rain21:
Does this topic have any thing to do with bride price?In places like India where the bride's family pay the asking price to the groom's family, this same scenario still plays out and even worse.

this has a lot to do with gender based roles. A man visiting his in-laws goes with wine/gifts while his wife returns the favor by housekeeping in his own family.

crackkhaus:

Maybe you should just answer the question instead of getting defensive.

Will you prefer being married to a man with money who respects & adores you, or a man with no money who still respects & adores you...since marriage is not all about money?

crackkhaus:
How do you know what happens when Indians visit their in-laws?

MissGodOwn:

What sorta question is this, coz I can see that you are trying so hard to trap me, so I won't answer u.
I still stand my ground: MARRIAGE ISN'T ALL ABOUT MONEY.

rain21:


lol.. see question
don't they portray that and more in zeeworld?

bukatyne:


@bold: The Yorubas.

Actually, when it comes to traditional marriage rites, an average Yoruba man cannot complain about the financials except he wants extra.

Yorubas return the bride price (aka we are not selling our daughter), have gifts for the groom's family and host the groom's family.

That is why bride's family dictates the pace of the marriage ceremony in Yoruba land.

crackkhaus:

Zeeworld

Acidosis:


On another thread, we are trying to understand how a woman would reject good suitors after about 5-7 years of sitting with an irresponsible man of 40 years.

I dismissed your stand because it is unnatural. I have read and heard of cases where women prefer the unnatural things but I won't sit down or waste my time trying to rationalize the unnatural. A woman is naturally a care giver. It doesn't mean there are no exemptions (some women don't want or like babies, true but it is unnatural).

sassysure:


Bride pride is the cheapest actually.
Most men will love to stick with bride price only.

In Nigeria, once u do the customary stuffs, u are married.

The question now is will an average naija babe agree to that?
Wedding and traditional marriage costs arms and legs.

Babes like to show the world the caught big fish so the best way to show that is through traditional marriage and wedding.

Why do u do traditional marriage and wedding?
Do u actually need it?

How did we end with them?

So why won't men see you as commodity after milking them.

Dowry and traditional marriage rite in my place is with few thousands. Believe u me, its that cheap.

All men are ok with that. But are the ladies ok with just that?

We eat our cake and expect to have it.
Cut these people some slacks please.

Let us try and tell.ourselves the truth.

These days, some of us end up in Dubai for wedding.
Tomorrow, divorce and they will be forming victims.
U lost most of the respect a man will have for you by milking him just to organise wedding after traditionally getting married.

So without knowing it, u are treated as possession.

Priests and pastors won't tell us this.

The day we will start thinking about a man's pocket when organising trivialities is the day the respect we seek from men will happen.

NOTE:
It took me long to come to this conclusion and analysis.

Fountainofyouth:



This is quite a funny analysis, seems as if you did not do the usual traditional and white wedding for you to come up with this, because I do not know why you feel in the world of today, specifically the men of today, will solely fund the flamboyant wedding that we see around, it didn't occur to you that the bride's family can be the richer one, and the said groom will still feel he owns the wife, and still treat her badly, what do you say to that?

My point is, a man spending lavishly for wedding has absolutely nothing to do with treating his lady badly, its a two way thing, either positive or negative, so even if they decide to abolish bride price and other stuffs along with it, men will still look for a way or something to hold on to so that they can feel like a boss that has a possession, they have an overbloated ego with an over bloated mindset to think and behave like that cos that is the only thing that gives them a sense of worth over women, even if it means going to the ends of the earth, they must find it, they are very entitled like that.

crackkhaus:
Another one of those 'woke' people who feel they are making sense with their shallow analysis of these things.

Cultural expectations/behaviours which are based on gender, do not prove in anyway that women are being demeaned.
These things are not that simple.

Do you expect a man who went through the process & rigours of acquiring a wife, to visit his in-laws whom he paid homage to by granting their financial requests before they gave him their daughter, to be treated any less than a special visitor?
He did not marry into that family, does not bear their name, and is not a part of it culturally...so he remains a special visitor.

It's the opposite situation for a woman, simply because she is the one who was married into another family, bears that new family's name, and is part & parcel of it in every way possible. There's no way she will visit her in-laws and be given the treatment of a special visitor when by all cultural and traditional indices, she is a member of that family.
Even a married man visiting his own parents does not sit and cross legs because that is his own family, and he is not a special visitor. The only place he is treated that way is when he is among his wife's people.


People like that guy who see only the problems and imbalance in gender-based cultural expectations, fail to understand that it goes much deeper than what men are allowed to do versus what women are allowed to do. It's not that simple.

If you want to act western where all hands are on deck, then start by dismantling the cultural system by which marriages are conducted wherein women are the price and men the bidders. Once you do that, every other thing will fall into place.
But as long as marriage by purchase continues to exist, cultural expectations/behaviours will continue to favour men...even until the year 3020.

worworbabe:

This analysis is flawed. If she is now a part of that family, why is the burden on her? Are her husband's sisters expected to behave the way she is expected to? Can she get away with the same things as they do?

The woman is almost treated as a slave who must serve every member of that family. It is wrong by all means.

rain21:

Of course
India is deep rooted in their culture and they portray that in their movies and series.i go by what they show me and what actually happens in their country.

Remove bride price and this same scenario will still remain and continue.women are always willing to adapt to the man's family and that situation will occur unless it has to do with two different wealthy and well exposed families,then everyone will learn to respect themselves

crackkhaus:

Lol... I don't even know how to respond to you.
Zeeworld..

