Saw this thread online and it got me thinking how the society shapes our perception of womanhood. We are unknowingly prejudiced when it comes to according women the same privilege the male folks enjoy.

.

Toor

Allow me break my sabbatical.

..

Toor. Allow me break my sabbatical.


What's even more nonsensical about the whole theatrics is that many times, its the " kind of men ", of plastic value that gets this princely treatment. I refuse to follow the narrative, when they come around, it's them that do the adjusting, not the other way around...

... The pity about the marital institution is good men/women with good families rarely meet their other half that reciprocates their gestures as it should be. Rather what we say populate marriages is one of higher standing letting go of ego to marry one of a lower standing, yet the one with lower standard will keep acting high and mighty even when they can't out two and two together .

These are the same kind of meb that can barely function at optimal level ( or better put, function atall, without such women who internally are the internal engine and machinery of such sham combinations). Yet, rada than hunble themselves and be grateful for what life gifted them, you'll see them and their families use all sort of psychological manipulative antics to make the woman feel worse thab herself, while he gets the kingly treatments.


.. smh. When will women learn. When. It flips both ways o. Men go for women whose family would be filled with admiration and praise you married their daughters. Leave women woth high expectations alone. Their need for validation will send you to an earlt face. Men the kast feature to look in a woman when considering marriage is " her face ". Start with " her heart " and give yourself longevity.

Tank you. Back to sabbatical...


Cc

MizWisdom

MissGodown

Blu03

MissJoy29

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Who will hold the property when he's gone, the mother with children or the husband's brother?

Sit down they learn,

.

At the end, she will stop visiting even with the kids.
Their brothers kids will end up becoming a stranger to them.

First of all, my respect for this OP is like 120% right now, you can tell that his parents raised a mentally balanced individual. Let me add a few more points to his brilliant admissions especially where he correctly stated that women are gate keepers of patriarchy. Records show that more women suffer from Stockholm syndrome than men because we are emotional creatures. Some females have been known to fall in love with their Captors even the ones who treat them inhumanely. That's why it's easier to keep a female in captivity than a male. This is the same emotions that make us women gate keepers of patriarchy, even though most of us know it's bad and unjust, we are emotionally tied to sons, husbands, brothers, nephews, uncles, etc and it's for their good pleasure to promote it(Stockholm syndrome, loving your captives). She forgets to identify with the sufferings of someone of same gender but strives to pleasure one of opposite gender more because that's all she knows, that's how she was brought up, there's no logical thinking involved it's all emotions and sentiments


This is why patriarchy is almost a world wide practice, many men want to rule/lead regardless of feelings or wellbeing of their captives so laws are put in place and women gate keep these laws to please men. In places where you have a just and fair society, where men don't practice patriarchy, women tend to have more rights and liberty than in other places because there are few gates to keep but where men chose to practice it, you'll find willing women gate keeping for them.

Another one of those 'woke' people who feel they are making sense with their shallow analysis of these things.

Cultural expectations/behaviours which are based on gender, do not prove in anyway that women are being demeaned.
These things are not that simple.

Do you expect a man who went through the process & rigours of acquiring a wife, to visit his in-laws whom he paid homage to by granting their financial requests before they gave him their daughter, to be treated any less than a special visitor?
He did not marry into that family, does not bear their name, and is not a part of it culturally...so he remains a special visitor.

It's the opposite situation for a woman, simply because she is the one who was married into another family, bears that new family's name, and is part & parcel of it in every way possible. There's no way she will visit her in-laws and be given the treatment of a special visitor when by all cultural and traditional indices, she is a member of that family.
Even a married man visiting his own parents does not sit and cross legs because that is his own family, and he is not a special visitor. The only place he is treated that way is when he is among his wife's people.


People like that guy who see only the problems and imbalance in gender-based cultural expectations, fail to understand that it goes much deeper than what men are allowed to do versus what women are allowed to do. It's not that simple.

If you want to act western where all hands are on deck, then start by dismantling the cultural system by which marriages are conducted wherein women are the price and men the bidders. Once you do that, every other thing will fall into place.
But as long as marriage by purchase continues to exist, cultural expectations/behaviours will continue to favour men...even until the year 3020.

