practitioner. My husband works in engineering. We have 4 kids. One with special needs. Married 10 years. He comes from a very poor background. I do not. We are in debt in due student loans,mortgage and our kid has medical needs and will probably need care for life. We both work and built life together.
He always said he was going to wait several years before building a home back home..he always said this. While sometimes I worked 2 jobs to make sure we stayed afloat. He got multiple job and first thing he did,instead of helping to pay debts to relieve me or save for our kids especially the one with medical needs etc was behind my back build a 60,000usd home for his parents.
Everyone knew except me. I found out cos u wen to his phone to get some pictures and found it. It breaks my heart cos we have built life together and I have struggled with this man and instead of relieving my stress so I don't have to work so hard he takes 60k and builds a mansion for parents. We have literally no savings ofr ourselves or our kids. That to me is irresponsible. His parents already had a home and we send nearly 400 a month for upkeep. Meanwhile all the money my special needs kid has is from my own pocket. We have 3 other kids without savings at all
.how could he do this? I seem to can't get over this.

hmmmmmmmm, the bold faced, I am just speechless

What a betrayal!

lefemmechoclat:
So background. I am American. Haitian background. I am a nurse practitioner. My husband works in engineering. We have 4 kids. One with special needs. Married 10 years. He comes from a very poor background. I do not. We are in debt in due student loans,mortgage and our kid has medical needs and will probably need care for life. We both work and built life together.
He always said he was going to wait several years before building a home back home..he always said this. While sometimes I worked 2 jobs to make sure we stayed afloat. He got multiple job and first thing he did,instead of helping to pay debts to relieve me or save for our kids especially the one with medical needs etc was behind my back build a 60,000usd home for his parents.
Everyone knew except me. I found out cos u wen to his phone to get some pictures and found it. It breaks my heart cos we have built life together and I have struggled with this man and instead of relieving my stress so I don't have to work so hard he takes 60k and builds a mansion for parents. We have literally no savings ofr ourselves or our kids. That to me is irresponsible. His parents already had a home and we send nearly 400 a month for upkeep. Meanwhile all the money my special needs kid has is from my own pocket. We have 3 other kids without savings at all
.how could he do this? I seem to can't get over this.

His parents deserves everything he can afford. But, you deserve to know too. You really deserve to.

You see, in Nigeria, there is nothing like Education loans or government's subsidies, our parents sacrifice everything in order to give us the little they can. Some parents sell even their wrappers, blouses, trousers, e.t.c. to provide basic needs for their children. Several parents slave to give their children basic needs. This is why children are like retirement plans of Nigerian parents. So, please bear with him, but he needs to let you know. You and the children are his future, if he does not treat you well, then he is messing up his future. Secondly, a typical Nigerian man will not let his wife over-work, never ever, he will rather slave than let his wife over-work. You need to sit him down and talk, but divorce is the worst thing that can happen to any family. Please avoid it.

From your story I'll say the man is selfish and heartless but unfortunately the man isn't here to tell his own side of the story so I'll reserve my comment...
You can't be the judge in your own case though.

Insensitive on his part I must say even though his intention was good.

lefemmechoclat:
So background. I am American. Haitian background. I am a nurse practitioner. My husband works in engineering. We have 4 kids. One with special needs. Married 10 years. He comes from a very poor background. I do not. We are in debt in due student loans,mortgage and our kid has medical needs and will probably need care for life. We both work and built life together.
He always said he was going to wait several years before building a home back home..he always said this. While sometimes I worked 2 jobs to make sure we stayed afloat. He got multiple job and first thing he did,instead of helping to pay debts to relieve me or save for our kids especially the one with medical needs etc was behind my back build a 60,000usd home for his parents.
Everyone knew except me. I found out cos u wen to his phone to get some pictures and found it. It breaks my heart cos we have built life together and I have struggled with this man and instead of relieving my stress so I don't have to work so hard he takes 60k and builds a mansion for parents. We have literally no savings ofr ourselves or our kids. That to me is irresponsible. His parents already had a home and we send nearly 400 a month for upkeep. Meanwhile all the money my special needs kid has is from my own pocket. We have 3 other kids without savings at all
.how could he do this? I seem to can't get over this.

Have you tried to talk to your husband to share crucial financial information? If yes, try to seek the help of a mediator. This person can be a trusted confidant or older relative, respected by you and your husband, who can
who can help clear the impasse. If this doesn’t work, approach a financial adviser, who can take an objective and pragmatic stance on the need to share financial details. If this, too, fails, seek a marriage counselor as a last resort because the issues and fissures are clearly deeper, involving your marriage, not merely your finances.

U need to watch him...such a man can still come back to Nigeria and marry another woman behind u.

This man didn't try at all.

This is a text book example of being wicked and selfish at the same.

ibechris:
U need to watch him...such a man can still come back to Nigeria and marry another woman behind u.

This man didn't try at all.

This is a text book example of being wicked and selfish at the same.

