okoroemeka:
I don't believe the op has got a good wife like u saying,how can she be a good wife when konji is destroying the man that paid her traditional bride price and she does nothing, something is definitely fishy here and also there will be compatibility issues,the man is virle and ready for love, while the lady can relate with the guy for 1year and not feel anything,the op is definitely getting married to a frigid woman and his sex life will suffer,how can take something for life without testing it and seeing how it works,well it seems the op is a perfect gentleman because many men I know will not tolerate that rubbish, Even before going for the traditional stuffs you I must start the engine and Rev it to Max power,the lady even live in owerri and claiming virgin, haaaaahaaa!!!

You mean Owerri ladies are...

Newguyhere:
Women break rules for alphas and make rules for betas op I'm afraid you are the latter

End of discussion

From your words "You love yourselves to the Moon and back" Is the love you just talked about a function of sex ?
Did you do a personal research on her past and maybe her present b4 proposing ?
Do you think she's capable of doing what you're already suspecting ?
Or are you getting married to her because she's a virgin ?
Are you a virgin ?
You know her better than we do. But here's what I think:
Pls don't allow sex that will eventually come almost on a daily basis ruin the beautiful thing you guys have going on. If you could wait for 6months without sex, pls go the full length with her, you're almost there. As long as I know, you guys are already married traditionally, pls be patient with her. I don't think she's hiding anything from you. I suspect she's just a very religious woman, which is not good though.

Learn not to bring your family issues out though.
Nobody has it easy man
Just saying

Your Shrink

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

If you agree and accept this condition, tomorrow she will give you another bigger and if you also accept the next time she will give you a much more larger conditions. It will never stop perhaps one day she will tell you that you can only make love to her once in every 2 months.
Use your tongue and count your teeth bro.

You are wrong. I have really do not have all day to type but just read up this article it should clarify any ambiguities or misconceptions you had earlier on.
https://resolutionlawng.com/annulment-of-marriage-in-nigeria/

Freehuman:


The marriage ACT applicable in Nigeria provides for only one ground and that is where the marriage has broken down irretrievably. Marriage under the Act is presumed to be monogamous and thus inability to consumate is a criteria that the marriage has broken down irretrievably. This means a court will dissolve the marriage where man is impotent (cannot penetrate or doesn't have an erection) and would not dissolve if he can consumate yet has a low sperm count. Infertility of a woman is not a ground for divorce.

Please provide evidence if you argue otherwise.

igwegeorgiano:
we did except virginity test and am seriously considering it now to ascertain the authenticity of her claim of being a virgin

Dude, I'm guessing you don't know this. But the traditional wedding is the only wedding recognized by law and by the bible itself. What you call white wedding is the "British Style Traditional Wedding". White gown and suit nah thier traditional attire.

Blackman has actually suffered...Please educate you wife.

No Sir it is not bullcrap. The Holy books explicitly states that Fornication is a SIN.

kingxsamz:
No sex before marriage is bullcrap.
What if after marriage you discover something which makes you lose interest in the relationship?
It's better to learn about every aspect of your partner before you dive into marriage, before you go go enter point of no return.

Op, your girl must be hiding something from you, and wants to use marriage to trap you.

Guest007:


I'm neither xtain nor Nigerian but common sense dictates that xtains marry in a church or by a pastor of some sort... I don't understand this mixture of culture, traditions, and religion. They are 2 different things.




The end story is this girl said no sex before marriage and that means a church marriage FOR HER

your not Nigerian that sums it all up..
let me tell you this if I where go by what you said that means more than 50% of Nigerian Christian's ain't married by your analogy..

and yes they are two different things buh the traditional marriage is main thing in Nigeria 98% of Churches won't wed you without you doing the traditional marriage..
buh you can do the traditional marriage and nobody will give a damn whether you do white or not


if you don't know white wedding isn't our culture is just borrowed and the white wedding isn't even recognized in the Bible buh the traditional is

Brief a lawyer. He/she should be able to help you sort out the situation. Goodluck

DeHumbleTboy:
https://www.0.freebasics.com/https/www.nairaland.com/5502110/problem-first-school-leaving-certificate?