Mizwisdom:
First of all, my respect for this OP is like 120% right now, you can tell that his parents raised a mentally balanced individual. Let me add a few more points to his brilliant admissions especially where he correctly stated that women are gate keepers of patriarchy. Records show that more women suffer from Stockholm syndrome than men because we are emotional creatures. Some females have been known to fall in love with their Captors even the ones who treat them inhumanely. That's why it's easier to keep a female in captivity than a male. This is the same emotions that make us women gate keepers of patriarchy, even though most of us know it's bad and unjust, we are emotionally tied to sons, husbands, brothers, nephews, uncles, etc and it's for their good pleasure to promote it(Stockholm syndrome, loving your captives). She forgets to identify with the sufferings of someone of same gender but strives to pleasure one of opposite gender more because that's all she knows, that's how she was brought up, there's no logical thinking involved it's all emotions and sentiments


This is why patriarchy is almost a world wide practice, many men want to rule/lead regardless of feelings or wellbeing of their captives so laws are put in place and women gate keep these laws to please men. In places where you have a just and fair society, where men don't practice patriarchy, women tend to have more rights and liberty than in other places because there are few gates to keep but where men chose to practice it, you'll find willing women gate keeping for them.

Good one.

So do you think the way we conduct marriages traditionally is just and fair?

crackkhaus:

Good one.

So do you think the way we conduct marriages traditionally is just and fair?

Nigeria unfortunately is mostly patriarchal with exception of a few matriarchal tribes. What's your point, can there be any justice when patriarchy is involved, women don't need to be sold if that's where you're heading

crackkhaus:
Another one of those 'woke' people who feel they are making sense with their shallow analysis of these things.

Cultural expectations/behaviours which are based on gender, do not prove in anyway that women are being demeaned.
These things are not that simple.

Do you expect a man who went through the process & rigours of acquiring a wife, to visit his in-laws whom he paid homage to by granting their financial requests before they gave him their daughter, to be treated any less than a special visitor?
He did not marry into that family, does not bear their name, and is not a part of it culturally...so he remains a special visitor.

It's the opposite situation for a woman, simply because she is the one who was married into another family, bears that new family's name, and is part & parcel of it in every way possible. There's no way she will visit her in-laws and be given the treatment of a special visitor when by all cultural and traditional indices, she is a member of that family.
Even a married man visiting his own parents does not sit and cross legs because that is his own family, and he is not a special visitor. The only place he is treated that way is when he is among his wife's people.


People like that guy who see only the problems and imbalance in gender-based cultural expectations, fail to understand that it goes much deeper than what men are allowed to do versus what women are allowed to do. It's not that simple.

If you want to act western where all hands are on deck, then start by dismantling the cultural system by which marriages are conducted wherein women are the price and men the bidders. Once you do that, every other thing will fall into place.
But as long as marriage by purchase continues to exist, cultural expectations/behaviours will continue to favour men...even until the year 3020.

Interesting synopsis but there's conflictions of ideas in between. Given the man being a special visotor and treated as such royalty when he visits his wife's family and that he remains independent and an entity of his own, and that a man's wife " joins into him in his own estate", if we applying the same exact treatment to a man's wife, should she not be treated much dignified, as Queen and as significant part of the Royalty she married into....

... Atleast what's good for the goose should be for the counterpart. Husband visits wife's family he's treated with royalty, wife's treats husband's family, she's like a party-crasher. Shall we turn aside from such Instability?


And to bring the issue of brideprice " as financial requests " because a man takes a woman as wife is not right. While our ladies may be seen and treated as " the other party " , I'm sure we don't want to see our won future daughters treated with the same considerations... Brideprice doesn't and can never equate the love, care, nurtuting a family gives its own.... Let's bring this closer home as we have sisters.


Let's continue down the line following the narrative of what men are to do and what women are not or by some theological reasons are limited to doing... Now, are these determined by the man, woman, culture,traditon or human behavior? It's to me, unwelcoming when we drag issues and hinge them on cultures and traditions, which in the real sense of things could be viewed from "humanistic angle" devoid of subterfuge of any kinds to as usual " gain the upper hand" Given the rationality of fairness in normal human relations, i choose to say samewhere friendships aren't dictated to by culture and traditions,so should marital unions as most " perceived laws ", are men-created and are imeperfect and with unbiased perceptions of anykind shouldn't make a wife an object of servitude. It's wrong. We'll have daughters


I don't stand for/with men/women only.

