Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook(maybe cos of the initial rejection)

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

Nb.
Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings.

How do we bring him back

Is your mum still alive?

I keep laughing at people saying the OP should leave his brother alone and work for himself.

To me, in life we all need someone to lean on to climb our own ladder. A good example is Linda Ikeji, may God continue to bless her. I believe she hustle her way alone, but immediately she got to the top she never neglected her siblings. God bless her more.

I'm sure we all have different background and upbringing but none of my siblings can do this. We have community training and my father of blessed memory used to ring it to our ears before he passed on. He used to say, i pray you all get to the top, but you all cannot get there at once, but whoever get there first must make sure he/she help others. This is our motor in my own family.

Similar to mine ....
My advice
Leave him alone oooooo.
His money. His life. Na him Sabi.
I used my brothers success to propel myself. I hustled so hard so that they won't call me millionaires brother. "See that guy you no know am, two of his brothers na Oga for saipem. Them be millionaires ".
Nah. I changed it to "See that guy, na millionaire " Notice the difference? "
When the time comes their eyes dey open. It always does. God bless your hustle

Your brother's money is not your money!
just develop your self and live in contempt as long as you have good health and meet your basic needs.
as for your brother, keep in touch, wish him happy birthday and notify him of basic developments in your life. he will do the same as long as you don't turn him to ATM or he'll keep avoiding you.
nobody owes you anything, not even your brother!

Well... the fact that he works with a multinational company does not mean he is rich. People know how to easily estimate other people’s earnings and expenses. I understand you need help from your brother but don’t automatically assume that he is rich. He’s just a salary earner my dear. He probably can not afford to take up all this responsibility and that’s why he did not even start.

It’s your parents duty to take care of you all and your brother is only obligated to chip in when he can. Problems of 5-8 people on one persons head is enough for him to run away. If na you nko? You think he doesn’t have expenses for his own family Don’t blame the wife, blame your parents for not carrying out their responsibility adequately. Wife is trying to make sure her kids don’t experience what you people are experiencing.

Does your brother send money to your parents, if he does then he’s trying. Nothing is stopping you from reaching out to him to say hello and visiting him. Your parents can also talk to him to be closer to the family. I think he has run away because he cannot shoulder all the problems and I don’t blame him. He has a wife and kids to care for. If something happens to him tomorrow, after he has spent all his money on your problems. Will you take care of his children and their problems? Are you financially capable?

Whether the wife cooks or she doesn’t is not your business. Your brother did not complain so why did you go to their house to abuse their privacy with gossip? You see why sometimes people prevent others from coming into their home? The wife cannot estrange her husband from his family if he doesn’t want to be estranged.

Let it be!


You all should keep reaching out to ensure the communication lines don’t completely shut off!
But beyond exchanging pleasantries and generally cordial stuff let him be.

If we ask for his side of things, he will surely have something to say in his defence.

It can sometimes be overwhelming when the entire family is looking up to one child or sibling for finances but it is what it is!

The rest of you focus on making even more success of what you currently have!

.

johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook.

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters

hustle you own money he will relate fine with you ..my elder bros started exhibiting same character after working for the United nation as a lt -col but my sister hubby became the c.s.o to an oil rich state , then I hustle my way up I moved my income from 70k monthly to 1.2m monthly then our last born got job in first bank Dubai his calm him down

Dont feel Entitled to his money. He has an immediate family to feed as his top priority. The fact that he works in a multinational doesn't make him a multi millionaire.
I made a decision never to depend on any family or family friends. I trusted them for my IT placement then, but was highly disappointed.

You’ve mentioned that he gave money and car to your first born before. What happened to it?
So is it your expectation that he does so again? You think money is easy to come by? Why don’t you have it then?

Were you all not given the same opportunity? Do you or your siblings have the qualifications or the ability to write and pass aptitude test and he didn’t help you guys get shortlisted for the test?
Your family should not let envy ruin you all

Hustle for your money and leave the man and his family alone, if you guys met him on same level, or don’t have a parasitic relationship with him I’m sure he wouldn’t be so closed off.

It must be so lonely not being able to talk with your own siblings on the phone without hearing about their money problems. I don’t blame him for not picking some calls.
While you all are worrying about yourselves who worries about him?

..

Babaalata:
Dont feel Entitled to his money. He has an immediate family to feed as his top priority. The fact that he works in a multinational doesn't make him a multi millionaire.
I made a decision never to depend on any family or family friends. I trusted them for my IT placement then, but was highly disappointed.

All I explained happened some years back.

We don't depend on him for money. We are all hustling our own but he is our brother. I don't call him to ask for money but I should be able to call my own blood brother and talk with him.

Breaststroke:
You can't force a good or close relationship with someone, who doesn't want to be.

Your brother is living a fool's paradise (no offence meant) I wonder where he would run to, if he loses that job,falls critically ill or has a life altering accident? He has effectively alienated himself from his family, I'm not sure what any of you can do about this.

You’ve come to this conclusion about the brother based on what the Op wrote up there?

Have you had to carry other people before? Have you been in a position where once a family member calls your account balance is reducing? Who are you to judge his brother when you’ve not worn his shoes?

If you keep pouring from a bucket without refilling, it will become empty...carry a family of 8 people including your new one first before coming here to sound off.

The Op downplayed how he used to spend on the family before he married, and how he had given money and car to the first son before now.

I guess the man should borrow and give them first before they recognize that he’s a good man.

Breaststroke:


I like your spirit.

There's an erroneous notion in this part of the world that successful siblings should automatically cater for their other siblings.

There's nothing wrong with helping loved ones and I support that, but what I hate is when other siblings make their own success in life the personal responsibility of the sibling who is already successful. As in, they act like my brother owes me a duty of care because he is made.