Okay I've read what you typed.

rain21:

Well, you quoted me first and I told you where I got my facts from

TonyeBarcanista:
How can a sensible person even put that up? For a start the man marrying the wife is taking her into his family not marrying himself into his wife's family.

By marriage, the wife's is deemed a member of the husband's family and enjoys all privileges that comes with being member of the husband's family as well as responsibilities. She is never a visitor in her in-laws house but a member of the family.

Depending on family, you don't expect her to sit down while chores are being done by other members of the house; the husband inclusive based on division of labour

If you are not comfortable kindly remain unmarried. It is not by force.


BTW any woman who married into a family that expects wife to do all chores in family house when others are there is on her own!

crackkhaus:

I don't know how the people who are having a problem with how I broke it down on the first page missed this common sense.

Perhaps typing in pidgin would have made it easier to comprehend.

crackkhaus:

Sometimes when some of you come up with these hypothetical scenarios, I wonder if you live under a rock.

Is there anyway a husband's sisters will sit down with legs crossed in their own father's house while their brother's wife does ALL the domestic work and serves everyone including them?

Where does that happen? In your family house?

Next time you want to exaggerate to make a blunt point, at least keep it within the parameters of reality.

Acidosis:


Majority of the issues about MILs, SILs, and husbands's families today are based on mere conjectures from Hollywood, and perceptions passed down from generations. Many of them haven't been to their husbands' family home more than one or two occasions, yet got so much and a lot to say about them.

The only time they visit is period (burial, wedding, Christmas, etc.) when everyone is busy and they expect to sit and be served. Where is that done? How many of them visit their in-laws on a regular weekday or weekend?

They compare their regular weekday in their father's house (when there is little or no work to be done) to the wedding party or event at their in-laws place. Women ehn..!

crackkhaus:

Sometimes when some of you come up with these hypothetical scenarios, I wonder if you live under a rock.

Is there anyway a husband's sisters will sit down with legs crossed in their own father's house while their brother's wife does ALL the domestic work and serves everyone including them?

Where does that happen? In your family house?

Next time you want to exaggerate to make a blunt point, at least keep it within the parameters of reality.

worworbabe:

A lot is wrong with you and if at all you have a family that you respect or is worth respecting at all, you won't mention my family in such a moronic way. But of course, sharing this cyberspace with nonentities like you, this is not unexpected.

Downplay it as much as you want, anywhere the sentiments you put forth are expected, there is so much burden on the wife, how she is expected to behave, greet or relate with others without same being accorded to women born in that household.

crackkhaus:

Cry me a river bimbo...

You're confidently yapping about how it happens anywhere and everywhere, yada yada yada... but when you're asked to confirm if you treat women married into your family like that, you start catching feelings.

Everytime you fvckers come here to speak of these things, you're so simple-minded that you fail to see that everything you accuse other families of doing to wives married into them, is exactly the same thing your family will be doing to women married into it.

Abi women no dey marry your brothers, cousins, and uncles?
So how do you treat them? Do you sit down and watch your brothers'/uncles' wives do all the work and serve you? Or you're the only well behaved sister-in-law in this your imaginary world of gumball...

Rubbish

worworbabe:

I come back to the site to realise that this jobless foool from the gutters has quoted me again.

I said what I said. Let it pain you to oblivion.

crackkhaus:

At this point, you ought to take take several seats and think of your life.

I'm pained, yet you were the one crying about how your family was mentioned?

World worst sister-in-law...

Why don't you tell us how you treat your brother's wives by burdening them & making them serve you while you sit your leprous ass down.

Maybe someone out here will be able to counsel you on how to act right and not treat wives married into your family like slaves.

worworbabe:

[s]You are very dumb and stup!d at the same time. Your several attempts at bringing my personal experiences into this as yielded no result. A self respecting man would have realised this antics won't work, but you are obviously one who lacks anything worth respecting. It will explain why you are constantly on the forum trying to earn the types of accord you'd never even dream of in the real world.

It must also explain why you support anything that appaers against the female gender. They aren't giving it to you abi?? pele

Now if you have a bit of sense, you would see that your last post is highly demented. It's as if, by each post your IQ depreciates. From trying to prove that women aren't that badly treated to now suggesting that they are actually badly treatedd by me. How more stup!d can anyone be, to suggest that I do what I vehemently oppose. Even a 5yr old's attention span can't be that poor.

Fucxktard!!![/s]

worworbabe:


A lot is wrong with you and if at all you have a family that you respect or is worth respecting at all, you won't mention my family in such a moronic way. But of course, sharing this cyberspace with nonentities like you, this is not unexpected.

Downplay it as much as you want, anywhere the sentiments you put forth are expected, there is so much burden on the wife, how she is expected to behave, greet or relate with others without same being accorded to women born in that household.

Omar09:


Nne desist of name calling and all what not. They way you treated in your husband's family is how you will treat another woman married into your home for one single reason: RESPECT

If you don't give any woman her chair in your home, she disrespects you and you wouldn't like that, so don't feel bad when treated the same way. It's way of people saving their ego and keeping their respect intact because once one is loosened up around people especially women married into their home, that woman takes it for granted and disrespects them. No one wants that. Not even you.

crackkhaus:


Cry me a large body of salty STD/yeast-infested waters...

UyaiIncomparabl:


Your post na crap, bro.