Tonye-t:

i dont think so, because more questions may erupt like :

Question: Do you want anything 

Answer: I dont want anything

Question: Should we give u something, nothing or everything since you dont want anything 

Answer: I mean nothing

Question: o. . .i see! can we add it with southing (thinking mafolayomi said northing)

Answer: (mafolayomi in pidgin) goosh i go die o!

Question: shooting or hanging?

Answer: (mafolayomi overreacting ) thunder fire u and your oga

Question: which fire?

someone can continue from here. . .

nice one. I really love argument free threads like this

Two AMEBO house wife (mama Emeka and Iya Risi) discussin in front of their house while their husbands were inside the house.

NOW THEY START DISCUSSING . . .

Iya Risi: see doz two fine gurls wey dey waka, see wetin dem wear
Mama Emeka: Wey dem?
Iya Risi: Na dem dey go so
mama Emeka: EWO!!! Na dis 1's u dey call fine gurls? mtscheeew! Wor-wor gurls wey no get shape sef, abeg jor.
Iya Risi: Ah ah, mama Emeka, takam easy nau? Abi u know doz gurls b4?
Mama Emeka: U no see dat one wey wear mini skirt as breeze dey blow em nyash open, d oda 1 sef wear trousa
wit her yeye flat nyash, mtscheeew!!!
Iya Risi: But your daughter Nkechi sef get flat nyash and she dey wear trousa na. . .
Mama Emeka: (Stood up in anger) EWO!!! Wetin bring my pikin for dis mata?. . .So na so u dey do AMEBO reach? Abeg, abeg, no jus try me dis aftunun or else we go digam now now!
Iya Risi: Ah ah Mama Emeka, haba, na play i dey play nau, ah ah? E don reach lyk dat? abeg no vex, e don do, make we forget dat mata.
Iya Risi: Ehen, sidon make i yarn u tory (watches her left and right to make sure dat nobody is comin).
Iya Risi: Doz two men wey dey fyn us com in d aftunun if our oga dem don go work, dem com yestiday, u no dey around.
Mama Emeka: Ehen. . .??. . .And u no tell me.
Iya Risi: my own man no stay too long, em kon go
Mama Emeka: Wetin my own man talk?
Iya Risi: I tellam say u no dey around, say u go market, so em com say make i escortam commot.
Mama Emeka: Escortam commot ke?. . .Na where una kon go? (with her eyes wide open)
Iya Risi: we go dat place wey dem dey always carry us go in d aftunun if dem com (a hide out charllet)
Mama Emeka: (responded anguishly) Ehnnn?? (eyes wide open)? . .So u mean say u go sleep with my boyfriend?

Before Iya Risi could explain further, they started fightin and tearin each others cloth (u know how women dey fight na?) So when the husband of Iya Risi and the husband of Mama Emeka heard the sound of two women fightin outside, they came out to know who they are, and to their greatest surprise, it was their respective wifes that were fightin and tearin each others cloth. So they seperated them and asked them what is the matter/ the cause of the fightin? The two women kept mute and started lookin at each other. . .

Tell me wetin dem go tell dia husband say naim make dem dey fight.

@Tonye-t, let me take it from here.

Answer: you'r askin me which fire right? (angrily)

Question: yes sir b'cos, we have kerosine fire and gas fire, which one do u really prefer sir?

Answer: dis gurl, e be like say u dey crase abi? (with his eyes wide open)

Question: what kind of crase are you talkin about sir, b'cos, we have rich man crase and poor man poor crase.

Answer: Are u stup!d, what do u mean by that?

Question: B'cos rich man crase is som1 dat wil be at home but is mentally dis-order. But poor man crase is the one that'll put on rag cloth with scathered hair and start walkin up & down the streets, so which one do u prefer sir? I guess U like the poor man crase right?