I rep " healthy relationships ".


Wouldn't you agree Zmpp?


UNDER OUR SO-CALLED CULTURAL CONSTRUCT IDEOLOGIES OF WHAT A WOMAN'S PLACE SHOULD BE, MANY WOMEN HAVE DIED IN MARRIAGES, YOU SEE MANY, THEY LOOK LIKE AND ARE TREATED LIKE SLAVES.NO GLOW OF MARRIAGE UPON LOOKING AT THEM. ONE LOOKS AT THEM IT FEELS LIKE THEY'RE ONA LEASH WITH THE OUTLOOK ON THEIR FACES. HOW WOULD MANY LADIES DESIRE MARRIAGES WITH ALL THESE TOXICITIES?


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So many Nigerians are idle, a man wrote this, not even a woman?

Possibly a female behind that moniker.

It is the union of a man and a woman and not a man with a multitude and vice versa. Whenever there is a need to visit to both families, civility should take its place. Don't do things to please any family and displease yourself. This goes to both parties.

Maintain your dignity and self pride, you have it for a purpose and shouldn't disrespect yourself. If you know you have overbearing in-laws, you can avoid visiting them and let their child go alone. If you have to go as a family, find an hotel close by.

I think it's a culture that needs to be reviewed.

Theyoungmatron:
At the end, she will stop visiting even with the kids.
Their brothers kids will end up becoming a stranger to them.

Very correct

A thread you need to read.

A married woman will go to her parents home with her husband for a short visit, after exchanging pleasantries and make him feel comfortable, everyone will be scanning around to see if their daughter is suffering or hit a jackpot of a man. Because he is the husband, he is expected to be a workhorse, as his presence represents money. Their lucky daughter. 

As the scorching sun descends on the congregation in the parlor, everyone looks at him (their daughter's husband) to bring out money to buy petrol for the generator, as the bride's younger sister suggested. From his peripheral vision, he can see the emerging looks from all angles, and he knows that he has to bring out money for fuel, or else, he would be labeled all kinds of derogatory names, and his manliness questioned if he can actually be a good husband to their daughter. 

Their daughter and her kids (if any) will be scrutinized to see there is any trace of suffering or hardship. If her clothes are top-notch, if they came with their own car or Danfo/Okada (public transport), their daughter will be accosted with prying questions that reveal the financial sophistication of her husband. If it happens that he is not doing well (in spite of the economical hardship ever-present), he will be faced with micro-aggressions, belittling remarks, with the artificial respect they have for him melts gradually. 

No one will give him any ''human treatment'', that is, to be understanding of his present challenges, his past good deeds, the beauty of his heart and what good father/husband he is, after all, who is he? Is he different from Uche that brought a car for his wife and open a shop for his inlaws? He is even sponsoring all his wife's siblings in the university. They will start beefing him, lose all respect and may become hostile to him. His inlaws will start grumbling and may even become outright rude to him. They will hold a meeting with their daughter-in-law. His masculinity questioned, and clarification needed if she is not suffering in his house. Is she is well-taken cared of, and may even express regret that their beautiful daughter ended up with such an unfortunate of a man. 

She will not be asked why she is not working, or of what assistance and contributions she is bringing into the relationship. He will leave his inlaw home sad, physically and emotionally drained. He will feel not man enough, and what ought to have been a short visit of merriment ended up being a visit of hard labor filled with misery, tears, and regret. My annoyance is that this inlaws from hell are searching for a problem where there is none, with their irrational and unrealistic expectations and standards that they can't fulfill themselves, but expect others to fulfill for them. They have turned relationship/marriage as a poverty alleviation program, a source of income, without acknowledging the shared humanity of the groom. It is only women who with their insatiable need, may potentially destroy the peaceful marriage of their daughter. 

Even though they vehemently express their hatred for patriarchial institutions, they still expect men to fulfill patriarchial responsibilities such as being the sole provider of the household, their actions and words are totally different, and the lack of self-awareness, cognitive dissonance, and an inability for retrospections makes them unrepentant gatekeepers of patriarchy. Cant a man visit his inlaws and be treated specially for few days without always expecting him to fulfill the role of a cash machine? Take it or leave it, most married men will rather spend holidays with their own families than inlaws, because of the above reasons.