I am usually like WTF is wrong with some people? Are your hands broken? Are you handicapped that you cannot hustle to make something of your own life, brother has to help you, before you get your act together abi?

We don't call to ask for money because we are doing something to feed our families. My brother should be able to discuss and relate with his siblings

johnmba:


We don't depend on him for money. We are all hustling our own but he is our brother. I don't call him to ask for money but I should be able to call my own blood brother and talk with him.

Then call him, and check on him. Just don’t visit him and take the gist of his house to go and gossip back home. He gives you money to eat out, but you had to point out that his wife doesn’t like to cook, I wonder how that’s your problem when you’re not her husband.

U may be surprised this his brother does not earn up to 500,000,how does he help everyone.u even admitted he once gave the senior brother some cash and a car...Haba,that's very generous of him. country Is hard for everyone.

chidekings:
U may be surprised this his brother does not earn up to 500,000,how does he help everyone.u even admitted he once gave the senior brother some cash and a car...Haba,that's very generous of country Is hard for everyone.

As in, and Op is wondering why he doesn’t pick the first son’s call again.

Imagine the things he would have deprived himself of to raise that money.

CanadianNaija:


As in, and Op is wondering why he doesn’t pick the first son’s call again.

Imagine the things he would have deprived himself of to raise that money.

The worst that can happen to a man is to be the only rich man in one family.

johnmba:


We don't depend on him for money. We are all hustling our own but he is our brother. I don't call him to ask for money but I should be able to call my own blood brother and talk with him.

Very good bro. God bless your hustle.
The reason he's like that is due to the thought that someone wants to ask him for money or some other favour.
If he sees that you guys don't send him and you're all doing very fine, he'll be the one trying to connect with you by telling you his kids wants to come for holidays.

chidekings:


The worst that can happen to a man is to be the only rich man in one family.

It is. You no go progress except you close your eye to certain things.

Never aspire to remain a parasite, always hope to be a host on your own

You gotta reason as an indipendent entity and not a parasite


..

iammo:




Never aspire to remain a parasite, always hope to be a host on your own

You gotta reason as an indipendent entity and not a parasite


..

Read my post. No body is calling and asking for money. We are not parasite as we are all working

I Fully Understand your Matter!

Solution Na Divine Intervention....

Take it to GOD in Prayers.. Just keeping praying! Don't Stop!

Prayers Take care of things like this!

CanadianNaija:


As in, and Op is wondering why he doesn’t pick the first son’s call again.

Imagine the things he would have deprived himself of to raise that money.

He did not deprive himself anything. He works with shell(manager) and helps alot of people in the company. Sometimes people he helped wondered why am working in a hospital for someone that read engineering.

johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. parasitic point 1: Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brother's attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook.

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. Parasitic Point 2 : The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

Nb.
Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings

Love and support your brother's life decissions without expecting anything in return, then you might understand what family love is all about

He knows your biased mind towards his wife, all I see is a man protecting his wife from in laws.

johnmba:


He did not deprive himself anything. He works with shell(manager) and helps alot of people in the company. Sometimes people he helped wondered why am working in a hospital for someone that read engineering.

He didn't deprive himself of anything? Do you hear yourself? See your mindset, are you in his pocket?

Your brother can not get you into Shell, whether he works there or not.
I know for a fact how rigorous their recruitment process is, especially if it is for a fulltime position.
There're companies that hire contract staff for Shell and others, that one is another matter.

If you finished within the age range for their engineering graduate trainee program why didn't you apply? Was your grade good? Did you pass the aptitude test, and their accessment day?
Their fulltime recruitment is centralized and done from out of country.

It's not a one man's business, you hear that he's helping people what kind of help? Do you know? Have you bothered to ask him?

You seem misinformed, you were all given the same opportunity i don't know why you seem so resentful and envious of him.
Shell is one company at least that you can get into on merit, people without connection do it everyday, it's not your brother's fault that you're an engineer that works in a hospital.

..

johnmba:


We don't depend on him for money. We are all hustling our own but he is our brother. I don't call him to ask for money but I should be able to call my own blood brother and talk with him.

Hasn't he been picking your calls?
Then send him text messages to check up on him.
Its not that serious. perhaps he just needs some time to himself.
Continue living your own life and look for ways to keep improving.

CanadianNaija:


He didn't deprive himself of anything? Do you hear yourself? See your mindset, are you in his pocket?

Your brother can not get you into Shell, whether he works there or not.
I know for a fact how rigorous their recruitment process is, especially if it is for a fulltime position.
There're companies that hire contract staff for Shell and others, that one is another matter.

If you finished within the age range for their engineering graduate trainee program why didn't you apply? Was your grade good? Did you pass the aptitude test, and their accessment day?
Their fulltime recruitment is centralized and done from out of country.

It's not a one man's business, you hear that he's helping people what kind of help? Do you know? Have you bothered to ask him?

You seem misinformed, you were all given the same opportunity i don't know why you seem so resentful and envious of him.
Shell is one company at least that you can get into on merit, people without connection do it everyday, it's not your brother's fault that you're an engineer that works in a hospital.

Bros am not asking him to bring me to shell. I wrote shell test severally and I know I passed because I wrote their IT test and I passed. I did my IT there too.

The issue is what do we do to bring him close as a brother. It hurts when you cannot relate with your brother but you see him relating well with others.

yeyeosoronga:


Hasn't he been picking your calls?
Then send him text messages to check up on him.
Its not that serious. perhaps he just needs some time to himself.
Continue living your own life and look for ways to keep improving.

He doesn't. Even when my parents calls he will quickly discharge them that he is in a meeting.