Please did anybody have an idea on how to change my name on my first school leaving certificate FSLC and junior weac? As for national ID I will figure it out cuz in that nim office the only thing they care about is money. Plz this is very important and urgent. Wanted to apply for international passport but I have to pulse because I fear my different name will deeply affect me in many ways.


Reason for changing my name.
I was born Christian but want to convert to Islam and I want my certs to have my Islamic names on it else it will affect me badly.

Plz advise.

Newguyhere:
Women break rules for alphas and make rules for betas op I'm afraid you are the latter

It may be funny, but that is the truth.

SMH!!

okoroemeka:
I don't believe the op has got a good wife like u saying,how can she be a good wife when konji is destroying the man that paid her traditional bride price and she does nothing, something is definitely fishy here and also there will be compatibility issues,the man is virle and ready for love, while the lady can relate with the guy for 1year and not feel anything,the op is definitely getting married to a frigid woman and his sex life will suffer,how can take something for life without testing it and seeing how it works,well it seems the op is a perfect gentleman because many men I know will not tolerate that rubbish, Even before going for the traditional stuffs you I must start the engine and Rev it to Max power,the lady even live in owerri and claiming virgin, haaaaahaaa!!!

sharone21:

My QUESTION is: Are you REALLY a CHRISTIAN or just attracted to a born again virgin? Have u not heard of people who did only traditional weddings, slept with their brides and impregnated them( since the lady would believe you are already her husband) only to be dumped?

You own traditiomal wedding is the only wedding you are actually supposed to do. Why would you need to do another "British Traditional Wedding".

Mr Hot potty, I have paid bride price so come lemme ram you. Don't defile the purity of your marriage.. That white gown of your wife means purity, not touched so if you know what's good for you keep it that way.

You think it's all about been a Christian? If you like don't ask for the Holy Ghost to come into your life and strengthen you devil will us you play ten ten..

Your job should be engaging God as you have taken a step the devil is all too very very happy to destroy... May the Lord grant you wisdom

Freehuman:


The marriage ACT applicable in Nigeria provides for only one ground and that is where the marriage has broken down irretrievably. Marriage under the Act is presumed to be monogamous and thus inability to consumate is a criteria that the marriage has broken down irretrievably. This means a court will dissolve the marriage where the man is impotent (cannot penetrate or doesn't have an erection) and would not dissolve if he can consumate yet has a low sperm count. Infertility of a woman is not a ground for divorce.

Please read up sections 15(1)&(2) and 16 of the Matrimonial causes Act. The grounds are stated expressly and the supreme Court has held that Its provisions are literal.

Please provide evidence if you argue otherwise.

OK. Thanks, wasn't sure of the woman's part.

BarrElChapo:
You are wrong. I have really do not have all day to type but just read up this article it should clarify any ambiguities or misconceptions you had earlier on.
https://resolutionlawng.com/annulment-of-marriage-in-nigeria/

Sir, I modified my post you quoted and provided sections 15(1)&(2) and 16 of the Matrimonial causes Act for further reading.
The grounds for dissolution of marriage are stated out clearly and the supreme Court has held that those rules must be read with literal interpretation.

I have scanned through the article in the link you provided and nowhere have I seen that infertility of the woman is a ground for dissolution of the marriage. It doesn't also come under grounds that constitute a void or voidable marriage.

Please Sir, attach a case law or section of any law in force in Nigeria which expressly or by logical construction provides that infertility of a woman is a ground for divorce , void or voidable marriage.