All these "woke" people sef. There's no greater form of patriarchy than descending so low to leave your father and mother in the name of marriage to be with another family.

To make sense of OP's idea, you have to ask yourself whether the idea of marriage makes any sense in the first place. Why really should a woman leave her family to cling with another family? Isn't that ma.dness looking at it from OP's point of view?

You people should stop rationalising and making forceful sense of every damn thing. Marriage does not make sense in the first place, yet remains a natural and social desire. Most of the things that give fulfilment doesn't make sense, e.g. philanthropy, humanitarian acts, etc. Does it naturally make sense to work all your life and give out everything in the name of philanthropy? Does it make any natural sense? Does it make sense to cook for your husband? Is it not ma.dness to cook for another human being (whom you share equal rights)??

It is ma.dness to rationalize every damn thing. Go study needs theory, and theory of socialization and stop trying to make uneven sense out of man's social conditions.

After money comes, comes the thoughts of marriage. Should a man complain about the need to marry, its because he hasn't hit a critical life milestone. Once a man begins to have closer view of the shore, his soul begins to thirst for it. As elders we know.

Challenging a man's masculinity triggers a mna to be a better version of himself. Something nature buikds innate in a woman's system and which often times, with filamily expectations drives the greatness hidden beried in a man out. It can be overly negative or positive and depending on its management, a man cna b a better person. I'll save what the desire to get married to a lady i adored drew out what lied beneath that i never knew existed. I thank the Lord she pulled thst out of me. (This is dor the mature )..Today, justbthis relationship broke out the greatest acgievementof my life. Sadly, I'm not with her. Funnily, I've read many life stories similar to mine on Quora. How ladies helped a man reached into his resource reservoir to oull out his own Greatness. Should a woman's family challenge a man intuitively, its for the man's benefit. And men should be mature to absord even unneeded energies processing it into better outputs than continue to remain contained in the normalcy of everyday trivialities that doesnt lead to anything tangible.


Unless a woman is the physcial representation of the devil, burdening all travails in a marriage shouldn't be a woman's fault. Let us fear God and appropriate faults without favoritism of anykind.


Back to the crux of the matter, if a man's " foundational family " has crisis all sorts of "politics" within it, it wiuld evolve and the energy woukd trvael into rhe marriage affecting even the children of brothers. Now, it will be hypocritical if he put the blame again on the woman leaving the man out of his burden of responsibilities.


The summsry is many people come from dysfunctional familes and discernijg what makes a healthy union is not completely unstrange to such parties, male and female alike.


While all of this is individualistic, the summary is to treat our wives as we want our daughters treated and to think treat our wives as ourselves and families should respect both parties without dishing out the whole political drama that defines many marital relationships.. home and abroad. White or black


To me, many times, the man comes with the seed of greatness, the woman comes with rhe push energy and the little threadings and resources that can be utilized to produce greatness that already exists in the man's innercore,if we focus on mutual development of the unit team or rather spend more time on it, then a couple identity is formed and positive energy that drives the unit to produce Greatness is attained. For me, i choose to set sight on the positives than looking for ways to subjugate and bring under control ( not that I can't ) thab to put my life's precious energy on trying to " control,control,manipulate a woman and put her in check", no time.


Can we push this thread to front page please

RoyalRoy Dominique Lalasticlala Mynd44 Farano Rocktation

healthserve:



Interesting synopsis but there's conflictions of ideas in between. Given the man being a special visotor and treated as such royalty when he visits his wife's family and that he remains independent and an entity of his own, and that a man's wife " joins into him in his own estate", if we applying the same exact treatment to a man's wife, should she not be treated much dignified, as Queen and as significant part of the Royalty she married into....

... Atleast what's good for the goose should be for the counterpart. Husband visits wife's family he's treated with royalty, wife's treats husband's family, she's like a party-crasher. Shall we turn aside from such Instability?


And to bring the issue of brideprice " as financial requests " because a man takes a woman as wife is not right. While our ladies may be seen and treated as " the other party " , I'm sure we don't want to see our won future daughters treated with the same considerations... Brideprice doesn't and can never equate the love, care, nurtuting a family gives its own.... Let's bring this closer home as we have sisters.