If na me she tell this kain rubbish, na upper cut go follow am


Someone else take it from here.

these guys, una funny die, keep the good work going jo

Wahala when you visit rich friends. Once, while visiting a very rich friend, the maid approached me and,


Question: What would you like to have, fruit juice, soda, tea, chocolate, cappuccino, frapuccino or coffee?
Answer: Tea please.
Question : Ceylon tea, Indian tea, herbal tea, bush tea, honey bush tea, iced tea or green tea?
Answer: Ceylon tea please.
Question : How would you like it, black or white?
Answer: White.
Question : Milk or fresh cream?
Answer: With milk.
Question : Goat's milk or cow's milk?
Answer; With cow's milk please.
Question : Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?
Answer: Umm, think I'll just take it black.
Question : Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?
Answer: With sugar.
Question : Beet sugar or cane sugar?
Answer: Cane sugar.
Question : White, brown or yellow sugar?
Answer: Oya, forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead.
Question :Mineral water, tap water or distilled water?
Answer: Mineral water.
Question : Flavored or non-flavored?
Answer( lapsing into Naija speak!): Abeg, I think I'll just die of thirst. Which kind wahala be dis.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Have u any such encounter?

me thnk d maid had been instructed not to offer anyone anything but to pretend to try to. . .

FIRST OF ALL, THATS A REALLY OLD JOKE, @ THREAD STARTER AND ITS NOT NIGERIAN, SOME DUDE WENT TO AN EXOTIC RESTAURANT, SO IT WAS MODIFIED, HERE'S A REALLY FUNNY ONE THOUGH, I THINK MY UNCLE COMPOSED IT, I GOT IT FROM HIS FACEBOOK PROFILE PAGE, HE'S A WRITER
http://www.facebook.com/timi.ogunjobi

In the lighter mood ,





Winston, the Jamaican is on 'Who wants to be a Millionaire'; and has reached the $1 million question. Meredith Veira says, 'Right Winston, this is for $1 million, and remember, you still have two lifelines left, so please take your time. Here's your question: What type of animal lives in a Sett?'



'Is it:

A) Badger

B) Ferret

C)Mole

D) Cuckoo?'



Winston ponders for a while and says, 'Backside Meridith, mi not sure; gi mi di 50-50.''Right, Winston, let's take away two wrong answers and see what you're left with.



"Badger" and "Cuckoo" are the two remaining answers.



Winston has a long think, then scratches his head and says, 'Blouse an'Skirt Meridith, mi still nuh know, mek mi phone mi island bredren.'



'So who are you going to call?' says Meridith.



'Hmmm, Ah tink I call Selwyn in Mandeville, Jamaica.'



So Meredith phones Selwyn in Mandeville.

" Selwyn, this is Meredith Veira from "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". I've got Winston here, and with your help he could win $1 million. The next voice you hear will be Winston.'



'Wha gwaan Selwyn? Where mi money deh, ? Anyway, ansa dis an we quits.What type ah hanimal mek im yard in a sett? Is a badger or a cuckoo? '



'Is a badger, man.' says Selwyn without hesitation.



'Yu sure, bwoy?'



'Definite. Wan undred purcent. A badger. Definitely.'



'Right, tank yu man.'



'Mi go wit di eediat bwoy Selwyn. The answer is a badger.'



'Final answer, Winston?'



'Yeh mon, Meridith, final answer.'



'That's the correct answer. You've won $1 million!'



*Cue wild celebrations.*



Next morning Winston calls up Selwyn reverse charge:

'Bredren dat was a blood-fire ansa laas night bwoy, yuh cum good! How yu know hard ting like dat ? How yu know sey badger yard is a sett?'



'Me nevah know', replies Selwyn, 'but everybaddy know cuckoo live inna clock!'

AND SOME MORE


Ok if the week hasn't been so great for you, here's some laughing gas for the weekend. Enjoy.



October 8th

We have arrived in America ; South Dakota !!! Finally!!! This marks a new chapter in our lives. It's very nice here. It's a little cool, but who needs HOT weather? This is perfect, not too hot, not too cold.



October 15th

It is getting a little cooler, but we are adjusting. We bought some sweaters today and went for a short walk. Loving America!!! This is what life's about.



October 30th

The weather is definitely cooler now. We taped all the windows shut, so cold air cannot creep in, Outside may be cold, but it feels like Jamaica in this house.





November 11th

The news reports say snow is on the way, we cannot wait!!! We have never seen snow and it should be pretty exciting to see it for the first time.



November 14th

Started snowing. The first of the season and the first real snow we have ever seen. The wife cooked buttered buns and we sat by the window watching soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. Could never do anything like this in Jamaica. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT!!!



