hi,good afternoon everybody,and i am wishing you a wonderful christmas.
i have a minor issue that i need you guys advice on.i was born in the late 90's, to a single mum. Now here is the full story.
i was given birth to on 18th of feb,19## to a single and to a married man in which he had another wife before laying with my mum.
my father is one of the notable engineers in the state and an american citizen . Before the demise of my mum i would recall vividly how hardworking she was and how she cared so much about me even though we had nobody. i never asked about my dad until she was long gone and i had to be taken in by grandmother. so there was this day my grandma and i were conversing and i asked her my dad's whereabout,i could remember how she heaved a huge sigh and told me how my dad deserted my mum and i when i was much younger giving one filmsy excuse on how my dad complained whenever he carried me and i cried so loud to the extent that whenever he dropped me then i stopped crying.This brought about the argument btwn my mum and my supposedly father,saying he wasnt the owner of the child cuz anytime he got me carried i cried.This was how my dad left my mum until her demise. its been 17years now that i lost her,and my dad has never picked up his phone to contact me just to know if i am alive or dead. i feel terribly hurt cuz ive nevr had a fatherly care throughout my growing. Although what this man did has caused me pains and has left an unhealing scar in my heart. should i move on or i should make effort in trying to get him?and moreover,here is a man that does not want to see me at all.

Contact him if you can. I hope he is willing to see you and tell his side of the story.
Sorry for your loss. May your mum rest in peace.

Since it is already bothering you, contact him.
Giving him a chance in your life will be determined by his defence.

Good luck.

He told your ma he is not your father already so you might want to move on, though, in the more modern world we are now in, a dna test might prove him wrong. How you get him to agree to one is another issue, and what sort of relationship do you plan to have with him now, after he treated your mother so despicably?

Mindfulness:
Contact him if you can. I hope he is willing to see you and tell his side of the story.

Exactly.

He will not rest until he has heard his side of the story.

But then again, let it not be because the man is" established" .

I 've always said it, ladies, stop being very emotional and sentimental when u have a baby daddy.
Use common sense!
At a point, that child will become adult and start asking questions. He may even rebel against u for keeping him or her away from the father's life.

Always try and involve your baby daddy.
If he is bad, the decision isn't your to make but the child.
Even as a child they always know and remember.
Let them them make that decision themselves.

sassysure:

Exactly.

He will not rest until he has heard his side of the story.

But then again, let it not be because the man is" established" .

I 've always said it, ladies, stop being very emotional and sentimental when u have a baby daddy.
Use common sense!
At a point, that child will become adult and start asking questions. He may even rebel against u for keeping him or her away from the father's life.

Always try and involve your baby daddy.
If he is bad, the decision isn't your to make but the child.
Even as a child they always know and remember.
Let them them make that decision themselves.

Well ... two different topics.

First of all, most people who didn't grow up with their biological parent(s) feel the need to get to know them one day. Even children who have been adopted and raised in a happy family with two parents. Personally, if I happened to adopt a child and he or she would want to meet their biological parents, I would support them. It's natural for them to know where they came from.

Secondly, according to grandma's story the father refused to take responsibility, even denied paternity so she could not have involved him. You can only involve someone who wants to be a father to his child.

Mindfulness:


Well ... two different topics.

First of all, most people who didn't grow up with their biological parent(s) feel the need to get to know them one day. Even children who have been adopted and raised in a happy family with two parents. Personally, if I happened to adopt a child and he or she would want to meet their biological parents, I would support them. It's natural for them to know where they came from.

Secondly, according to grandma's story the father refused to take responsibility, even denied paternity so she could not have involved him. You can only involve someone who wants to be a father to his child.

Involving him means telling him that Mr A is your dad.
The mum didn't do that.
Next step is taking him to Mr A to meet his dad.
Let everything unfold in his eyes.
The mum denied him that.
It may be her story against him. Had she done that early enough, the would have known his stand.

Sometimes because of problems between the parents, they tend to forvett that a child is involved.
I will do what I have to do, document as my j as I can befor he reaches the age of reasoning and see things himself.
Not supporting some useless idiats, but what's the need after all said and done, like this guy, the person will still look for his dad.
And of course, they will give some excuses and ask for forgiveness and most of the time forgiven thereby making the mum the enemy.
U understand the angle I'm coming from now.

sassysure:

Involving him means telling him that Mr A is your dad.
The mum didn't do that.
Next step is taking him to Mr A to meet his dad.
Let everything unfold in his eyes.
The mum denied him that.
It may be her story against him. Had she done that early enough, the would have known his stand.