Let's continue down the line following the narrative of what men are to do and what women are not or by some theological reasons are limited to doing... Now, are these determined by the man, woman, culture,traditon or human behavior? It's to me, unwelcoming when we drag issues and hinge them on cultures and traditions, which in the real sense of things could be viewed from "humanistic angle" devoid of subterfuge of any kinds to as usual " gain the upper hand" Given the rationality of fairness in normal human relations, i choose to say samewhere friendships aren't dictated to by culture and traditions,so should marital unions as most " perceived laws ", are men-created and are imeperfect and with unbiased perceptions of anykind shouldn't make a wife an object of servitude. It's wrong. We'll have daughters


I don't stand for/with men/women only.

I rep " healthy relationships ".


Wouldn't you agree Zmpp?


UNDER OUR SO-CALLED CULTURAL CONSTRUCT IDEOLOGIES OF WHAT A WOMAN'S PLACE SHOULD BE, MANY WOMEN HAVE DIED IN MARRIAGES, YOU SEE MANY, THEY LOOK LIKE AND ARE TREATED LIKE SLAVES.NO GLOW OF MARRIAGE UPON LOOKING AT THEM. ONE LOOKS AT THEM IT FEELS LIKE THEY'RE ONA LEASH WITH THE OUTLOOK ON THEIR FACES. HOW WOULD MANY LADIES DESIRE MARRIAGES WITH ALL THESE TOXICITIES?


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I really tried to understand your view esp. where you're coming from buh if it is what i am thinking "equality badderdash" bro i stand to disagree with you a lot.
When man visit his inlaw do xpect him to enter kitchen with his mother inlaw to pound yam or sweep the compound with his sister inlaws.
you really need to broaden your knowledge and understand things b4 you decide what is fair or not, culture is a way of life n there is hardly anywhere you wil go around d world you won't find culture as the basis ... when it comes to gender roles no one has the temerity to say these is fair and that is not fair .... because you couldnt av shared it any better than God. gender roles are shared based on capacity God as given to us, let a man clean d house and let a woman clean d house you wil find women doing it beta, why the so called gentlemen or caring men subject "domestic duties to slavery" still beat my imagination, should we go that line compare wives with slaves ... where in history dd yu read slaves slept on bed, drive cars or where taken on a vacation. please go n watch 12yrs slave or any slave movie to even understand what slavery really looks like.
Is there really any differences between culture & structure, lets check other fields of life among animals do you notice a structure & hierarchy ,imagine firms/corporate world without structure & hierarchy.
There is this saying i luv so much " people kill people not guns" now take it as "people maltreat people not culture" becos there is no culture that instigates a man not to love & care for his wife, the custodians of culture are kings/traditional rulers visit any palace of ur choice n tell me the queen look malnourish or no glow.
Perhaps you are even nursing it in ur heart, men shuld carry pregnancy as well my friend my God is not stupid nor foolish, as our manufacturer he knows our capacity even more than we do, have yu ever wonder how a weak lady would be able to back a baby for hours n still move around, as a man try back a baby fr hours n spot the mystery of creation.
when you compare white marriage to black marriage who has more broken homes ... divorce rate is rising in nigeria now go check why

Acidosis:
All these "woke" people sef. There's no greater form of patriarchy than descending so low to leave your father and mother in the name of marriage to be with another family.

To make sense of OP's idea, you have to ask yourself whether the idea of marriage makes any sense in the first place. Why really should a woman leave her family to cling with another family? Isn't that ma.dness looking at it from OP's point of view?

You people should stop rationalising and making forceful sense of every damn thing. Marriage does not make sense in the first place, yet remains a natural and social desire. Most of the things that give fulfilment doesn't make sense, e.g. philanthropy, humanitarian acts, etc. Does it naturally make sense to work all your life and give out everything in the name of philanthropy? Does it make any natural sense? Does it make sense to cook for your husband? Is it not ma.dness to cook for another human being (whom you share equal rights)??

It is ma.dness to rationalize every damn thing. Go study needs theory, and theory of socialization and stop trying to make uneven sense out of man's social conditions.

