UyaiIncomparabl:

Your post na crap, bro.

pansophist:
A thread you need to read.

A married woman will go to her parents home with her husband for a short visit, after exchanging pleasantries and make him feel comfortable, everyone will be scanning around to see if their daughter is suffering or hit a jackpot of a man. Because he is the husband, he is expected to be a workhorse, as his presence represents money. Their lucky daughter. 

Plead:
I see some guys/men up there talking about bride price and women being purchased. I have only four things to tell them ;
1. Bride price culture was started by men not women
2. It’s men who still collect /request for the bride price not women
3. Whenever the topic of abolishing bride price and marriage list comes up it’s men who still defend it and insult those who want them abolished
4. The culture is still around because of men.


So,if you wanna be ranting about purchased goods you should be throwing those words at your fellow men who are the enablers of the bride price culture.

As for me,no man is paying bride price shit on my daughter and same goes for marriage list. It should start from you.



Cc crackhaus crakkhaus abi crackkhaus mizwisdom acidosis and the others

Acidosis:


Are you male or female?



You have to realize that women (technically) love the idea of being "bought". Hormones, contraceptives, etc are what influence a woman's preference and choices, not the rational ideas you have here.

You don't want bride price but you still fall in love with the idea of proposing with an expensive ring? Men are willing to do these "senseless" things because it is man's nature to provide (anything the woman/or her people ask for, including bride price, proposal, wedding, etc.). And women love to be celebrated, not without a cost. So whichever way you see it, you can't cheat the natural/divine order.

Acidosis:


Are you male or female?



You have to realize that women (technically) love the idea of being "bought". Hormones, contraceptives, etc are what influence a woman's preference and choices, not the rational ideas you have here.

You don't want bride price but you still fall in love with the idea of proposing with an expensive ring? Men are willing to do these "senseless" things because it is man's nature to provide (anything the woman/or her people ask for, including bride price, proposal, wedding, etc.). And women love to be celebrated, not without a cost. So whichever way you see it, you can't cheat the natural/divine order.

blank:


So, the treatment of each other is based on financial stability? Because in the example you gave, if the wife's father turned on his gen with his petrol, ferries them around in his car, etc, the husband won't need to perform anything or show "his manliness". What if that same wife visits her husband's people and provides the petrol, etc. Would she be entitled to not run around serving people but put her feet up?

GboyegaD:


Culture was defined by some folks. Make your own culture. I tell everyone around me, I am a Nigerian and that is it. I claim Lagos where my dad is from, Benin where my mom is from, and Bayelsa where I chose to fall in love with and be from. I pick what I like and act the way in my best interest and that of my family. I tell everyone who cares to listen, there are things I wouldn't do and that my children wouldn't do because it is forbidden to me.

NoApology:
Saw this thread online and it got me thinking how the society shapes our perception of womanhood. We are unknowingly prejudiced when it comes to according women the same privilege the male folks enjoy.

crackkhaus:

Good one.

So do you think the way we conduct marriages traditionally is just and fair?

olril17:

fallacy broh.. nobody can make or choose their own culture..it's just an idealistic and wishful thinking.

ericsmith:






I really tried to understand your view esp. where you're coming from buh if it is what i am thinking "equality badderdash" bro i stand to disagree with you a lot.
When man visit his inlaw do xpect him to enter kitchen with his mother inlaw to pound yam or sweep the compound with his sister inlaws.
you really need to broaden your knowledge and understand things b4 you decide what is fair or not, culture is a way of life n there is hardly anywhere you wil go around d world you won't find culture as the basis ... when it comes to gender roles no one has the temerity to say these is fair and that is not fair .... because you couldnt av shared it any better than God. gender roles are shared based on capacity God as given to us, let a man clean d house and let a woman clean d house you wil find women doing it beta, why the so called gentlemen or caring men subject "domestic duties to slavery" still beat my imagination, should we go that line compare wives with slaves ... where in history dd yu read slaves slept on bed, drive cars or where taken on a vacation. please go n watch 12yrs slave or any slave movie to even understand what slavery really looks like.
Is there really any differences between culture & structure, lets check other fields of life among animals do you notice a structure & hierarchy ,imagine firms/corporate world without structure & hierarchy.
There is this saying i luv so much " people kill people not guns" now take it as "people maltreat people not culture" becos there is no culture that instigates a man not to love & care for his wife, the custodians of culture are kings/traditional rulers visit any palace of ur choice n tell me the queen look malnourish or no glow.
Perhaps you are even nursing it in ur heart, men shuld carry pregnancy as well my friend my God is not stupid nor foolish, as our manufacturer he knows our capacity even more than we do, have yu ever wonder how a weak lady would be able to back a baby for hours n still move around, as a man try back a baby fr hours n spot the mystery of creation.
when you compare white marriage to black marriage who has more broken homes ... divorce rate is rising in nigeria now go check why

yeyeosoronga:


Traditional marriages should be scrapped.

It has no benefit to any woman.

Michellekabod2:

Women are indeed their own worst enemies. I have never seen a father-in-law or brother-in-law of a lady bully or oppress her. It is always the mother/sister-in-laws that do this things.
What time does a man who is rather busy watching football have to look at his female in law with scrutiny and grumble about her?