I disagree. If the father refused and denied our child, I would keep my child from harm. Witnessing how your father denies you at an early age will do more harm than good. And I wouldn't be worried my children would not trust me when they grow up. Chances that a child will have more trust in a parent who wasn't around for all of his life are very slim. I would be confident in my parenting skills to risk it.

Sometimes because of problems between the parents, they tend to forvett that a child is involved.
I will do what I have to do, document as my j as I can befor he reaches the age of reasoning and see things himself.
Not supporting some useless idiats, but what's the need after all said and done, like this guy, the person will still look for his dad.
And of course, they will give some excuses and ask for forgiveness and most of the time forgiven thereby making the mum the enemy.
U understand the angle I'm coming from now.

It's his right to look for his dad for whatever reason and if I were the mother I would support it. I understand the angle you are coming from and I feel that you see yourself (given the circumstances) in competition with the absent father. Truly, an absent father is not a competition, not even close to it.

Hmmm I feel ur pain I am just like u sometimes calling my father gives me headache but I told him one day u will want to see me but u wont be able to .reach me some father's are not qualified to be a father at all but castrated .

Have you reached out to him to know he "does not want to see you at all" or how did you come to this conclusion?
If you have, then the best thing you can do for yourself now is to move on.

It is disheartening that your mum passed on when you weren't even up to the age of 7 and your father never bothered to check up on you nor make provisions through your grandma as a continuation of denial of your paternity (unless it was lies fed to you)

Do you want to get his "own side" of the story, how he made efforts to be there for you but was rebuffed by your late mum and later your grandmother who took over your care when your mum died?

Expectedly your father has his other family, will he be comfortable acknowledging you and integrating you to the family?


If you feel the need to confront that repressed part of your life for you to achieve healing and closure, I will encourage you to seek him out and look him in the eye and ask those hard questions.

Akinsoladwayne:
hi,good afternoon everybody,and i am wishing you a wonderful christmas.
i have a minor issue that i need you guys advice on.i was born in the late 90's, to a single mum. Now here is the full story.
i was given birth to on 18th of feb,19## to a single and to a married man in which he had another wife before laying with my mum.
my father is one of the notable engineers in the state and an american citizen . Before the demise of my mum i would recall vividly how hardworking she was and how she cared so much about me even though we had nobody. i never asked about my dad until she was long gone and i had to be taken in by grandmother. so there was this day my grandma and i were conversing and i asked her my dad's whereabout,i could remember how she heaved a huge sigh and told me how my dad deserted my mum and i when i was much younger giving one filmsy excuse on how my dad complained whenever he carried me and i cried so loud to the extent that whenever he dropped me then i stopped crying.This brought about the argument btwn my mum and my supposedly father,saying he wasnt the owner of the child cuz anytime he got me carried i cried.This was how my dad left my mum until her demise. its been 17years now that i lost her,and my dad has never picked up his phone to contact me just to know if i am alive or dead. i feel terribly hurt cuz ive nevr had a fatherly care throughout my growing. Although what this man did has caused me pains and has left an unhealing scar in my heart. should i move on or i should make effort in trying to get him?and moreover,here is a man that does not want to see me at all.

Try and reach out to him

If he cares he will search for you and if he doesn't search for you, my dear move on

It's a difficult world we live in and we have to be prepared to confront our challenges

Don't let what your dad did to your mum to set you back, it's not an excuse to your way to success

The lesson there is for you not to follow his part

If you want healing and closure,then you may look for him.
If I was in your shoes sha,I wouldn't bother.For me to get to this stage in life without a father who I was even told did not want me will just make me move on.As far as I'm concerned,he 'died in the civil war'.Mcheeeew.Well I don't know if things will be different if I was really in such situation.

Most married men that sleep with single ladies believe the ladies have strings of boyfriends or at least another boyfriend on the side. So your dad thinking he may not be your real dad is not far fetched. The only way you can clear all doubts is if he agrees to carry out a paternity test.

Let it go. Just let it go.. It's been what minimum of 17 years and I believe your grandmother has done a great job raising you. If it bothers you too much you may reach out to him but be prepared to have your dreams, thoughts, expectations and even the story told by your mum to be shattered by him. So at the end its an ill wind that blows no good.