She shouldn't cling to another family, I think our culture makes it seem so. She should cling to her husband and vice versa. Marriage is about the man and his wife and not the man and us or the woman and us.

ericsmith:






I really tried to understand your view esp. where you're coming from buh if it is what i am thinking "equality badderdash" bro i stand to disagree with you a lot.
When man visit his inlaw do xpect him to enter kitchen with his mother inlaw to pound yam or sweep the compound with his sister inlaws.
you really need to broaden your knowledge and understand things b4 you decide what is fair or not, culture is a way of life n there is hardly anywhere you wil go around d world you won't find culture as the basis ... when it comes to gender roles no one has the temerity to say these is fair and that is not fair .... because you couldnt av shared it any better than God. gender roles are shared based on capacity God as given to us, let a man clean d house and let a woman clean d house you wil find women doing it beta, why the so called gentlemen or caring men subject "domestic duties to slavery" still beat my imagination, should we go that line compare wives with slaves ... where in history dd yu read slaves slept on bed, drive cars or where taken on a vacation. please go n watch 12yrs slave or any slave movie to even understand what slavery really looks like.
Is there really any differences between culture & structure, lets check other fields of life among animals do you notice a structure & hierarchy ,imagine firms/corporate world without structure & hierarchy.
There is this saying i luv so much " people kill people not guns" now take it as "people maltreat people not culture" becos there is no culture that instigates a man not to love & care for his wife, the custodians of culture are kings/traditional rulers visit any palace of ur choice n tell me the queen look malnourish or no glow.
Perhaps you are even nursing it in ur heart, men shuld carry pregnancy as well my friend my God is not stupid nor foolish, as our manufacturer he knows our capacity even more than we do, have yu ever wonder how a weak lady would be able to back a baby for hours n still move around, as a man try back a baby fr hours n spot the mystery of creation.
when you compare white marriage to black marriage who has more broken homes ... divorce rate is rising in nigeria now go check why

Culture was defined by some folks. Make your own culture. I tell everyone around me, I am a Nigerian and that is it. I claim Lagos where my dad is from, Benin where my mom is from, and Bayelsa where I chose to fall in love with and be from. I pick what I like and act the way in my best interest and that of my family. I tell everyone who cares to listen, there are things I wouldn't do and that my children wouldn't do because it is forbidden to me.

ericsmith:






I really tried to understand your view esp. where you're coming from buh if it is what i am thinking "equality badderdash" bro i stand to disagree with you a lot.
When man visit his inlaw do xpect him to enter kitchen with his mother inlaw to pound yam or sweep the compound with his sister inlaws.
you really need to broaden your knowledge and understand things b4 you decide what is fair or not, culture is a way of life n there is hardly anywhere you wil go around d world you won't find culture as the basis ... when it comes to gender roles no one has the temerity to say these is fair and that is not fair .... because you couldnt av shared it any better than God. gender roles are shared based on capacity God as given to us, let a man clean d house and let a woman clean d house you wil find women doing it beta, why the so called gentlemen or caring men subject "domestic duties to slavery" still beat my imagination, should we go that line compare wives with slaves ... where in history dd yu read slaves slept on bed, drive cars or where taken on a vacation. please go n watch 12yrs slave or any slave movie to even understand what slavery really looks like.
Is there really any differences between culture & structure, lets check other fields of life among animals do you notice a structure & hierarchy ,imagine firms/corporate world without structure & hierarchy.
There is this saying i luv so much " people kill people not guns" now take it as "people maltreat people not culture" becos there is no culture that instigates a man not to love & care for his wife, the custodians of culture are kings/traditional rulers visit any palace of ur choice n tell me the queen look malnourish or no glow.
Perhaps you are even nursing it in ur heart, men shuld carry pregnancy as well my friend my God is not stupid nor foolish, as our manufacturer he knows our capacity even more than we do, have yu ever wonder how a weak lady would be able to back a baby for hours n still move around, as a man try back a baby fr hours n spot the mystery of creation.
when you compare white marriage to black marriage who has more broken homes ... divorce rate is rising in nigeria now go check why

So our humanism has reduced to issues of politicsl correctness


Dude as for your speaking to me as from an exalted tower telling me to go educate myself.. You made me laugh. I choose to let that slide maturely.. ( I blame it on cheap data )


One quick question i have for tou is to show me where i reduced the subject matter to issues of equality, gender roles and all what nots, if you can, then i know you understood what you read.