UyaiIncomparabl:

You have amazing eyes UyaiIncomparabl. Please give in already. I'm crazy for you.

sharone21:

My QUESTION is: Are you REALLY a CHRISTIAN or just attracted to a born again virgin? Have u not heard of people who did only traditional weddings, slept with their brides and impregnated them( since the lady would believe you are already her husband) only to be dumped?

if you believe this your statement then your really gullible..
if I can dump you when have done the traditional marriage what stops me from still dumping you after white wedding..

Martinez39:
They are already married. To deny him sex is to deprive him of his right. He is entitled to the pussy since he paid her bride price. If his wife won't do the needful, he should send her out ASAP and collect his money.

PERIOD

tradepunter:
Mr Hot potty, I have paid bride price so come lemme ram you. Don't defile the purity of your marriage.. That white gown of your wife means purity, not touched so if you know what's good for you keep it that way.

You think it's all about been a Christian? If you like don't ask for the Holy Ghost to come into your life and strengthen you devil will us you play ten ten..

Your job should be engaging God as you have taken a step the devil is all too very very happy to destroy... May the Lord grant you wisdom

God is already in the marriage, thw white gown is the white man's traditional wear for weddings, nobody knows what outfit people wore for their weddings in the Bible and there is no recorded wedding that took place at a place of worship anywhere in the Bible, however, there are enough weddings that took place at the house of the bride's parents.

We should learn to differentiate culture from religion

@ igwegeorgiano and @midnighter, the two of you give a balanced look of the whole scenario but I might as well add a few words.

igwe, I suggest using the soft approach to this. According to her sex before white wedding is well, wedding and anything sex before then is called pre-marital sex. Ask her "are we married?", "are we husband and wife?"

An answer of no can easily be resolved using a dictionary to let her understand that a wedding ceremony ushers in marriage between a couple and as such they start being called husband and wife. As her title from then on has been wife and yours husband. No pastor will negate this.

https://en.wikipedia.org › wiki › Wedding
A wedding is a ceremony where two or more people are united in marriage.

If the answer to those two questions remain as yes but she wants to stick to her previous resolution - which you did not object to, she is right to do so. She might have maybe a vow or self obligation to achieve that. Let her.

There is however the fear that a church wedding is being used as a trap for if she is a non-virgin, infertile or even has a disease. If she takes all tests (which she should have no objections to) to show there is no foul play and come out clean, I think you should give her this with a warm heart.

Wishing you well - Teemy

midnighter:
But you're still going to marry her in the church so what actually is the problem?

Somebody told you something ahead of time, you say you did not take her serious. now the thing is coming to pass and you're complaining. Nawa

Church wedding is important to some people because of the spiritual implications, why did you go ahead with a born-again if you can't even respect a basic decision like this

And on top of it you put the wedding on hold so you can force her to compromise on her principles Wow

Shouldn't you be happy that you married somebody who actually stands on their word and does as they say? Is this not a good quality to look for in a spouse?

Wtf, which spiritual important? Black ladies are something else. There is no where in our bible was it stated u must do white wedding. Na fu cking oyibo man traditional wedding be that.

This country is lost with zombies.

ImaIma1:
You guys are already married. She is depriving you of your conjugal rights. Some people believe that they are married only after white wedding.

Op call a meeting with your family, her family and probably your pastor to settle this matter.

Exactly my thought. We're getting it all wrong as Christians-hasn't the marriage taken place after traditional wedding & bride price paid? it's just the practice that's been in place in the contemporary times and I'll advise that you respect her decision to wait till the night of your "marriage." From the brief description of her ways/actions, one could deduce that she's a disciplined chap. It's well.

tradepunter:
Mr Hot potty, I have paid bride price so come lemme ram you. Don't defile the purity of your marriage.. That white gown of your wife means purity, not touched so if you know what's good for you keep it that way.

You think it's all about been a Christian? If you like don't ask for the Holy Ghost to come into your life and strengthen you devil will us you play ten ten..