Enjoy your life, make the best of what you can. Finally if you want to you can bear his name in a compound manner.. When it's time he will come.

Succeed greatly and he will locate you

You father met you at the younger age but never bothered to look back. I read the part where you said he was married. I guessed he moved on and never wanted you to get involved with his real family.

Maybe the wife didn't know he had you outside their marriage. He also believed that you are a man and would look out for him one day.

If I were you I would work hard firat and become an independent and a respected man then I could go and look for him. Don't look out for him because he's established and he's an American citizen

Struggle without him and be rich so he or his family won't think you are back for their riches

Please don't those blaming the mother shouldn't. A man made it clear he never wanted the child, what would the mother do or gain by linking him to his father? He has no good story to tell. His belief is the boy will look for him.

sassysure:

Exactly.

He will not rest until he has heard his side of the story.

But then again, let it not be because the man is" established" .

I 've always said it, ladies, stop being very emotional and sentimental when u have a baby daddy.
Use common sense!
At a point, that child will become adult and start asking questions. He may even rebel against u for keeping him or her away from the father's life.

Always try and involve your baby daddy.
If he is bad, the decision isn't yours to make but the child.
Even as a child they always know and remember.
Let them them make that decision themselves.

This has to be your Award Winning Statement of 2019.
December looks good on you

My friend go and look for him. That man found a cheap excuse to abscond from his responsibilities. If I were you, I will open a post on NL with his name and picture. Also contact possible relatives on Facebook, in the disguise of looking for your father, so that his wife and kids are aware you exist.

You should not be a secret. Be prepared for rejection and be prepared to do a DNA test. If it turns out you are not his son and your mum was not faithful in the relationship then, you have got to prepare your mind to accept that and move on.

Everyone deserves to know where they come from, even if it’s not the best root. At least you can have closure on that end. Find him and let him be responsible for you for once in his life. I am sure your grandma is old and probably struggling. It’s not her place to be financially responsible for you when you have a parent. She has raised her own child.

Akinsoladwayne:
hi,good afternoon everybody,and i am wishing you a wonderful christmas.
i have a minor issue that i need you guys advice on.i was born in the late 90's, to a single mum. Now here is the full story.
i was given birth to on 18th of feb,19## to a single and to a married man in which he had another wife before laying with my mum.
my father is one of the notable engineers in the state and an american citizen . Before the demise of my mum i would recall vividly how hardworking she was and how she cared so much about me even though we had nobody. i never asked about my dad until she was long gone and i had to be taken in by grandmother. so there was this day my grandma and i were conversing and i asked her my dad's whereabout,i could remember how she heaved a huge sigh and told me how my dad deserted my mum and i when i was much younger giving one filmsy excuse on how my dad complained whenever he carried me and i cried so loud to the extent that whenever he dropped me then i stopped crying.This brought about the argument btwn my mum and my supposedly father,saying he wasnt the owner of the child cuz anytime he got me carried i cried.This was how my dad left my mum until her demise. its been 17years now that i lost her,and my dad has never picked up his phone to contact me just to know if i am alive or dead. i feel terribly hurt cuz ive nevr had a fatherly care throughout my growing. Although what this man did has caused me pains and has left an unhealing scar in my heart. should i move on or i should make effort in trying to get him?and moreover,here is a man that does not want to see me at all.

Move on with your life

This is really deep, I pray you become somebody in future where he will have to show you off as one of his pride...


I have a similar story to share to you, this is real and somebody close to me, but believe me, if you can do so too, you will definitely be sought for by your father.

My ex was also in same situation, her father was an ex international, well known and was one of the first set of team that won, the U17 world cup.

Is a popular person, but would have to strike his name out.

The man happen to meet my ex-girlfriend mother when he was still in the Nigeria league before he was picked to play the U17 world cup, from there he made a name for himself and became so popular in the profession.

But what did my ex did, after so much persuasion from my ex-girlfriend mother, they left him to his faith.

Do you know that that my ex-girlfriend struggle to become a graduate, then after that, nobody knows what happened before the man cam knocking to further take care of her responsibility, now the man is now proud of her she's now a masters holder, and working in a better company.

Strive to become somebody and you will see how he will sought for you...

God bless you..

crackhaus:

This has to be your Award Winning Statement of 2019.
December looks good on you

Where is my drink then?
U stingy Mr

Thanks.

Trying to keep it real most times