My husband is starting to irritate me. He is always visiting his friends every minute, in a week it’s at least 3-4 times. Sometimes when we’re meant to spend quality time together, he will go to his friends house and spend 6-7 hours and come back at like 12am. If it’s not his friends, then he is on the phone with one family member for hours discussing one issue or the other. Every minute it’s one friend issue or family issue, I’m starting to think this is not normal. After discussing this problem, many times he claims he will try to change and find a balance but it only gets worse. I’m the homely type he is the outgoing type, but he can’t stay in one place. I don’t want to push him away from his people but for goodness sake, must he go to see his friends every minute, I just think it’s unreasonable. One of my friends also complains about the same thing, why are some men like this for crying out loud ?

I think you should also try to dress up and go out with him on such occasions

I'm not saying what he is doing to you is good, but you ought to feel lucky that he is hanging with his pals. That means that he is aware of his needs for what i call 'guys time'. Just like girls need girls time. It's called been human being.
The other thing is that he might prefer thier company to yours because culturally, that might be normal to him instead of one woman trying to turn him into a woman wrapper at home. A lot of women thinks they have the right to constantly nagg their husband and constantly telling him what to do. My advice to you is clear, ask your self what are you doing that's making him do this. You can also sít him down and tell him your mind without been accusatory or nagg him to insanity that can make him pack his bag and leave the home for good. Find out why and then find out something you can do Just for yourself, You will be amazed at the diffrence it will make.

The thing is, he never takes me out on dates. We never do things together but he is so quick to meet up with his friends. I’ve followed him to his friends house very few times and I just don’t enjoy listening to men talk about football and drink beer. Even when they come to our house, it’s the same thing. Sincerely, those are his friends and not mine I shouldn’t have to follow him around like a parrot. It’s like he puts his friends before everything and everyone. I’m sick and tired of him

duduade:
I think you should also try to dress up and go out with him on such occasions

Befriend your husband ma'am.


How's the home front? Is it cool?

Are you too homely that you've let yourself go?

If he's a Christian, you can point this BV to him. Proverbs 25:17.


It's well.

He is an extrovert and you are an introvert. It's best you look good and go out with him.

As for talking to his friends, there is nothing wrong about that. Maybe his business requires maintaining contact with friends

My husband is my friend, but he prefers his ‘day one niggaz’ as he likes to call them. I think he just prefers spending time with them over me.

I’ve not let myself go, we’ve not had kids yet.

Thanks.

RoyalBlu:
Befriend your husband ma'am.


How's the home front? Is it cool?

Are you too homely that you've let yourself go?

If he's a Christian, you can point this BV to him. Proverbs 25:17.


It's well.

Was he like this before?
and have you in the past neglected him?
What's your communications like?

How long did you guys date/court before marriage... You must have observed these things in him...


I will advise you also engage his time too.. Plan hangouts for you both... Spice up sex life too at home... I am sure there must be a way to hold him down... Get his whole attention and you still haven't found his mumu button..

Jadeobee:
My husband is my friend, but he prefers his ‘day one niggaz’ as he likes to call them. I think he just prefers spending time with them over me.

I’ve not let myself go, we’ve not had kids yet.

Thanks.

No kids yet, and he's this way?


This is the best time to strengthen your bond.

Make him understand you are his priority, not his friends.

It's well.

You may not be the talking type so your conversations with him might be boring. I think you should work on yourself more

Let the domination begin.

Visiting friends 3-4 times a week to spend 6-7 hours with them each day is excessive and irresponsible for a married man.

Does he have a job? He seems to have a lot of time on his hands.

Funny thing is, if he stays at home all day too.. You'd probably still get irritated.

theButterfly:
Visiting friends 3-4 times a week to spend 6-7 hours with them is excessive and irresponsible for a married man.

Does he have a job? He seems to have a lot of times on his hands.

Asin eh. I'm a single lady and I leave home for work 5am and cone back home 6pm. I don't even have time for myself not to talk of visiting friends.

So I don't understand how a married man will be hanging out with friends 3-4 times a week and spending 7hrs there.
Is he jobless?
Are his friends jobless?
Where does he find the time to gist about football and drink beer for 7hrs straight 3-4 times a week?

Funny thing is, if he stays at home all day too.. You'd probably still get irritated...
Everybody can't be same as you or as homely as you are dear.. Some people (like me) actually find solace with the squad.. Solace and peace we can never get from a woman, yes even wives...
Your husband is probably a squad guy like me dear, doesn't mean he doesn't love you though.. It's also sometimes a conscious effort to not get tired of seeing you..
You probably have no idea how fresh you look in his mind whenever he is on his way home,lol..
Nonetheless, if it bothers you, I think you should raise it up with him and trash it out (husband and wife).
That is what marriage is all about right? Understanding..... Unless of course we've lost track of it's meaning..

KillerBeauty:


Asin eh. I'm a single lady and I leave home for work 5am and cone back home 6pm. I don't even have time for myself not to talk of visiting friends.

So I don't understand how a married man will be hanging out with friends 3-4 times a week and spending 7hrs there.
Is he jobless?
Are his friends jobless?
Where does he find the time to gist about football and drink beer for 7hrs straight 3-4 times a week?