Your job should be engaging God as you have taken a step the devil is all too very very happy to destroy... May the Lord grant you wisdom

what do you mean by him not defiling the purity of he's marriage when they are already married in the eyes of God and man..the white gown means purity so is every girl that wears it that's pure abi..
most you take Christianity to another level

safarigirl:
OK. Thanks, wasn't sure of the woman's part.

You're welcome Ma, I'm humbled.

Thank you for making common sense!!!

LilMissFavvy:
If you were not mature to date a staunch born again Christian, then you should not have dated the lady. Wether she is a virgin or not, she gave you her word, no sex before marriage. I know few gals who maintained such rules, and dated till marriage before sex.

Let me not bring in my own personal rules anyways, but if you came this far to ruin your marriage with her, so be it. Just that you have wasted her time. Otherwise, stop wasting time, fix the white wedding and have your wife. Go for all medical tests, not every girl who says no sex before marriage is hiding something, that's it.

BarrElChapo:
It's not a white wedding, it's a church wedding
if she believes in the God that she worships in a church then I don't see why she should be coerced into doing otherwise besides she gave the OP due notice, he cannot say he didn't know or expect these developments.

Mr man, you need to read more. Church is where two or more people are gathered in God's name. It is not the building. And there is no such thing as church wedding. It is the traditional wedding of the British people.

Pastors are invited to pray and bless the union during our traditional wedding the same way it was done in the bible when Jesus turned water to wine. All you need is your own traditional wedding. The british style wedding we do in church is fine, but only ceremonial.

So these men shame women for being oloshos who have sex before marriage but can’t stand one who’s actually waiting for the wedding night?
Confused mofos.

OP that woman knows what she wants which is more than anyone can say for you.

You may not be good enough for her so if it pleases you, let her go. She will find someone who shares same beliefs as her and will be willing to wait.

then you can find the one who will have sex with you whenever you want so that you and your fellow NL retrdds can swarm around and call her olosho.

teemy:
@ igwegeorgiano and @midnighter, the two of you give a balanced look of the whole scenario but I might as well add a few words.

igwe, I suggest using the soft approach to this. According to her sex before white wedding is well, wedding and anything sex before then is called pre-marital sex. Ask her "are we married?", "are we husband and wife?"

An answer of no can easily be resolved using a dictionary to let her understand that a wedding ceremony ushers in marriage between a couple and as such they start being called husband and wife. As her title from then on has been wife and yours husband. No pastor will negate this.

If the answer to those two questions remain as yes but she wants to stick to her previous resolution - which you did not object to, she is right to do so. She might have maybe a vow or self obligation to achieve that. Let her.

There is however the fear that a church wedding is being used as a trap for if she is a non-virgin, infertile or even has a disease. If she takes all tests (which she should have no objections to) to show there is no foul play and come out clean, I think you should give her this with a warm heart.

Wishing you well - Teemy

I agree with you

marvin905:






your not Nigerian that sums it all up..
let me tell you this if I where go by what you said that means more than 50% of Nigerian Christian's ain't married by your analogy..

and yes they are two different things buh the traditional marriage is main thing in Nigeria 98% of Churches won't wed you without you doing the traditional marriage..
buh you can do the traditional marriage and nobody will give a damn whether you do white or not


if you don't know white wedding isn't our culture is just borrowed and the white wedding isn't even recognized in the Bible buh the traditional is

I don't care about all this... I'm focused on the op. What other people do or don't do has nothing to do with this issue op has. His future wife is of the opinion that church wedding is as important and maybe a little more for HER

How are you guys not getting this? Op is in the wrong because he accepted her wishes and now... This! Op is in the wrong and I hope she stands her ground.

Men have left many wives after traditional weddings and crossed the road to marry their new catch at her church because tradition gives more room than a church wedding.

Tbh, I don't understand your statistics, going by nairaland, you'd think only Nigerians are Christians

Barely married but the world is already forming judge and jury over your issues. It doesn't help that she is not easily manipulated either. I don't envy her.