GboyegaD:


Culture was defined by some folks. Make your own culture. I tell everyone around me, I am a Nigerian and that is it. I claim Lagos where my dad is from, Benin where my mom is from, and Bayelsa where I chose to fall in love with and be from. I pick what I like and act the way in my best interest and that of my family. I tell everyone who cares to listen, there are things I wouldn't do and that my children wouldn't do because it is forbidden to me.

The concept is hard for them to absorb. That a man is simply he's choosing and not what sonething exernal compels him to do

Mizwisdom:

Nigeria unfortunately is mostly patriarchal with exception of a few matriarchal tribes. What's your point, can there be any justice when patriarchy is involved, women don't need to be sold if that's where you're heading

That is exactly where I'm heading.

The man has been given a special status just by his purchasing power no matter how little you may feel it was. As a result, every thing that will happen in and around the marriage thereafter, will always be skewed to favour him and his choices.

It's quite simple to understand really if one begins the process of cultural dissection.

If paying bride price means buying a woman and that her family is putting her up for sale, then a female child is useless from birth and should not be trained atall. Smh. Enough ofnthis destroying females to prove a point. Men who can't see a womna as deserving of fiar human treatament can get a sex doll. Afterall, a sex doll also has a vagina

Me wey no dey use femoae child play. Anyone trying this shiii with future daughter plays with his life. Him with his kinsmen

healthserve:



The concept is hard for them to absorb. That a man is simply he's choosing and not what sonething exernal compels him to do

With time they will. Many atimes, people choose not to change because it is beneficial to them. In some cases, people feel entitled because they feel they had done same to others in the past.

GboyegaD:


With time they will. Many atimes, people choose not to change because it is beneficial to them. In some cases, people feel entitled because they feel they had done same to others in the past.

In little linee you've put up so much. Entitlements, one of the greatest destroyers of the human soul. Entitlement is what produces insecurities selfishness that leads to all this containment laws where we want persons placed where we want them, and yet draw out benefits out of them forgetting that a jailer and his captor both do not move freely although, the jailer doesn't truly know


I learnt it at a very young age, thanfully and I've had peace as a result, than no form of human domineering, manipulation leads to a peaceful life. All forms of manipulation rips the manipulator of some form pf peace

GboyegaD:

Culture was defined by some folks. Make your own culture. I tell everyone around me, I am a Nigerian and that is it. I claim Lagos where my dad is from, Benin where my mom is from, and Bayelsa where I chose to fall in love with and be from. I pick what I like and act the way in my best interest and that of my family. I tell everyone who cares to listen, there are things I wouldn't do and that my children wouldn't do because it is forbidden to me.

First of all, there's no such thing as make your own culture, it's not fashion.
If it were that easy, you would have designed your own language, traditional dress codes, and festivals, observed only by you, your family, and generations unborn.

I like where you typed you pick what you like because that my friend, already exposes you as someone who is picking and choosing, which is exactly where Nigerians have a problem.
Culture is not technology, you don't improve on it by creating new models out of it to suit your specifications, it's not hardware.

It's more like a human body (for lack of a better description), interconnected and working together with different moving parts. That you simply don't like one part and want it removed has not solved your problem.
Culture being organic means that the moment you start having problems with some parts of it, you only try to fix it, not cut it out because you don't like it. The best you can do however if it gets to the point of cutting it out is to have the fault replaced - if it's the heart, you replace it with another heart, not a liver, it must be a heart.

And therein still lies the problem, because what exactly are you replacing it with?
Many of the cultural behaviours and social etiquettes that people like you have come to refer to as improvement are actually the culture of other peoples which you have had the opportunity to observe and found better. But why do you think it's better really? Has it been proven to be better or is it just because white people act that way, therefore it must be better.

If you were living in a country like North Korea that is completely insulated from all western influence culturally, musically, artistically, etc.. or China which is partially insulated, do you think you be making that choice about choosing what you like about your culture or what you don't like?

Even if you succeed in altering and remodelling certain aspects of your Yoruba culture and your nuclear family acts according to this new improved version, what about the rest of society? Are you going to force everyone else to start acting like you and your family or will you just avoid everyone and everything else by living on an island so that your children will not get infected by the same thing you have tried to remove from their cultural system?

Like I noted in my first comment, it's not that simple.