Not everyone's income involve a 9-5 dear..
Some people do have time on their hands whilst the money keeps pouring in..

He runs his “business” from home, but I work we are not in each other’s face 24 hours. During weekends when we’re supposed to be together he will branch to see his friends. Or in the evenings on weekdays, he will go and visit them for a few hours till late. Let’s get out on a date , he will start doing behaving somehow or suggest we just stay at home and watch a film knowing I’m not a film person. If it’s to go out with friends now, he is all up for it. If not that then he is on the phone with family members talking about one thing or the other. I'm just fed up

KillerBeauty:


Asin eh. I'm a single lady and I leave home for work 5am and cone back home 6pm. I don't even have time for myself not to talk of visiting friends.

So I don't understand how a married man will be hanging out with friends 3-4 times a week and spending 7hrs there.
Is he jobless?
Are his friends jobless?
Where does he find the time to gist about football and drink beer for 7hrs straight 3-4 times a week?

When you get married you must learn how to compromise and find balance. I’m not saying he can't hang with the squad but spending 6-7 hours 3-4 times a week is very unreasonable especially when you’re depriving your wife of attention. When you’re single you can do that, but things must change when you have a wife. If I start spending 6-7 hours with my gfs 3-4 times a week coming back home at 12am I know he wouldn’t take it well. It’s just annoying

KiidaACE:
Funny thing is, if he stays at home all day too.. You'd probably still get irritated...
Everybody can't be same as you or as homely as you are dear.. Some people (like me) actually find solace with the squad.. Solace and peace we can never get from a woman, yes even wives...
Your husband is probably a squad guy like me dear, doesn't mean he doesn't love you though.. It's also sometimes a conscious effort to not get tired of seeing you..
You probably have no idea how fresh you look in his mind whenever he is on his way home,lol..
Nonetheless, if it bothers you, I think you should raise it up with him and trash it out (husband and wife).
That is what marriage is all about right? Understanding..... Unless of course we've lost track of it's meaning..

how exactly do you want your quality time to be?

KillerBeauty:


Asin eh. I'm a single lady and I leave home for work 5am and cone back home 6pm. I don't even have time for myself not to talk of visiting friends.

So I don't understand how a married man will be hanging out with friends 3-4 times a week and spending 7hrs there.
Is he jobless?
Are his friends jobless?
Where does he find the time to gist about football and drink beer for 7hrs straight 3-4 times a week?

Ditto.

Jadeobee:
My husband is starting to irritate me. He is always visiting his friends every minute, in a week it’s at least 3-4 times. Sometimes when we’re meant to spend quality time together, he will go to his friends house and spend 6-7 hours and come back at like 12am. If it’s not his friends, then he is on the phone with one family member for hours discussing one issue or the other. Every minute it’s one friend issue or family issue, I’m starting to think this is not normal. After discussing this problem, many times he claims he will try to change and find a balance but it only gets worse. I’m the homely type he is the outgoing type, but he can’t stay in one place. I don’t want to push him away from his people but for goodness sake, must he go to see his friends every minute, I just think it’s unreasonable. One of my friends also complains about the same thing, why are some men like this for crying out loud ?

You made your choice. Live with it. There were homely guys but you felt they were Mr Nice guys or boring and chose an extrovert.

Those are the pecks.

RoyalBlu:
Befriend your husband ma'am.


How's the home front? Is it cool?

Are you too homely that you've let yourself go?

If he's a Christian, you can point this BV to him. Proverbs 25:17.


It's well.

Shebi you didn't see the part of drinking beer?

Jadeobee:
He runs his “business” from home, but I work we are not in each other’s face 24 hours. During weekends when we’re supposed to be together he will branch to see his friends. Or in the evenings on weekdays, he will go and visit them for a few hours till late. Let’s get out on a date , he will start doing behaving somehow or suggest we just stay at home and watch a film knowing I’m not a film person. If it’s to go out with friends now, he is all up for it. If not that then he is on the phone with family members talking about one thing or the other. I'm just fed up

Seems he just isn't into you anymore. Are you not attractive or sexy? You need to up your game and look 'wow' to him.

Jadeobee:
He runs his “business” from home, but I work we are not in each other’s face 24 hours. During weekends when we’re supposed to be together he will branch to see his friends. Or in the evenings on weekdays, he will go and visit them for a few hours till late. Let’s get out on a date , he will start doing behaving somehow or suggest we just stay at home and watch a film knowing I’m not a film person. If it’s to go out with friends now, he is all up for it. If not that then he is on the phone with family members talking about one thing or the other. I'm just fed up

Wow, sorry.

So what activities do you guys have in common? Where did you used to hang out in the courtship days...?

Have you asked him if he has any issue with you at all? At the very least, he feels cooped up at home, at worst, it sounds like he's trying to avoid you

Or he's finding it difficult to adjust to married life and its responsibilities

The fundamental question is, was he like that before...? And did you follow him to visit those guys when you people were dating? I mean why havent you bonded with a few of their wives or girlfriends (this is not an accustation btw, Im just asking). Im surprised that youre talking about listening to them yarn football...are there no women to talk to in those friends houses

If he was like this and now hes refusing to adjust, its one thing, If he started all of it now, its another.