You see the post you replied had a scenario of infertility.. But you're missing the point all together.. Dissolution "divorce" of marriage is completely different from Annulment of marriage from the scenario that you replied and from my the article i sent you. If I were representing a petitioner I would come under

Fraud or Duress
Fraud is where there is dishonest misrepresentation by a party to the marriage by which the consent of the other was obtained, while duress is when a party to the marriage is compelled to contract such marriage by creating a state of fear or apprehension, which prevented the party from freely consenting to the marriage.
juxtaposing it with the scenario. if the lady knew she was infertile before the marriage and the man can prove that she in fact misrepresented her capacity to bear children before the marriage. the man can seek for an Annulment of the marriage that is the marriage never existed in the first place.

Sorry I don't have a copy of the act at the moment but if this doesn't convince you hopefully during the day we could continue. Cheers !

Where consent is proved to have been obtained by fraud or duress, the marriage is annulled not because of the presence of fraud or duress but because of the absence of consent.

Freehuman:


Sir, I modified my post you quoted and provided sections 15(1)&(2) and 16 of the Matrimonial causes Act for further reading.
The grounds for dissolution of marriage are stated out clearly and the supreme Court has held that those rules must be read with literal interpretation.

I have scanned through the article in the link you provided and nowhere have I seen that infertility of the woman is a ground for dissolution of the marriage. It doesn't also come under grounds that constitute a void or voidable marriage.

Please Sir, attach a case law or section of any law in force in Nigeria which expressly or by logical construction provides that infertility of a woman is a ground for divorce , void or voidable marriage.

tradepunter:
Mr Hot potty, I have paid bride price so come lemme ram you. Don't defile the purity of your marriage.. That white gown of your wife means purity, not touched so if you know what's good for you keep it that way.

You think it's all about been a Christian? If you like don't ask for the Holy Ghost to come into your life and strengthen you devil will us you play ten ten..

Your job should be engaging God as you have taken a step the devil is all too very very happy to destroy... May the Lord grant you wisdom

I believe a pastor or priest must have been invited to the traditional wedding and as such the wedding was done before God and a crowd of human witnesses. Isn't that in itself a congregation at a wedding?

As for the the white color check this out

https://www.mywedding.com/dresses/wedding/4-wedding-dress-myths-and-traditions-that-keep-brides-from-going-green/
Wedding Dress Myth 1. Wedding dresses are white because white symbolizes purity.

Many people think that white now dominates Western weddings because the color symbolizes purity or virginity, two important concepts in traditional weddings.

However, this is not the case in many Western cultures, even today. In France, for example, white is the traditional mourning color for royalty – not a wedding color. In England, blue is associated with the Virgin Mary, and is the color that symbolizes purity and virginity.

Wedding Dress Myth 2: White has always been the preferred color for wedding dresses.

The white wedding dress was largely non-existent 200 years ago. Instead, brides used to wear their best gowns, regardless of color. Darker colors, which wouldn’t be ruined with minor stains, were actually preferable. Wealthy brides favored the richest colors and fabrics money could buy and might be married in furs, velvet, or silk. White was not a color associated with weddings at all.

This changed with the wedding of Queen Victoria in 1840, who chose to be married in white. Why? Like many brides today, she had some lace she loved and wanted it incorporated into her dress.

The Queen’s decision coincided with the rise of photography, and her wedding portrait was widely distributed across Europe. In today’s terms, her dress “went viral.” Since then, brides (as well as the wedding industry) have followed her example, giving us the white wedding dresses that are so popular today.

Go truly vintage by wearing a colorful wedding dress you can enjoy for years to come. Many eco-friendly bridal designers now offer wedding gowns in every color of the rainbow.

Lastly, our forebears that had only traditional wedding, did that not suffice for their marriages? We need to realize that we tend to have three weddings in our side here. Check out the grandsons of the Queen. Which of their weddings was the traditional and which was the church's? They are one and the same, similar to what I first stated that a pastor or priest being there suffices as a combo of trad and church wedding if you may.