[quote author=CanadianNaija post=83478198]

You’ve come to this conclusion about the brother based on what the Op wrote up there?

Have you had to carry other people before? Have you been in a position where once a family member calls your account balance is reducing? Who are you to judge his brother when you’ve not worn his shoes?

If you keep pouring from a bucket without refilling, it will become empty...carry a family of 8 people including your new one first before coming here to sound off.

The Op downplayed how he used to spend on the family before he married, and how he had given money and car to the first son before now.

I guess the man should borrow and give them first before they recognize that he’s a good man.[this forum is full of unintelligent kids, this particular guy says, he want his brother back, not for personal reasons but to foster unity within his family and u guys are talking about money, dear brotherly relationship suppersede every other relationship, a person who looks down on his siblings for whatever reason is a fool, cos he can't be a good friend to anyone, nor a good spouse or a good dad or mum... Selfishness is what that his brother is suffering from... If my sibling call me, I won't ignore it, if what u ask of me is beyond my capacity, I will politely explain my self to him or her, or at least give what I can afford, my mum built it in us, so if u have but refuse to help your brother, u deserve to be alone in this world without anyone,

I have a similar experience as that brother. I have bought four vehicles for my siblings, helped all of them in one way or the other in their businesses and even used several millions to build a family house. Placed my parents on monthly allowances and meet all possible needs of both in laws and immediate and extended family as much as I can but what did I get in return... You will be surprised! Hatred! Gossip! Evil insinuations, entitlement, and envy. Same attitude like OP, they feel I help outsiders but not them. I still spent millions on scholarships, etc but my younger brothers will not even respond to my greetings. Yes, I will greet them first if we meet but they will ignore me. One of them feel I should have made him a manager in my company another felt there is no reason why he should suffer when he has someone like me. Even classmates, friends, far relations all have similar entitlement mentality and they don't care if you have or not. My advice is simple, don't give in to pressure of people who thinks think they have right over your life. If you have any misfortune they are the first to laugh and make mockery of you. Plan for your immediate family and invest for retirement and nuclear family. Do the much you can for loved ones and leave the rest to God.

Your "rich" brother isn't responsible for you.... "everyman shall work out his own salvation" Holy Bible

emrain:
All we want is that brotherly love.

Because he's rich.

If you want something from him, ask. Don't sit your entitled ass somewhere and hope that he'll be thinking about you and readily gift you money just because you're his sibling.

Thank you abeg. Most people on here are supporting the OP because they think the same.

Waiting for cash cow to milk.

johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

7 kids is no small feat. That is a huge load to carry.

Also, you said he is very rich. How much do you think he earns?

johnmba:


When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago.

His not playing with you much may already signify what kind of person he is.

johnmba:


Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

So he used to assist you in school? That was very kind of him. To say he stopped helping you simply because you guys did not support his marriage is wrong. Is he God?

johnmba:


Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook(maybe cos of the initial rejection)

If he gives you money when his wife isn't present, that is maturity. That is the proper thing to do even more so that his wife isn't chummy with you. The wife not cooking for you is petty. However, she may be worried that you may become too comfortable and want to stay over which she dreads.

johnmba:


The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people a lot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Your brother tried for the first born by giving him money and also buying him a car. However, from what I've learnt from business, things can still go wrong despite our best efforts. However, your brother thinks he had done his best and that he is no father Christmas. He might also be angry that if the first born was doing well, he'll pick up some of the problems of the others and this is not the case today.

johnmba:


Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

I think your expactations from your second born is too much even though you may be in denial. If he seems unready to help in your opinion, dump him, forget him. Choose on your own never to depend on him. Be 100% determined to make it on your won and pick up some of the others. Brainstorm on how to make money. And forget your children are watching. It is because you think too much about your brother. He is not the only one in the family.

johnmba:


Nb.
Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings.

