My friend ChenYuHua (Daisy) died on Wednesday.

Official Cause of Death: Suicide

She was at work on Monday, took leave for Tuesday but never returned.

Daisy lost a “huge” investment in late November (money that she told once me she was saving to buy a house) so she planned it and took her life! But I know this strongly, that the investment loss did not kill Daisy, depression did! Investment loss was just the trigger.

I have known Daisy for about 3 years and we became quite close about one year after when we formed a click of 4 friends. The four of us would eat together at the refectory almost every day and would hangout after work most weekends. Although she was socially withdrawn, I never thought she was in a desperately bad place until it happened. Usually, I assumed that because she was very short, she always wanted not to be trampled on or disregarded.

Daisy told me stories, stories that I never really attached any strong meanings to, until she died.
See eh… She was born in a rural community in Lanzhou Province. At birth, her parents did not really accept her because she was a girl. But they held on to her until about 4 years later, when her brother was born and she was given away to another local family (because of one child policy) to raise her. There she went to school and later graduated with a diploma.

Some of her stories had included how she went back to her birth family when she as in higher institution, but she never got along with her parents (dad especially). She tried bonding with them a few more years, started going less regularly. They never included her in any family events, marriages, decisions etc. One of the times she visited home, they had opened a big supermarket but no one told her, they don’t even need her money. So she traveled very very far away from home to my city to start work, and maybe a new life! She eventually stopped visiting home.

This means to me that, she has struggled for acceptance both with her adopted family and her biological family. She also admired the relationship I had with my mum despite being far away and would say things like “they don’t miss me”.

Daisy is dead and I am still in shock, we all are. But as in a culture, nobody really talks about it in the office. So to stay safe, I just stick to my side of the story, grieve for her and try to move on.

Daisy, I pray you at peace is in a better place now. I miss you!

Pictures

Sorry about your loss.

Depression is a silent killer...

Let me emphasize on a few things:

1. I do not fault one child policy in the cause of Daisy’s death. I do believe that every sensible government should do what they can to control their population according to their resources. China was in an economically bad place in the 80s hence their urgent need to take care of their population. Now that things improved, they relaxed their policy to accommodate two kids per home.

2. I blame Daisy’s ignorant parents for her death. They loathed her and their too much favoritism for a male child ruined Daisy's self-esteem and self-confidence. I believe that every child (male or female) should be gratefully accepted and treated with respect. No child is better than another. Men and women are equal as they are both unique in their own ways and each have their own unique role to play within any given family or society.

3. We as Africans have an entirely different concept friendship, marriage, death and other things to the Chinese people. So a lot of these things may not be understood by you looking at it from the African perspective.

4. Finally, in your comments, please be gentle.

Thank you for reading

Sorry to hear about this.

Daisy never had a man? Someone to show her love and care?

Quite sad... we all need to take care of our mental health

Surprise nobody noticed that she withdrew from people.
RIP. depression is worse than any disease.

May her soul rest in peace

Yea it's understood the way you think about this Asian lady. But sadly enough they don't see it the way you understood it. Everyone wants a sense of belonging, its a huge psychological blow if you are not accepted within your own family.

flyca:
Pictures

Quite a touching story, she must have felt really lonely. ..feeling sad right now.

Incomplete story, How did she lost her life saving ?

by the way so you're still working in China ? thought you got mind blowing job in SA ?

老姑娘

Rest In Peace Daisy.
Flyca thank you for honouring her by talking about her. If possible ensure that something stays, that'll tell her story for a long time (like a legacy), so that she'll be remembered always. With what you wrote, I'm not sure the family would do so. Don't let her life be forgotten, although a short one...she was a friend.
Reading this just made me sad.....extremely sad, also made me reflect on life and value FAMILY more.

Modified:
I just read about Chinese culture regarding death. Intrigued.

So sad. Her eyes in the pictures look......dark. so sorry for your loss.

Choi..what a life! It is saddening to hear her story and that she was not emotionally strong to fight the thoughts of suicide off. I know how most chinese girls and ladies can be very emotional and tempermental in certain situations they fall into. I have heard of those who took their own lives cuz of a lover, or cuz of financial loss. I stayed in China for 4 plus years and I got to understand them more. I know lanzhou, eeyah.. see how a young lady just died when she could have hung on to life. It's as if i knew her even, cur i feel sad right now. It will pass. Zhe ge shenquo bu rongyi

So do you mean, a sad message wont be passed to her family for the loss of her death

I also blame you for her death, you're a nigerian and you know how to survive, you should have talked sense into her,

You failed op,

flyca:
Let me emphasize on a few things:

1. I do not fault one child policy in the cause of Daisy’s death. I do believe that every sensible government should do what they can to control their population according to their resources. China was in an economically bad place in the 80s hence their urgent need to take care of their population. Now that things improved, they relaxed their policy to accommodate two kids per home.

2. I blame Daisy’s ignorant parents for her death. They loathed her and their too much favoritism for a male child ruined Daisy's self-esteem and self-confidence. I believe that every child (male or female) should be gratefully accepted and treated with respect. No child is better than another. Men and women are equal as they are both unique in their own ways and each have their own unique role to play within any given family or society.

3. We as Africans have an entirely different concept friendship, marriage, death and other things to the Chinese people. So a lot of these things may not be understood by you looking at it from the African perspective.

4. Finally, in your comments, please be gentle.

Thank you for reading

I'm sorry for your loss, to loose a loved one is a hard burden to bear, alot of us have lost loved ones and we can only hope to recover from the loss.

The female child has always been regarded below the pecking order in societies for reasons that are understandable but not excusable. Parents should always love their kids equally no matter the gender, because she's a woman doesn't stop her from being your own child forever just like the male, suffering for acceptance is very bad but very few would understand in Nigeria since people think more about their stomachs over here.
Thank you for making clarifications for the purpose of the one child policy before some people come here and misconstrue it as with their hatred for China and their policies.

KevUnique:
Choi..what a life! It is saddening to hear her story and that she was not emotionally strong to fight the thoughts of suicide off. I know how most chinese girls and ladies can be very emotional and tempermental in certain situations they fall into. I have heard of those who took their own lives cuz of a lover, or cuz of financial loss. I stayed in China for 4 plus years and I got to understand them more. I know lanzhou, eeyah.. see how a young lady just died when she could have hung on to life. It's as if i knew her even, cur i feel sad right now. It will pass. Zhe ge shenquo bu rongyi

Why did you leave

Such a sad end.
It's such a tragedy when people have children and turn their backs on them.It's sad Daisy's mother couldn't love her daughter even if the father did.

Sorry about the loss of your friend.

So � sad It is well with her soul

I will be back. Flyca