My sister got separated from her husband for five years because of interference and bullying from her two sister-in-laws


I am sorry ladies,I blame you 100% for this

blank:


So, the treatment of each other is based on financial stability? Because in the example you gave, if the wife's father turned on his gen with his petrol, ferries them around in his car, etc, the husband won't need to perform anything or show "his manliness". What if that same wife visits her husband's people and provides the petrol, etc. Would she be entitled to not run around serving people but put her feet up?

crackkhaus:

Which is exactly why the problem persists.

You can't be comfortable with the special treatment/chivalry you receive as a woman from patriarchy, yet at the same time be against the perceived position of a woman in family heirarchy.

You're either against it all, or against none of it.

crackkhaus:

Focus on the big picture.

That guy's comment was very apt.
Buying fuel is just an example to drive a point.

Understand the larger point behind the comment.

ericsmith:




By "humanism" what exactly are you even talking about ... did you see our grandmothers married to our forefathers with chains around there neck or you saw stripes of whips on there bare back or what exactly is the fuss all about.
You undermine your argue or shuld i say view the moment you typed "slavery" we can't discuss slavery without talking of equality & fairness ... we can't talk fairness without analysing gender role. hope you understand now.
lol !! i knew you will misquote me, d only form of knowledge you know is education, am not talking about that so don't feel insulted, i actual meant seek knowledge that will make you understand life from creation point of view and not the educational of view you're showcasing.
Even if i want to argue my data is not cheap i use glo God wil answer my prayer soon.

ericsmith:




Ofcus cultures & traditional are man made, buh what you can make out as an individual is called "lifestyle". I agree with you

Plead:
I see some guys/men up there talking about bride price and women being purchased. I have only four things to tell them ;
1. Bride price culture was started by men not women
2. It’s men who still collect /request for the bride price not women
3. Whenever the topic of abolishing bride price and marriage list comes up it’s men who still defend it and insult those who want them abolished
4. The culture is still around because of men.


So,if you wanna be ranting about purchased goods you should be throwing those words at your fellow men who are the enablers of the bride price culture.

As for me,no man is paying bride price shit on my daughter and same goes for marriage list. It should start from you.



Cc crackhaus crakkhaus abi crackkhaus mizwisdom acidosis and the others

yeyeosoronga:


Traditional marriages should be scrapped.

It has no benefit to any woman.

Perhaps other than the photoshoot.

The attires are usually nice.

Dazall

bukatyne:


I saw the big picture and the fuel money just put me off.

If he said a husband is expected to be financially responsible for everything in HIS HOME, I agree.

His in-laws expect a gift/money when leaving, yes.

That they will check if their daughter is shinning courtesy the husband, yes.

That an in-law would look up to the husband for the day-to-day running of THEIR HOME, haba!

Is the wife's family wretched?

bukatyne:


Unfortunately, most women wouldn't agree with you.

Acidosis:


Are you male or female?



You have to realize that women (technically) love the idea of being "bought". Hormones, contraceptives, etc are what influence a woman's preference and choices, not the rational ideas you have here.

You don't want bride price but you still fall in love with the idea of proposing with an expensive ring? Men are willing to do these "senseless" things because it is man's nature to provide (anything the woman/or her people ask for, including bride price, proposal, wedding, etc.). And women love to be celebrated, not without a cost. So whichever way you see it, you can't cheat the natural/divine order.

pansophist:


The point I'm trying to passed through is that the post is ridiculous. I only switched side.

crackkhaus:
Another one of those 'woke' people who feel they are making sense with their shallow analysis of these things.

Cultural expectations/behaviours which are based on gender, do not prove in anyway that women are being demeaned.
These things are not that simple.

Do you expect a man who went through the process & rigours of acquiring a wife, to visit his in-laws whom he paid homage to by granting their financial requests before they gave him their daughter, to be treated any less than a special visitor?
He did not marry into that family, does not bear their name, and is not a part of it culturally...so he remains a special visitor.

It's the opposite situation for a woman, simply because she is the one who was married into another family, bears that new family's name, and is part & parcel of it in every way possible. There's no way she will visit her in-laws and be given the treatment of a special visitor when by all cultural and traditional indices, she is a member of that family.
Even a married man visiting his own parents does not sit and cross legs because that is his own family, and he is not a special visitor. The only place he is treated that way is when he is among his wife's people.


People like that guy who see only the problems and imbalance in gender-based cultural expectations, fail to understand that it goes much deeper than what men are allowed to do versus what women are allowed to do. It's not that simple.

If you want to act western where all hands are on deck, then start by dismantling the cultural system by which marriages are conducted wherein women are the price and men the bidders. Once you do that, every other thing will fall into place.
But as long as marriage by purchase continues to exist, cultural expectations/behaviours will continue to favour men...even until the year 3020.

Fountainofyouth:



Anyone that starts his/her statements with @emboldened has to be questioned intellectually and educationally,

How old are you, precisely?

Acidosis:


How do you feel when you see those Instagram videos where a man kneels, pop the question "will you marry me?", of course, with a diamond ring?

You feel great right? And you say you don't like the idea of being "bought" and "spoiled"? You're not OKAY.


The one who collects a diamond ring is not different from one who receives a bride price. The most important thing is money is being spent on her, you all have a price tag. So quit being stubborn, and embrace your culture. Both bride price and engagement ring (proposal) do not make any rational sense to a typical man but he will do it anyway, cos he loves to pay the price. Dum.p your culture all you want, it's same trend all over the world albeit in different dimensions, cos you all got the same hormonal configuration.

The more "rights" you pursue at the expense of what your hormones dictate, the more miserable y'all will become. That's why feminists are some of the most miserable people on earth.