November 15th

We woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a FANTASTIC sight! Every tree and shrub was covered like a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time and loved it. I did both our driveway and sidewalk. Later, the city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street.The driver smiled and waved and I waved back and shoveled again. Americans are so friendly!



November 18th

It snowed an additional twelve inches last night and the temperature has dropped to around four degrees. The cold weather is not so bad, we can take this, not at all as bad as we imagined. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs have snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish gray.



November 19th

Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice again. Bought snow tires for both cars. I slipped and fell on my "batty"in the driveway, paid $130 for the chiropractor, but fortunately nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected



November 20th

Still cold. Sold my wife's BMW and bought a 4x4 in order to get to work.



November 21st

On my way to work, the 4x4 skidded into the guardrail and did considerable damage to the right fender. We had another 15 inches of white**** last night. The vehicle is covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. Di damn snowplow man do him job again. Watch me an' him!





November 22nd

Blouse and skirt, the first heating bill just come! A how the hell it come to so much



November 30th

A two frigging degrees out a door! And more rahtid snow de pon de way. Not a tree or shrub ina di yawd whe no get damage. De power off most of the night. Wi try to keep from freezing to death wid candles and kerosene heater, but the heater tip over an' nearly bun dung the rassclat house. Mi manage to put out the flames, but end up wid second degree burns pan mi hands, bun off mi eyebrow and eyelash dem. Den de car slide on the white **** (again!) on the way to the hospital and wi haffi write it off.



December 5th

Rahtid, dis snow yah nuh out fi stop Di ting keep coming dun! Mi haffi put on all a di clothes wey mi own just fi go out to di damn mailbox.If I ever catch the ***** wey drive di rahtid snowplow yuh see, I gwine mek him mumma feel it. Me really tink sey 'im hide round di corner and wait 'til me finish shovel, den come down the street fast fast and cover up wi driveway again. Wicked mon yeh ?



December 10th

The power still off. The toilette freeze up some part a di roof look like it out fi cave in.



December 15th

Eleven more bomboclaat inches a snow an' ice!!!!!!!!!! Jah know, dis no right. I wounded the snowplow wid di pick ax, but the driva get weh.



December 16th

The wife took off and left me.



December 18th

The rass car won't start and mi tink mi ah go snow-blind. Mi caan feel mi toe dem and mi nuh see the bloodclaat sun fi weeks!!!! An' guess wha? The weatherman ah predict more snow!!!!!!!! Good fi rass him. The wind chill is 30 *****claat degrees below zero!!



December 22nd

Me a move back to Jamaica teday 'cause dis place yah a go kill mi!!!! If me can ketch a flight, at least mi will reach just in time fi Christmas dung a yard. 'Merica a nuh fi everybody!!!!

@ OP,

The joke is a good one but be reminded that it's been around for ages. I am 100% sure that you did not really experience this.

Rich man dey him village?

how about waiting in their house all day even when on appointment only to be informed that 'oga dey sleep' or 'oga no dey'. It pisses me off!

Ndo

Funnyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Its an old joke quite alright, but still brings out the laffs nonetheless!!

Lol at
The coffe joke

The joke is really rib cracking. Though, old but cool

damas11111:

@ OP,

The joke is a good one but be reminded that it's been around for ages. I am 100% sure that you did not really experience this.

That was exactly what I mean when I said it came via my MTN line.

deols:

me thnk d maid had been instructed not to offer anyone anything but to pretend to try to. . .

I will not doubt that as well. Many of them rich people are very stingy/tight.

I jst read sumfin foreign to this thread.can sumone on top of that slowpoke pull his ear and tel him wit a heavy konk that he is on the wrong thread.

@gmyguy
those jokes cracked me up.

Princelyod:

I jst read sumfin foreign to this thread.can sumone on top of that slowpoke pull his ear and tel him wit a heavy konk that he is on the wrong thread.

My grandma came on a visit to our house in Lagos and after taking her bathe,she mistakenly rub her body with hair relaxer,believing it was body lotion. This was noticeable when we saw the way she was scratching her body endlessly.She was rushed to the batheroom afterwards.lol