How do we bring him back

[/quote]

Bring him back? It is only when many of you are successful he will come back. He sees you guys as parasites and that all you'll want is money. Double your hustle

baby124:
Well... the fact that he works with a multinational company does not mean he is rich. People know how to easily estimate other people’s earnings and expenses. I understand you need help from your brother but don’t automatically assume that he is rich. He’s just a salary earner my dear. He probably can not afford to take up all this responsibility and that’s why he did not even start.

It’s your parents duty to take care of you all and your brother is only obligated to chip in when he can. Problems of 5-8 people on one persons head is enough for him to run away. If na you nko? You think he doesn’t have expenses for his own family Don’t blame the wife, blame your parents for not carrying out their responsibility adequately. Wife is trying to make sure her kids don’t experience what you people are experiencing.

Does your brother send money to your parents, if he does then he’s trying. Nothing is stopping you from reaching out to him to say hello and visiting him. Your parents can also talk to him to be closer to the family. I think he has run away because he cannot shoulder all the problems and I don’t blame him. He has a wife and kids to care for. If something happens to him tomorrow, after he has spent all his money on your problems. Will you take care of his children and their problems? Are you financially capable?

Whether the wife cooks or she doesn’t is not your business. Your brother did not complain so why did you go to their house to abuse their privacy with gossip? You see why sometimes people prevent others from coming into their home? The wife cannot estrange her husband from his family if he doesn’t want to be estranged.

You words has wisdom. It portrays the reality on ground. It goes a long way to change people's perception about been rich. The mentality of many Nigerians should change towards people that live a comfortable life. A man be may be rich as claimed yet broke. Good bless you for this wisdom of yours.

Pray for him to change and keep talking to him if possibly you can meet his boss in his office to talk to him since he will respect his boss.

Tosinayoko:
Your "rich" brother isn't responsible for you.... "everyman shall work out his own salvation" Holy Bible

Do not mind them.

I ask again ...are they disabled?

Once a man is married and has his own children, siblings automatically become extended family, no more nuclear.

OP cannot deal this fact. Moreso, you and your family were in opposition at the inception of his marriage, meaning you have dropped even further down his priority list.

Realise that every time a father gives you money, he is taking it directly out of his children's mouth. The car and money he gave your first born which was squandered can pay university education for one of his children.

This is a man who is even a salaried employee and you are expecting him to cater for 6 siblings plus his own family. Mscheeew.

Win the wife over and everything would be resolved

Babaalata:
Dont feel Entitled to his money. He has an immediate family to feed as his top priority. The fact that he works in a multinational doesn't make him a multi millionaire.
I made a decision never to depend on any family or family friends. I trusted them for my IT placement then, but was highly disappointed.

Omo na so oh.... Even friends you grow up with as childhood friend or a friend you thought you knew very well will disappoint you. I kind of understand how disappointment work around people you know now. Guy go and hustle legitimately.

My mother told me the story of a certain man in her village, he was stupendously rich, he only catered or his wife and children alone, he belonged to the "I don't owe anyone anything crew". One day he died, his corpse was brought to the village. Now it is the custom, that when a person dies, the bereaved family only mourns, nothing more, for a whole week. Other villagers will bring food and come to commiserate with them. On the day of the burial, the youth in he village will come together to dig the grave. This rich dude's corpse came but the youth in the village said they are not digging any grave o! That his ajebutter kids should dig the grave themselves. Like play like play o, dem no gree dig. Later they said if at all they are to dig, they must be paid and they will bargain well o! It was embarrassing. The elders had to come together to beg the youth o. After so much pleading, they dug the grave, the man was buried and the elders gave a stern warning, anyone that lives that kind of life is on his own when he dies, they will never beg the youths again. So to all those that are saying you don't owe anyone anything, be guided. Your life isn't yours alone.