You get sense at all? You go soon collect now. You think it's everybody that sleeps around your family and relatives?

ekitimanalways:

Have you tried to talk to your husband to share crucial financial information? If yes, try to seek the help of a mediator. This person can be a trusted confidant or older relative, respected by you and your husband, who can
who can help clear the impasse. If this doesn’t work, approach a financial adviser, who can take an objective and pragmatic stance on the need to share financial details. If this, too, fails, seek a marriage counselor as a last resort because the issues and fissures are clearly deeper, involving your marriage, not merely your finances.

Ekiti kete, watch your mouth oooo. You don dey talk too much. You go soon collect now. Did she say he built a house for his mistress She said he built a house for his parents. Do you know whether it is village contribution money he used to travel? You go collect ooo, if you know think before you type.

simpleseyi:


Ekiti kete, watch your mouth oooo. You don dey talk too much. You go soon collect now. Did she say he built a house for his mistress She said he built a house for his parents. Do you know whether it is village contribution money he used to travel? You go collect ooo, if you know think before you type.

I go collect wetin? I wouldn't want to assume that you're a namby-pamby fella.
He built a house for his parents without his wife's knowledge! Wrong move by the husband! I wouldn't do that to my Nigerian wife not to talk of a foreign lady married to me. How would you feel if your wife built a house for her parents in the village without your knowledge?

Go build your own in Haiti too. You’re a nurse practitioner you have the money.

Henceforth let him be the one to focus on providing for the kids.

ekitimanalways:
I go collect wetin? I wouldn't want to assume that you're a namby-pamby fella.
He built a house for his parents without his wife's knowledge! Wrong move by the husband! I wouldn't do that to my Nigerian wife not to talk of a foreign lady married to me. How would you feel if your wife built a house for her parents in the village without your knowledge?

You mean he should let his parents to be living in a hut? Building a house for his parents is not wrong and it is actually the best thing he has done in his life as far as I am concerned, but not telling his wife is wrong. The wife said he is doing multiple jobs, why do you think he is doing multiple jobs? Is it because he loves working without resting? Definitely not, he is doing multiple jobs because he knows he left home in a bad condition and he needs to amend that and alleviate his parents.

You go soon collect now.

simpleseyi:


You get sense at all? You go soon collect now. You think it's everybody that sleeps around your family and relatives?

Well, I can see that u are mad.

cococandy:
Go build your own in Haiti too. You’re a nurse practitioner you have the money.

Henceforth let him be the one to focus one providing for the kids.

Why should only him provide for the kids? What about the woman that gave birth to the kids? Is it not shared responsibilities again?

ibechris:



Well, I can see that u are mad.

You go soon collect now, just watch it, I go give you now.

simpleseyi:



Why should only him provide for the kids? What about the woman that gave birth to the kids? Is it not shared responsibilities again?

did you read the OP?

simpleseyi:



Why should only him provide for the kids? What about the woman that gave birth to the kids? Is it not shared responsibilities again?

seems you were rushing to be first to comment without reading the story. Didn’t you see in her second to the last paragraph where she stated that she’s been the one taking care of the kid with special needs?

simpleseyi:


You mean he should let his parents to be living in a hut? Building a house for his parents is not wrong and it is actually the best thing he has done in his life as far as I am concerned, but not telling his wife is wrong. The wife said he is doing multiple jobs, why do you think he is doing multiple jobs? Is it because he loves working without resting? Definitely not, he is doing multiple jobs because he knows he left home in a bad condition and he needs to amend that and alleviate his parents.

You go soon collect now.

MR YOU GO COLLECT NOW, YOU'RE ENTITLED TO YOUR OPINION!

lefemmechoclat:

He always said he was going to wait several years before building a home back home..he always said this. While sometimes I worked 2 jobs to make sure we stayed afloat. He got multiple job and first thing he did,instead of helping to pay debts to relieve me or save for our kids especially the one with medical needs etc was behind my back build a 60,000usd home for his parents.
Everyone knew except me. I found out cos u wen to his phone to get some pictures and found it. It breaks my heart cos we have built life together and I have struggled with this man and instead of relieving my stress so I don't have to work so hard he takes 60k and builds a mansion for parents. We have literally no savings ofr ourselves or our kids. That to me is irresponsible. His parents already had a home and we send nearly 400 a month for upkeep. Meanwhile all the money my special needs kid has is from my own pocket. We have 3 other kids without savings at all
.how could he do this? I seem to can't get over this.

It's not right that he built that house behind your back but it was something he most likely would have done from the beginning.Most African migrants would do this.

I hope you can resolve this with him and let peace reign in your marriage.Divorce should not be your top option but henceforth,you should begin to spend money on your own projects too.

Beremx:
seems you were rushing to be first to comment without reading the story. Didn’t you see in her second to the last paragraph where she stated that she’s been the one taking care of the kid with special needs?