It sounds like he is somebody who needs a lot of talk, gist, noise. Especially when he keeps calling all his family members to talk about nothing in particular. And somebody up there said something about woman-wrapper, that is true for some guys. They dont want to lose themselves because of "one woman".

He is being irresponsible sha, he should go home and face his wife...

Jadeobee you are most definitely a bore, you probably can't hold a conversation that will capture his attention for more than 20mins.
If no one was going to tell you this awful truth, I will & just did.

If you were interesting, your husband would spend more of his time with you and even if he has to hang with his boys, he will certainly make sure you tag along and try to keep you involved in their conversation.

Jadeobee:
My husband is my friend, but he prefers his ‘day one niggaz’ as he likes to call them. I think he just prefers spending time with them over me.

Aunty, forget the things guys here say. They will definitely support their own.

He knew you were an introvert and married you like that. It was a very intentional move as they are believed to be more homely. Your husband's actions are irresponsible. EOD

The part in red caught my attention. I have said it once here and I will say it again. Any grown man that keeps saying these words, run from them- they are ALWAYS bad news in serious relationships. They behave like bots running on some codes.

Tip: Next time you wanna open a thread like this, open it as a male. You will get TRUTHFUL responses from his fellow men.

Jadeobee:
My husband is starting to irritate me. He is always visiting his friends every minute, in a week it’s at least 3-4 times. Sometimes when we’re meant to spend quality time together, he will go to his friends house and spend 6-7 hours and come back at like 12am. If it’s not his friends, then he is on the phone with one family member for hours discussing one issue or the other. Every minute it’s one friend issue or family issue, I’m starting to think this is not normal. After discussing this problem, many times he claims he will try to change and find a balance but it only gets worse. I’m the homely type he is the outgoing type, but he can’t stay in one place. I don’t want to push him away from his people but for goodness sake, must he go to see his friends every minute, I just think it’s unreasonable. One of my friends also complains about the same thing, why are some men like this for crying out loud ?

Let the man breathe abeg!
He obviously doesn't enjoy your company.

crackhaus:
Jadeobee you are most definitely a bore, you probably can't hold a conversation that will capture his attention for more than 20mins.
If no one was going to tell you this awful truth, I will & just did.

If you were interesting, your husband would spend more of his time with you and even if he has to hang with his boys, he will certainly make sure you tag along and try to keep you involved in their conversation.

Exactly!

Only one of his close friend is married. Yes we (the wife and I ) relate but we are not the best of friends, we don’t have to be best buddies because our husband are friends. I personally just don’t like following him to meet his friends unless I have to.

If he doesn’t want to lose himself, then why did he get married to me? And what is losing yourself if you’re spending time with your wife? I’ve had the convo with him many times, it’s always the same story and he goes back to his old ways. As of right now, he has gone to his friends place and I’m alone at home and he won’t be back until at least 10pm. Sick of it

midnighter:
Wow, sorry.

So what activities do you guys have in common? Where did you used to hang out in the courtship days...?

Have you asked him if he has any issue with you at all? At the very least, he feels cooped up at home, at worst, it sounds like he's trying to avoid you

Or he's finding it difficult to adjust to married life and its responsibilities

The fundamental question is, was he like that before...? And did you follow him to visit those guys when you people were dating? I mean why havent you bonded with a few of their wives or girlfriends (this is not an accustation btw, Im just asking). Im surprised that youre talking about listening to them yarn football...are there no women to talk to in those friends houses

If he was like this and now hes refusing to adjust, its one thing, If he started all of it now, its another.

It sounds like he is somebody who needs a lot of talk, gist, noise. Especially when he keeps calling all his family members to talk about nothing in particular. And somebody up there said something about woman-wrapper, that is true for some guys. They dont want to lose themselves because of "one woman".

He is being irresponsible sha, he should go home and face his wife...

Jadeobee:
Only one of his close friend is married. Yes we (the wife and I ) relate but we are not the best of friends, we don’t have to be best buddies because our husband are friends. I personally just don’t like following him to meet his friends unless I have to.

I understand, you shouldnt feel forced to fake friendship with people just because you have been thrown together by circumstance.

But at the same time, its good to be open to making connections with others since his friends are very important to him. I only asked because of the way you sounded in your previous post

Thank u I was starting to think mayb I’m being paranoid or I’m nagging. Truth to be told, his behaviour is frustrating my life. It’s like he wants to be single. Neglecting my needs as his wife

pocohantas:


Aunty, forget the things guys here say. They will definitely support their own.

He knew you were na introvert and married you like that. It was a very intentional move as they are believed to be more homely. Your husband's actions are irresponsible. EOD

The part in red caught my attention. I have said it once here and I will say it again. Any grown man that keeps saying these words, run from them- they are ALWAYS bad news in serious relationships. They behave like bots running on some codes.

Tip: Next time you wanna open a thread like this, open it as a male. You will get TRUTHFUL responses from his fellow men.