You say you’re not expecting anything financial from him but your points state otherwise

shogsman:


Did you even read the write up

Yes, there was a part he said the brother doesn't give him money and when he visits the wife doesn't cook. It was later in the thread that he said he has 10 people on his payroll and also doing fine.
I advised him based on the present, I never knew he was referring to the past.

pray for him every day, in the morning and at night., committing his heart to God. this is because only God can change a man perfectly as He created and made us all. Also, who know if God will reveal the real problem to you when you persist in prayer, as the real problem most times are not the superficial(what we all sees or think)

so for now, keep your head up, work hard and move closer to God.

things will turn around for good

Mstick:
He knows your biased mind towards his wife, all I see is a man protecting his wife from in laws.

Or why should the man take care of his wife more than how he does to his siblings? This is the type of question being asked in some families where the siblings see the in-law as a parasite

free him ,its a pure wickedness. if na kogi state him come from e body for done tell an , carry world put for head like say e no go die again , where is Abacha ,Yarudua ,many more ,if God bless u use it to bless ur youngers once tomorrow is a different day ..look at the case of our ex international footballer some of them are extremely broke to dey call if them .help there family's or friends I dnt think there will be in poverty stage today .Forget about him is not ur God dnt call him again

TEYA:

How did you come about the bolded? Who told you he never applied, who told you his brother can't help him secure his a job even if though he is in management cadre? So a top management person in shell cannot even secure a contract job in shell? Really? Is that how seriously they take merit in Nigeria? Toh let me tell you, in this country you live in, many people will suffer for most of their lives if not all of it because they don't have a hand to raise him. I remember my foolish uncle, a top government functionary that spent many years in service without securing a job for his own blood children. According to him, nobody helped him to get there so he owes nobody anything Based on the stuff I read here, I believe the children should also tell themselves nobody owes them anything. Nonsense, the people that hold onto that silly school of thought are swimming in an ocean of ignorance, that you suffered to make it does not mean everyone around you has to go through same. I passed my uncle the other day, he was standing by the roadside stranded, I could not believe my eyes. I drove past him with my eyes the other way. The guy has nothing!

Hopefully you don’t have a reading disability, else you would have seen where I wrote that if it’s contract work then that another thing.

Read slower next time.

Op sounds so bittered from his post.
It's your brother's way so let him be. What if he is not well to do shey all of una no go find una level?

Please drop the idea that my broda na big man so he must bear all the family burden. Life no be so my broda. Even God in heaven does not answer all prayers, so pray make God bless your hussle if you have one.

jansonn:
@canadiannaija, I think you're taking this thing slightly personal, there's no justification for his elder not relating with his siblings!! Esp. When they're not always demanding money!! From the way you sound, it seems you've got siblings that you're suppose to assist financially and you're not and now you're seeking a justification for your actions, I get what the op is saying because am right at that spot right now, there's nothing wrong in helping your siblings get on their feet when you get on yours first, its just life.
About his wife, that one is a discussion for another day, because some women ehhh!!! Make God just airpus

From your post and how affected you are by this I guess you’re one of those parasites that suck on the relatives?

Stop being lazy, go and make your own luck...whatever rich relative you’re jealous of right now will be more inclined to help if they see that you’re making an effort.

aluko360:
Op sounds so bittered from his post.
It's your brother's way so let him be. What if he is not well to do shey all of una no go find una level?

Please drop the idea that my broda na big man so he must bear all the family burden. Life no be so my broda. Even God in heaven does not answer all prayers, so pray make God bless your hussle if you have one.

Very bitter, and he’s covering it up by saying he’s not concerned about the money, but is quick to list out all the things the brother should be capable of doing.

Mentioning big money, but pointing out that the brother only send money once or twice a year.

I’m a family of 7 children if they all take turns to send money on a month by month basis shouldn’t it be twice a year?

He talk about wanting their brother back all he wants, but his post states the true state of his mind and thought towards the brother.

CanadianNaija:


From your post and how affected you are by this I guess you’re one of those parasites that suck on the relatives?

Stop being lazy, go and make your own luck...whatever rich relative you’re jealous of right now will be more inclined to help if they see that you’re making an effort.