The case is muddled up jare. Taking care of special need child can be draining. But the parents should not be left to live in a hut, the guy may just be their only hope.

lefemmechoclat:
So background. I am American. Haitian background. I am a nurse practitioner. My husband works in engineering. We have 4 kids. One with special needs. Married 10 years. He comes from a very poor background. I do not. We are in debt in due student loans,mortgage and our kid has medical needs and will probably need care for life. We both work and built life together.
He always said he was going to wait several years before building a home back home..he always said this. While sometimes I worked 2 jobs to make sure we stayed afloat. He got multiple job and first thing he did,instead of helping to pay debts to relieve me or save for our kids especially the one with medical needs etc was behind my back build a 60,000usd home for his parents.
Everyone knew except me. I found out cos u wen to his phone to get some pictures and found it. It breaks my heart cos we have built life together and I have struggled with this man and instead of relieving my stress so I don't have to work so hard he takes 60k and builds a mansion for parents. We have literally no savings ofr ourselves or our kids. That to me is irresponsible. His parents already had a home and we send nearly 400 a month for upkeep. Meanwhile all the money my special needs kid has is from my own pocket. We have 3 other kids without savings at all
.how could he do this? I seem to can't get over this.

He has another wife and kids back at home.

He's Haitian right?

Wow.... Humans can be terribly selfish and inconsiderate.


I'd advise you push his responsibility back to him.

simpleseyi:


The case is muddled up jare. Taking care of special need child can be draining. But the parents should not be left to live in a hut, the guy may just be their only hope.

Yes it’s not good to leave the parents in a mud house. He could have built something modest for them so that his wife isn’t indebted and overworked trying to manage the financial responsibility alone.

He was wrong not to have informed you but at least take heart he built it for his aged parents which isn't a bad idea,talk to him about d need to support u more with d kids, at least you should see his parentss like ur own parents now, but dis should not b a reason to divorce

simpleseyi:



His parents deserves everything he can afford. But, you deserve to know too. You really deserve to.

You see, in Nigeria, there is nothing like Education loans or government's subsidies, our parents sacrifice everything in order to give us the little they can. Some parents sell even their wrappers, blouses, trousers, e.t.c. to provide basic needs for their children. Several parents slave to give their children basic needs. This is why children are like retirement plans of Nigerian parents. So, please bear with him, but he needs to let you know. You and the children are his future, if he does not treat you well, then he is messing up his future. Secondly, a typical Nigerian man will not let his wife over-work, never ever, he will rather slave than let his wife over-work. You need to sit him down and talk, but divorce is the worst thing that can happen to any family. Please avoid it.

he's not contributing to upkeep of the children. She should cut her losses as this is a red flag.

Richy4 ...
You will make heaven ...
You just spoke my mind...
Cause there's no way a man will be working multiple jobs and his wife will be silent when he doesn't contribute, no way!

And besides, there is absolutely nothing "irresponsible" about building a house for your parents, nothing at all...

My only issue with him is that he didn't tell his wife about it ...

See them making excuses for the husband, the man betrayed you OP simple, 60,000 dollars is not chicken change and the house would be a very very big one.

lefemmechoclat leaving you working double jobs take care of the finances and you guys are in debt while he couldn't assist and then uses 60k to build a mansion for his parents despite the fact they already have a home is selfishness and wickedness

I believe he is among the I must build mansion in my village, the house 60k dollars will build is it a small house, why can't he build something modest and then assist you with some of the bills.


I am not a fan of divorce I wouldn't advice you to, that man is a betrayer no two words about it, just watch your back that's all more is coming, brace yourself.

You too take care of your own end spend money on your own personal projects, then moving forward let him also pay for for the upkeep of the children.

lefemmechoclat:
So background. I am American. Haitian background. I am a nurse practitioner. My husband works in engineering. We have 4 kids. One with special needs. Married 10 years. He comes from a very poor background. I do not. We are in debt in due student loans,mortgage and our kid has medical needs and will probably need care for life. We both work and built life together.
He always said he was going to wait several years before building a home back home..he always said this. While sometimes I worked 2 jobs to make sure we stayed afloat. He got multiple job and first thing he did,instead of helping to pay debts to relieve me or save for our kids especially the one with medical needs etc was behind my back build a 60,000usd home for his parents.
Everyone knew except me. I found out cos u wen to his phone to get some pictures and found it. It breaks my heart cos we have built life together and I have struggled with this man and instead of relieving my stress so I don't have to work so hard he takes 60k and builds a mansion for parents. We have literally no savings ofr ourselves or our kids. That to me is irresponsible. His parents already had a home and we send nearly 400 a month for upkeep. Meanwhile all the money my special needs kid has is from my own pocket. We have 3 other kids without savings at all
.how could he do this? I seem to can't get over this.

You don't need to divorce him pls, that house is for you and the children

He built it for you guys nit his parents

If you divorce him, he will come home and marry from his native land and he knows that even if you take the children, they will look for him one day

You guys can travel home so that you have a good look at the house and pick your preferred room

While you work hard for you special nerd child, seat him down and let him know that since he has completed the building project at home

That you guys needs to plan for the family to stay away from debt because the children are growing and needs attention and money

If he refuses, then he has another plan