Thank you my FELLOW Canadian.

The nerve some Nigerians have is just remarkable.

They sit their fat asses down expecting goodies

I am really grateful to God for the lessons I learnt earlier in life and that has been going for me.
NO ONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR LIFE: I have seen so many peope grumble and still remain where they are in life becaude they expected someone to help them and their failure to do that makes them feel it's not their fault that theyre like that. Normally when In the university, i would whine and cry about my family and how everything has been bad and also say to myself its not my fault..but as soon as i took responsibility for my life, I became better and happy.

My advice is that you shouldn't see it as anything bad but take it as his choice. Be very successful and show him the example of how he should have done.

A family with 7 kids and all the other 6 are still suckling one sibling is a cursed one.

Even though I do not believe in superstition.

If he was poor, and ur family rejected his life partner choice and his family, would your family members be picking his calls?

The guy used to be nice like u said very nice, hut for him to change after the wife issue it depends on what ur people put him through during his trial time

johnmba:


We don't call to ask for money because we are doing something to feed our families. My brother should be able to discuss and relate with his siblings

Move on and don't kill yourself (Ecclesiastes 3:6)

johnmba:

All I explained happened some years back.

We don't depend on him for money. We are all hustling our own but he is our brother. I don't call him to ask for money but I should be able to call my own blood brother and talk with him.

/
Your motive is clear.

Instead of "My brother does not care about us" you wrote "My rich brother does not care about us". You have little interest in his brotherly love. You are looking for an opportunity to be a leech. That's all.

*He is supposedly rich.
*He works in a multinational firm.
*He helps others in the oil firm.

And all you miss is his love. Yeah right! If your brother is struggling, you people will not miss him.
/

johnmba:


We don't call to ask for money because we are doing something to feed our families. My brother should be able to discuss and relate with his siblings

That is life for you. Get engaged in something productive, invest your time in your family and in people that value you. Your BROTHER must not have time for a good relationship with you. Though you are brothers, everyone still has the right to choose how to spend his time. Start investing your time in valuable relationships with mutual respect. You are complaining about your brother's attitude because you have nothing useful to do with your time. Stop complaining and take charge of your life and that of your own family.

johnmba:


Need time for himself since 2004?? Toh but we need our brother back

I now see why he's avoiding all of you.
You need him back from where? From his own family?
You have to grow up and understand life. A man's focus changes. A man only owes his parents above and beyond.

He has tried for you guys. What came out of the business money and car? Nothing! And you want more?

the wife Don wash tins give him. either spiritual or she use brain control am. just pray for him and let him come back to his senses on his own. God for punish that kind wife that would say I should neglect my family

Just2endowed2:


Omo na so oh.... Even friends you grow up with as childhood friend or a friend you thought you knew very well will disappoint you. I kind of understand how disappointment work around people you know now. Guy go and hustle legitimately.

Anybody can disappoint, that's why they are humans. People change everyday.

Farmafric:
I have a similar experience as that brother. I have bought four vehicles for my siblings, helped all of them in one way or the other in their businesses and even used several millions to build a family house. Placed my parents on monthly allowances and meet all possible needs of both in laws and immediate and extended family as much as I can but what did I get in return... You will be surprised! Hatred! Gossip! Evil insinuations, entitlement, and envy. Same attitude like OP, they feel I help outsiders but not them. I still spent millions on scholarships, etc but my younger brothers will not even respond to my greetings. Yes, I will greet them first if we meet but they will ignore me. One of them feel I should have made him a manager in my company another felt there is no reason why he should suffer when he has someone like me. Even classmates, friends, far relations all have similar entitlement mentality and they don't care if you have or not. My advice is simple, don't give in to pressure of people who thinks think they have right over your life. If you have any misfortune they are the first to laugh and make mockery of you. Plan for your immediate family and invest for retirement and nuclear family. Do the much you can for loved ones and leave the rest to God.

God bless you for this comment